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The Curse of Oak Island (2014)
Kinda Stupid But I Can't Stop Watching It
I can't stop watching this show in spite of how ridiculous some of these theories are. Marie Antoinnette? The Knights Templar? The Mayans?! What?!
I just don't understand why anyone would dig some deep-ass tunnels, to bury their treasure 200 ft down, in some hard-ass rock on some random-ass island. Why would anyone go through all that trouble when you could just bury it 6 ft down so you can easily get it later. Or maybe, don't bury it at all. Spend it you idiots! You know, like normal pirates do.
But then I start thinking, "If it's a religious site maybe there's treasure there. You know, like the pyramids or something." And I hold onto that small intriguing thought in spite of my logic screaming, " That's stupid! There's nothing there!" The only mystery is why people keep sinking their money into this island. I mean, come on, one guy's theory is that the Mayan's sailed from South America all the way to Canada just to booby trap and bury their treasure. That sounded so absurd I would've slapped the dude who said that in his face. I can't believe some people buy this stuff. However there are some that are plausible. The one about the British soldiers burying their plunder of war there; I can see that possibly happening but not 200 ft down in an elaborate tunnel system. That's ridiculous. No one who wants to get their treasure back is going to bury it that deep.
And I also don't like how the show makes a big deal about the most mundane things. "I found a handle that's a treasure chest handle." Cue dramatic music Because it can't possibly be a handle for anything else. They find a log. Cue dramatic. They find a rock. Cue dramatic music. Anyone mentions the word treasure or gold. Cue dramatic music. If any documentary guys are reading this please stop with the dramatic music cues every 10 secs. It's getting out of hand. Not everything is dramatic.
Despite all this I can't stop watching it! Even though my logical mind tells me this stuff is BS there is that small bit of intrigue that's taken me 8 episodes and I'll very likely finish the rest. So I give it a 6. There are things that annoy me about it but it's kept my attention.
The Punisher (2017)
Jon Bernthal's Rendition of The Punisher Not My Cup of Tea
I like this show but I don't love it. My main complaint is how The Punisher is portrayed in this version. He acts like an angry Neanderthal with PTSD. Now before people spit out their drinks and $&@# their pants over what I just said let me be clear; The way he acts makes sense given what's happen to him. I just don't like Jon Bernthal's rendition of it. My favorite portrayal of The Punisher was played by Thomas Jane. He was cold, calculating, and vengeful but he kept a cool head. He didn't fly off the handle in an insane rage like Jon Bernthal does. (Which, by the way, Jon Bernthal always seems to do in every movie he's in.) He just doesn't seem as smart as Thomas Jane's Punisher. He comes off more as a angry dumb grunt then a methodical, lethal, intelligent, special forces killer. Like I said, Jon's portrail is fine. It makes sense. I understand why people like it. It's just not my cup of tea.
Defiant Until the End... Then He Changed His Mind.
The title says it all. What started out as an awesome episode ended so horribly that I was yelling at the TV screen. "You can't end it like that!" But it did... It ended that way and it gave me cinematic blue balls. The problem is they had all these pieces in place, all moving towards this massive conflict... then nothing happens. Nope Tom Riker pussyed out and decided not to go through with it. He'd rather spend the rest of his life in a prison camp then go out in the blaze of glory. What?! Why take the time to build all this tension then have no conflict. It's like a woman who teases a penis but does not finish. It aint right. That's what this episode did to me. Don't get me wrong, it was fantastic in the beginning but in the end I was alone with massive blue balls. 5 stars out of 10.
P.S. Like Michael J. Tobias said, they should've made this a two parter. End the first part with a cliff hanger. The Defiant is surrounded! Then start the next episode there and have Riker finish his mission at all cost. That would've been really cool
Shingeki no kyojin (2013)
Attack on Titan Season 1: Lets Stop and Talk About Our Feelings.
Lets Stop and Talk About Our Feelings
Attack on Titan Season 1 Review
Let me start off by saying the first time I watched Attack on Titan Season 1 I was hooked right from the get go. The plot was interesting and original and the Titans were terrifying. I'm not kidding. They truly freaked me out. It's horrifying enough they're gigantic and they eat people but the cherry on the pants crapping terror cake is their otherworldly demeanor. Their Joker smiles. The way some of them run like it's a fun frolic through a flower field. And their inexplicable, insatiable appetite for human flesh. They really like eating people. And If I saw a Titan in real life I'd be like James Wood off of Scary Movie when he sees that girl rotate her head 360 degrees a la The Exorcism. "Funk that!" And run off.
Now that stuff was great and all but upon watching the first season again I gotta tell yea I was starting to lose my patience in a very big way. I cant tell you how many times during intense action scenes where they'd pause it so that the characters can express their thoughts and feelings. For example, the three main characters have to make a split second decision before a cannon blows them to kingdom come but they spend half the f-ing episode talking about the right thing to do! They did the same thing in a scene where an intelligent female Titan is chasing them through the giant tree forest. That Titan is right on their butts and they got time to stop and reflect not once, not twice but three MF-ing times! She's right behind them! There's no time to think stupids. I was getting so upset I'd yell at the screen, "Shut the F up and get on with it already! Jesus Christ!" Can you see how annoying that would get? It'd be like watching an Arnold Schwarzenegger action flick where they'd stop right in the middle of every firefight, 15 minutes at a time, so we can hear every person's thoughts on what's happening. Good Lord! If you'd cut out all that damn exposition in an Attack on Titan episode it'd probably be 7 minutes long. Seriously, that's too much. Shakespeare said, "Brevity is the soul of wit." Obviously the guys who write for Attack on Titan didn't get that memo.
Another thing that annoyed me was how the characters dramatize everything it that over-the-top anime way. You know what I'm talking about. Everything is a big deal and every sentence has the force of a nuclear blast. Eren, the main character, is particularly bad about this. Always screaming and whining about something. Dude you gotta take a chill pill and stop yelling like that or you're going to blow out your hemorrhoids. I should know.
Now don't get me wrong, I still like Attack on Titan even though I just took a huge steaming poopy on it. It's just very frustrating, to me, that an awesome battle scene is constantly interrupted by, "Lets stop and talk about our feelings" bull crap. The first time it didn't bother me too much but the second time it drove me up the walls. If they come out with a second season I will watch it but for the love of God I hope they cut down on all that needless expositional garbage.
Crap, crap, crap, crap, and more crap. Piles and piles of crap! Tons of it, as far as the eye can see. Not only does this movie delve into the BS that is 'humans only use 10% of their brains' garbage, the movie gives Lucy outlandish god-like powers when she moves above 10%. How does having a higher brain capacity allow one to defy gravity, gain telekinesis, understand Chinese instantly without once studying it, able to see a person's plane ticket and hence where they are going without having personally seen it even for a second, change their form at will, search out and listen to phone cells without a device from which to hear it, and move to any point in time? All this wouldn't have been so bad had the movie went for a kind of fantasy theme, but it tries to give itself scientific credibility which only makes the movie more ridiculous.
My other issue with this movie is the conflict Lucy has with the bad guys. How on earth are normal men suppose to take out a god when she can destroy them with a simple thought? There is no tension in this movie. It's all gone when that happens. The bad guys are simply fodder for her. This movie would've been better had they explored deeper into the concept of Lucy struggling with losing her humanity, in fact, you could've made the whole movie about that concept and it would've been way, way, way better, but nope, it wanted to be an action film with pseudo- science, and a dash of philosophy.
I respect Luc Besson as a movie maker. I especially loved Leon: The Professional, and Danny the Dog, but this movie was terrible. I'll give this three stars only because the beginning was engaging but as soon as Lucy started to defy gravity and roll up the walls in her jail cell I was instantly turned off. It defies scientific logic and it loses all its tension. If you want to see a movie about the same concept than watch Limitless, which is much better.