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Reviews
Saturday Night Live: Dakota Johnson/Justin Timberlake (2024)
Dakota Johnson has terrible timing
Every line felt like she was seeing it for the first time. Worst host in years.
This paragraph is just to make my review long enough for the new six hundred character requirement instituted because Amazon's $1Billion snow ranked and got bombed on this site. Hopefully they change it back because this is a waste of my and everyone else's time for quite literally seemingly absolutely no reason.
This paragraph is just to make my review long enough for the new six hundred character requirement instituted because Amazon's $1Billion snow ranked and got bombed on this site. Hopefully they change it back because this is a waste of my and everyone else's time for quite literally seemingly absolutely no reason. Boom six hundred characters.
Children of the Corn (2020)
Really really bad. "Insanity...I mean, just so insane"
Don't even know where to start on this movie. I remember reading the guys from Riff Trax said they could never do 50 Shades of Grey because it was already so ridiculous and laughable on its own. This movie is like that.
Nothing makes sense, and I mean nothing. The adults never fight back in any way whatsoever. The logistics of how anything at all is done is never shown. I love horror so am an expert at suspending disbelief, but this was to another level of illogical.
No character is likable and the storyline is basically nonexistent. I already had my expectations set really low and this was even worse than I thought it might be. At least I figured I'd get a couple laughs but there is nothing.
Hunt Her, Kill Her (2022)
Wrong writing/casting for the protagonist
The protagonist isn't set up to be likable. The characters around her are awful people, but that doesn't translate to her being someone we care about. Very little character development and then she's thrown into a never-ending chase scene. Also the twist and villain's motivations were obvious from the first 10 minutes of the movie.
Another review mentions the only other person in the theater with them was on their phone the whole movie, and I would wager it was because they were bored. Good movies make me forget about time but I checked my watch a bunch during this one.
This paragraph is just to make my review long enough for the new six hundred character requirement instituted because Amazon's $1Billion snow ranked and got bombed on this site. Hopefully they change it back because this is a waste of my and everyone else's time for quite literally seemingly absolutely no reason. Boom six hundred characters.
She Came from the Woods (2022)
Definitely better than a 5.2
The acting was good, practical effects were solid, there were some jokes, and watching it in the theater was genuinely creepy, especially with the children's laughter in surround sound. I would say I watch most horror movies that come out and this is better than 80% of what's out there.
This paragraph is just to make my review long enough for the new six hundred character requirement instituted because Amazon's $1Billion snow ranked and got bombed on this site. Hopefully they change it back because this is a waste of my and everyone else's time for quite literally seemingly absolutely no reason. Boom six hundred characters there you go.
The Last of Us (2023)
Flawless
Truly could not find one flaw in the show. If it keeps on like this it will be not only the best video game adaptations, but one of the greatest shows ever made. Cannot wait for the rest of the season. So many words required now yeesh.
Truly could not find one flaw in the show. If it keeps on like this it will be not only the best video game adaptations, but one of the greatest shows ever made. Cannot wait for the rest of the season. So many words required now yeesh.
Still not there, wow LOTR did bad so now they are still trying to dissuade people from writing any reviews. That is sad really.
The Mean One (2022)
Time to Roast This Beast
Man i love bad B Horror movies but holy crap how did this end up at Regal? Every character was laughable and the cartoon blood, my god the cartoon blood. If the release of this movie was a joke on the movie going public then Bravo, well done.
To its credit everybody in the theater had a blast talking during the whole thing. Just laughing at all the bad CGI and all the cheesy one-liners it was a very good time in spite of or maybe due to the fact that it was a horrible movie. More words for new character limit since $1billion show tanked and now reviews have to be longer for no legitimate reason whatsoever.
V/H/S/99 (2022)
Man can't believe I had to give this a 3
I have been a VHS loyalist since the beginning and even liked 1984. Has every segment ever been a homer in? No. But there's always a diamond or
two in the rough. This time around there was quite literally nothing redeeming. Even gawker which should have been the best was wasted with filler and a boring climax. It was like a "Lily" rip-off with none of the tension. Man I can't believe every segment was a dud but here we are. Give some new writers a chance or at least be honest with yourselves when reading the scripts and weed out the garbage. Otherwise this franchises will suffer even further..
Terrifier 2 (2022)
Glad it got made
I thought the first movie was innovative and had an amazing and uniquely dark tone throughout. I'm really glad they made this but it never quite landed for me. At the beginning of the movie folks were whooping and cheering but by the end everyone just kind of walked out like it was any other movie. Still a good number of gory kills but something always felt off or was missing. Also the mom's horrible acting lol. Thanks for the memories hope there is a third and it gets the feel of the original back!
Why does this app require 600 characters now, it must be because the $1billion dollar show got hammered so now they make it hard to write reviews. Regardless I'll just keep rambling until I hit the limit. Man still 100 more this is crazy. Hopefully they lower this because this is too much to write.
Smile (2022)
Kind of Slow and Too Long
Very much like The Ring. If this came out 15-20 years ago it could have been a breakthrough horror movie. As it is it's mostly a rehash of other ideas that were executed better than this. Loud noises and sudden camera changes don't make up for the lack of depth or good writing. It could have been good. It suffers from too long of a runtime. The side characters are also not great and she had less than zero chemistry with her fiancé.
I have said everything I needed to say but now I have to write another 300 characters for some reason so here I am writing and keeping on writing to get to the limit.
Pearl (2022)
Better than X
I was in the minority thinking that X was lackluster and boring overall, which may have kept my expectations low for Pearl. That being said I thought this movie did a much better job of creeping me out, if only with Pearl's artificial smile that held a steady glint of insanity.
Her relationship with her husband I thought was cool in that it left a mystery to the dynamic that played out in X. I thought the acting was better and the characters more real even if the atmosphere felt purposefully artificial. Man 600 characters is a lot and much longer than necessary for an average IMDb user's reviews. Overall this was a good movie and I will recommend it over X to other horror fans.
Orphan: First Kill (2022)
These positive reviews have to be fake
There was truly nothing redeeming about this movie. The character's motivations made no sense, and the dialogue was ridiculous. We loved the first one but this was a sequel/prequel that should never have been made in its current form.
Inside No. 9: Cold Comfort (2015)
One of the best episodes
I thought the final moment was amazingly set up. I love Inside Number 9 and personally think this was one of the most well done episodes. Even on a rewatch it's still great.
X (2022)
Did I watch a different movie?
This movie was weird for the sake of being weird. On top of which it was exceedingly slow. The kills were fine but anticlimactic and mostly jump scares. I love Ari Aster movies like Midsommar and Hereditary and it feels like an insult to compare them to this.
Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022)
Could have been worse
The person who arguable deserved to die the most lasted the longest, which I thought was pretty lame. The first half is cool but then it devolves into the ridiculous. Marilyn would probably not be happy with how her character was treated in this movie. Overall not bad but could have been a lot more with a different plot and new characters.
Jackass Forever (2022)
See it with a good crowd
If you are a fan it is totally worth seeing in theaters. Our theater was clearly full of avid Jackass fans. We were all laughing, whooping, and grossed out together. My wife and I have not collectively laughed out loud so much during a move in a very long time. The new generation of guys was the perfect addition to the original cast.
The Last Drive-In with Joe Bob Briggs: Victor Crowley (2020)
Inclusion of the cast/crew make it
This is one of the best so far. The cast and crew were a great addition. Movie is preposterously good. Highly recommend this episode. If not for this show I would miss out on so many hidden gems.
Ryû to sobakasu no hime (2021)
Great music and visuals, story wasn't fleshed out
Not much more to say. The plot was tenuous at best and the relationship between the two in U was under-developed for the level of love they suddenly had for each other. All together the movie never felt believable even in the anime fiction universe, especially the denouement with the Beast's family.
Le sommet des dieux (2021)
Great visuals but way way too slow
The idea and the animation style were great. The beginning gets you interested in the characters, and the search starts out exciting. By the last 25% I realized it was going nowhere. There was no action and little payoff, with a poor attempt at tugging on your heart strings. Would have been great as a one hour film but boring as a feature.
You're the Worst: PTSD (2014)
Liked the show up to this point
This episode was gross. My wife and I liked this show up to this point but are going to stop. Evil people doing bad things, nothing redeeming about any of them.
Nightmare Alley (2021)
Bradley Cooper was born for this
I can't understand the bad reviews calling this movie slow. As an impatient individual who read those reviews I expected to want to walk out halfway through. The movie didn't have a single dull moment. The story was propelled forward by good writing, directing, and dialogue, and was made even better by beautiful set designs. This was a rare 10/10. Great movie all around.
Death Valley (2021)
Acting and slow motion
This movie suffers from cringe-enducing dialogue, subpar acting by a lot of the characters, and way way too much slow motion during action scenes. In short would not waste your time on this.
Yang ming li wan (2021)
I don't regret seeing it
The movie was entertaining, even if the plot felt somewhat far-fetched and the character's actions didn't always make sense. Honesty I think maybe that was the point and I just don't fully grasp Chinese comedy style, I am more of an Asian horror fan. I think really it comes down to how differently humor is written in different cultures. Overall it was a fun watch and the acting was great.
14 Peaks: Nothing Is Impossible (2021)
Being modest makes you the best
I think the content and challenge was phenomenal, but the main climber was just too self-indulging. Alex Honnold is who he is because he gets satisfaction from overcoming an extraordinary challenge and watching that stoic dedication in Free Solo was spellbinding. In this documentary Nims is the best, never gives in to a challenge, is doing what has never been done before, and he'll never let you forget It. It takes something away from an accomplishments and pulls you out of the story.
Same Time, Next Christmas (2019)
This is the worst one so far
As another reviewer said, I give up. They really aren't even trying anymore. Senseless plot, the "evil" fiancé seems like a great guy, I was routing against the protagonists the whole time. Just the worst Christmas romcom to date, and that is saying something.
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021)
So much potential
They really tried to cram a lot into this movie but it just never clicked. The movie had strong bones but suffered from weak writing and plot. The Redfields and Wesker were cast perfectly but Jill Valentine and Leon were horribly miscast. I don't know if it was because of Hollywood making everything diverse but not only did they not look like the characters they didn't sound or make decisions like them. Man I had high hopes but it just fell short.