Skruffbagg's Reviews

Late Night with the Devil (2023)

7/10

2 April 2024

I had heard many reviews that this was both the best and scariest horror film in years... In truth, it's neither, but it's still a solid film with some excellent performances, decent scares and a fun way to waste 90 minutes.

In a nutshell, David Dastmalchian (fantastic) is a late night talk show host climbing the ladder of success who, after suffering a personal tragedy, takes several months off before returning to failing ratings. In an effort to win back the audience, he resorts to more desperate and controversial topics, culminating in a live hallowe'en special featuring a phoney psychic, sceptic/former magician, and one supposedly possessed girl. Despite several eerie and foreboding moments during the show, he manipulates the girl's parapsychologist - who also happens to be his love interest- into performing a demonic summoning live on tv... and this is when the proverbial excrement hits the fan.

The film is done in a "found footage" style, with a 70s aesthetic (including grainy picture and 4:3 ratio) and while it works for the most part, the inconsistencies in the footage and style were a bit too obvious and hard to ignore. There are some AI generated images which I personally didn't care about, but again, they stood out. The performances as a whole were good, but Dastmalchian and Ingrid Torelli were both superb, elevating the material to greater heights. There's some good gore and light scares, but if you're looking for a terror inducing experience, this isn't it. It's campy fun done in an original and interesting way, and despite reading several complaints about it, I thought the ending was just fine. There's enough info and context throughout the movie to let you make own mind up about what happened and why, but if you need it spelled out any further you should probably watch something less challenging, like Fast X.

Definitely worth your time if you're a genre fan that likes a simple scary story told in an interesting way.

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Madame Web (2024)

1/10

So bad it's good, or so bad it's bad? You decide

20 February 2024

Cannon, is that you in disguise?

I firmly believe Madame Web will go down in history as not only the worst superhero movie, but also one of the worst movies ever made. It's that bad. It's absolutely fascinating to behold.

Now, I'll be honest with you here. I only went to see this because I had heard it was an unmitigated disaster that had to be seen to be believed, and it truly does not disappoint - or massively does, depending on your viewpoint.

It takes a special kind of director to get such cringe-inducing performances out of a fairly talented cast (Dakota Johnson and Tahar Rahim are both quality actors with the right script and direction), but SJ Clarkson somehow manages to wrangle the absolute worst imaginable from every single person in the film. I'll be very surprised if she ever does another feature after this.

Nothing in this film works; the plot is moronic, the script seems like it was written by a teenager, the cinematography is horrendous, the aformentioned embarrassing performances, the audio editing is baffling (so much dubbing, brain-melting music choices). I'm amazed this didn't get shelved the minute the final cut was done.

To me, I rate this as "so bad it's good" as I wasn't bored watching it, but most people I assume will say it's just plain bad... and it is, but very entertainingly so.

If you love watching a 2hr car crash then I highly recommend this. The awfulness is mind-boggling in it's complexity, but in the best possible way. Film scholars and historians will be analysing this movie for years to come, and I hope it is talked about in the same vein as The Room in the future.

An absolutely epic misfire on all levels.

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Tabby McTat (2023 TV Movie)

9/10

The best Julia Donaldson adaptation. By far.

28 December 2023

Having seen all of the Magic Light Pictures versions of Julia Donaldson's books, I can confidently say this is the best one, by a country mile.

As a father of a 2.5 year old, her stories are a mainstay in my household, and I've seen the animated films what feels like hundreds of times. Most are good to excellent - The Snail and The Whale, and Room on the Broom are particularly strong - but this heart warming story is top of the pile and will hit you hard in the feels.

Tabby McTat is Fred the busker's cat. They spend their days singing to the London crowds and enjoying each other's friendship. When Tabby meets another cat whilst chasing a bug, spending the afternoon playing/flirting, and at the same time Fred is injured chasing a thief, they are separated. Tabby is taken in by the other cat's family and starts one of his own, but his loyalty to Fred is strong and he sets off to find him again.

This is unusual for a JD story in that it isn't set in a fantasy world, and is a fairly complex story for young children about friendship, loyalty and homelessness, but it is beautifully animated with excellent music and will tug right on your heartstrings. If you're the emotional type you will undoubtedly be glassy-eyed by the end.

I'm sure this will be watched many times more in this house and hopefully, with time, I'll learn not to cry so much.

Superb.

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3rd Rock from the Sun (1996–2001)

9/10

One of the best sitcoms ever

6 December 2023

I recently started re-watching 3RFTS on VOD, and it's still as funny as ever.

I was a huge fan of the show when it first started and I was 13yo. I'm now 41 and it still holds up, even with the laugh track which is something I've come to despise over the years. The premise is simple - 4 aliens come to Earth and stay to learn more about humans and our culture - but the jokes are solid and the cast are (nearly), to a man/woman all brilliant. There's a reason that John Lithgow won the acting Emmy every year this show was on, his comic timing and delivery is faultless. The dynamic between Sally and Don is hilarious and ridiculous, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is great for such a young age, and French Stewart flawlessly plays an absolute buffoon.

There's one exception - Nina. I never understood her character. Her sardonic wit and misanthropy just make her deeply unlikeable, and I'm surprised she was never written out. I guess some people found her funny but I just didn't at all.

This might be nearly 30 years old but the laughs are still fresh, so if you're looking for a hilarious show to waste a few days of your life watching, this is a great choice.

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Loki (2021–2023)

9/10

Simply brilliant television

21 November 2023

After the immense disappointment of The Marvels, I'm glad I watched Loki season 2 afterwards, because it is, simply put, brilliant TV.

I enjoyed the first season even though there was some definite pandering to "modern audiences" but season 2 really stepped up a gear with some excellent writing, fantastic production values and top notch performances - especially from Tom Hiddleston as our titular antihero. Special mention to Owen Wilson for what is, without doubt, his best ever performance. Ever.

The last 2 episodes of the series are mind-bending brilliance. I really can't praise this enough after the mountains of dross that The Multiverse Saga has delivered so far, and it gives me hope that the MCU isn't dead yet.

More of this please Marvel!

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The Marvels (2023)

3/10

Bottom of the barrel

14 November 2023

This is it folks, the lowest point Marvel Studios has ever sunk to, and after the last 3 years, that is really saying something. This is truly bottom of the barrel stuff.

I went into this film with an open mind, despite not being particularly attached to any of these heroes, but it's a total mess. It's borderline incoherent and appears to have been haphazardly stitched together in the editing room like some sort of Frankenstein's monster... and it shows.

Brie Larson looks bored and uninterested for much of the film, and Teyonah Parris plays a character nobody cares about like she knows it. The one bright spark is Iman Vellani, who looks like she's genuinely having fun and it shows in her performance. I haven't seen the Ms Marvel show but I might actually give it a watch now. Probably not though.

It's sad to see what the MCU has become; a muddled, directionless mess with bad CGI taking the place of good screenplays, tight and clever writing, and likeable characters that you actually care about.

Where do they go from here? Who's knows, but I would give this a swerve if I were you.

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Bed Rest (2022)

2/10

Booooooooooooring

30 October 2023

My god this film is dull.

It is the most cookie-cutter example of the "haunted house" genre, made slightly bearable by a better than average central performance by Melissa Barrera.

There are no scares, just loud music stings employed to elicit a jump reaction in your body, but because they are all so incredibly obvious, predictable and telegraphed I didn't even get that reaction.

I read somewhere the last 20 minutes is good but I couldn't be bothered to find out, switching off before the hour mark to do something really scary - my laundry.

This is grim, boring, cliched nonsense. It gets more than 1 star because the lead actor was trying, at least.

Don't waste your time.

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The Pope's Exorcist (2023)

6/10

By the numbers horror elevated by Russell Crowe

29 October 2023

The is the second exorcism themed movie I've watched in the last week and is, by far, the more entertaining one.

I can't help but compare this to The Exorcist: Believer, which is pointless, tensionless and dull. This is a far better movie, but is essentially a fairly routine horror elevated by a hugely entertaining and engaging performance by Russell Crowe, who is clearly having a blast playing the Vatican's Chief Exorcist, Gabriele Amorth (a real person - look him up).

In the film, a mother and her 2 children move from America to Spain to take possession of a spooky old abbey, bequeathed to them in her late husband's will after he is killed in a car accident that the youngest child Henry was in, rendering him traumatised and mute. Whilst exploring the ruins, Henry disturbs a creepy door behind a crumbling wall, is promotly possessed by a demon and requests a priest - but he only means one in particular. Enter scooter riding, secret boozing, bantering Father Amorth, to investigate and help the family.

The set up is short and to the point, there's no time wasted in getting to what we all came for - exorcism fun times! Brevity is the soul of wit, after all.

The exorcism, subsequent investigation into the abbey's sinister history, and build up to the finale is all pretty good, I can't really fault it. The plot is very basic and the cast are all ok, but Crowe chews the scenery and steals the show, making an otherwise standard scary film very watchable. It's not going to frighten anyone who watches supernatural horror regularly, but I've definitely seen worse this year and would give it a light recommendation.

My one major criticism is the ridiculous and slightly hilarious sequel-bait in the last 5 minutes, which felt like they were trying to set up a 'Conjuring' style exorcist universe and made me chuckle. I turned to my partner in this moment and said "The Pope's Exorcist 2: This Time It's Personal"

Stick it on, you could do a lot worse.

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The Exorcist: Believer (2023)

4/10

Wasted potential

20 October 2023

If I could sum up this movie in two words they would be "bland" and "uneven". Mercifully it's quite short as this truly is a game of two halves.

The first half of the film is actually quite decent: a slow build up, good editing and cinematography and some character development - although only for the main star Leslie Odom Jr, doing the best he can here.

Once we get into the meat of the story, where two schoolgirls go missing for 3 days and come back changed, the restraint is abandoned in favour of rushing through to the end. Ellen Burstyn is brought back for an absolutely pointless cameo and the writers insult her legacy by having her brutalised within minutes. I can't believe she agreed to this but she was probably just glad to be working.

The writers also had no idea how to make the finale exciting - it was bland, tensionless, tedious and rushed. Why did one major thing happen to one of the girls and not the other? It didn't make sense and just made me feel annoyed.

Overall, it's watchable enough but kinda boring. I just wouldn't waste your time or money. Wait until it get released on Sky, Netflix, etc.

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Mr Inbetween (2018–2021)

9/10

Superb Binge-Worthy Crime Drama

20 March 2022

After being recommended this series by my brother a few months ago, I sat on it for awhile before diving in. I wish I hadn't waited as I binged the entire 3 series in less than a week. It's simply fantastic viewing.

Ray Shoesmith is a hitman/hired muscle for an Aussie underbelly gangster. Whilst this would normally make him a distasteful character, he is also a good father, caring brother and loyal friend, and the series strikes a nice balance for him between dangerous criminal and likeable family man. Most of his days are taken up completing mundane tasks with the occasional bouts of emotionless violence against those he is paid to "take care of" or who show him disrespect. He lives by a strict code of ethics and is a cool, calm and collected customer under fire. Eventually his double life catches up with him and starts infecting his personal relationships, so he is forced into making a choice about what he is going to do with the rest of his days, however many he may have left.

This is truly binge-worthy television. Each episode is around 25 - 35 mins, so it's easy to watch several in one sitting, which you inevitably will if you're into this sort of thing. Scott Ryan writes, directs and stars at Ray himself, and gives a fantastic performance throughout. He is one to watch out for in the next couple of years. The rest of the supporting cast are also very subtle and nuanced. There are some hard, brutal and cold scenes which are hard to watch, so it's not for the faint-hearted and if you don't like a violent crime drama, this is unlikely to change your mind about them.

It's disappointing that after 3 series that's it and there will be no more, but I will definitely revisit this in years to come and look forward to what Scott Ryan does next.

Highly recommended for crime drama fans.

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The Empty Man (2020)

6/10

Unsettling horror with a disappointing ending

19 March 2022

The first time I heard about this film I rolled my eyes thinking it was a Slender Man/Bye Bye Man rip-off - not exactly the kind of films you want to emulate. It's definitely a different beast altogether, and whilst it does have it's merits, it's spoilt by it's uneven pacing and ending.

I have to hand it to the writer/director David Prior for not compromising on his vision but I can't help but feel that 30 minutes could have easily been lost in editing. This felt like a rough cut.

There are some very good things about this film - the intro is strong and the cinematography and sound are exceptional. They really help sell the atmosphere of slow building dread and tension.

The disappointment was in the ending, which after 2hrs 15mins felt a little cheap and didn't fully make sense as there were no hard clues sprinkled throughout the film leading up to that point. Two films that have done this kind of story better are Kill List (2011) and Hereditary (2018) both of which are superior in their horror.

The Empty Man is a decent film with some interesting ideas and superb cinematography and music, but will leave you feeling a little empty at the end.

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Turning Red (2022)

2/10

Not for 30 something men to watch

16 March 2022

Being an almost 40 year old man with a child, I often watch animated films and Pixar is nearly always an enjoyable way to waste a couple of hours.

Within 10 minutes I knew I was going to hate this film. It's got a deliberate target audience of pre-pubescent girls. The animation is superb but it has a weird anime-mimicking style that misses the mark completely. The script and jokes are weak and and the characters are mostly incredibly annoying.

Overall this just made me miss the late 90s / early 00s Pixar when the films they made were iconic. This is hyperactive yet drab and will likely be forgotten about quickly, like Coco or The Good Dinosaur.

Small girls on the cusp of womanhood will probably find a lot to identify with here.

Dads - it's not for you. Avoid.

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Midnight Mass (2021)

9/10

Beautifully crafted & poignant gothic horror

8 October 2021

This is probably my favourite horror TV show ever. It's very slow burning with a lot of dialogue and soliloquies, but it is so beautifully acted that you get sucked in to even the longer monologues.

Without spoiling anything, the story is about an isolated island community with a large, religious population that experiences various miraculous events that are tied to the arrival of a mysterious priest from the mainland who has temporarily replaced their well loved preacher. As more and more supernatural events occur, it is gradually revealed that some "thing" has been brought back to the island with the priest, which may be divine or unholy and will change the islanders lives forever.

Firstly, let me say that the acting is uniformly superb. Mike Flanagan is a master storyteller and in each one of his films and shows he has got fabulous performances from his cast. Zach Gilford and Hamish Linklater in particular steal the show. Their realistic, nuanced acting will have you utterly spellbound. The rest of the cast, even down to the least important characters are entirely believable.

If you enjoy gothic horror then this is a must watch. There are several surprises that you won't see coming and will drive you to watch the next episode. It's not perfect and some character's choices and motivations don't entirely make sense, but when the rest of the show is so watchable you can forgive and forget.

Faith, loss, addiction, redemption - all these themes are explored in heartbreaking detail, leading to a touching, tragic ending.

Highly recommended.

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Eli (I) (2019)

3/10

Basic Horror Ruined By Stupid Ending

20 October 2019

Not a terrible movie but the story was all over the place. I don't think it knew if it wanted to be a ghost story or something else entirely, as you are purposely/annoyingly kept in the dark about what is going on until the very end. This is when it becomes extremely stupid and actually had me laughing by the credits.

You are led to believe this is from Mike Flanagan, who is a really good horror producer/director. It's nothing to do with him, thankfully.

Watchable film but that's about it.

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Twisted Pair (2018)

4/10

Masterpiece of bad cinema

16 October 2018

This move is completely Breenius. All hail our new God-king, Neil Breen

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Independence Day: Resurgence (2016)

6/10

As ridiculous as the first film.

23 June 2016

Warning: Spoilers

It's another film I would class as half-decent. Utterly ridiculous, bombastic and jingoistic, but just as good as the first film.

It's surprisingly not terrible.

We pick up 20 years after the first invasion. Humanity has rebuilt and evolved thanks to the tech left over by the "Harvesters" - as they are now identified - and the world is looking forward to a good ol' knees up in celebration of the historical victory. This is when the proverbial excrement hits the fan.

As in the first film, character development is sparse, and our heroes are as bland as they come. We even now have a Madam President, which is nice. She doesn't last long though. Ho hum.

Saving the world is Military Hero #1 (white guy) and Military Hero #2 (black guy). Also there's a chick. She's got brains and skills. Obviously. We've also got Brent Spiner returning as the mad scientist in a much bigger & madder role, and Bill Pullman as the former POTUS, now a wee bit insane, but still able to deliver a rousing speech when called for.

Jeff Goldblum remains eternally watchable, and has now graduated from "cable repair man" to ESD (Earth Space Defence) Director, but retains some of his wit. Judd Hirsch returns as his father and the Most Jewish Man Ever. Hilarity ensues.

I suppose this is my main problem with this film. The "jokes" fall totally flat. They were hardly high-brow in the original, but they at the very least raised a titter. In this they don't.

What we're mostly here for is to see the Earth get absolutely smashed the s**t right out of, and boy oh boy does that happen. When the Burj Khalifa smacks right into the London Eye (what? yeah) Goldblum quips a joke. I snorted in derision. This is the funniest line in the movie. Mass death is hilarious to these people.

Naturally, due the the humans now having advanced technology, they quickly figure out how to seriously kick some alien ass, and I was a little disappointed at how easily they did. The ending, while very, VERY similar to ID4 is actually pretty good. But dumb. Really, really dumb. The whole movie is. Do not try to make sense of anything that is happening on screen. If you do, you may start to feel your brain dribbling out of your ears.

You can consider this review mostly hyperbole, as I was actually looking forward to this film. Truly, it doesn't disappoint. It's dumb as a box of rocks, has awful characterisation and - when thoughtfully considered - is exactly the same film all over again, but it does what it says on the tin. It's better than average and you know what? I had a blast.

Lots of people love the original, and I'd imagine most will enjoy this too. I'll no doubt purchase this on Blu Ray when it becomes available because, I kinda love bad films that try really hard, and this is exactly what Independence Day: Resurgence does. With Aplomb.

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Warcraft (2016)

6/10

Very Watchable

12 June 2016

Yeah, it was alright. I'd go so far as to call it very decent.

Good special effects, decent performances and a serviceable story.

The script was pretty weak and does let down the film overall, but if you're into this kind of fantasy flick then you'll probably have a good time.

It's campy as hell and should have some humour but doesn't, which is disappointing. If you've played any of the old RTS games or WoW then you'll understand it a lot more clearly than complete virgins to the franchise, and there are some nice touches for fans.

Overall, very watchable. Don't believe the pro critics, they're just bitter old hacks with no sense of fun. Duncan Jones has obviously put a great deal of effort into making a coherent narrative for something that could easily have been blazed over 4hrs. I'd actually have preferred that (double feature?) but clearly that was too risky for the studio.

I hope this does well as there are some truly cracking stories that could be used for future films but only time will tell. Plenty of other terrible films have had multiple sequels (Fast & Furious anyone?) so it's not too much of a stretch to imagine it could happen.

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The Hateful Eight (2015)

9/10

For Tarantino fans, this is one of his best. For others, maybe avoid

31 May 2016

Quentin Tarantino is a hard man to like. His films are the very definition of R-rated. There are many who find his brand of gory violence and profanity extremely distasteful, offensive even. This must be taken into account before you watch The Hateful Eight.

Personally I am a great fan of his work, and although I don't find him infallible, he has a very clear vision of exactly what he wants to show you and has a habit of getting the very best out of his cast. This is to be respected.

With his eighth feature, Tarantino has created a masterful suspense whodunnit that harks back to Reservoir Dogs (1992) for inspiration, set almost entirely within one room over the course of nearly 3 hours.

In the glorious opening act - taking up a full hour of screen time - we are introduced to a cast of larger than life characters, none of whom have any redeeming qualities whatsoever, but are so well fleshed out that you almost begin to like them (and pity them when they start getting bumped off). As things begin to unravel, you will find yourself studying their faces trying to suss them out, and who is (if there even is one) the true protagonist of the bunch. As the pressure cranks up, you may find yourself literally perspiring in anticipation of what is to come. I certainly did.

The Hateful Eight does not shy away from extreme violence or language, and when it comes it flows. This will put many off and is understandable, but for those that love this particular brand of vodka, it's a joy to behold. I'm still smiling about it now.

This is definitely Tarantino's most intimate film since Pulp Fiction (1994), and is epic in every sense of the word. If you're a fan you owe it to yourself to see this. There are people who will say it is way too long and some of the plot elements have no real bearing on the story, but if you love this stuff already then you will find everything you need here.

Best film of 2015? Hell yes. Will it make you enjoy Tarantino if you don't already? Hell no.

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Midnight Special (2016)

8/10

Unearthly Drama with an Emotional Punch

21 April 2016

This film really came out of nowhere for me, as a comment by a stranger I overheard in a bar drew me to this, and thank you nameless stranger with impeccable taste! This is one of those sci-fi flicks that comes along every once in a while that actually has something to say without overuse of CGI and genre tropes.

I knew almost nothing about Midnight Special going in other than said comment, and I highly recommend you try to do the same. Therefore I will be as brief as possible to avoid spoilers.

Roy (Michael Shannon) is on the run with his 8 year old son Alden (Jaeden Lieberher) from a religious cult that worships the boy as some sort of messiah. Also in pursuit are the FBI and NSA, who are investigating several strange phenomena connected with the child. Roy enlists childhood friend Lucas (Joel Edgerton) to help them get to a specific location on a specific date, the reasons for which are unclear but may involve some sort of otherworldly or cataclysmic event.

The comparisons with Starman (1984) and Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) are apt, but this is very definitely a different movie altogether.

The actors are uniformly excellent, especially Michael Shannon, who gives another intense and believable performance as a man who would do anything for his son.

A bit has been made out of how the movie ends, but personally I found it a powerful emotional pay-off that I could feel in my chest, possibly due to the nostalgic feeling this film evokes.

In conclusion, go see it. A thought provoking sci-fi drama with a story to tell. A good one at that.

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Commando (1985)

10/10

Action? This should be your only choice

1 July 2015

Warning: Spoilers

I'll be the first to admit that it's difficult to maintain one's critical faculties when talking about a movie that essentially defined a million childhoods, but seriously? Commando is the finest action movie ever made.

Arnie is Colonel John Matrix, ex-Delta Force/CIA Black Ops. Now living retired in the mountains with his cute daughter, chopping wood and wearing pastel colours. He learns from his superior officer that someone has been killing his former squad members, and that a couple of disposable soldiers will be left behind to make sure he's OK. Needless to say this is when all hell breaks loose and his daughter is kidnapped by mercs lead by Bennet, an ex-member of Matrix's team expelled for his "methods". Matrix is captured and blackmailed into assassinating the new President of fictional Val Verde by the former despot Arius. He escapes custody while boarding a flight, and now has just over 10hrs before they discover he wasn't on board and kill his daughter.

What follows is delightful, overblown macho craziness. The script and screenplay, while not exactly winning any awards, are perfect. It has everything. gun fights, knife fights, fist fights, car chases, explosions and rocket launchers. The film is full of fantastic one-liners delivered spectacularly by Schwarzenegger - at his absolute best here - and Rae Dawn Chong is excellent as his reluctant assistant. The seriousness of it all is undercut with a tongue-in-cheek sense of humour showing that the actors know how ridiculous it all is, and even remark upon it in one scene.

The bad guys are brilliantly played by the immortal Bill Duke, David Patrick Kelly and Vernon Wells, among others. I am almost certain that Vernon Wells portrayal of Bennet is responsible for the homosexual awakening of many a young boy in the 80s political climate of Reagan America.

This movie is super violent. A lot of people die. A lot. Nearly as many simply just get the crap beaten out of them. There's a scene where Arnold throws around 8 guys lying on top of him flying 10 foot through the air! I mean that is awesome. Imitated many years later in The Matrix (uhhhh.....) Reloaded, but in crappy CGI.

The end of the movie is absolutely insane, with Matrix going alone up against a literal army. Cue massive explosions, gunfire and (hilariously fake) bodies. What keeps this crazy 4 minutes so entertaining is not just the amount of people that die, but also the inventive ways in which Matrix dispatches his foes, using various tools out of a shed at one point.

Really, this review is just pandering to any kid who grew up in the 80s and loved action movies. They will never be the same as they were then, and this is the absolute apex of the genre.

If you want drama, emotion and exposition, look elsewhere. This it ain't. If you want awesome action and killer one-liners along with the greatest star to ever hold an M16, This should be your only choice.

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Prometheus (I) (2012)

5/10

A guide to what happens when leading scientists suddenly become morons

10 May 2015

Boy howdy was I let down by this film. I recently got the chance at a second viewing, as the first time I tried to watch it I was interrupted on several occasions and put my total confusion of what was going on and the preposterousness of it all down to the fact that it barely had half, let alone my full attention.

Well it turns out I wasn't wrong, they really were all that stupid! This is essentially a study of what happens when you introduce a bunch of characters who are meant to be the best and brightest of what humanity has to offer (save for a solitary grafter, who makes himself known early on with his tattoos, crazy haircut and a cockney accent so rough he might as well have chip butties flying out of his mouth every time he opens it, guv'nor) and then have them suddenly all develop the hallmark symptoms of brain damage.

Within minutes of entering the atmosphere of the planet they have been drawn to by the discovery of ancient star maps from several unconnected cultures on Earth, they discover an alien facility and with barely a warning from their mums, or even due consideration of where they are, they are breaking all reasonable protocol and training they (probably) would have received before the journey, and are removing their helmets and touching things without a care in the world.

Most of these morons masquerading as physicists, archaeologists or suits I couldn't have cared less about as they are given very little screen- time and virtually no character development other than the order in which they do profoundly stupid things or die. The only characters I found any semblance of interest in were Holloway (Logan Marshall- Green), whom I immediately pegged out as one of those in for a horrible, grisly death, and David the android (Fassbender) whose motivations weren't immediately clear until I remembered I was watching a Ridley Scott "Alien" movie. The sequence of him learning all about human culture, history and languages and lusting after Peter O'Toole in Lawrence of Arabia to the point of dying his hair platinum blonde whilst the others are in stasis was probably the best part of the movie. Everything after that was straight downhill. Idris Elba was decent but brutally underdeveloped, however he can do no wrong in my eyes so I consider that moot point.

For all its obvious and glaring faults, it is watchable enough and there is an engaging movie somewhere in the mess, it's just buried under a mountain of implausibilities, stupid characterisation and clichés that drag the whole thing down to the dirt where I often find myself on Sunday mornings.

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Jupiter Ascending (2015)

2/10

Interesting Premise Executed Poorly

21 April 2015

If you like a silly action spectacle with special effect to make the eyes bleed, then this may be right up your street, otherwise you will probably find it difficult to even make it to the credits.

What I will say is that the Wachowski's have at least created an interesting universe. Sadly this only really seems to have been fleshed out in their own heads. The plot is at times so convoluted that it was honestly 40 minutes into proceedings before I even knew what the hell was going on. There is some terrible editing at the beginning of this movie.

Mila Kunis serves this movie only for the sake of exposition and is not at all believable, as a princess or a human. Channing Tatum pretty much plays the same part he has in most of his movies except now he has pointy ears, guy-liner and magic boots. Sean Bean is reliable but that's about it. Eddie Redmayne on the other hand, wow. I couldn't actually believe this was the same guy who just won an Academy Award. For the supposed main antagonist of the film he is laughably unthreatening, it looked like a strong gust of wind would blow him over, and for some bizarre reason he affects a whispering Maggie Thatcher-like accent for the entire movie which makes him difficult to understand.

The visual effects are likely to keep the young 'uns entertained, and for what it's worth they are fairly impressive in certain sections, however some of the action sequences are so busy you've got absolutely no idea what is happening other that big explosions and Channing Tatum looking intense.

I forced my way through to the end (stopping to write this review 20 minutes before as I could feel my retinas were beginning to detach) and if you are over 13 years old you'll probably feel the same.

If you like big dumb action-fests with the male lead rescuing the heroine over and over again against a backdrop of bright colours and explosions, have at it, otherwise I would avoid like the plague.

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