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Chinese Speaking Vampires (2021)
It's that type of movie.
I knew going in this was going to be a love it, or hate adventure, and I loved hating it. Everything about it was bad. It was a bad martial arts movie. It was a bad vampire movie. It was a bad romance. All in a good way, and I'm sure the makers of this intended it to be that way, so that's a point in the win column. If you liked "Hobo with a Shotgun", Kung Fury", or "The Room", you might consider adding this to your list of entertaining train wrecks.
The dialogue, while not a novel idea, was interesting with the switch between languages. The editing was the most professional part of the movie, and I've never said that about any movie ever.
Favorite line from the movie: "You're the worst dead boyfriend alive." by Zara (Rezzan Denizmen) The script could have used more zingers like that.
The "Zero Point" sign behind the receptionist sums the whole movie up. If you're looking for 80 minutes to waste, this is will do nicely.
Three Pints and a Rabbi (2021)
Felt like a television pilot
For what it was, it did entertain me with the over the top acting. I don't think it would have worked otherwise. Kudos to the whole ensemble for keeping up the pace. If I had to pay theater prices to see this I wouldn't have given it so much love. As a web release though, I was thoroughly entertained in our living room giving it a watch.
At just a smidge over an hour long it really didn't feel like a feature film. It came across like a pilot project for a sitcom series. Cheers meets Cannibal Holocaust with a pinch of Psycho thrown in for good measure.
It's no TEN.
Once again, after sifting through the bogus reviews that rate this a TEN I found myself asking "What do these people watch?" It's certainly not the movie they're reviewing.
This is not Gone with the Wind, or Citizen Kane, but it is watchable. It's your basic Zombie format that hasn't changed much since Night of the Living Dead. It differs only in the character build up. You want this family to survive. Points for that.
Watch it when you're in the mood for a Zombie movie, and you'll get more out of it. Otherwise you'll be disappointed.
Messenger of Wrath (2017)
The writing is the weakest link in this
The first twenty minutes of dialogue was authentic. After that there wasn't a sentence, or phrase that I hadn't heard in some other screenplay. If not verbatim, easily paraphrased. The story line was alright, but overused in home invasion flicks. All of that might not have been so bad if the echo wasn't so prevalent in so many scenes.
I really wanted to like this film, and I did like some aspects of it. The synopsis was enticing. The soundtrack laid down a pretty eerie atmosphere. I could live with the harsh lighting.... I've endured worse in better movies. Overall, it's worth a least one watch.
The Stay (2021)
Isn't my baby just the cutest thing you've ever seen......
Story by: Scott Hamm
Written by: Scott Hamm
Directed by: Scott Hamm
Produced by: Scott Hamm
Acted in by: Scott Hamm
....and yes...reviewed by: Scott Hamm
Here's a definition of the word Ham: "An actor who is overly theatrical - in other words, 'overacts' - is usually referred to as 'ham'. ... The word is frequently used in everyday contexts to refer to someone who likes to draw attention to himself by being overly dramatic."
Now the movie review: (by someone not involved in any way to the movie, other than watching it)
I love independent films when they're done right. The acting in this is sub par. The difference between a good actor, and a bad one is that a good actor will never let you know there is a camera in the room. A bad actor struggles to keep from looking at it, and it shows in this film.Kipp Tribble was great, as was Nija Okoro.
Atmosphere is flat here. It relies too much on the dialogue, like soap operas do.
The plot is nothing new, but I can't fault the writers for that. There are only so many times you can place a group of people in a isolated area, and make it unique. This is situation is not unique.
The story line is right out of a soap opera. It's listed as a thriller, but it's more of a drama. Where are the thrills? If you stop, and make a sandwich while the movie is playing, you won't miss anything crucial. Short Cuts by Robert Altman is 3 hours long, and I pressed the pause button for bathroom breaks, and refreshment refills. That is drama.
The camera work was spot on. Too bad there wasn't anything special happening in front of it, and that pretty much sums up the entire film. If you don't watch, you won't be missing anything. If you do.....hey, write a review. It would be nice to hear from someone who didn't have anything to do with the birthing of this baby.
If you're going to self isolate...
....you may as well make a movie.
...and what a movie!!! I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't this. Bravo for turning what we've all had to endure during these hard times, and making it into something wonderful. Yeah sure Chloe looks great, but the apartment is quite the attention grabber as well. Those antique nicknacks strewn throughout the place captivated my attention. I loved the subtle reference to the Flying Spaghetti Monster. The only thing missing from this flick was Majestic 12.
...or was it?
The Crumbs (2020)
A lot of pros, but...
I enjoyed the plot, although they could have shortened the film by eliminating some of the visitors that really didn't add to the story. What was the point of the "exotic dancing" lady, and her beau? They didn't have the internet, but they went to town for supplies (cigarettes, peaches etc...) couldn't Victoria just access the internet in town?
Don't get me started on accents. Jeff Hatch was the worst offender. He dropped his accent in at least three scenes, as did Chelsea Jurkiewicz, but the opposite. She used an accent in a few scenes, but dropped it in most of the movie. You have one job. Show up to the days shooting, and stay in character.
Otherwise I found it entertaining to a degree. Worth at least one watch.
Red Sunset Drive (2019)
Believe the ratings
At the time of this writing the IMDB rating for this movie was a 2.0, and no reviews. Thought I'd throw one in here.
Sound levels were off most of the time, which was irritating af. Crackling doesn't belong in any soundtrack. Volume dips, and rises willy nilly.
Amateur acting, cinematography, and writing. Some street scenes look like they shot it on the run, and couldn't control passers by who just walked through a scene. Indoor scenes were shot from bad angles.
Stop making movies...
....with the Blair Witch effect. It induces motion sickness. 10 minutes in I could see this wasn't going to let up. I stopped watching after that. You can have a great script, and a unique plot with marvelous actors doing their best work, I'm going to walk out if you use a hand held camera with images vibrating all over the screen.
Celebrity Crush (2019)
You right what you know
..and Oliver Robins knows what it's like to have been a child star who's career hasn't done much since the 80's.I think he did a good job here. The scenes were shot well enough, and background soundtrack was spot on, The plot was a little thin, but the acting was good.
Yeah you could see were this was going just by reading the description on IMDB, but overall it was an entertaining piece.
Waiting for Chain-Face Clown to actually become a movie.
Tammy's Always Dying (2019)
It felt real
This movie had an honest feel to it. It reminded me of the 1970 Canadian classic, Goin' Down the Road with it's stark characterizations. We all know these people. The storytelling was delivered open-faced with no surprises. It was refreshingly non-pretentious. Felicity Huffman, and Anastasia Phillips played their parts straight out, and were very believable, with veteran Clark Johnson acting as foil for both women.
If you're looking for a simple drama without mind bending twists to it, this won't disappoint.
....yet another special little snowflake movie with an unoriginal plot, and bad acting. I've got no qualms about gender issues. At my age I've shared my bed with everything except animals, and children. This movie doesn't say anything about the gender issue that hasn't been discussed since The Crying Game, or Hedwig, and the Angry Inch. Both of which I loved.
Theresa & Allison (2019)
I've missed good vampire flicks for a long time
I liked it. It had plenty of sensuality with enough gore to keep a horror fan interested. The characters were pretty well all engaging. The acting , and cinematography had me focused on the screen the whole time.
I've missed good vampire flicks for a long time. This was a good one.
The surprise ending spells sequel. I hope they can pull it off
Laundry Man (2016)
Torture isn't for everyone
You really have to be a fan of torture ala Hostel, Wrong Turns, Wolf Creek...etc to get any sort of entertainment from this flick. Unlike the afore mentioned films, this one had some holes in the script that left you using your imagination to fill in the blanks. I don't mind doing that from time to time, so it really didn't effect my overall enjoyment.
However: The one giant hole that can't be explained away, is why Laurie was even written into the script? I'd like to think her testimony would have given the film a whole different ending. She's a major character, but they dismiss her role completely with the verdict they come up with.
Otherwise, the acting was good, the plot was well intentioned, the gore was pretty good. If you're into this sort of flick, it's worth at least a watch.
During a visit to friends...
How have these people ever been friends? There is so much infighting among them, that I'm wondering what the plot of the movie actually was. Every isolated horror movie about cabins/woods/abandoned asylums, houses, hospitals/lakes, have a certain amount of infighting, but this one was over the top. This movie could easily been made with a hours run time, if they had used the clips that actually pertained to the evil entity.
30 Miles from Nowhere (2018)
Not for everyone
At first I thought I was watching The Big Chill, but it eventually rolled into something else. Something I was not expecting, so I guess I'll give it credit for sneaking up on me. There were a few comedic moments to break the tension, but I wouldn't label this a comedy at all. It's a drama with a dash of horror, and a sprinkling of Sci-Fi. The acting was as good as the script would allow, and considering the direction it was going, it was more than adequate.
This is the kind of film that isn't for everyone. I didn't regret watching it.
Living Space (2018)
Missed out on it's potential
Nazi Undead, or Living Space. When a movie can't make up it's mind on what it should be titled is always a red-flag for me. It had plenty of atmosphere, but lacked any sort of climax. Was it "She...she looks exactly like me"?
I walked away feeling that the surreal was all it really had to offer. The character build up was weak to the point that I only knew who anyone was because I read about it in the films description.
Good luck to anyone that worked on the film, and I hope you continue forward in your respective careers. This film just didn't do it for me though.
Guns of the Apocalypse (2018)
Soundtrack from a travelogue
I think I would have forgiven the dubbed voices, and the sideburns that looked like they were made out of electrical tape if the soundtrack hadn't been so tediously unchanging. 1960's travelogue music belongs in 1960's travelogues.
Last American Horror Show (2018)
Arch Hall Jr.
When I saw Arch Hall Jr. in the credits, I just had to watch this. If you're not familiar with his work, you're not alone. He's only done a handful of movies, and most of them were in the 60's. I've Wild Guitar, and The Sadist in my collection, and I'm happy to add Lamb Feed to this one. Out of the 3 vignettes, it was by far the best of the.
Don't take it too seriously, and you'll enjoy it more.