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Raunchiest 80's movies
My Top 250 List
So bad, they are good. AKA Attack of the killer B's
Arnold Schwarzenegger's movies- best to worst.
Reviews
Terror Train 2 (2022)
Kind of dull for a horror
On the anniversary of the killings from the fist movie, someone gets the bright idea to rent out another train, in a way of showing that life is still going.
Our protagonist and a few of the other survivors board the train for what was supposed to be a healing trip. They are joined by a large group of murder obsessed people. Shockingly enough, people start getting killed.
The writers do a pretty fair job in trying to throw you off the scent of the killer's identity, but anyone that has seen these movies before will do a decent job of figuring out who it is.
The killings are done with a variety of weapons, but the production team went with CGI to show stabbings, a bad idea. They were very clearly not real and they should have spent a few more of those precious Canadian dollars on better effects.
All in all, not a terrible movie and yet not a good one either. It moved really slow and I had a difficult time keeping my attention on it.
Don't Fuck in the Woods 2 (2022)
Quite good, for what it is
I stumbled upon the first movie in this series on Tubi. The title alone was enough to get me to watch it. I found the first one campy, yet fun to watch. Sure, there was not a lot of money spent on the effects, but there was not a lot of money spent on the movie period.
I was surprised to have heard that there was a sequel and had to watch it. The sex was cut down a lot versus the original, but they did manage to get every woman go at least topless in this one.
This movie took an unexpected turn where there is now a parasite infecting people and mutating them into what I can only guess were supposed to be earlier, not fully developed monsters from the first.
DFITW2 takes place at a summer camp that is getting ready to open. It has all the tropes that most horrors feature as far as characters, with ne development at all, but that is not why we watch these movies.
Sit back, shut off your brain and watch as the parasite and creatures try to kill off every person in the movie. For a low budget movie, it is really pretty good. There are even some people that can almost act in it. Oh and make sure you hang around for the after credit scene!
SafeWord (2011)
An unusual thriller
Sabina wakes up, tied to a table in a garage, and is submitted to torture at the hands of a masked man. She escapes, but soon finds herself in to company of two men and a woman that bring her to a weird, S&M kind of party.
They all believe that she submitted an ad, looking to be the subject of a rape fantasy. She battles her own inner demons as well as the party goers in an attempt to gain her freedom. Did she really want this, or is it a case of mistaken identity?
While this is a definite low budget movie, it is really well done. The actors all do a very convincing job in their rolls. The camera work does leave a bit to be desired and any violence takes place off camera, most likely to keep the special effects budget to a minimum.
Overall, this is a decent phycological thriller.
Casey Anthony: Where the Truth Lies (2022)
Bring on the downvotes, I believe her
After being silent so long, Casey steps forward to offer her version of events. The entire world, myself included, had decided she was guilty before she ever went to trial. She ended up being acquitted because the prosecution could not prove Casey was responsible beyond all reasonable doubt.
As I sat through this, I did hear a lot of self-pity, but what would you expect from a woman that lost her child and the life that she had envisioned, most likely at the hands of her father? I felt that her tears were believable and her sadness palpable.
As someone that has survived the trauma of childhood sexual abuse, I can see a lot of similarities behind how I used to act and how Casey acted. As the cop that was interviewed said about George, being a liar does not make you a murderer, yet so much of the world is ready to say that about Casey. No one has looked twice at all of the different versions of events as told by George. I can for sure say that no one that is not abusing little kids does not say the kinds of things George said.
Go into this with an open mind and you may just find yourself changing how you think everything happened.
Don't Fuck in the Woods (2016)
For a low budget film, it is pretty great
The plot is kind of explained by the title. Something is killing off campers whilst they engage in coitus.
This is a low budget creature feature. Sure, there is a ton of nudity, some pretty graphic. On fact, there are only two of the actresses that do not get naked. The plot is not deep, bit the acting is surprisingly good.
Everyone was believable in their roles and the required "stoner" was perfect in his comedic timing.
The only flaw with this is due to tue budget I am sure. The creature was, shall we say rough. They did a fairy good job obscuring it in shadows, but the jaws did not articulate, and they had quite a few shots of its head.
Overall, I would say that if you are a horror fan, watch this.
Gourmet (2020)
The song is catchy, even if you do not understand Dutch.
This is a music video that is more like a short porn film, with explicit sexual acts being performed and full nudity on display. That being said, the song is very catchy and enjoyable, for those adults that are into hip-hop. I am a person that enjoys all forms of music and have never allowed language barriers to keep me from listening to a song that I found enjoyable.
I did not rate this any higher than eight stars because of the decisions made by the director. The lighting is low throughout most of the video and makes some scenes more difficult to see. While this could be a creative choice to cause some mystery, the explicit nature of the video itself does not cause one to expect any mystery at all.
Prey (2022)
This movie lived up to the hype
First let me say that this is not really a 10 star movie. I gave it 10 to try and offset some of the ridiculously low ratings that some people are giving it. This movie would have been a strong 7 though.
This is a prequal to the franchise and a good one at that. It takes us to the early 1700s and what is apparently the first visit to Earth by the Predators. The main character is an Comanche woman named Naru, who wants to be a hunter instead of a gatherer. She notices the tracks of something that she had never before seen and goes on a quest to prove to those that doubt her that a threat like none they have seen does exist.
While this movie does contain many of the tropes that we have all seen countless times, like the woman that is not believed, or the woman that is smarter and stronger than the men around her, it is still an engaging story that unfolds at a good pace.
Some minor spoilers ahead, so if you do not want to read them, stop here. I have seen some reviewers complain about how this was not realistic enough given what we know of the Predators. How can an indigenous woman face down such a mighty foe without advanced weapons, etc. Well, as we all know, the Predators enjoy a challenge. This is evident in the first film when Dutch was the last survivor. Instead of blasting him, the Predator chose to fight him in hand to hand combat. This film holds to that idea.
I would not hesitate to suggest to anyone that likes these movies to sit down and watch it. It is very well acted, and the cinematography is gorgeous. Good entry into the lore of the Predators for sure.
I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu (2019)
It was bad, but not THAT bad
A lot of people are on here trashing this movie, but fail to understand that this kind of film gets neither a large budget nor A-list talent. While the acting was a bit over the top at some points, the story is solid. I could have probably trimmed it down by 30 to 40 minutes, but that is neither here nor there.
For those that enjoy a good revenge porn film, this is for you.
Black Widow (2021)
ScarJo and Florence Pugh, who knew?
This is the Black Widow movie we have all waited for, and while it lacked in some respects, it made it up in many others. Taking place between Civil War and Infinity Wars, it shows Natasha on the run for breaking the accord. The majority of the movie is spent with Natasha going after the organization that created her.
It starts off with a flashback to when Natasha was a kid and gives us a very small look at her family life. Great job casting Mila Jovavich's daughter as the young Black Widow!
Florence kinda outshone ScarJo in some scenes, but hey that is OK. If you are a Mavel fan, then you are sure to love this movie.
Psych: The Break-Up (2014)
The perfect ending to a nearly perfect show
I just watched the entire series for the third time. Each time I find more reasons to love the show, and the finale is just full of reasons.
I will not talk about what transpires in the episode because if you have watched the show through, then you know there is a crime and Shawn and Gus pull a miracle out of their butts and solve it.
What this episode is to me is a representation of the purity of all relationships and the difficulty in saying goodbye. Shawn attempts this with DVD farewells to all the people he knows, but it also feels like it is aimed at we the viewers. For eight years this show was welcomed and loved by a lot of people and the writers took the time to say goodbye to us all.
I will say that Lassie has the series' best moment when he refuses to listen the Shawn admit that he is not really a psychic, but to me, Lassie was always the one with the biggest, yet most guarded heart.
So goodbye to all of my friends that made up the world of Psych. I will happily revisit you over and over in the future and still shed a few tears when I rewatch this episode.
Friends: The Reunion (2021)
For any fan, this is perfection
The reunion that we all wanted is finally here. This is one hour and forty-four minutes that we get to spend with the core cast members of a show that has stood the test of time and still makes people laugh and cry.
There are table reads of some of the best scenes and a reenactment of the famous trivia game scene, with a lot of the guest stars interspersed throughout. I would say that this is a must see for anyone that loves this show. From the opening part to the last part, a smile never left my face.
How It Ends (2018)
Ambiguous ending but still good
Will and Samantha, a mixed race couple find out that they are pregnant. They live in Seattle and Will heads back East to visit with Sam's parents with the idea of asking for her hand in marriage. There is a lot of tension between Will and Tom, Sam's dad. At first it seems like it may be because of the fact that Will is white, but it turns out that Will did something egregious to Tom's boat years ago.
The day after his visit and while on the phone with Sam, some event happens and they are disconnected. The event causes the entire country to suffer a black out and rumors swirl as to what had happened on the west coast. Will and Tom decide to drive to Seattle to rescue Samantha. On the way there they battle the effects of the event and people that are hell bent on taking their car and gas.
This movie is almost non-stop action and Forrest Whitaker shines in his roll. My only complaint is the ending. It is, as my title suggests ambiguous. It causes the viewer to have to imagine what happens, and that may not really be a bad thing. This movie will keep you on the edge of your seat throughout most of it and despite the low ratings given by many, I feel it is worth a watch.
Stowaway (2021)
Anna Kendrick was the only shining star here
On a two year mission to Mars with a three person crew, a fourth person is discovered unconscious in the ceiling. Rescuing this man destroys a unit that is designed to scrub the air of CO2 and puts the mission at risk. They will run out of breathable air two weeks before they arrive on Mars, killing all four of the people. The team, along with the people back on Earth struggle to come up with a plan to save everyone's life.
The good parts of this are few and far between, but Anna Kendrick shines. She is typically associated with comedic roles and does a great job handling the lead role in this drama. The cinematography is also great here.
The bad, oh the bad. While it is true that there every space launch accounts for every gram of weight, I find it difficult to believe that the people in charge would not have sent along more than enough oxygen and spare parts to repair anything that would potentially break. They were to be away from any support for two years and that is terrible planning. Also, it is never explained how the man found himself sealed in the ceiling or how he got injured. The food supply was never at risk, so again, they would send along enough food for more than three people but not enough oxygen. What if there was a small leak that lost them a bunch of atmosphere?
The worst. About halfway through the movie, I looked at my fiancé and told her exactly who would die and why. She even asked me if I had seen or read about this movie. Sadly, no. It is just that Hollywood keep recycling the same old story tropes. The last movie I saw where I did not predict the ending was The Mist, and I loved being surprised!
So all in all not an unwatchable movie, just do not expect to be riveted to the screen.
Unhinged (2020)
A thriller with few thrills
This is the story of a man that is having a really bad day and decides to mete out his own form of justice against those her feel slighted him. While at a traffic light, a mother and her son are behind him and running late. She lays on the horn and then goes around him. The man demands an apology, which he does not receive and this begins a game of cat and mouse with deadly consequences.
Mr. Crowe does his usual great job at portraying the character known as The Man and there are a couple of tense moments laced throughout. However, this film falls short on providing any actual thrills. I never felt that the protagonist or her son were ever in any mortal danger and telegraphed the ending almost as soon as the movie started. Falling Down with Michael Douglas was a far superior film about a man reaching his wit's end and that movie is over twenty years old.
Overall, a decent enough movie that you should watch if you are a Crowe fan.
Lifeforce (1985)
Beware the space vampires
This movie came out when I was 12 and I think I saw it that same year when it released to home video. I can say with all honesty that the big draw for me back then was the copious amounts of Ms. May exposed on screen.
It has since grown into a favorite of mine for a few reasons. This came out during what I like to call he golden age of horror. There is scarcely a horror movie made during the 80s that I do not like.
The spaceship Churchill, in a joint NASA and ESA mission to go study Hailey's comet discover a ship hidden by the comet. Inside the ship they discover a bunch of desiccated aliens and three perfect humans, one woman and two men. They return to the ship with the 3 humans and one dead alien. When the Churchill returns to Earth it is found to have burned inside and lost all hands. The three humans that were found on the ship in the comet are still safe inside the containers where they were found. They are brought to Earth where the female wakes up and sucks the life out of a guard. Follow the British intelligence agencies as they try to unravel the mystery behind this space girl.
The special effects are dated and the acting is as well, though Sir Patrick Stewart is in it. But I still love this movie for what it is. That is a campy, fun sci/fy horror.
Bite (2015)
Not sure how to rate this
Casey and her two best friends, Jill and Kristen go away on a bridal party/vacation one week before Casey is to marry Jared. They visit a locals only beach and Casey get's bitten by an unseen bug in the water. This begins her slow transformation into a sort of queen bug. Think the fly, only with a different spin.
None of the actors are great, though Elma Begovic does a decent job as Casey. The writing is not the strongest, nor is the directing or editing. This movie plods along and feel padded for run time in spots. What this movie does have going for it, and it has it in spades, is phenomenal practical effects. There is absolutely no CGI in this, and that alone makes it a 7 star movie. While anyone that has ever seen Orbeez will instantly recognize them here, they are still well used to create what the writer wanted.
This is decent enough for what it is, a low budget horror, but I did struggle to remain interested in it during the run time.
Slugs, muerte viscosa (1988)
A killer B indeed
Slugs is a fun-filled romp through 80's creature horror that is more comical that it is horrifying. In a sleepy little town in New York that does not really exist, the residents are being killed and eaten by something unknown. It turns out that there was once a toxic waste site at the town's edge that caused slugs to mutate and become carnivorous. Watch the cast of American actors and Italian actors whose English is so bad that they needed to be dubbed fight these ridiculously slow moving assailants.
Shut off your mind and enjoy the roughly one and a half hour ride. You will laugh at how fake the blood is and how insane the premise, but you will never be bored.
The Frozen Ground (2013)
A somber and gritty look at a true crime
This is the true, if only slightly embellished story of a serial killer in Alaska that was active in the seventies and eighties. He targeted young, slim, brunette prostitutes and strippers. He would take them to his home, hold them for a week while he repeatedly raped them and then fly them on his private plane to the wild where he would hunt and kill them.
With the exception of Vanessa Hudgens, this movie is expertly cast and acted. I do not like her, or her acting ability. That did not detract from the expertly told story here. I would highly recommend this movie.
Nowhereland (2016)
Average
This movie follows the tragic life of Shara, a fifteen year old girl whose mother has resorted to prostitution in order to support them. Her mom shacks up with any man that will have her, which leads to Shara being the victim of an attempted rape. They leave that house and end up at another where Shara meets a boy and they fall in love. Things go south between them and having no other life skills, Shara turns to prostitution as well. She ends up working for a high end agency where she is exploited.
This is indeed a sad tale that I am sure bears a lot of similarities to actual stories. The story is good and you legitimately feel for Shara, but the acting is far from good and the nudity feels a lot on the exploitative side. Jessica Taylor Haid, who portrays Shara was around 20 when this was filmed, but she has a face that could very easily pass for 15 or 16, and her constant nudity gave the film a dirty feel. Given the subject matter I feel that the writer/director could have approached the nudity a bit differently.
This film comes in as average for me.
M.F.A. (2017)
Far from a 10 star, but also better than it's average rating
This movie follows one main character, Noelle. She is an art major that is struggling to evolve. She decided to go to a party to meet up with a guy from class that she finds attractive and ends up getting raped. Her claims summarily dismissed, she goes to confront her rapist and ends up killing him by accident. This sends her down a path where she exacts revenge on rapists for other women, though they do not know she is doing it.
This is another take of the revenge movie, less rough than the I Spit On Your Grave movies. Francesca Eastwood does a phenomenal job in this movie as does the supporting cast. She just outshines them by a lot.
There is some nudity from both genders here and a lot of talk and imagery of rape. If that sort of thing does not bother you, then gives this a view.
Paramedics (2016)
Better than I expected
This is the story of two brothers, one clearly a sociopath and one that is either on the autistic spectrum or has some kind of mental deficiency. If they said I missed it. The pair pose as paramedics and take the patients back to their home where they harvest their organs and sell them on the black market. One night they pick up a woman who clearly resembles someone from their past and instead of killing her, they keep her alive. I do not wish to say more as it will all be spoilers.
The good:
The body horror is quite good. This was clearly a low budget movie, but the gore was very decent.
The three main characters are actually pretty decent actors, especially the guy that plays Jeffery, the autistic brother.
The story is not like one I have encountered before and keeps your interest.
The nudity, while not copious, is very pleasant to look at.
The Bad:
All the axillary characters were played by people that were so bad I would assume they were found on the street and asked if they wanted to be in a movie.
The suspension of disbelief is kind of hard to do here. It would not be possible for these guys to do this sort of thing for very long without being caught. How many people can be picked up in an ambulance and then decide to vanish before someone caught on?
The merkin. Oh my God, it could not have been more obvious.
If you are a fan of horror and suspense, I would say that you should give this a watch, though do not expect anything grandiose.
Underwater (2020)
Alien meets Deep Star Six Meets Cloverfield
For reasons unknown, there is a disaster at the bottom of the Marianna trench. Thought to be an earthquake, it sets into motion a disaster that causes the survivors of a drilling team to have to evacuate the station. Faced with a nuclear core meltdown, they contrive a plan to walk a mile across the ocean floor to the actual drill. Along the way they are besieged by something that wants them for lunch.
I have never liked Kristen Stewart. I think that she is a terrible actress, but in this, I liked her. This movie has elements of Alien, Deep Star Six and Cloverfield, all wrapped up and tied together into a tense and thrilling movie. I like this a lot more than anticipated. The writing is good, the cinematography is excellent and the music lends to the creepy nature of what we are watching. I am a huge horror/sci-fy fan and this satisfied both genres. Good movie here.
Cobra Kai (2018)
Simply Amazing
I was reluctant to watch this series, I am not going to lie. I loved all of the movies, even the terrible attempt at a reboot with Jackie Chan. In the end the hype over this series won out and my curiosity led to me watching just the first episode. That was last week and I am almost done the third season. It is that good, I cannot pry myself from it.
This series takes a good hard look at the lives of Johnny Lawrence and Daniel Laruso more than three decades after that fateful night at the end of the Karate Kid. What I love most about this movie is it takes Johnny from the role of a generic villain and shows the human side of him, and it does it so well that you will often find yourself rooting for him.
Johnny reopens the Cobra Kai dojo after his neighbor gets jumped by several kids outside of a convenience store. He wants to do better than his sensei did by him and soon finds his class attendance swelling with other marginalized kids that just want to end the bullying. As life often does though, events happen to hamper his success.
In response to Johnny opening his dojo, Daniel opens up Miagi-do karate and teaches his sensei's brand of karate to his daughter and Johnny's son. Daniel has turned into a success in life, and he credits all of it to the teachings of Mr. Miagi.
This series does an excellent job of running us all down memory lane and blending that with modern times. I could not recommend this enough!
Slasher: 3am to 6am (2019)
Decent final episode to a decent season
This review is more for the season than the episode, though I will touch on that as well. I have seen quite a few people hating on this season and I am not quite sure as to why. Certainly the first season was the best and probably will not be topped, but this one had a lot to offer. The writing has improved as has the choice in actors since season one, though the story is not as rich.
I do feel that this season especially tries to climb up on a platform and teach us the viewers a morality lesson, but so hasn't every piece of media we have consumed over our lives, some are just better at hiding the obviousness of it than others.
I did figure out who the killer was pretty early on, though there were enough red herrings thrown in to keep me from being 100% certain, so kudos to the writers on that. This episode does a nice job at tying up all the mystery that the season has presented and even allows for the redemption of some characters, though I personally did not care to see them redeemed. Just a great over-all series here.
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)
What just happened?
Just a brief preface here, I thought the first Wonder Woman with Gal Gadot was perhaps the best super hero movie not just from DC, but in recent times. It was intelligently written, supremely acted and heartfelt. I was beyond excited when I heard this movie was coming out. This movie, with the exception of one scene, was none of that.
For whatever reason this movie was set in the mid 80s, and all of their "glory", and parts of it felt like it was filmed in the 80s. Watch in amazement as Wonder Woman who took on an entire battle field of Germans and the fully automatic weapons as well as the God of war Aries, struggles to defeat a woman that wants to be a cat and a dude that grants wishes. Yeah, you read that right.
While the acting by all the leads was good, none of it was great. I do not know what DC has against putting out good movies, I really don't, but the evidence is substantial that they do. As I am a huge WW fan, I will probably add this to my movie collection, but I will only watch it when I need to be reminded of how badly it sucked.
I feel I must address the "special" effects here. In this day and age, with a movie as grandiose as this with a budget so large, no one should ever be able to tell that effects of any kind were used. Without spoiling things there is a scene where it is very clear that a gun is made of rubber, a scene where a dummy was used and it fooled no one, and a lot of the CGI is absolutely fake looking. I feel that if I can sit through Avatar or T2, movies that are ancient in comparison to this, that I should not be able to pick out suck flaws without even trying.
I give it a five star rating because as I said the acting is good, but also because the story and special effect were just weak. Watch this if you're a fan of WW, but not for any other reason.