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A most heinous return
21 September 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I will prefix by saying this; I grew up with and loved the first two movies. I have seen them both countless times and could probably recite them both word for word. I was skeptical hearing they were making a new movie after 30 years, but undeniably excited at the chance to revisit a beloved franchise of my childhood. Sadly, all this film really managed to achieve is to tarnish the legacy and story of the previous films.

Firstly, Bill and Ted had sons. The argument that their gender was never specified does not wash-they had male names as babies in a time that a lot less people were gender confused.

Next, the timeframe seems totally off with little to no regard to the previous movie. 30 years has passed since the last movie and the princesses look like they are in their late 30s or early 40s, not their 50s. They appear to look at least 15-20 years younger than Bill and Ted. The events of Bogus Journey took place in 1993, which would make their daughters older than 24. Maybe this movie is set in the past? If not that's another thing that makes no sense.

The movie completely negates the ending of Bogus Journey. The Wyld Stallions MUSIC was supposed to bring harmony to the world, which by the end of the 2nd movie is what it was achieving. It was never said that it was one specific song that did, that they didn't even write. It kind of makes Bill and Ted and their music irrelevant. Predictably, it is now their daughters that "save the world", only they don't really do anything either other than orchestrate everyone playing one song at once. Bill and Ted use an infinity button on the phone booth to pass instruments to everyone in time, who happen to know how to play them perfectly and also in sync with everyone else that's ever existed and what that song is. This was a part I particularly didn't understand at all. Because of this retconned scenario I'm confused as to why Bill and Ted would still be considered "the great ones" and why there is never any mention of their daughters in the future.

Keanu Reeves looks tired and bored throughout, and has no clue how to act like Ted anymore. Winter does a much better job (who I always believed was the superior comedic actor of the two anyway) but still nowhere near his performance in the original movies. The characters were very much a part of the 80s and early 90s and that's where they should have stayed. Seeing 50 year old men try and act like 80s Californian surfer dudes or metalheads just doesn't work.

Aside from all this, the movie itself is just a total rehash of the first (collecting historical figures to perform at a certain event in a few hours) with a rehash of Bogus Journey bolted on at the end. Perhaps the worst part of the entire movie is the lack of music and atmosphere. The 80s metal and rock soundtrack was a big part of both of these movies. This was absent as was anything worthwhile to take it's place. I dont even know what the song at the end was supposed to be. If you're a newcomer, watch Excellent Adventure instead. It's undoubtedly one of the best sci fi/comedy movies of the 80s.
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