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8/10
ASTOUNDINGLY ENTERTAINING LOVEFEST FOR ALL THINGS SPOOKY!!!
24 October 2019
One of the most flat-out fun anthology films I have ever seen.

An elderly mortuary caretaker, played by a delightfully ghoulish Clancy Brown, is approached by a young woman looking for a job as his assistant; and tells her a series of ghastly tales involving a bunch of not-so-innocent protagonists who find themselves the victims of deadly karma.

Fans of "Tales From The Crypt" will absolutely love these EC comics inspired tales. I'm surprised that these are original stories since it feels like the director selected some of his favorite classic horror stories traigbt from the pages of a classic horror comics.

If you like your horror tongue-in-cheek you couldn't ask for a more fun time.
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Prometheus (I) (2012)
4/10
A Less Than Triumphant Return to Sci-Fi for Ridley Scott
8 June 2012
For all the visual sci-fi and spectacle, I still can't overlook the muddled screenplay of "Prometheus" that handles it's epic journey in which humans discover the link to their evolution like a child with Attention Deficit Disorder.

As to be expected, this return to sci-fi from Ridley Scott, the man who brought us the first "Alien" film and "Blade Runner", "Prometheus" is a great looking film; but it's as if Scott story boarded this entire film using the covers of every pulp novel and magazine from the 50's to the 70's without bothering to figure out if it resulted in a cohesive film. The film wants to be too many things, and ends up being about nothing at all: no sooner does it latch on to something engaging or coherent, then it quickly abandons it for something else.

There was a lot of potential for this film: rather than show us the old alien that we have seen bursting from chests and terrorizing through space in the previous four films of the franchise, Ridley wants to explore all the other unseen horrors lurking on the ship the Nostromo crew stumbled across in the first film. But since Ridley hasn't made a sci-fi film in thirty years, it seems he can't decide whether or not he wants to make a horror film, an action epic, or a Kubrickian thinking-man's film about man's evolution; so he throws everything together and then moves on to something else when he gets bored.

It gives me no pleasure to berate this film: the first "Alien" film was a brilliantly constructed horror masterpiece of the highest calibre, and his following film, "Blade Runner" is one of the most visually-stunning films of all time. So, it was with great hope that I expected Ridley Scott to come riding back into the sci-fi genre on a white horse like Maximus in "Gladiator" and give us another landmark film. Instead, he has finally planted the final nail in the coffin of the franchise that launched him to prominence and stardom.
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5/10
Too little too late
15 April 2012
The best thing about "Legend of the Fist" is that it features some of the most spectacular acrobatic prowess to come from the great Donnie Yen. Unfortunately, these moments of awe inspiring nirvana appear in fits and starts after long, long moments of exposition.

If this movie had a strong story, like Donnie Yen's "Kill Zone" with it's engaging plot about police corruption and the consequences of pursuing vengeance, all this exposition could be forgiven. However, the story is about Yen playing a Zorro-like folk hero, who dresses like Bruce Lee in 'The Green Hornet'. What should be a rollicking adventure instead becomes a violent drama about China's occupation by the Japanese. Granted, Donnie Yen's best film, "Ip Man" was also about the Chinese occupation; but that film managed a perfect balance between drama and spectacular action.

I would almost dismiss "Legend of the Fist" altogether; but then Yen does a flip, a jump, a punch, a kick and my jaw hits the floor.
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Toy Story 3 (2010)
8/10
A Fitting End to A Great Trilogy
19 June 2010
Warning: Spoilers
PIXAR: Hits – 11. Failures – O I'm not sure how long Pixar can keep up this amazing tightrope walk of great films; but, for now, it's all good.

In 1995, we were introduced to a boy named Andy and his toys, including cowboy, Woody and Space Ranger, Buzz Lightyear. Now it's fifteen years after the first film – although in the film world, it's closer to ten. Andy is seventeen years old now; and although he will soon be off to college, and is too old to play with toys, he still keeps a motley crew of his childhood possessions in the old toy trunk in his room. The paired down group of toys consist of Woody, Buzz, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, piggy-bank Hamm, Slinky-Dog (Blake Clark flawlessly filling in for the late Jim Varney), cowgirl Jessie, Bulls-Eye the horse, Rex the dinosaur, and three of those Pizza Planet aliens that worship the claaaaawwww.

It's a time of sadness for Andy's toys. Woody and the gang keep trying in vain to get Andy to play with them. And at one point (sniff) it dawns on us that Woody has lost the love of his life, Little Bo Peep long ago, possibly in some garage-sale.

Then things take a turn for the worse when Andy has to decide whether to either throw his toys in the garbage, move them up to the attic, or donate them to a day-care centre. Andy decides to take Woody with him to college and move the rest of the toys up to the attic. However, the toys, minus Woody, decide they would rather be played with in day-care then to stay cooped up in the attic. So, they manage to get themselves packed away in the donation box in Andy's Mom's car – it's a long story; but trust me, they get there.

As Woody breaks free of Andy's luggage and tries to explain to his toy-friends the importance of their loyalty to Andy, he ends up getting shipped off to day-care too.

No sooner do they arrive at day-care, then Woody breaks ranks and tries to make his way back to Andy. Along the way, he winds up in the possession of a little girl and it's there that he learns that his toy friends, rather than being played with by a bunch of five to eight year olds like they used to with Andy, they are being trampled upon, chewed on, and suffer all types of abuse by a room full of toddlers. Worst of all, Andy's toys can't escape because, after hours, the day-care becomes a rainbow-coloured gulag run by the furry pink, strawberry-scented ruler named Lots O' Hugs (Lightning Crash!) Now, Woody is on a mission to save his friends in an elaborate prison break to get back to Andy's house.

Toy Story 3, is the funniest Pixar movie I have seen in a while. And what I like about the humour in Pixar movies as opposed to the humour in Dreamwork's "Shrek" or "Madagascar" movies is that Pixar doesn't try to make people laugh by specifically referencing movies like "The Matrix" in "Shrek" or "Planet of the Apes" in "Madagascar". Much of the humour comes from parodying the conventions of the prison-break sub-genre rather than specific films themselves: although, "Toy Story 3″ alludes to movies like "The Great Escape", we never once hear that film's catchy theme song, nor do we see Buzz Lightyear bouncing a ball repeatedly off a wall and catching it. We do, however have a Fisher-Price phone that has been in the day-care for decades, and knows the ins and outs on how to stay alive on the inside. I suspect Pixar movies will have a longer shelf-life than many of it's Dreamworks counterparts; not just because they are better films, overall; but because they are not concerned with being hip and current the way Dreamworks tends to be.

I have heard some reviewers say this film is darker and scarier than it's predecessors; but I don't think anything in this film is any darker than Sid's room of toy-torture from the first film. So if your child was okay with that, they should be fine with this.

And although, I wouldn't say this film is quite as good as the previous two, it's very exciting, humorous, the characters are as endearing as ever; and the thing ends on a very touching final note that makes you hope they don't muck it up with a fourth entry.

On a final note This is the second film from Pixar, after "Up", to be made in 3D. However, just like the previous film, I don't think this needs to be seen in 3D – in fact, the 3D is less necessary here than it was in "Up" since that film had the added bonus of some very nice aerial effects. There's nothing gimmicky about the 3D effects in Pixar's movies; and at some points, with this film, I even forgot that I was even watching it in 3D.
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Kick-Ass (2010)
"Kick-Ass" is THE Superhero movie of the year!!!
15 April 2010
Next month the first movie of the summer "Iron Man 2" arrives. But, if I may be so bold, the most awesome, thrilling, greatest super-hero movie of the year is in theaters right now! Sure, "Iron Man 2" will have more CG, bigger explosions and a 200 Million dollar budget; and you might even leave the theater with a smile on your face. But if Christopher Nolan's 'Batman' movies have taught us anything, it takes more than that to make a really awesome superhero movie. And "Kick-Ass" is a really awesome super-hero movie! The movie begins by introducing us to the central character, Dave Lizewski, played by Aaron Johnson: a slightly nerdy and extremely average high-school student. He likes comic-books; wishes girls would notice he exists; and, most of all, he is sick and tired of being mugged every other day and watching criminals run around doing whatever they want. He wishes crime-fighting super-heroes existed in the real world; and, hey, why not him? So, he orders a wetsuit off of E-Bay as a costume and goes out into the streets to fight crime as Kick-Ass. The problem is, he has no fighting skills, his only weaponry is a pair on numchucks and a taser-gun, and his physique is greatly inferior to literally every criminal he comes across. The only thing he has going in his favor is a higher tolerance for pain than the average citizen: he is the super-hero equivalent of that episode of "The Simpsons" where Homer becomes a successful boxer simply because he is able to get punched in the face a lot without it bothering him.

Yet in spite of how bad he is at being a super-hero, he manages to become a media sensation when footage of him fighting bad-guys gets posted on Youtube. And this coincides with the arrival of two new masked crime-fighters, not nearly as famous as Kick-Ass, but infinitely better crime-fighters: Big Daddy and his 11 year old daughter, Hit-Girl.

These two characters are the heart and soul of this movie. If this movie is Uma Thurman's heart in "Pulp Fiction", Big Daddy and Hit-Girl are the syringe full of adrenaline going into it.

Big Daddy, played ideally by Nicholas Cage, spends his day as nebbish cartoonist Damon Macready; but at night, with far from subtle overtones to Bruce Wayne, he dons a Batman-like suit and uses the millions of dollars he has acquired from taking down organized crime to buy a spectacular array of military weaponry. His primary target, local crime lord, Frank D'amico.

His protégé daughter, Hit-Girl, played by Chloe Moretz, has been trained since she was five to fight crime giving her the ability to run on walls, back flip through the air; and shoot guns like Chow-Yun Fat in a John Woo movie. She also a particular fondness for killing bad guys with butterfly knives.

I won't say anymore about the plot of this movie because this is one of those rare instances where the trailer doesn't give too much away; and I'll be damned if I'm gonna ruin that. Suffice to say, that when this movie kicks into high-gear, you're gonna love it.

My advice, see this movie soon and try to go when the theater is packed. Because this is not a movie that you simply watch. This is a movie that you laugh with, then clap at the screen; and then by the finale, you are simply yelling things like "Fuck, Yeah!" every few seconds and cheering until after the credits have started rolling.

Plus, it ends with a very sweet set-up for a sequel. So, see this now. Because, if "Iron Man 2" is not gonna bring anything new to the table, I want my sequel to "Kick-Ass"!
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2/10
I wanted to believe this movie was good.
25 July 2008
I was wondering if Chris Carter had really run out of ideas for Mulder and Scully. Maybe, I thought, he just needed a few years away from the series to recharge his batteries. As it turns out...yes...yes, he has totally run out of ideas.

"I Want to Believe" does to my beloved 90's TV consumption what "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" did for my beloved 80's movie consumption - it makes me have to go back and see why I was ever a fan in the first place: "Let me just stick 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' in. Oh Yeah! Indiana Jones was awesome!" "Now let me watch 'Ice', 'Clyde Bruckman' and 'Duane Barry'. Oh man, X-Files was awesome!"

At best, the story for the new X-Files movie feels like the kind of mid-season filler episode that Carter would have just thrown out there after having a virtually complete mental block - and this is what we get for a summer movie years after the show was canceled. I could tell you what Mulder and Scully are investigating this time around and what it all adds up to in one sentence - some of the reviews for this movie actually have - but, I won't. Suffice to say, take away the crazy Scottish psychic, and this is the least 'X-File' case in the history of 'The X-Files'; laughably, Mulder gets pulled out of exile by the FBI to investigate...this!

The movie has this running theme of faith, hence the title 'I Want to Believe', which apparently is the whole point of this movie in the first place -but it really only amounts to a two-hour circus act in which Carter manages to stick his head down underneath his legs and back around so that his head is jammed firmly up his ass.

I would have just walked out muttering how boring, cheap, uncinematic and unsatisfying this movie was; but I ended up sticking around halfway through the end credits which has an aerial shot of Mulder in a rowboat near some tropical island rowing Scully whose lying there in a black bikini (Okay, better late than never!). But wait! Just what does this scene have to do with the rest of the movie? Nothing! It's one of those catastrophic brain farts that Carter flatuates on certain occasions: remember that messed-up scene on that B+W episode where Mulder and Scully are dancing at that Cher-impersonator concert(?) yeah, just like that! Chris Carter is one of those beloved sci-fi creators whose was speeding along on that bullet-train to Awesomeville only to have a stopover at a place called 'Crazy-Town' and thought to himself, "you know what, I think I'm just gonna get off here!"

Oh, Oh! And they wave at the camera in that last shot! I'm not kidding! Scully and Mulder wave at the flipping camera!
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Woodshock (1985)
5/10
In the tradition of "Woodstock".
5 July 2005
Perhaps, because the Ausitn music festival, "Woodshock" obviously lifted their name from "Woodstock", young filmmaker Richard Linklater, decided to shoot this documentary short film in the same style as that acclaimed documentary from which it borrows it's name.

This short appears on the "Slacker" DVD, and like that disc's other bonus film - the feature length, "It's Impossible to Know How to Plow By Reading Books" - it's a chance to see a young talented filmmaker trying to figure out how to make movies.

The film shows that Rick does understand how to shoot stylistically - even if he is only imitating "Woodstock". But that in later years, Rick would decide to shoot his films in a more subtle style, where dialog takes precedence over visuals.
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