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tsh332
Reviews
Die Wand (2012)
Found it lovely but certainly not uplifting.
If your sole movie genre is John Wick and The Walking Dead you should just move on and never click on this film. However, I enjoy that genre and found this film immersive and entrancing. I feel I would definitely have enjoyed the book on which it is based even more so.
SPOILER FOLLOW
A woman in the Austrian Alps founds herself completely cut off from civilization overnight by an invisible wall. Behind it, humanity and animal life seem frozen in place while streams continue to flow and weather continues to operate normally. The cause of the wall is never revealed or even speculated on. The woman learns to exist on her own, accompanied initially only in the company of a dog. Later her animal companions are added to. The movie is her internal dialogue as dictated to her daily journal. The cinematography of her existence in the alps is just beautiful. Brief happinesses and more frequent sorrows follow in her marooned existence. There are a few time jumps which I attributed to being a few jumbled pages in her daily journal which she compiles on random scraps of paper found in two cabins. I found that a charming touch. A lot of interesting introspection in this film but don't expect an uplifting experience. I enjoyed it.
There's Something Wrong with the Children (2023)
Great way to waste an evening
Overflowing with horror tropes... predictable ones at that. I felt like I was watching a 1980's film student's first effort that was somehow stolen from a cardboard box in the back of his/her grandma's house where it had been hidden out of shame for at least two decades. On top of a largely unexplained and inexplicable underlying mystery which seemed like a drunken mixture of Men in Black mixed with Pet Cemetary....
Cap this all off with a completely confusing and open ended "finish" about as creative as a nine year old dould imagine on a bad day. Ninety minutes of your life you'll never get back. Play a board game or clip your nails instead.
John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023)
Least favorite
I thoroughly enjoyed JW1 and JW2. JW3 a bit less so. JW4 lacks even the pretense of a story. While the combat choreography is excellent as usual, I need trace of a story line to enjoy a film. This doesn't even bother to create a whiff. I've been in law enforcement for 32 years (local and federal) and can honestly appreciate a film that demonstrates both extreme competence in firearm handling and martial arts, but that only gets you so far in entertainment. You need at least the trace of a story to lasso the general public (including me). This film completely lacks it. If you're drunk and just want to see dumb violence with no tie to the characters, this is a movie for you. Hard pass for me.
John and the Hole (2021)
Good creepy atmosphere then everything else literally sucks... Save yourselves and AVOID this.
My wife and I recently watched this. The atmosphere was great in and very ominous in the beginning, then the whole things falls apart pretty quickly. Here's a summary:
(SPOILERS BELOW)
John is a young adolescent who is either fairly deep on the Autism scale or is at the beginning of developing adolescent schizophrenia. He has extreme difficulty communicating and relating to his family.
One day, John decides to drug his entire family and then drop/lower them (no idea how since he weights about 90 lbs) down a steep hole left from construction on a neighboring property. His family has no way to climb out.
John proceeds to pull cash from an ATM, play video games, drive his parents car, and invite a friend over for the next week or so. John lowers food to his family irregularly and lies to people about his family having left town for a family emergency.
After a while, John decides he's bored with all this and suddenly lowers a ladder down so his family can climb out. No one beats John's ---, and they literally resume normal life as if this never happened.
At the conclusion of the movie it is revealed in an incredibly obscure, hazy, and confusing way that this whole incident is actually a fictional story told by a mother to her daughter (whom she is about to abandon at home with some cash). This is done in such a confusing manner that we actually had to resort to the Internet to confirm this was actually what was happening.
Seriously... the most bizarre and disjointed film I can remember ever watching.
Three Pines (2022)
Alfred Molina can't do it himself
Not awful, not good. While I love Alfred Molina, he couldn't save this all by himself. I felt like this was Monk meets Dexter. It couldn't decide if it wanted to be comedic or suspenseful, so never really fully achieves either very well. In the eight episodes, four crimes are resolved (one every two episodes) and one larger overarching crime takes the whole season. Neither my wife felt engaged in any of the two episode crimes (you never bond with any of the victims since they die almost immediately after their screen entrances) and the season stretches crime advances methodically and mechanically. The towns characters, while sometimes amusing, were largely two dimensional caricatures with no substance to them. I identified strongest with the duck. In the end, mediocre television.
Candyman (2021)
It's not NOPE
Loved Jordan Peele's recent film "NOPE" and sought this out after watching that quite good and novel film. Admittedly, I turned this off after about forty minutes, but I saw nothing there to encourage investing more time. Predictably tropes and characters were everywhere and I saw no sign of that changing later in Candyman. If you were looking for a slasher ala Freddy Kreuger, I could even recommend this for that. It was just dull, simple, and lacking suspense for the most part. I'd give this a hard pass and go watch "NOPE" by the same writer for a film with real suspense, mystery, and some good jumps and unique humor.
The Stranger (2022)
Just excellent
Easily the most tension film I have watched in years. The story is riveting, dark, and complex. As someone with 32 years in law enforcement, including undercover activity (far sumpler and more short term than what is portrayed in this film), I'll assert this was a masterpiece that definitely had some experienced technical advisors. My wife and I were both transfixes by the journey of both the suspect and the undercover as they slowly and carefully inched toward the revelation of the truth. Not a film I would let any child under 13 watch, possibly even a couple years older. It's a great film, but certainly not easy to watch at many points.
How It Ends (2021)
Tries to be quirky but just faceplants
A woman wanders the streets of LA having a dialogue with her inner child, and a bunch of random flakes she encounters similarly wandering around aimlessly, while an earth killing meteor prepares to end all life that evening. This could have been funny, but it ends up just being lame. I couldn't stop watching it was so bad. There are actually some well known and competent actors who put in cameos in this, and I can only assume they all lost bets to the same recent film school graduate.
Don't waste time on this unless you are high, or a meteor is actually headed towards earth and you want to be numb when it arrives.
Patriot (2015)
Literally my favorite series ever
Reminiscent of the fantastic HBO seeies "Barry" but IMO even a couple levels above it. My wife and I were both crushed when Dorman's filming schedule for "For All Mankind" prevented a third and final season. Simply magnificent writing, humor, characters, and acting. I can't cheerlead for this series more than I am now. Just stellar.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Too little story
I have enjoyed most MCU films, accepting their strong and weak points, but generally enjoying them. This one just doesn't get there - with too little story and relying too much on CGI effects. Although not an MCU film, the extremely weak sequel to Wonder Woman, WW1984, immediately came to mind.
Top Gun: Maverick (2022)
I didn't think they'd allow a stinker sequel
And they didn't. It was actually better and far less formula than I expected. They did a great job with this. Had fear at one point they were going to kill off a main character and that didn't come to pass. Awesome cinematography. Nuff said.
The Batman (2022)
Tried but falls flat
The only Batman franchise movie I would rate lower than this would be Batman Forever. No tension till the last 30 mins of the film. No investment in character development. This could have been so much more. Cinematography couldn't save it.
Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel (2021)
Just get drunk instead
What an utter waste of five hours of your life. Packed full with ridiculous public conjecture, conspiracy theories, and a plethora of Internet and YouTube crime "experts", to reduce your IQ to zero. Total waste of time.
SPOILER:
Woman with well documented psychiatric issues suffering well documented mental health crisis (including experiences with her roomates, security in multiple venues, and LITERALLY ON SECURITY VIDEO minutes or hours before her death, climbs into a water tank on her hotel's roof fleeing imaginary persecuters and drown inside. Literally ZERO evidence of anything else. Internet "sleuths" create a mystery from too much personal free time and an overdose of self-congratulation.
Monsters of Man (2020)
Could have been good
Pretty impressive CGI could have made this a good movie. The only things holding it back were bad writing, even more horrid acting, and even more horrendous predictability.
The Book of Boba Fett (2021)
Falls short, pretty far short actually
It's not the Mandelorian. Three episodes in and neither my wife or I are particularly engaged. We were completely hooked 5 minutes into episode one of the Mandelorian.
It's not a disaster but full of predictability, SW cliches, and, well it's just not what it should be. Disappointing.
Don't Look Up (2021)
A stunningly accurate missile targeting the last half decade
Overflowing with sarcasm, this film deservedly targets the Right, Trumpism, the Left, those who live with their heads buried in Social Media, Conspiracy Theorists, and all other buffoons with equality. The message of this film? Wake up and live a real life. Outstanding.
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
The Matrix has finally died
Regurgitation. Lame. Complete lack of new story. First half of film spent completely recapping the prior three films (which I loved by the way). Sure, some decent CGI but if that is what makes a blockbuster, I'll download something on my XBox. Stick a fork in the Matrix franchise because it is well-done and finished. RIP...
Soldiers of Fortune (2012)
They must have lost a bet
To Slater, Beene, and Rhames, all I can say is that a lot of drinking must have been involved. Don't waste neurons on this.
Sweet Tooth (2021)
Can't make up its mind on its audience
I'm 54 and have never had any problem enjoying adolescent fiction (Hunger Games, 4th Wave, etc), and have always had an affinity for the post-apocalyptic genre.
I found the first three episodes of this perfectly enjoyable. It has a nice atmosphere to it as along as you can use an ample amount of plausible deniability (power working for most people ten years after the collapse of society). However, in episode four it suddenly took a turn towards an improbable melange of "Lord of the Flies" meets "Revenge of the Ewoks." The episode was so silly and ridiculous I was dangerously close to switching it off and not watching the remainder of the season. It "sort-of" managed to get back on track after that episode but retained a cartoonish bent going forward that I didn't get from the first three episodes.
Finally, it really started to feel like the writers didn't know who they wanted be their target audience for this. At some points it is VERY obviously aimed for the 8-15 yoa audience, however, five minutes later a villain will be vigorously beaten to death with a blunt object or a main character will be shot. One scene had couples being burned alive in their home. I have no problem with violence but you can't easily mix that with content geared towards pre-adolescents. It just felt like they wanted to appeal to everyone but that's really tough to do and they just didn't manage it well.
The Tomorrow War (2021)
Entertaining but pretty formula.
Lukewarm on it but not too unentertaining. I felt like the Edge of Tomorrow collided with Aliens collided with Intersteller. Just a little bit too formula for me. Pratt was entertaining, as were a few sidekicks, but not enough to save from mediocrity.
And I'm sorry, two completely nonsensical points to the plot that were laughable:
SPOILERS
A) You reinstate the draft worldwide to save humanity but don't afford your "out of shape, never held a gun" draftees more than one weeks training before combat? Yeah, you're losing that war.
B) you finally find a buried frozen spaceship which contains the origin of your whole war and all you have to do is exterminate the shipload to prevent your whole extinction level event. There are eight of you and you decide to "go it alone" to save humanity instead of notifying the world's militaries. I repeat, there are EIGHT of you. You don't send ONE person back with the location in case your little team fails and gets wiped out??? Come on writers...
The Serpent (2021)
Great performances, sinister story
A truly gripping and anxiety filled story. The leads do a great job and Rahim play Sobhraj with chilling skill. The story is a great example of how hit and miss law enforcement can be in so many third world countries (yes worked with multiple), particularly during decades where computerized shared databases did not exist or did not extend past one nation's borders. Disquieting, as it should be, that Sobhraj would be living free in France today (and possibly killing) if his own unbelievable arrogance hadn't led him to travel to Nepal in 2003.
The Devil's Tomb (2009)
Even the props are substandard
"Elite group of soldiers" who don't even have optics on their weapons and move about as tactically as a bunch of 5th graders playing Army.
Stage props you could make yourself in shop class with a little paper-mache. Plot sucks, cinematography sucks, acting sucks.... It all just.... sucks... I lost countless brain cells watching this.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
A disappointingly mediocre sequel
Where do I start? A lukewarm story, excessive use of CGI just for the use of CGI, very average cinematography, and a script even four normally entertaining actors couldn't save. Even the music score was somehow diluted from the original! A very disappointing sequel to the really good original.
Crazy, Not Insane (2020)
A train wreck of confirmation biases and manipulators leading pure academics by the nose
I think most reasonably intelligent people realize that some of the most sadistic, unempathetic, sociopathic criminals in our midst come from awful backgrounds, dysfunctional families, abuse, and trauma. The credibility of this program's assertions quickly ends there.
The program proceeds to document two academic psychotherapists being led around by the nose by some of the most manipulative personalities known, psychopathic sexual sadists and murderers. Murders who repeatedly and conveniently evidence, for the first time, multiple personality disorders, when interviewed by these two. Performances which are encouraged and almost welcomed with glee. If you want to watch something that will strip you of any faith you might have in defense "experts," watch this. This is the definition of confirmation bias in quasi-science.
I Think We're Alone Now (2018)
Started off interesting and with atmosphere and then dropped off a cliff
This film is not your standard post apocalyptic movie. It starts off slow and thoughtful. The movie is not action but focuses on the psychology between the two main characters and their coming to cope with each other. Dinklage is, as usual, great. The acting and cinematography were good and I was headed towards an 8/10. Suddenly, the movie takes a sudden left turn for the last 10 percent of the movie and drives completely off the map. It was just nonsensical. I don't know if this was a misguided attempt to appeal to the more traditional post apocalyptic crowd or what, but it was a severe miscalculation and really spoiled the movie. Dropped from an 8 to a 6.