paul_haakonsen's Reviews

Doomsday Prophecy (2011 TV Movie)

3/10

Meh...

25 April 2024

When I sat down here in 2024 to watch the 2011 movie "Doomsday Prophecy", I must admit that I wasn't really harboring much of any grand expectations to the movie. With it being a disaster movie of sorts that I had never heard about, I just didn't really believe that I would be in for a grand piece of cinematic history. Nor was the 3.9 rating on IMDb hinting towards a grand piece of cinematic history.

However, with "Doomsday Prophecy" being a movie that I hadn't already seen, of course I opted to sit down and give writers Jason Bourque and Shawn Linden's 2011 movie the benefit of the doubt.

And within the first 5 minutes of the movie, it becomes abundantly clear just what type of natural disaster movie that this would be. A super generic one. There was a large fissure opening up in the ground, expanding exponentially, and oddly enough following straight after the vehicle wherein one of the main characters was sitting. Those types of movies are just ludicrous, especially when they could just have veered to the right and have been out of harms way instantly.

Writers Jason Bourque and Shawn Linden put together a somewhat generic script and storyline. Sure, it was watchable and sort of entertaining enough for what it turned out to be. But I have to say that the supernatural elements with the future predicting rod was just a tad out of place and added a laughable element to the movie that just took away from the already slight sense of realism that the movie had going for it. And I am pretty sure that if massive chunks of USA got destroyed, a big part of China as well, and all of Italy and most of Greece was sunk into the ocean, then there would be a worldwide state of panic, and people wouldn't be out on the streets frolicking and going about with their daily cheery lives, as they did in this movie. It just made zero sense.

Needless to say that the outcome of events and ending of the movie was just fully and wholly laughable and unrealistic.

There were a couple of familiar faces on the cast list, and that was Hiro Kanagawa, Jewel Staite, Matthew Walker and Jerry Wasserman. So yeah, "Doomsday Prophecy" wasn't exactly a star-filled feature. However, I will say that the acting performances throughout the course of the movie were actually fair.

Visually then "Doomsday Prophecy" was okay. I mean, it wasn't the best of CGI effects, nor were it among some of the worst I've seen in disaster movies. Sure, it was pretty terrible CGI here, but there are disaster movies with far worse CGI. So at least that counted for something.

Semi-watchable a single time, but you're not in for anything memorable or particularly outstanding here. And the ending to the movie was just a slap to the face of anyone who had spent 92 minutes sitting through the movie.

My rating of "Doomsday Prophecy", from director Jason Bourque, lands on a generous three out of ten stars.

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Dracula and Son (1976)

4/10

This movie wasn't worthy of Christopher Lee...

25 April 2024

Now, I happened to stumble upon the 1976 movie "Dracula Père Et Fils" (aka "Dracula and Son") by random chance here in 2024, and it was actually a movie that I had never heard about. But seeing that the movie had Christopher Lee in the leading role, of course there was no doubt about me sitting down to watch it.

However, I didn't know that it was a horror comedy, much less a French movie at that. So I have to say that the movie turned out to be quite something else than what I was expecting. I was, of course, expecting a traditional "Dracula" movie, as it had Christopher Lee in the role, and I was sorely disappointed.

Unfortunately I sat through an English dubbed version of the movie, and a rather bland dub at that. The voice they had for Christopher Lee was nowhere near his full, majestic normal voice. And it just wasn't the same. I actually doubt that having had the original voices wouldn't have mattered much, because this wasn't a great movie.

The storyline in "Dracula Père Et Fils" didn't really entertain me much, truth be told. It was a forced script and there wasn't much comedy to be found. For example, the scene where Dracula bites into the blow-up doll, well, it wasn't funny, it was just cringeworthy. And you have to look even harder for the horror elements.

Writers Alain Godard, Jean-Marie Poiré, Édouard Molinaro and Patrick Cauvin didn't exactly put together a convincing or overly entertaining script.

Visually then the movie was okay. I mean, it was made in 1976, and it shows. But there is something oddly nostalgic to that, now isn't there?

This is not a movie I will ever return to watch a second time.

My rating of director Édouard Molinaro's 1976 movie "Dracula Père Et Fils" lands on a generous four out of ten stars.

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Santet 2 (1989)

3/10

Slightly better than part one...

23 April 2024

I was not in any particular rush to sit down to watch the 1989 Indonesian horror movie "Santet 2: Wanita Harimau" after recently having literally suffered through the movie that is the 1988 predecessor "Santet".

But with "Santet 2: Wanita Harimau" being an Asian horror movie that I hadn't already seen, of course I eventually found the time to sit down and watch the movie. Though I have to admit that I harbored zero expectations to director Sisworo Gautama Putra's 1989 sequel.

Writer Naryono Prayitno did a slightly better job with "Santet 2: Wanita Harimau" in comparison to what he managed to put together a year earlier with "Santet". The story was more coherent and more enjoyable than the previous movie, but still far from being a masterpiece.

I just still don't understand the urge to put singing and dancing scenes into what is supposed to be a horror movie.

There were some returning actors and actresses from the previous movie, which counted for something in terms of continuity. And the acting performances in "Santet 2: Wanita Harimau" was also better this time around, as the characters were less reminiscent of cartoon comedy characters and written more as actual characters.

Well, at least if you enjoyed the 1988 "Santet" movie, then you will also enjoy this 1989 sequel. But on the other hand, if you didn't enjoy the previous movie, then you won't enjoy this sequel either. I was in the latter camp, so I found little enjoyment in this movie.

The effects in the movie were pretty terrible. But at least the scenes with the insanely fake tiger had me laughing, so that counted for something, I suppose.

My rating of "Santet 2: Wanita Harimau" lands on a generous three out of ten stars. Slightly better than the predecessor, but still not really a movie worth spending 92 minutes on watching.

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Rent-a-Cop (1987)

6/10

An enjoyable movie...

23 April 2024

I had actually never heard about this 1987 movie from director Jerry London prior to sitting down here in 2024 to watch it for the very first time. I happened to stumble upon the movie by random chance, and seeing that it had Burt Reynolds in the lead, of course I opted to sit down and watch it.

Writers Michael Blodgett and Dennis Shryack put together an enjoyable script. The movie proved to be entertaining and enjoyable, without being an archetypical cheesy late 1980s movie. The movie is a combination of crime, action and comedy, with the latter being found in light moderation, thankfully. The comedy in the movie helped lighten the mood and spruce things up, so it was an enjoyable light-hearted action crime movie with a pinch of comedy, if you will.

The cast ensemble in "Rent-a-Cop" is pretty good, with the likes of Burt Reynolds, Liza Minnelli, James Remar, Bernie Casey, Richard Masur, Dionne Warwick and others, so you definitely have some familiar faces on the screen. The acting performances were good, and there was a good chemistry between leading actor Burt Reynolds and leading actress Liza Minnelli.

I found it well-worth taking 96 minutes to sit down and watch "Rent-a-Cop", because it was an enjoyable movie.

My rating of director Jerry London's 1987 movie "Rent-a-Cop" lands on a six out of ten stars.

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Cocaine Crabs from Outer Space (2022)

4/10

For the might of Planet Crabulon...

23 April 2024

Of course I would sit down and watch writer and director Chuck Magee's 2022 movie "Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space", no doubt about it. I mean, the title in itself was sufficient to get my attention.

Sure, I harbored zero expectations to the movie, as I doubted that it would be anywhere near the level of "Cocaine Bear". But I still opted to watch the movie and give it a fair chance.

Granted, I knew that "Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space" was going to be bad, but come on. I mean, they used inarticulate toy crabs of hard plastic, without any moveable parts. And that just makes this movie insanely horrible to sit through if you don't enjoy low budget lousy movies.

Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list in this horrible movie. Suffice it to say that you're not in for 83 minutes of Shakespearian theater when you sit down to watch a movie like "Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space".

The effects are so bad that you can't help but laugh when you see it. And you can see the fishline wire that they used to make the crabs "crawl" around with. It was just hilarious how low key and bad the effects are in this movie.

There was even a plastic crab in the movie holding a sign that reads "ridiculous, isn't it?". So the movie didn't take itself serious, and with good cause. Also a cake with the words "congratulations on quitting smoking" being served for a toddler. And a bowling ball drinking beer. Pretty darn strange, if you ask me.

"Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space" is a low budget movie, and one that requires a particular mindset in order to sit down and enjoy. You need to have a preference for cheesy, home-made, low budget movies if you find enjoyment in this 2022 movie. So it is not a movie that will find an audience everywhere.

And I never thought that in my lifetime that I would get to see inarticulate plastic crabs perform circus acts. But here we are.

The movie's cover over-sells the movie by a thousandfold. Don't set your expectations up to high here.

My rating of "Cocaine Crabs From Outer Space" lands on a very, very generous four out of ten stars. It was so bad that it was actually somewhat bearable to sit through.

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The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live (2024)

8/10

Getting back on track...

22 April 2024

Warning: Spoilers

Ever since AMC teased the idea of a Rick and Michonne spin-off movie, I have to say that I was anxiously awaiting the day that it would come. And when they turned it into a six episode mini-series, of course I sat down and watched every single episode as they were made available.

The storyline in "The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live" was good. Sure, one might argue that it was a bit rushed, but hey, with only 6 episodes to work with, of course writers and creators Scott M. Gimple, Danai Gurira and Andrew Lincoln had a limited span of storytelling to incorporate into the six episodes.

It was not only the storyline itself that was good in "The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live", but most certainly also the character development and growths along the way, especially for Rick and Michonne, obviously, as they are the main characters of this particular series.

I have to say that I feel that there was so much more to be explored to the storyline that reunited Rick (played by Andrew Lincoln) and Michonne (played by Danai Gurira) on a screen, after what felt like an eternity. Sure, I was definitely entertained and content with the outcome of the six episodes, but there was just so much left unexplored and untold here.

The acting performances in "The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live" were good. And I have to admit that seeing Andrew Lincoln and Danai Gurira reunited on the screen was a very emotional one, and it was something that "The Walking Dead" series as a whole needed.

The fact that "The Walking Dead" had Andrew Lincoln back under its wings was something I had hoped for, for a long, long time. There was a lot of good acting performances in the series, and some very nice talents, with the likes of Terry O'Quinn, Lesley-Ann Brandt and Pollyanna McIntosh, to mention but a few. But it gets better, Matthew Jeffers in the role of Nat was just beyond phenomenal. He added so much flavor to the episode he was in, and his character was definitely one of my all-time favorites throughout the main series and many spin-off series of "The Walking Dead".

Visually then you're in for quite a treat here. But then again, all of "The Walking Dead" series and all the spin-off series have amazing special effects and zombie make-up. "The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live" is no different, because the effects are fantastic here. And the series brings a couple of new types of walkers on the table as well.

If you enjoy any of "The Walking Dead" series and spin-offs, especially the original series, then "The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live" is a must watch.

While I wish for a lot more from the narrative, I have to admit that I was pleasantly entertained and I enjoyed all six episodes of "The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live".

This particular six episode series is quite a step back in the right direction after that semi-enjoyable "Daryl Dixon" series, that just made no sense as he was stumbling around in France.

My rating of "The Walking Dead: The Ones Who Live" lands on a well-deserved eight out of ten stars.

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Daddy's Perfect Little Girl (2021 TV Movie)

3/10

Insanely generic...

22 April 2024

Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with this 2021 drama thriller titled "Daddy's Perfect Little Girl" prior to stumbling upon it by random chance here in 2024. And with it being a movie that I hadn't already seen, of course I opted to sit down and watch it.

Writer Melissa Cassera put together a very generic and predictable script and storyline for the movie. Now, I know that this is a TV movie and all, but come on. The script was so predictable that you see things coming a mile away. And it was so generic that writer Melissa Cassera was simply just cramming in as many tropes as possible.

Something that worked well in favor of the movie was the acting performances. Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list. The actors and actresses put on good performances. And while I absolutely loathed the Ella character, I have to say that actress Hattie Kragten put on quite a performance in bringing this obnoxious character to life on the screen.

I am sure that there is an audience out there who will gobble something like this movie up and enjoy it. I, however, was not really in that particular target audience. The movie just simply was too generic for my liking.

My rating of director Curtis Crawford's 2021 movie "Daddy's Perfect Little Girl" lands on a three out of ten stars.

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Phobia (1980)

3/10

Boring...

22 April 2024

When I stumbled upon this 1980 movie titled "Phobia", of course I opted to sit down and watch it, as it was a movie that I hadn't already seen.

Writers Lew Lehman, Jimmy Sangster, Peter Bellwood, Gary Sherman, Ronald Shusett, Gladys Hill, Dan O'Bannon and Larry Spiegel put together a script that wasn't all that entertaining or interesting. I am a bit perplexed how so many writers collectively could manage to deliver a script that weak.

I have to admit that I was expecting a bit more from the movie, as it was listed as a thriller/horror, but this proved to be more of a thriller drama with crime elements. So it was quite different from what I was expecting.

Of the entire cast ensemble, I was only familiar with actor Kenneth Welsh. The acting performances in the movie were good.

I found "Phobia" to be a somewhat bland and boring movie, and it didn't really appeal much to my liking in movies.

My rating of director John Huston's 1980 movie lands on a three out of ten stars.

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Bloodmoon (1990)

3/10

Bland...

21 April 2024

Needless to say that I had never heard about this 1990 Australian horror movie titled "Bloodmoon" prior to sitting down and watching it here in 2024.

As I happened to stumble upon the movie by random chance, and seeing it was a horror movie, of course I needed no persuasion to sit down and watch what writer Robert Brennan and director Alec Mills had to offer.

The storyline in "Bloodmoon" was pretty bland. It was not a particularly interesting movie, much less an effective horror movie. Why? Well, there was just simply not enough going on throughout the course of the 100 minutes that the movie ran for, and that made the movie feel bland and somewhat pointless. There was nothing scary about the movie, unless you consider the lack of aforementioned things to be scary.

You actually have to sit through about 65 minutes of the 100 minute runtime before anything remotely interesting starts to happen. And by then, it was just simply too little, too late.

I wasn't familiar with the talents on the cast list. Though I will say that some of the acting performances were actually fair.

Visually then "Bloodmoon" was bland and nondistinctive.

The only thing impressive about "Bloodmoon" was that the music was composed by Brian May.

Not a great horror experience in any way. And a rather forgettable movie at that.

My rating of "Bloodmoon" lands on a generous three out of ten stars.

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The Rope Curse 3 (2023)

3/10

Pretty bad, but at least a bit better than part two...

20 April 2024

I found the 2018 movie "Zong Xie" (aka "The Rope Curse") to be an adequate movie, but the 2020 sequel "Zong Xie 2" (aka "The Rope Curse 2") was utter rubbish, so I have to say that I wasn't really harboring the biggest of expectations to the movie in general.

Writers Keng-Ming Chang and Tzu-Ming Ma didn't exactly bring the franchise back on track with this third movie in the franchise. The storyline felt cluttered and erratic, as if there was a lack of a red thread throughout the course of the movie. I have to admit that I found it somewhat of a struggle to keep watching the movie and not just give in to my desire to toss the towel in the ring and give up on the movie. And it was also a bit hard to actually understand what was going on, because the narrative was all over the place.

Given my somewhat limited exposure to the Taiwanese cinema, then I wasn't familiar with the acting talents that participated in the movie. The acting performances were actually fair.

The effects in "Zong Xie 3" were good, I will say that much. But good effects can only do so much when there isn't a proper storyline to enjoy.

This was another boring and pointless way of spending 109 minutes. If you enjoy Asian horror movies, then do yourself a favor and don't waste your time, money or effort on "Zong Xie 3". Some of us suffered through this so you don't have to; you're very welcome.

My rating of director Shih-Han Liao's 2023 movie "Zong Xie 3" lands on a generous three out of ten stars.

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Freshwater (2016)

3/10

Fairly bad...

20 April 2024

I am a sucker for killer animal movies, and thus I had to sit down and watch this 2016 movie titled "Freshwater", as I happened to stumble upon it by random chance here in 2024. Of course I wasn't really harboring much of any grand expectations, as most of movies with killer animals are dubious affairs at best.

Writer and director Brandy Berry put together a semi-watchable movie here. The script and storyline wasn't particularly impressive. And you're not in for anything grand, should you opt to sit down and watch "Freshwater". The tropes in the movie are ones that have been used in abundance in other similar movies, but more often than not been used to better results in other movies.

The acting performances in the movie were a bit all over the place; some of the acting performances were rigid and wooden, whereas other performances were actually okay. It is not like you're in for any award-winning performances here. But then again, I doubt that you were expecting that.

There were a couple of familiar faces on the cast list, such as Zoë Bell and Michael St. Michaels.

Visually then "Freshwater" was pretty bad. For a movie made in 2016, the CGI effects were lousy, and reminiscent of something you would find in a killer animal movie from The Asylum.

Definitely not a great movie, nor a movie that I will ever return to watch a second time.

My rating of "Freshwater" lands on a three out of ten stars.

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Santet (1988)

2/10

Was this meant to be horror?...

20 April 2024

Needless to say that I had never actually heard about this 1988 Indonesian horror movie titled "Santet" from writers Naryono Prayitno and Tim Soraya prior to sitting down and watching it here in 2024. I happened to stumble upon it, and given my love of both the horror genre and Asian cinema, then of course I had to watch this movie.

But never having heard about it, I have to say that I didn't know what I was in for here, nor did I have any expectations from director Sisworo Gautama Putra.

I have to say that "Santet" felt more like a horror comedy than an actual horror movie. Why? Well, some of the characters were written like goofy morons, acting silly and delivering goofy dialogue. And the music in the movie just didn't really permeate a horror atmosphere, as it was way too cheery and silly.

And suddenly there was a song and musical number in the movie. Are you kidding me? That just was insanely laughable. Once again, not adding to this supposed to be an actual horror movie.

Suffice it to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list. However, I can't claim to say that I was overly impressed with the acting performances throughout the course of the movie.

"Santet" was quite a difficult movie to sit through, because the storyline was rubbish, and there wasn't really anything interesting happening throughout the course of the 94 minutes that the movie ran for. I guess maybe if you're high on mushrooms you might get a kick out of watching this strange movie and enjoy the spaced out music.

There were a couple of gory scenes in the movie, but it was hardly sufficient to make it worthwhile sitting through 94 minutes of watching this nonsense. And the special effects were pretty low-key and lousy to look at.

This is definitely not a movie that I will ever return to watch a second time. Nor is it a movie that I would recommend for fans of horror movies or Asian cinema to actually sit down and waste their time on watching.

My rating of "Santet" lands on a two out of ten stars.

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Model House (2024)

5/10

Watchable, but rather generic thriller...

20 April 2024

Stumbling upon the 2024 thriller "Model House" by random chance, I opted to sit down and watch it, on account of it being a movie that I had never heard about.

I didn't know what I was in for here, so writer and director Derek Pike had every opportunity to entertain me with this movie.

While "Model House" certainly was a watchable popcorn thriller movie, it just wasn't an outstanding viewing experience. Writer and director Derek Pike was simply keeping the movie afloat by using generic horror tropes and home invasion tropes that has been done and seen countless times in other movies. And on that account, then "Model House" just didn't bring anything new to the genre. Sure, it was a watchable horror movie, though it was a generic and rather forgettable one at that.

The acting performances in the movie were good, and there were a couple of familiar faces on the cast list, with the likes of Cory Anne Roberts, Scout Taylor-Compton, Randy Wayne, Phillip Andre Botello and Ryan Merriman.

Visually then "Model House" was okay. Nothing outstanding here in terms of special effects or gore.

Watchable for what it was, "Model House" is a thriller movie that came and went. I doubt that I will ever return to watch it a second time.

My rating of "Model House" lands on a five out of ten stars.

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Secrets of Blackmoor: The True History of Dungeons & Dragons (2019)

4/10

Not my cup of tea...

19 April 2024

Having played roleplaying games for about 38 years, and of course the majority of the time it has been Dungeons & Dragons, then I would definitely sit down and watch this 2019 documentary titled "Secrets of Blackmoor: The True History of Dungeons & Dragons", as I happened to stumble upon it by random chance here in 2024.

Sure it was watchable, but I have to say that directors Chris Graves and Griffith Mon Morgan III delivered something that deviated somewhat from what I was expecting. The documentary focuses a lot on war gaming, whereas I was expecting more on actual roleplaying. But there was some interesting information throughout the course of the documentary, though I wouldn't exactly say that the documentary would heighten my perception on roleplaying games in general.

It was interesting to see how a book from the 1880s would help shape war gaming and mold it into the multi-billion dollar industry that roleplaying games is today.

There is absolutely zero replay value to "Secrets of Blackmoor: The True History of Dungeons & Dragons".

I am sure that there are viewers that will enjoy this 2019 documentary a lot more than I did.

My rating of "Secrets of Blackmoor: The True History of Dungeons & Dragons" lands on a four out of ten stars.

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Gamera vs. Zigra (1971)

5/10

Not too bad...

19 April 2024

While I am somewhat familiar with Gamera, I haven't watched all the movies. And thus, when I happened to stumble upon the 1971 movie "Gamera Tai Shinkai Kaijû Jigura" (aka "Gamera vs Zigra") here in 2024, of course I opted to sit down and watch it.

I have to admit that I wasn't exactly harboring a whole lot to the movie, as the majority of the Gamera movies I have already have watched haven't exactly been overly impressive. There has a been one or two movies that proved to be entertaining, whereas the majority of them have been subpar and below average.

But I still opted to sit down and watch what writer Niisan Takahashi and director Noriaki Yuasa brought to the screen back in 1971.

The storyline in "Gamera Tai Shinkai Kaijû Jigura" was adequate, though I have to say that it is defintely a movie that is somewhat aimed at a younger audience, given the two main characters are kids. Watchable for what it was, the movie makes for an adequate enough popcorn movie, if you enjoy old Kaiju movies from Japan.

Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, as the movie is four years older than I am. But the acting performances were actually fair enough.

Visually then "Gamera Tai Shinkai Kaijû Jigura" was okay. Of course the creatures and effects are showing signs of being 53 years old. But there is actually something oddly entertaining about that, and I suppose it was because the effects were so campy and cheesy. Truth be told, the cheesy effects actually made the movie all the more enjoyable to sit through.

I was actually adequately entertainted throughout the course of the 87 minutes that the movie ran for. Though I doubt that I will ever return to watch "Gamera Tai Shinkai Kaijû Jigura" a second time.

My rating of director Noriaki Yuasa's 1971 movie "Gamera Tai Shinkai Kaijû Jigura" lands on a five out of ten stars.

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The Haunted Hotel (2023)

5/10

Watchable...

18 April 2024

Without ever having heard about this 2023 Indonesian supernatural horror movie titled "Panggonan Wingit" (aka "The Haunted Hotel"), I sat down to watch it here in 2024, as I happened to have the opportunity to do so. And given my life-long love of the horror genre and Asian movies, of course I needed no persuasion to sit down and watch this movie.

Writer Riheam Junianti put together a fair enough script. It was entertaining for sure, but at the same time writer Riheam Junianti was cashing in on a lot of stereotypical horror tropes, which sort of made certain aspects of "Panggonan Wingit" a bit mundane and generic. I am not saying that it is a bad movie, far from it, because I definitely enjoyed the storyline, and I am sure that newcomers to the horror genre will get a kick out of watching this movie. As a life-long horror aficionado, however, I found the movie to be good but not impressive.

Given my relatively brief exposure to the Indonesian cinema, then I was only familiar with leading actress Luna Maya in this movie. I will say, though, that the acting performances in the movie were good. The actor Egy Fedly, playing the spiritualist Ki Danang, was really well-cast for his role, because he put on quite a memorable and convincing performance.

"Panggonan Wingit" has a fair amount of blood and visual mayhem, without being over-the-top. So director Guntur Soeharjanto managed to take something that was used in moderation and get something good from it. I liked the special effects, props, sets, and wardrobe in the movie.

Running at 110 minutes, the movie could perhaps have benefitted a bit from a more generous trim in the editing room.

Worth sititng down to watch if you enjoy horror and Asian genre, of course. But it is hardly a movie that warrants more than just a single viewing.

My rating of director Guntur Soeharjanto's 2023 movie "Panggonan Wingit" lands on a five out of ten stars.

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The Deadly Swarm (2024)

2/10

The laughable swarm...

18 April 2024

Right, well when I sat down to watch the 2024 movie "The Deadly Swarm", from writer and director David Gregory, I have to say that I wasn't exactly expecting a whole lot. The movie's cover was just oozing with a low budget, questionable feel.

And with "The Deadly Swarm" being a movie that I had never heard about, nor watched, of course I opted to sit down and give it a chance, on the off chance that it would prove to be a great movie.

The storyline in the movie was rubbish. Writer and director David Gregory just didn't impress me one bit here, and it was so insanely generic, predictable and bland that it was hard to sit through the movie. And truth be told, I actually dozed off shortly before halfway through the movie. And when I came to about halfway through the movie, I was still up to speed with the narrative.

Needless to say that I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble in "The Deadly Swarm". The acting performances were somewhat fair, for the most parts. However, it should be noted that you're not in for anything grand here.

Visually then "The Deadly Swarm" was rubbish. The CGI animated insects were laughable to look at, and had zero realistic feel to them, making it even more difficult to take the movie serious.

If you enjoy horror movies with killer insects, then "The Deadly Swarm", from writer and director David Gregory, is not a movie that I would recommend you to waste 81 minutes on watching.

My rating of "The Deadly Swarm" lands on a two out of ten stars.

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The Muthers (1976)

3/10

Bland and generic exploitation...

18 April 2024

Needless to say that I had never actually heard about the 1976 movie titled "The Muthers" prior to stumbling upon it by random chance here in 2024. And of course I opted to sit down and watch the movie, on account of it being a movie that I hadn't already seen.

Of course I had no particular expectations to the movie, as I had no idea what I was in for here.

Writers Cirio H. Santiago and Cyril St. James put together a pretty straightforward script here, though the storyline was bland and generic. If you've seen one exploitation movie before, then you know what you're in for here and also what you're getting. So yeah, the writers didn't exactly impress me with the storyline they concocted for this movie.

I wasn't familiar with a single actress or actor on the cast list. The acting performances in the movie were a bag of mixed nuts, because some of the performances were rather wooden and rigid, whereas other performances were actually fair enough when taking into consideration the type of movie that "The Muthers" is.

The fight scenes throughout the movie are pretty stages and looks laughable most of the time. And I will say that the poorly choreographed and executed fight scenes in "The Muthers" actually makes is worthwhile sitting through 83 minutes of an otherwise bland storyline.

"The Muthers" is not a movie that entertained me much. And it definitely is not a movie that I will ever return to watch a second time. But I am sure that for fans of the exploitation genre, then "The Muthers" is a good movie.

My rating of director Cirio H. Santiago's 1976 movie "The Muthers" lands on a three out of ten stars.

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Breathe (I) (2024)

3/10

Meh...

16 April 2024

I had not heard about this 2024 action thriller titled "Breathe" prior to sitting down to watch it. But I figured that I would give the movie a fair chance, since it was a movie that I hadn't already seen, and plus it had Milla Jovovich on the cast list, which counted for something.

I will say that the concept idea behind the script had a lot of potential to it. However, the execution from script to screen left much to be desired. I had great difficulties buying into the movie, especially since it was supposed to be an oxygen-less world, but it just didn't have that feel to it. So writer Doug Simon didn't exactly deliver anything that was worth writing home about.

There were a couple of familiar faces on the cast list, with the likes of Milla Jovovich, Sam Worthington, Dan Martin, James Saito and Common. I will say that the acting performances in "Breathe" were good.

Visually then "Breathe" wasn't a particularly impressive movie. Sure, it was passable for what it was, but you're not in for anything grand here. And I guess the orange filter that the movie had to it, whenever we looked at outdoors scenes helped to mask brighter colors of green and such that we would otherwise have seen on foliage throughout the course of the movie.

I am sure that there is an audience out there for a movie such as "Breathe", however, I have to admit that director Stefon Bristol didn't impress me with this movie.

My rating of "Breathe" lands on a generous three out of ten stars. The movie just felt like a half-hearted project.

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Cleopatra (1963)

6/10

Quite an epic...

15 April 2024

Of course I was familiar with this 1963 movie's existence, but I actually think I never took the time to sit down and watch it. And thus, as I had the opportunity to sit down and watch "Cleopatra" here in 2024, I opted to do so.

I suppose that I had the pleasure of watching the director's cut, as the movie I sat through ran for 4 hours and 11 minutes, not just 3 hours and 12 minutes as listed here on IMDb.

Writers Joseph L. Mankiewicz, Ranald MacDougall and Sidney Buchman put together a good and nicely told script and storyline. Despite of its long runtime, there was a nice pacing to the narrative, which gave the movie a good flow and momentum to it, and thus it didn't feel as if there were dull moments throughout the course of the movie.

The cast ensemble in "Cleopatra" was good, and there were some familiar faces on the cast list. It was definitely a pleasure to watch Elizabeth Taylor performing in this epic of a movie. And she was joined by the likes of Richard Burton, Martin Landau, Jacqueline Chan, Michael Hordern, and Roddy McDowall, to mention buy a few of the great talents that were in the movie. It should be noted that the acting performances were good throughout the course of the movie.

I have to say that I was more than amazed with the quality of the costumes, props, sets, and such. It was very lavish and for a movie made in 1963 it was quite amazing. It looked great and definitely had a great ancient Rome and Egypt feel to it. The production level of "Cleopatra" is simply put extraordinary and spectacular.

If you enjoy historic epics, then "Cleopatra" is a movie that is well-worth sitting down to watch. Despite having been released back in 1963, the movie is definitely holding its ground even today in 2024. I would go as far as to say that this version of "Cleopatra" is a timeless classic.

My rating of directors Joseph L. Mankiewicz and Rouben Mamoulian's 1963 movie "Cleopatra" lands on a six out of ten stars.

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Catacombs (1988)

2/10

Got problems falling asleep? Well, look no further...

15 April 2024

When I had the chance to sit down and watch the 1988 horror movie "Catacombs" here in 2024, of course I did so. Sure, I had never even heard about the movie, prior to sitting down to watch it. But with it being a horror movie, that in itself was more than enough to make me give the movie a fair chance.

However, writers David Schmoeller and R. Barker Price put together a script and storyline that failed to entertain me. The movie started out nice enough, but then lost its momentum and sort of went from being a horror movie to being a boring pseudo-religious movie without direction and contents. Truth be told, I fell asleep along the slow paced narrative, yeah, the movie was that boring.

Of the entire cast, I was only familiar with Ian Abercrombie and Vernon Dobtcheff. The acting performances in the movie were good, and the actors and actresses did portray their characters nicely on the screen.

Visually, not an overly impressive movie. So "Catacombs" didn't even have that working in favor of it.

"Catacombs" was a swing and a miss of a movie. And this is definitely not a movie that I would recommend that you waste 88 minutes on watching. Some of us suffered through this ordeal, so you don't have to. You're quite welcome.

My rating of director David Schmoeller's 1988 movie "Catacombs" lands on a generous two out of ten stars.

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Last Night at Terrace Lanes (2024)

4/10

Disappointing...

14 April 2024

When I stumbled upon the 2024 horror comedy "Last Night at Terrace Lanes" here in 2024, I immediately was drawn to it, given the movie's cover/poster, which looked like something from the campy and cheesy 1980s. And the horror movies were plentiful and enjoyable back then, so of course I opted to sit down to watch this movie, even without ever having heard about it.

The storyline in "Last Night at Terrace Lanes", as written by Adam Cesare and Jenna St. John, was watchable enough for what it turned out to be. However, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't disappointed with the overall impression of the movie. The narrative was just a bit too mundane and generic. And the movie was fully and wholly without comedy, so it wasn't much of a horror comedy. And since "Last Night at Terrace Lanes" wasn't exactly a proper horror movie either, then the movie was somewhat of a bland experience.

I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, but the actors and actresses actually managed to put on fair enough acting performances, despite the fact of not having all that much material to work with from writers Adam Cesare and Jenna St. John.

There was actually a fair amount of blood, violence and good old fashioned mayhem in "Last Night at Terrace Lanes", and that certainly helped to make it bearable to sit through the 75 minutes that the movie ran for.

Ultimately, I was disappointed with what director Jamie Nash delivered with this 2024 movie. And while I did manage to sit through the ordeal, then I can in all honesty say that this is not a movie that I will ever return to watch a second time. Nor is it a movie that I would recommend for fans of horror comedy to rush out and get to watch.

My rating of "Last Night at Terrace Lanes" lands on a very generous four out of ten stars.

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Lord of Misrule (2023)

3/10

Disappointing...

14 April 2024

"Lord of Misrule", from writer Tom de Ville, was a horror movie that I had never heard about. I happened to stumble upon the movie by random chance here in 2024, and of course opted to watch it, given my life-long fascination and love of the horror genre.

Naturally I had no expectations to the movie, as I had never heard about it. Nor did I actually know what I was in for here. And I suppose, on that account, then director William Brent Bell had every opportunity to entertain and bedazzle me with this 2023 movie.

The storyline that Tom de Ville wrote was a bit boring. Sure, there were interesting enough aspects to the storyline, but the pacing of the narrative was slow and mundane, and there simply wasn't enough of anything interesting, much less actually scary, happening, and that made sitting through "Lord of Misrule" somewhat of a struggle and an ordeal.

I wasn't familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie. But the acting performances in the movie were fair, despite the fact that the movie failed to entertain me.

Visually then you're not in for anything grand here. The movie is not one that relies on special effects, jump scares, etc. To tell it tale.

I have to say that I wasn't particularly entertained by director William Brent Bell's 2023 movie. And this is definitely not a movie that I will ever return to watch a second time. Nor is it a movie that I will recommend to fans of horror movies.

My rating of "Lord of Misrule" lands on a very generous three out of ten stars.

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Spaceman (I) (2024)

4/10

Meh, skinny human...

13 April 2024

Right, well writers Jaroslav Kalfar and Colby Day put together a rather strange storyline. And I will say that the narrative in "Spaceman" is somewhat of an acquired taste. Personally, I didn't really enjoy the storyline all that much, because it was way too abstract and bizarre for my liking. But I am sure that there is an audience out there for a movie such as "Spaceman", one that leaves a lot up to interpretation of the audience.

The narrative was simply too dull, too slow paced, too uninspiring and lacking entertainment value for me. And that made sitting through "Spaceman" a trying ordeal.

There are a couple of familiar faces, and voices, on the cast list, with the likes of Adam Sandler, Paul Dano, Isabella Rossellini and Lena Olin.

I can't claim that I am a fan of Adam Sandler, but he does have the occasional movie out there where he ventures away from the below-the-belt type of comedies that made him famous. And "Spaceman" definitely is one such movie, if there ever was one. This is a very atypical Adam Sandler movie, for better or worse. And he does carry the movie quite well with his performance.

Visually, then "Spaceman" was quite good. The effects in the movie were nice and the CGI looked realistic. And that definitely added a good layer to the movie, as a sci-fi movie such as this does rely on proper effects. The spider Hanus (voiced quite well by Paul Dano) was definitely nicely made and looked sort of realistic enough.

"Spaceman" was a boring movie for me, and it definitely not one that I will ever return to watch a second time, as it lacked entertainment value for my liking.

I suppose that if you enjoy sci-fi movies of an intellectual kind that offers more than just lasers and action, then "Spaceman" might be worthwhile checking out for you.

My rating of director Johan Renck's 2024 movie "Spaceman" lands on a four out of ten stars.

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The Vigilante (2023)

5/10

Generic, but watchable...

13 April 2024

I had never actually heard about this 2023 thriller titled "The Vigilante" prior to sitting down and watching it here in 2024. However, I must say that the movie's synopsis sounded interesting enough. Plus, the fact that it was a movie that I had never heard about, much less actually watched, of course I opted to give the movie a fair chance.

The storyline in "The Vigilante" was fair. It wasn't, however, an outstanding foray into a thriller with a human trafficking theme. Sure, it was watchable and entertaining enough, but at the same time writers Kara Myers and Lee Whittaker only managed to muster a somewhat generic script and storyline.

The movie is not without flaws, of course. And I have to say that the fact that Dan (played by Eric Pierce) could just sit down and effortlessly code a program to locate houses used for human trafficking was just ludicrous. Especially since with such an ability he would have been working for a high end government branch. It was just laughably stupid, not to mention lazy writing. And wouldn't police and law enforcement benefit tremendously from having such software?

The only familiar face on the cast list in this movie, for me, was actor Julien Cesario. The acting performances in "The Vigilante" were fair, I will say that much.

Watchable for what it was, "The Vigilante" just didn't stand out as being particularly impressive, inventive or memorable. It is hardly a movie that will grace my screen a second time. However, it should be said that there are far more compelling and entertaining movies out there with a human trafficking theme.

My rating of director Lee Whittaker's 2023 movie "The Vigilante" lands on a bland five out of ten stars.

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