Reviews

There are just thirteen episodes left of this show. Here's the first episode of season 7.

"Fatal Caper" was directed by and stars Bob Hoskins, who I miss. He was a fantastic actor, and this is an entertaining episode. It was written by regulars, Steven Dodd and A. L. Katz.

"Greetings, travel fiends! It's so exciting being here in London. I'm already feeling right at tomb. Care to join me for a little fright-seeing? Or maybe we could find a nice pub and tuck into some authentic flesh and chips. Or we could go check out my English scare-itage. I bet you didn't know your pal, the Crypt Keeper, was one of the crowned ghouls, did you creeps? I've got all kinds of skeletons in my closet, which is kind of like the family in tonight's tale. You could call it, 'Father Knows Beast,' but I prefer "Fatal Caper.""

Mycroft Amberson (Leslie Phillips) is dying and his money will go to one of his two sons, Justin (Greg Wise) or Evelyn (James), until his will is changed by executor Fiona (Natasha Richardson). There's a third son, Frank, whom he never acknowledged. If the brothers can find him in six months, they will get to split the money.

Of course, Fiona offers to help both brothers take out the other, depending on who pays her more. But hey - spoilers - Tales from the Crypt was ahead of its time, as Fiona is really Frank and wants all the money.

Most of this season was filmed in England, starting with this story, except for the last episode, which was animated in Canada by Nelvana.

This takes its title from "A Fatal Caper!" from Tales from the Crypt #20, which was written by Al Feldstein and William Gaines and drawn by Jack Kamen. That story is totally different, as teenagers remove a body from a casket to play a prank and all get leprosy.

This is the last Filmirage movie on my list. Now, I've seen all of them and part of me is sad yet part of me feels good that I did it.

What if Filmirage made Henry & June? THEY DID. Well, a rip-off, at least.

I love that this was their chance to do a high-end period picture! Black Emanuelle - Laura Gemser - made the costumes! Peter from Stage Fright is Henry Miller! Martine Brochard from Eyeball is Anais! Her husband Franco Molé (who was in Notturno con grida) directed it! A Gabrielle Tinti cameo! Shot by Giancarlo Ferrando who did Troll 2, Devil Fish and Torso!

Slow down, Sam.

Anais Nin (Martine Brochard, whose career is in non-classy movies made for me like The Nun and the Devil, Murder Obsession and Savage Three) comes into the lives of Henry Miller (David Brandon, Caligula... The Untold Story, Eleven Days, Eleven Nights and many more Joe D'Amato films) and his wife June (Linda Carol, Reform School Girls) and no one will be the same.

This is the only movie that Gianni Silano ever scored and wow, it sounds like the old organ store at the mall. Maybe that makes you remember the past, but it sure is weird music for what is supposed to be a sophisticated sex movie.

The work of Dr. Paul Carruthers (Bela Lugosi) has earned his company millions and all they give him is $5,000. But didn't he take a buyout early instead of being a partner? Isn't that the way corporations work?

So why wouldn't he grow giant bats and have them kill anyone who wears a new aftershave he's created? He's destroying the CEO class, the elite, well, really everyone. He's got Devil Bats - big, bad rubber bats that scream right at the camera - he leads the first horror film from the poverty row Producers Releasing Corporation studio, a movie that played along with Man Made Monster.

Carrruthers destroys everyone that owned the company other than Mary Heath (Suzanne Kaaren), the daughter, who is saved by Chicago Register reporter Johnny Layton (Dave O'Brien) and the aftershave lotion gets dumped all over Carruthers, his bats attacking their master, following the way that he killed those who held him in chains.

Or maybe not, as he speaks from the shadows in the non-horror sequel, Devil Bat's Daughter. There was also a 2015 movie, Revenge of the Devil Bat, with Lynn Lowrey in the cast. Another PRC movie, The Flying Serpent, is almost the same movie.

Director Jean Yarbrough's career went all the way into the days of television. He also directed one of my favorite movies, Hillbillys In a Haunted House, as well as Footsteps In the Night, She-Wolf of London and The Creeper. Based on a story by John T. Neville, the script came from George Bricker, who also wrote an early wrestling movie, Bodyhold.

More movies should have fake bats in them. I recommend A Lizard In a Woman's Skin, as man, that bat attack was so good it ended up on the U. S. poster.

It's hard to explain to people today how big a show The Fall Guy was. Everyone had that Heather Thomas poster up in their house; my grandfather had one way into the 1990s. This movie doesn't require you to know anything about the show.

Directed by David Leitch (John Wick) and written by Drew Pearce (Hotel Artemis), this starts with stuntman Colt Seavers (Ryan Gosling) breaking his back on a stunt as he doubles for Tom Ryder (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). More than the pain, the idea that he isn't indestructible ruins his ego and he ghosts on life, leaving behind his girlfriend Jody Moreno (Emily Blunt).

18 months later, Colt is called to the set of Metalstorm, Jody's first movie, which is really her working out her feelings about him. He's been hired by producer Gail Meyer (Hannah Waddingham), but he thinks Jody wants him back. In no way is that true. Yet there's a more significant problem: Tom Ryder is gone and without him, there's no movie. Colt doubles for him while trying to find the missing actor, who shows up dead in a bathtub, yet his body disappears before the police get there.

Working with personal assistant Alma Milan (Stephanie Hsu) and stunt coordinator Dan Tucker (Winston Duke), he learns that Tom has killed his stunt double in a brawl gone wrong. Before he can show the police the evidence, the phone is destroyed and Colt is taken by henchmen. Soon, it's revealed - man, spoilers, right? - that Tom also broke Colt's back, upset that he felt that his double was stealing the spotlight. He plans on setting Colt up for murdering his double, but of course, everything works out, love wins out and Metalstorm gets made with Jason Momoa.

And hey - there's Lee Majors and Heather Thomas at the end.

This movie is a love letter to stunts-there's a world record car roll in it-and action movies. Yep, Metalstorm comes from Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn and its tagline, "It's High Noon at the End of the Universe," is from Oblivion 2. I also love that the hero in that movie is named Space Cowboy, which is very George Peppard from Battle Beyond the Stars.

Plus, it has Endeavor 42, the actual boat from Miami Vice, exclamation-pointed with the show's theme song, Seavers wearing a crew jacket, and sound effects from The Six Million Dollar Man.

I loved this. It's a big dumb action movie, complete with Hal Needham credits at the end!

Panasonic (Kiro Wehara, Thong from The Blade Master) has been sent by his master, General Electric, on a mission to protect the last place left on Earth that can create life, the Interzone. He soon meets Swan (Bruce Abbott, Re-Animator), the Max Rockatansky of this rip-off, and a slave girl named Tera (Beatrice Ring, Zombi 3). But this wouldn't be an end of the world pastarmageddon movie without bad guys, who are led by Mantis (Teagan Clive, another obsession of mine, the bodybuilding blonde star who was also in Vice Academy Part 2, Alienator, Sinbad, Mob Boss, Obsession: A Taste for Fear, Jumpin' Jack Flash and Armed and Dangerous. She also wrote the "Power Café" articles in Iron Man magazine, as well as episodes of Acapulco H. E. A. T. and Conan the Adventurer, plus she's in the video for "California Girls" by David Lee Roth) and Balzaka (John Armstead, Error Fatale).

Is there a treasure to be found? Will it explain to Panasonic the truth of his name? You know it.

This was directed by Deran Sarafian, who also made The Falling, To Die For, Death Warrant, Gunmen and Terminal Velocity. A year after this, he'd be in Zombi 3. It was written by James L. Anderson and Clyde Anderson, so you may think this is an American movie. But then, there it was, produced by David Hills, who is Joe D'Amato, who is Aristide Massaccesi. And who is Clyde Anderson? Claudio Fragasso and Rossella Drudi. And is that Laura Gemser as Panasonic's sister-in-law?

Shot outside of Rome, I learned from Matty at The Shlock Pit that Sarafian and Ring were engaged, which explains them being in Zombi 3.

This is not the best Road Warrior movie you'll see, but you know, Teagen Clive's interpretative dancing is all I need. I'm so easy.

Lso known as Instinct, this has a box that promises an erotic thriller.

Seeing as how it starts with a naked woman being killed by a radio in the bathtub, I can see why.

In 1994, Joe D'Amato would direct the Rocco Siffredi-starring adult Marco Polo, China and Sex as Robert Yip, The House of Pleasure, Chinese Kamasutra as Chang Lee Sun, Il labirinto dei sensi, Marquis de Sade (yes, Rocco), Fantasmi al castello and Sexy caccia al tesoro and Ladri gentiluomini - Donne, gioielli... e culi belli with The Return of the Exorcist director Luca Damiano. He also shot several of those as Fred Slonisko, as well as the adult Erotic Dream of Aladdin X and producing the Siffredi-directed Panna montata.

Joe D'Amato was a busy guy.

He also made this movie that year, working with Claudio Bernabei and Daniele Stroppa. Well, James Burke was the name he used, but we all know how much he loved his many names.

One of the last Filmirage movies, this is about Frances (Gala Orlova, Legittima Vendetta), a woman seeking her lost sister who is, you knew it, the naked girl killed in the bathtub. She gets mixed up with the same guy her sister was involved with, the gigolo Sonny Everett (Theo Losito), after she buys the same house her sister lived in by real estate agent Maurice Poli, who was also in Frankenstein 2000 and Black Cobra.

The cast also includes Walter Toschi (the pilot from Concorde Affaire '79) as a cop named Perkins, Susanna Bugatti (P. O. Box Tinto Brass), Maurizio Panici (Dark Bar), Elisabeth Rossler, Emy Valentino, Jean Hebert, Vira Silenti and Marlene Weber.

Shot in Austria, this had Joe's son Daniele Massaccesi behind the camera. It looks nice, probably better than it deserves, and the soundtrack is actually pretty good. It also has stunts by Ottaviano Dell'Acqua!

After this, Joe wouldn't really look back, making lots of porn. A lot of people complain online - of the 2-3 people who have reviewed this - that this movie is all sex. What did you expect? You do know the assignment Joe had, right? What movies are you people watching to be shocked by that?

Also: I love Joe so much that I spent $12 to get this and do not feel bad at all. I have skipped meals to save money and gone thirsty so I didn't spend too much on drinks when I was out of the house, knowing I had refreshments at home. Yet, here I am, just plopping down money to get a movie that I know won't be great, but I need to watch every Filmirage movie, no matter the quality. My life is a success.

Directed and written by Mino Guerrini (The Third Eye), this is the story of Stefano (Alessandro Freyberger, The Wild Beasts), a mechanic who dreams of being a boxer. It's also a love story, as he falls for Giulia (Claudia Vegliante).

This is totally Lemon Popsicle in Italy and I love it, because it's filmed by Aristide Massaccesi and has Michele Soavi as an assistant director. As if that's not enough, Bob - Giovanni Frezza - is in the cast.

I have no idea of anyone other than me that would care even the least bit about this movie, but such is my love for Filmirage. This obviously never came to America, where its translated title may have been When the Sun Shines...Let's Go to the Beach but probably would have been given an insane name like Beyond the Sun or The Punch of Love.

We as film nerds often get very high and mighty when it comes to our favorites.

Then again, as we all know, Joe D'Amato was making movies to make money.

Of course he made a breakdancing film.

His came six years after Breakin', however.

Directed by Gerry Lively (the cinematographer of Friday, Angel 3, Children of the Corn 3, Hellraiser: Bloodline, Return of the Living Dead 3, Necronomicon, Motorhead's video for "Hellraiser," Hellraiser III, Waxwork and the director of two direct-to-video Dungeons and Dragons movies) and written by the always working 90s Italian screenwriter Daniele Stroppa - and produced by Joe D'Amato with costumes by Laura Gemser - Hot steps - passi caldi has two dancing squads squaring off in the Hot Steps contest at the Neptune disco.

Set in Florida but shot in New Orleans, this movie asks you to "Feel the Heat!" Rico (Kirk Rivera, also in Salsa and Cop Rock) leads one crew while Kevin (also in Salsa, as well as a movie called Sketch Artist II: Hands That See) is in charge of the other. There's also Nancy (Lindsley Allen, a Goddess dancer in Showgirls, as well as someone in The Time's "Jerk Out" video), Kevin's little sister who nearly died and has come back to dance, baby.

Kevin coaches his team by saying things like "We have to be awesome if we want to win!" and he's rich and we can assume his co-opting culture. He better watch his sister, because if she and Rico are making moves like that on the dance floor, you can only imagine what they're doing when they get behind closed doors. Cha-cha-cha...

How does Kevin get back at his enemy? By sleeping with one of his dance team, Mayra (Dianne Granger).

Will true love win? Will Nancy's legs stop working again? Is that Terri from Boardinghouse, Elizabeth Hall? Did they decide to have composer Tiromancino write more than two songs? Yes, no, yes and it sure doesn't seem that way.

Dario Argento did Opera and now, Phantom of the Opera, starring Julian Sands as the Phantom, perhaps the best-looking person to play the role. John Malkovich was the original actor for the part, but Sands ended up being in this, and unlike every other movie adaption, he wears no mask.

This is in the period of films where Argento is perhaps thought to have lost it. It's in-between The Stendhal Syndrome and Sleepless and sadly, starts to look more like a made-for-TV movie (not always a bad thing) instead of the visually rich films that we expect from the director. Then again, it does have a score by Ennio Morricone and the acting isn't bad. And if you like rats...

The Phantom (Sands) in this one is a telepathic man raised by said vermin, his baby basket plucked from a river and brought to the basement of the Paris Opera where he eventually finds Christine Daaé (Asia Argento), whom he seeks to gain the part of Juliet in a play. She's also in love with Baron Raoul De Chagny (Andrea Di Stefano), yet she first succumbs to the lovemaking of the man with rat parents. Before you know it, he's bringing chandeliers down on people and doing all he can for her, even if she winds up choosing the Baron; being flighty, she goes back to the Phantom by the end, but the police end up taking care of that, beating and stabbing him after he shrugs off a gunshot to the stomach by the Baron.

There are some cool dream sequences in this, no small amount of gore, and a sadly muted color pallette that doesn't seem to even hunt at the rainbow excesses of the past. But you know, directors need to work, and Argento kept trying throughout the 90s, and fans of his- hey, that's me- kept on hoping for more. I have this in a 4-pack, and that's how it is available in the U. S., which is kind of sad, but I don't think anyone is begging for a 4K of this or Dracula 3D. Actually, I am. Throw in Do You Like Hitchcock? And The Card Player, too.

Cinematographer Ronnie Taylor also worked on Opera, Argento's other Phantom-inspired movie, and Popcorn, which has similar themes. He was also a cameraman on Phantom of the Paradise, so he really got a lot of work out of this story.

Also: I only have Pelts and The Five Days left of his movies to watch.

Directed, written, and starring Jason Liquori, Lumber vs. Jack is the story of Jack Woods, who finds himself saving his wife Jill (Debbie Rochon) from genetically modified trees. Now he and Brad (Brewier Welch) must go deep into the forest, rescue Michelle and Jody (Michelle Prenez and Jennifer Wenger) and join entymologist Sheila (Christina Daoust) to take out all of the vines and trees and whatever else has grown into something that wants to kill humans.

The main problem is that the sound quality is all over the place. But you know, it's an evil plants movie. Liquori came up with the idea the first year that he lived in the mountains of North Carolina. The leaves just kept coming back, and it felt so strange to him. Then he made this.

There's also a sequel, Jack vs. Pumpkins, with Monique Parent in it. You know I'm looking for it.

When a congressman suddenly dies from a heart attack, Jessica is asked to temporarily replace him in Washington.

Season 1, Episode 10: Capital Offense (January 6, 1985)

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote...

Congressman Wendell Joyner (Frank Aletter) has a fatal heart attack at a party arranged by lobbyist Harry Parmel (Nicholas Pryor), so the governor of Maine asks Jessica to fill the seat. Of all people!

Who's in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?

Kaye Sheppard is played by Edie Adams, who was in The Apartment as well as The Happy Hooker Goes Hollywood, Under the Yum Yum Tree and more. Her character also has an incredible cat named Peaches!

Detective Avery Mendelsohn is the lawman in this. His name is Herschel Bernardi. He definitely had police experience, as he was Jacobi on Peter Gunn.

Diana Simms is Linda Kelsey, who was also on Lou Grant.

Congressman Dan Keppner is played by Stephen Macht, Sean's dad from The Monster Squad. He was also in Amityville: It's About Time.

Lobbyist Harry Parmel is Nicholas Pryor, who was in The Omen II, Halloween Kills, Brain Dead, The Happy Hooker and two more episodes of Murder, She Wrote.

Ray Dixon is Mitchell Ryan, Dr. Wynn from Halloween 6!

Joe Blinn is Gary Sandy, who was in Troll.

Mark Shera plays Thor Danziger, which is a very metal name. This is Mark's first of four roles in Murder, She Wrote.

Wendell Joyner is Frank Aletter. Aletter was also in Private School.

Harold DeWitt is Colby Chester, who does much voice-over work.

David Hooks, Jensen Collier, Jade McCall, Lyle Howry, Gwen Humble, Kathryn Janssen, Lemuel Perry, George Sasaki, Nick Trisko and Paul Van play smaller roles.

What happens?

Jessica becomes a congresswoman after that aforementioned death, keeping on staff like press agent Joe Blinn and administrative assistant Diana Simms. Detective Mendelsohn believes that Joyner was murdered because there's blackmail in Washington. But ah-it may all tie into lobbying for a Maine-based cannery. Trust me, I worked for StarKist for a bunch, and nobody spends more on lobbyists than the canned seafood industry.

Can congresspeople be put in office without due process? I know that the government is a total mess these days, but back in 1985?

Who did it?

Joe, who worked for the congressman. He also killed Marta, who was a party girl.

Who made it?

This was directed by John Llewellyn Moxey, one of the greatest TV movie directors ever. Check out Home for the Holidays, The House That Would Not Die, The Night Stalker and 18 episodes of Murder, She Wrote. Series creator Peter S. Fischer wrote it.

Some facts...

Mitchell Ryan also played a cannery owner on Dark Shadows.

IMDB states, "The US Constitution does not allow a governor to appoint a replacement representative, even temporarily, to fill an open seat. The governor can only schedule a special election to pick the new representative. Therefore, this plotline does not match real life. However, if it were a senator who she was replacing, then the governor could have appointed her to fill the seat until the special election to fill the seat."

Does Jessica get some?

No.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?

No. Again, it's going to happen.

Was it any good?

Three no answers lined up. There are a lot of plot holes in this and the show is still trying to find itself. This is an example of how it is silly and not true to Jessica's character.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Jessica Fletcher: We'll get along just fine if you try to remember that I'm not your addlepated great-aunt from East Nowhere.

What's next?

Former Hollywood star Rita Bristol and her daughter Patti are about to open in a big new Broadway musical, until Patti is gunned down in a bizarre robbery attempt.

Yes, Whispers in the Dark is mostly shot in New York City, but there are scenes shot in Pittsburgh, and that's good enough. I wish I could tell you it was a Yinzer Giallo, but no. It's close to real Giallo, but it has no Iron City, no one goes to eat at Primanti Brothers or walks past the Kaufmann's clock.

Directed and written by Christopher Crowe (who also wrote the Marky Mark goes crazy movie Fear), this has Annabella Sciorra as Ann Hecker, a psychiatrist who gets obsessed over a patient, Eve Abergray (Deborah Unger, who A. C. Nicholas told me has never not been nude in a film and reminded me again of the beginning of Crash), who makes every man around her want to dominate her sexually. Like, totally nice guys suddenly become sexist and want to slap her around like she's Barbara Bouchet or something.

Ann wants that life now and gets so upset that she confides in her teachers, the married couple Leo and Sarah Green (Alan Alda and Jill Clayburgh). She also starts dating a new guy, Doug McDowell (Jamey Sheridan), a former Air Force pilot.

But let's get back to Eve, who comes into their next session, takes off her dress, and tells Ann how much she wants to jill off in front of her. Is Ann having a fantasy? Why doesn't she react? How freakish is Eve? And is she also with Doug because she claims the lover who treats her the worst is Francis Douglas McDowell?

This leads to Doug and Ann fighting, which Eve sees and realizes they're dating. She accuses Ann of living out her fantasies by going after someone she dated. And then, when Ann comes to apologize, Eve is dead at her own hand. Or maybe not, as Detective Morgenstern (Antony LaPaglia) says that she was murdered.

Is this a Giallo? Yes, we already went over that.

Who killed Eve? One of her patients, Fast Johnny C. (John Leguizamo)? Ann? Doug? Well, it's probably not Johnny, who breaks into Ann's place and ends up jumping to his death, just like Ann's dad. Then, Doug is in a hangar with the detective's dead body, but he gets hit by a car. This is filled with red herrings.

Gene Siskell said this was the worst movie of 1992, so you know I loved every minute.

You'll ask, "Can the think woman's sex symbol be a psycho sexual killer?" Look, he's no Ivan Rassimov, but if you got this far, spoilers - he's the one who beats his wife with a wine bottle and talks filthy in that Alan Alda voice you know so well. For that moment alone at the end, when he gets a hook right through his skull and he takes a bump into the surf, you probably should watch this.

Directed by Robert Zemeckis and written A L Katz and Gilbert Adler, this episode is about criminal Lou Spinelli (Robert Sacchi) has gotten plastic surgery from Dr. Oscar Charles (John Lithgow) to look like Humphrey Bogart and has gone legitimate. He's fallen in love with his assistant Erica (Sherilyn Fenn), but when his ex-wife Betty (Isabella Rossellini) comes back, things get bad all over again.

"Hello. How are you? I'm Fearest Gump. Hi. Care for a shock-olate? You sure? Mummy always said: "Life is like a box of shock-olates. You never know what you're gonna get. Sometimes you get a fudge-scream, sometimes you get no-guts." Know what else mummy said? She said: "Scary is as scary does." Which brings to mind the man in tonight's terror tale. He's just dying to get out of the mess he's in... literally! It's a little piece of horrid candy I call: "You, Murderer.""

This episode has early CGI to add Bogart's face.

There are a lot of twists and turns here and Zemeckis comes back from producing to direct an episode as season 6 comes to an end. There are so many twists and turns with Lou comatose and perhaps dead for so much of it.

This story comes from Shock SuspenStories #14. It was written by Otto Binder and drawn by Bernie Krigstein.

Directed by John Farrow - the father of Tisa and, yes, Mia - and written by Jonathan Latimer and Barré Lyndon (the stage name of Alfred Edgar Frederick Higgs; he also wrote The Lodger), this was based on the book by Cornell Woolrich, whose stories were also filmed as The Leopard Man, Phantom Lady, Rear Window, The Bride Wore Black, Seven Blood-Stained Orchids, Cloak and Dagger and I'm Dangerous Tonight.

Los Angeles is a dangerous town. It's the kind of place where oil geologist Elliott Carson (John Lund) can watch his girlfriend Jean Courtland (Gail Russell) try to jump into the path of a train, then take her to dinner as if nothing happened. There, they meet John Triton (Edward G. Robinson), a psychic who keeps telling her that she is going to die soon. Elliot thinks that he's trying to get her to kill herself and take her money.

The truth is a bit more complicated.

Twenty years ago, Triton, his fiancee Jenny (Virginia Bruce), and Jean's father Whitney (Jerome Cowan) toured the country as part of a magic show. Whitney also used Triton's skills at seeing into the future to get rich. However, Triton soon sees Jenny dying after they have a baby. He leaves, Whitney marries Jenny, and they have Jean, but she dies during childbirth, proving his prophecy. Years later, he's too late to stop Whitney from dying in a plane crash, but he wants to try and save Jenny.

It seems like Jenny made it on the fateful night, only for the clock to be moved forward. Someone comes out to kill her, but Triton stops them. The police arrive and believe that he's the killer. They shoot him, and as he dies, Elliot finds a note that explains that Triton will die saving Jenny.

A movie about a doomed woman who is afraid of the stars themselves. The title comes from a poem by FW Bourdillon, "The Night Has a Thousand Eyes."

"The night has a thousand eyes,

And the day but one;

Yet the light of the bright world dies

With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,

And the heart but one:

Yet the light of a whole life dies

When love is done."

Robinson was usually the bad guy in movies, but he's nearly the lead here. He'd also appear in another Woolrich movie, Nightmare.

According to The Church of Satan, "Satanic themes include the use of theatrics, Reading and Casing the Mark (see the chapter in The Satanic Witch), Skepticism and Doubt, and the exploration of the unknown."

Anton LaVey often spoke of this movie, saying, "I started out like Edward G. Robinson in Night Has a Thousand Eyes. A carny mental act, a fraud. I believed everything was fixed, gaffed. Then, like Robinson, you start to get real flashes. Only if your life isn't full of miracles can you recognize the real miracle."

In Blanche Barton's The Secret Life of a Satanist, he says, "Robinson actually did several Satanic Films - Hell on Frisco Bay, Little Caesar, The Night Has a Thousand Eyes - most of his roles had satanic overtones. In his personal life, he was an avid art collector and had one of the finest private collections in the world until he lost it in a divorce suit. Chernobog - the devil in Walt Disney's Fantasia, the one who looms up from the mountaintop during the "Night on Bald Mountain" sequence was actually inspired by Edward G. Robinson's features, not Lugosi's as is usually believed. He exuded the diabolical perhaps better than any other actor - with the possible expansion of that statement to include Erich Von Stroheim."

Remember Invasive?

That was all about Kay (Khosi Ngema) and her friend Riley (Matthew Vey) sneaking into the home of pharma king Pierce Patton (Francis Chouler) and his girlfriend Jessica (Alex McGregor), then discovering body horror experiments.

In the follow-up, Kay and her father winning an all-expenses paid trip to an island but ahh - it turns out that it's the home of Patton's father (Craig Urbani) and perhaps at least one other character has evil reasons for being there as well.

Directed and written by Jem Garrard, this has an I Still Know What You Did Last Summer vibe, which comes from the island, as well the fact that it adds on to the kills and blood of the original but without the simple oddball plot twist of having it all be about medical experiments.

It seems like every character in this gets stabbed or beaten up in some way or another, but now Kay is more traditionally the hero and less someone sneaking into a house, so it isn't as unique as the first movie. I can only imagine there will be one more sequel and just as sure, I will watch it.

Imani (Chantal Riley) is a pastry chef, and Deon (Kwaku Adu-Poku) is an attorney. They've just gotten engaged and are looking for a place to live, which brings them to the Luxe Center Condos. Somehow, despite it being one of the hardest places to get into, they miraculously get a place. It all seems perfect-too perfect-until they learn that Deon's ex-wife Tamera (Getenesh Berhe) is their next-door neighbor-the ex he never told Imani about.

Somehow, Tamera has the whole building wired Sliver-style, watching everything the couple does. As you can guess, she has plans for our protagonists.

The thing is, this is way better than it has any right to be, with an ending that keeps me watching Tubi Originals. Director Alpha Nicky (Rush for Your Life) and writer Briana Cole (The Marriage Pass, Toxic Harmony, Sugar Mama, Played and Betrayed) know exactly what kind of movie they're making and subvert the expectations of the form, creating something worth sitting down and watching.

As always, if you move in next to someone who made your life hell, they aren't going to stop just because you're with someone new. But what if the someone new was also dangerous to your life, just perhaps? And what if they both are? Man, this has layers, and that's why I love it, including the ridiculous notion that you should ever allow your ex-wife to be the lawyer in charge of your estate. Why would you even think that this would work out?

Then again, we want Tubi characters to act just like this. We want them to explode over suggested infidelity, get in catfights, and just be dumb. They exceed our expectations again in Ex Door Neighbor.

Based on The Unsleeping Eye by David G. Compton, Death Watch imagines a future world where illness has been eliminated. Well, all except for Katherine Mortenhoe (Romy Schneider), who is dying of some mysterious sickness and has agreed to allow her death to be filmed by the NTV network and their boss, Vincent Ferriman (Harry Dean Stanton). She gives the money to her husband and goes on the run.

That's when she meets Roddy (Harvey Keitel), a cameraman whose eyes are replaced by cameras. She has no idea that this man is filming her and he's given up his future - he'll go blind if he is in darkness for any length of time, even sleep, and must shine a light into his eyes every 15 minutes - to make sure the public gets to watch her expire.

Katharine wants to see her first husband, Gerald (Max Von Sydow) one more time before she dies. She asks Roddy to get her makeup in town, and while there, he sees a commercial for the TV show he's been filming, Death Watch. He loses his sanity and his flashlight, eventually going blind and confessing to Katharine what he's been doing.

The truth is that the network has made all of this up. Katharine isn't dying, and the pills she's been given make her sick. She's convinced that her death is coming, so she overdoses at Gerald's house just in time for Vincent to show up.

Bertrand Tavernier, who directed and co-wrote this with David Rayfiel, dedicated this movie to Jacques Tourneur, who made Cat People, The Leopard Man, I Walked With a Zombie and Curse of the Demon.

In the world that he creates in this film, everything has become boring. Machines create all of the art while man numbs himself with drugs. This is our world. Add in a police state, protestors paid to hold up signs without caring for the cause, and a heroine who decides to control her own fate rather than be controlled by the media, and you get a movie that feels more of our time than a future story. If anything, it feels too real.

Lesley Selander directed 107 Westerns, but he also found the time to make other things, like assistant directing A Night At the Opera and making early TV shows like Lassie. The script was by Sherman Lowe, who mostly worked in movie serials.

Writer Charles Regnier (Carl Esmond) has written a book that gets him into political trouble, which leads to him being targeted by a cat-inspired killer who starts murdering his friends like librarian Devereaux (Francis McDonald) and former girlfriend Marguerite Duval (Adele Mara). His current girlfriend, Marie Audet (Lenore Aubert), wants to protect him and ends up being the one who catches the Catman. This has a bit of Giallo in it, as Charles keeps blacking out and isn't sure that he isn't the killer.

This was Republic's first horror double feature, made around the same time as Valley of the Zombies.

Unlike many studios, Republic didn't make enough horror films to assemble a syndication package. That's why this was forgotten for so many years, as it didn't play on TV like many of its contemporaries.

A popular nightclub hypnotist is discovered murdered during a private press conference.

Tonight on Murder, She Wrote...

Hypnotist Cagliastro gets fired from the casino/hotel for sleeping with the owner's wife. Then, he has an interview with six journalists, claiming that he can hypnotize any of them, but is killed, leaving them in a trance.

Who's in it, outside of Angela Lansbury, and were they in any exploitation movies?

Cagliastro is played by José Ferrer, the father of Miguel, uncle of George Clooney, and the star of movies such as Stalag 17, Bloodtide, The Evil That Men Do, Battle Creek Brawl, The Being, Airport 79, Dracula's Dog, The Swarm, The Sentinel, The Caine Mutiny, and many more.

Joan, Jessica's assistant, is Diana Canova. She was on Soap and in The First Nudie Musical. She'd play two other roles on the show, but not the same character.

Murray Hamilton plays Bud, who we all know as Mayor Vaughn in Jaws and Jaws 2. Yet he was in 160 other movies and shows, including Too Scared to Scream, The Amityville Horror, Seconds and The Graduate.

The law in this, Lt. Bergkamp, is Robert Hogan, a vet of 158 roles, including three other Murder, She Wrote appearances.

Dr. Yambert is Conrad Janis, who directed and starred in the 2012 horror movie Bad Blood.

Elaine Joyce plays Sheri Diamond. She has quite the horror resume, showing up in Trick or Treat, Motel Hell and one sort of exploitation movie, The Christine Jorgensen Story.

Andy Townsend is played by Brian Kerwin, a TV vet who also shows up in King Kong Lives.

Joe Kellijian plays the owner of the hotel/casino, Robert Loggia. If I need to tell you who he is, you're reading the wrong site.

Michelle Phillips plays his wife, Regina. Yes, from The Mamas and the Papas and Knots Landing. She's also in some absolute junk that I love, including Bloodline, The Last Movie, and No One Would Tell, in which Fred Savage gets on steroids and abuses Candace Cameron.

Zack Bernard is Mayf Nutter, who was in Hunter's Blood.

In the smaller roles, we have Elvia Allman as "elderly lady," Rance Howard as Fillmore, Ritchie Montgomery as a busboy, Alex Rebar - THE INCREDIBLE MELTING MAN HIMSELF, as well as the writer of Demented, Terror On Tour and To All a Goodnight - as a hypnotist, Dianne Travis as Helsema, Marylou Kenworthy as Liz, Lee Duncan as a policeman, Kathy Karges, Gay Hagen, Joy Ellison, Hartley Silver, Bill Shick and Robert Balderson as hypnotized people and Bob Tzudiker as a clerk.

What happens?

Jessica is in Lake Tahoe, which is Vegas Lite. That's where The Amazing Cagliostro performs, commanding audience members to act like animals. As he performs, we see Bud and Andy, two reporters, who bet the hypnotist is a phoney. Meanwhile, Joe, the hotel owner, is fighting with his wife, Regina, who is having an affair with Cagliostro, but claims that it's because he's using his powers on her. He fires Cagliostro, who still gets a million dollars. And then Joan pitches Jessica the idea of using the cucking wizard in her next book.

As Jessica sits in the bar and turns this down, Cagliostro gets into a fight with the reporters and sets up a demonstration of his abilities in his room. As he hypnotizes everyone, he reveals his past, just in time for him to get stabbed and leave everyone stuck in a hypnotized state.

They figure out that a tape of one of his shows will bring them back, and Jessica deals with all of this as only she can. She puts on her jogging suit and starts shuffling around. Also: a towel around her neck as if she were Bobby "The Brain" Heenan.

Nearly anyone could have killed the magician, as he was blackmailing everyone, even his assistant, who started her career as a naked trapeze star, which I did not know was a thing.

Who did it?

There's a red herring that was the assistant, but then we learn that Andy had earplugs and wasn't hypnotized. An article his father wrote about Cagliostro ruined his career, his dad killed himself, and now, he got his revenge.

Who made it?

Allen Reisner directed, and Steven Hensley and J. Miyoko Hensley wrote the screenplay. They also wrote the Remo Williams TV pilot.

Some facts...

José Ferrer played a hypnotist in Whirlpool. He was also in The Greatest Story Ever Told, where he played Herod and Lansberry played Claudia.

The story of this episode comes from a 1937 Bela Lugosi movie, The Thirteenth Chair.

Does Jessica get some?

No. I'm as upset as you.

Does Jessica dress up and act stupid?

Jessica gets hypnotized and does impressions of Bette Davis and Mae West. Also, there's no way Angela Lansberry is on the back of that motorcycle.

Was it any good?

Two shows with death in the name in a row, but hey - Jessica is a friend of the Grim Reaper.

Give me a reasonable quote:

Cagliostro: Ladies and gentlemen, observe the power of hypnosis! Now, volunteers, when I clap my hands, you will each become your favorite animal.

What's next?

Jessica becomes a member of Congress. Yes. I wrote it. It happens.

Vicki Mason (Karen Corrado) is trying to change the world - or at least her small town - by trying out as a kicker on the football team. Her boyfriend Brian Caldwell (Max Goff, Cheerleaders Beach Party) isn't impressed, but she's sick of him cheating on her, so she dumps him and goes all in on the team even if they don't want her.

Director Steven Jacobson edited Nurse Sherri and shot the extra footage in Naked Evil, but otherwise, that was it for his career. The script comes from Jennifer Lawson, who went on to be the CEO of a public broadcasting station, and Sam Sherman, the man who brought so much to us through Independent-International.

This feels as much like a Corman nurse cycle movie as it does an Animal House cash-in. It's worth watching for James Spader's and Estelle Getty's first roles. He was 18, and she was just a spry 55.

Four years later, this was re-released as Young Gangs at Wildwood High - Sam Sherman knew how to cash-in on stuff like Fast Times at Ridgemont High - and you have to admire the balls to do that. Thanks, Temple of Schlock, for always having facts like this. It's worth noting that this film had two campaigns as Team-Mates and another in 1980 as Young Gangs, hoping that people looking for The Warriors at the drive-in could be confused into seeing this movie that has nothing to do with gangs and so much more to do with football.

The Protector was a troubled creation. Initially, it would be written by Robert Clouse for Christmas 1982, but that got. However, that version was delayed after Project A went over schedule. After some retooling, James Glickenhaus came on to direct, which led to this movie being sold as "When the no. 1 action director meets the no. 1 action star... Watch out!"

Guess what? They didn't get along. Chan learned that no one in America cared about taking the time to do fight choreography. In Hong Kong, he'd get a month to do one. In America? Two days.

This meant there were two versions, one for the U. S. and the other for Hong Kong. In both, Jackie plays Billy Wong, an NYPD cop who gets a new partner, Danny Garoni (Danny Aiello), and heads to Hong Kong to stop a kidnapping and a drug deal. Even though the goal was to make Jackie into Clint Eastwood - had no one learned that they tried to make him into Bruce Lee and it didn't work until he was himself? - but at least he fights Bill "Superfoot" Wallace. The Hong Kong version adds a dancer - May-Fong Ho (Sally Yeh) - whose father was killed by gangsters.

Wrestling fans may be surprised to see Big John Studd show up in the beginning. There's no extended battle between him and Jackie, who shoots him. Studd, who was born in Saxonburg, PA, is also in Double Agent, The Marrying Man, Harley Davidson and the Marloboro Man, Hyper Space, Caged In Paradiso and Micki & Maude. He also appeared in episodes of The A-Team, Hunter and Beauty and the Beast.

After this, Jackie made the movie he wanted with Police Story. He wouldn't be a star in the U. S. until Rumble In the Bronx. As for the Robert Crouse script that he didn't make, it would be filmed as China O'Brien with another Golden Harvest star, Cynthia Rothrock.

I have no idea what's in the water in Miranda, California, but wow.

Hitler himself - now Adolf Schwartz (Edward Schaaf) - lives in a Bavarian castle there, in a pentuple with The Headsperson (Candy Samples, using the name Mary Gavin; she's also in Fantasm and Fantasm Comes Again, as well as Meyer's Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens, playing The Very Big Blonde, which sums her up), The Ethiopian Chef (Elaine Collins, Deep Jaws), Limehouse (Su Ling, Ilsa Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks) and Paul (Robert McLane, one of the first actors to appear in a movie that accurately depicted gay lovemaking, A Very Natural Thing). After a scene where every one of his lovers abuses him, he retires to a bubble bath where he is killed by a black-gloved killer who throws a piranha in the tub.

Is this a Giallo?

No, as much as it's a Greek tragedy just because it has Kitten Natividad as the Greek Chrous. Born Francesca Isabel Natividad in Ciudad Juárez, Chihuahua State, Mexico, she went from not knowing English until she was ten to being her Texas high school class president. A maid and a cook to Stella Stevens, she enlarged her bust and started dancing, eventually gaining a 44G bra size. By the second movie she made with Meyer, Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens, she'd had another breast surgery and left her husband for the auteur. She kept on dancing, doing nude photograph and eventually hardcore porn, as well as being the stripper for Sean Penn's bachelor party before he married Madonna.

But yeah, she's the Greek Chorus. It's incredible.

Margo Winchester (Raven De La Croix, who designed her own costumes and did her own stunts; it's hard to say which of Meyer's women is the most perfect, but you can make a case for her; supposedly she was once engaged to Greg "The Hammer" Valentine) hitchikes into town and is instantly in trouble, making Sheriff Homer Johnson (Monty Bane) hot and bothered and then being insulted by local rich kid Leonard Box (Larry Dean), who she kills in self-defense, which gets her into Johnson's bed.

To keep her busy - and out of other beds - Homer gets her a job at Alice's (Janet Wood, Pamela from Terror at Red Wolf Inn) diner, where Alice's husband Paul - yes, the same one who porked Hitler's keister - also works. Paul and Margo soon make love at the edge of a lake, while the Sheriff gets head from Chesty Young Thing (Marianne Marks) and is nearly caught in bed with Pocahontas (Foxe Lae).

At this point, Margo decides to strip in public and is attacked not only by a limberjack named Rafe (Bob Schott) but every man in the place. Homer saves her, but he and Rafe murder one another.

Then, Margo reveals that she's a secret agent, out to learn who killed Hitler. It turns out it was Alice, Eva Braun Jr., who chases our heroine through the scenic landscape, both nude, before they make up and start, well, making out. Paul shows up and shoots her - she wanted revenge for him buggering the Fuhrer, he wanted revenge because he loved the guy - and Margo ends up arresting both of them.

Shot around the summer cabin of Wilfred Bud Kues, a war buddy of Meyer's for decades, this found Russ and Roger Ebert working together again to make a movie that has men somehow recover from axe wounds, a masked killer, overwritten dialogue in the best way and one of Meyer's last movies that finds him going out in a way that he could be proud of.

Somewhere after the end of the world, somewhere in France, Calpet (Jean-Claude Dreyfus), the landlord, murders and slices up his victims to sell as meat to his hungry tenants. A clown named Louison (Dominique Pinon) answers the latest help wanted ad that brings in bodies, but he's such a good worker that no one wants to kill him. He's also fallen in love with Calpet's daughter, Julie (Marie-Laure Dougnac).

She loves him so much that to save him, she works with the Troglodistes, vegetarian underground soldiers who are trying to make the world safe and maybe a little less cannibalistic. Instead of Louison, they rescue Mademoiselle Plusse (Karin Viard), who, like every tenant, wants the clown to die so that they can stay well-fed.

The directors would go on to make City of Lost Children together, and Jeunet also directed Amélie and Alien Resurrection. When the Troglodistes initially appear in this, he claims it is his tribute to the original Alien and how the xenomorph is revealed.

Presented in the U. S. by Terry Gilliam, this film feels like something exists to be discovered in every frame. It's childlike while also frightening in what it depicts. And Jess Franco vet Howard Vernon is in it!

A young nurse (Kotone Furukawa) goes to visit her grandparents (Masashi Arifuku and Yoshiko Inuyama), who live in the countryside that surrounds the more urban places in Japan, and learns the hard way how they have stayed so jovial into their old age.

Director Yûta Shimotsu's first movie -- this is based on his short film Dreaming to Accept Reality and was produced by Takashi Shimizu (Tomie: Re-birth) -- it has sell copy that promises that this "unsettling debut draws from classics like Audition and The Wicker Man to create a wholly unique vision."

Take this advice anywhere you live: Never go back home. Nothing good happens there. The place where you grew up is much more sinister than how you remember it. Now it is a place of random violence, people asking you to save them and you'll be trapped in either a ghost story or a J-horror film. Stay where you are. The world is a big enough nightmare without you messing around. You don't need to find your grandparents oinking like pigs and touching their eyeballs or need to meet the strange beings that are staying inside their home.

I'm used to Japan influencing Western movies, not looking to make Midsommar up north.

Directed and written by Les Sekely (Vampire Time Travelers), this is similar to that film and this quote that I used to describe that one is even more accurate: "This movie feels less like a narrative movie and more like someone made a Dark Brothers or Rinse Dream adult movie mainstream, giving it constant blasts of words and images..." If I say Party Doll-A-Go-Go and you get it, you're a pervert, and we should be friends, and you'll know exactly what kind of strange editing and barrage of sound effects and dumb jokes that entails.

Years ago, students destroyed the life of their teacher. Most of them got over it, but only one still feels some empathy and wonders what happened to her, perhaps because his girlfriend is also a teacher. Yes, you now get that this is not a rip-off of I Know What You Did Last Summer, except for being close to the title.

I can see that as a movie that would anger many viewers, as it doesn't even let up with being silly, even when it's trying to be heartfelt. The sound effects, if anything, get louder and more repetitive, kind of like Max Headroom repeating himself. It was something in the way 90s and 00s movies could be edited and doesn't seem to have survived until today. Yet here's this film, rescued by Visual Vengeance, a little shot in Lakewood, OH effort about demons, classroom hijinks and the regret of growing up, mixed with male gaze rear-end shots and a Troma-like sensibility without nudity. I haven't seen many movies like it, so you should try it at least.