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- Mr. Magoo is a kindhearted fellow who is always happy to lend a hand, but often causes disasters instead, as without his glasses he makes all kinds of chaotic mix-ups. These mix-ups often put him at odds with the evil Hamster Fizz.
- Concert program with a different artist each week, backed by the Edmonton Symphony Orchestra.
- Johnny LaRue is desperate for work after the failure of "Polynesiantown."
- Johnny LaRue plays a restaurant owner in his latest movie.
- Guy Caballero hires illegal immigrant Pirini Scleroso; the Fracases argue about their daughter's wedding.
- The SCTV cast and crew falls victim to alien mind control.
- Segment 1: Commercial: Gordon Lightfoot Sings Every Song Ever Written; 'Supercalifragilisticexpialidotious,' 'Happy Birthday,' 'Good King Wenceslas,' '76 Trombones' and more, from K-Tel. Record $4.99, tape or cassette $6.99. Segment 2: Cooking with Marcello: Vatican; Live, via the SCTV satellite, Marcello visits the Vatican and waits to tour the kitchens. He pinches the wrong girl and buys a souvenir picture of the pope. The pope gets kidnapped. Segment 3: Kanadian Korner 18: Sports; Hockey was better when there were only 6 teams. Now it's too hard to carry around your cards. And why is Monday Night Football on Thursday? Segment 4: Crazy Crafts: Bob; Molly has a bit of a hangover. She introduces Bob, who she met last night, and tries to figure out what she made the night before. Segment 5: Message from Guy: Alpha Channel; Guy introduces Alpha Channel, and explains why he uses a wheelchair: "for respect." Segment 6: Promo: Alpha Channel; The exclusive Alpha Channel goes behind the scenes to show Neil Simon working on a script, Jane Fonda's latest movie, Woody Allen's movie and Alan Alda talking to his agent. Segment 7: Bill Needle's Mailbag 8; The show length is cut in half again, to seven and a half seconds. Segment 8: Dialing for Dollars: Partridge Family Goes to Mars; The jackpot is 10 dollars. Walter gets a threatening phone call.
- Another spoof of Don Kirshner's Rock Concert hosted by Mel Slirrup. Mel's guest is actor-cum-singer Richard Harris, who performs a reworked version of his 1969 hit "Macarthur Park."
- Segment 1: Message from Guy: Thursday Night Guy complains about the plant in his office, and introduces SCTV's new hip, relevant comedy show. Segment 2: Announcement: Little House Across the Mersey Segment 3: Thursday Night Live Live from Edmonton, it's Thursday Night, SCTV's new hip, relevant comedy show, hosted by Earl Camembert. With lots of whooping and hollering, drug references and bad language. A parody of "Saturday Night Live" and "Fridays". Segment 4: Kanadian Korner 2: Doug's got his earmuffs on Doug misses the start of the show because his earmuffs are on. [Great White North] Segment 5: Promo: Dat's Da Name of Dat Tune Funky contestants name funky tunes. Segment 6: Promo: Bittman Does Dallas Bobby sings ("Abelline"), gives a stirring speech ("Remember the Alamo!"), and dances with the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. "How are y'all!" Segment 7: K-Tel's Fast-Talking Playhouse: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Harvey K-Tel presents a 2 minute version of the classic play. They finish early. Segment 8: Promo: Guy Friday Guy works for one of the most powerful women in business today. He's the man behind the woman. (Note: Guy flies Great White North Airline) Segment 9: Commercial: Half Legs For the woman in you. Segment 10: Point/Counterpoint: Alcoholism Cronkite and Brinkley discuss alcoholism. Walter runs a film of a Saturn 4 taking off.
- Segment 1: Message from Prickley: Rock Concert; Edith welcomes us to another fine year at SCTV. She introduces herself ("I replaced that schmo Moe Green"), and invites us to stay tuned. Segment 2: Promo: Rhoda; Rhoda's running a clinic, and she's lost weight. Segment 3: Promo: My Fair Lady; The Professor finds Perini a touch nut to crack. They sing the "Rain in Spain" bit. Segment 4: Teaser: SCTV News Segment 5: Kanadian Korner 1: Introductory Show; Bob and Doug McKenzie announce that they had to change the name to Great White North for legal reasons. They have new boots. Segment 6: SCTV News: Earl's funblemouth; Togo blames quake on the CIA. Earl has trouble delivering his items. Segment 7: Promo: My Life: One More Time; Woody finds someone he can relate to. Segment 8: Lee A. Iacocca's Rock Concert; Lee asks for 1.5 billion dollars in government assistance and encourages viewers to harass their congressmen. He then complains about government regulations. He introduces Ringo's new band Rings ("Cause I know That You'll Always be True"). Lee offers a five dollar rebate and her personal guarantee to every viewer, and introduces Gino Vinelli ("Stop"). Lee introduces his daughter Imogena and also introduces Slim and Barbra ("You Don't Bring Me Flowers"). Lee once more urges viewers to write the government, then introduces George Carlin. Finally, Lee introduces Tony Orlando and sings a duet with him ("Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round a Dodge Omni"). Lee makes a final pitch.
- Segment 1: Sunrise Semester: Communicating in Italian with Marcello Sebastiano Marcello instructs on basic hand gestures, looking at women and the evil eye. Segment 2: Teaser: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Death Motel; Floyd plugs Death Motel. Segment 3: Commercial: Bubie's Chicken Medication; Chicken soup for all ailments, from Al's bubie. Segment 4: Kanadian Korner 5: Snow Chains; Doug has worked out the full two-part theme; he doesn't quite get around to the topic of snow chains. Segment 5: Commercial: Edna's Back from Ronco Records; Features the song: "Killing Me Softly," "What Have They Done To My Face, Ma," "Make It an Open Casket, Cause I Might Be Coming Back," "The Night They Drove Old Edna Down." Segment 6: Promo: Danny Eubanks: Seminarian / Rookie Cop; Danny Eubanks is a seminarian who was training to become a priest, until his father got bumped off. Segment 7: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Death Motel; Floyd introduces the film and plugs his 3-D glasses ($15.95, certified checks only). Segment 8: Death Motel, Part 1; Young newlyweds arrive at the motel, where Bruno is the bellboy. As they get ready for bed, they are being watched... (Note: the classic 3-D sound effect!) Segment 9: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre, Part 2; Straight back to the movie. Afterward, Count Floyd's guest is Woody Tobias, Jr. They discuss Woody's father and his early career. Segment 10: Death Motel, Part 2; Bruno arrives to turn down the bed and terrorizes the wife in the process. The husband goes for the manager, leaving Bruno with her.
- Segment 1: Promo: The Young and the Wrestling Snapper challenges Jill's boyfriend. Segment 2: Money Talks with Brian Johns: William Douglas Brian interviews Mr. Douglas at his fabulous Bel Air home. (Theme music is 'Money' by The Leaping Lizards.) Segment 3: Kanadian Korner 4: Calculators Bob calls the show again and explains they can't use that name unless they spell it with K's. Doug gets the camera to zoom in. They are opposed to kids using calculators in school... because they didn't get to. Segment 4: Promo: Make Me Barf Contestants try to identify various objects without throwing up. Segment 5: Dialing for Dollars, Part 1 Walter Cronkite, replacing Moe Green as the host, introduces the feature and talks about his controversial exit from CBS. Walter makes a call to Ted Kennedy. Segment 6: My Factory, My Self, Part 1 Dolly is harassed by her supervisor (Mr. Adamitus) at the nuclear-powered textile factory. When she gets home, her husband Michael tells her he's leaving her. At the Veteran's hospital, where she volunteers, Biff encourages her to form a union. (Note: This is a parody of the films 'An Unmarried Woman' with Jill Clayburgh, 'Coming Home' with Jane Fonda, 'Norma Rae' with Sally Field and 'Kramer vs. Kramer' with Meryl Streep... with the nuclear reactor from 'The China Syndrome' thrown in for good measure.) Segment 7: Dialing for Dollars, Part 2 Walter makes another call, this time to a guy who's not too thrilled to hear from him. After the movie, Walter makes some prank calls. Segment 8: My Factory, My Self, Part 2 Michael demands his son Billy finish his dinner. Billy refuses, and reaches in the freezer for a pint of ice cream. Michael warns Billy not to open the pint nor take a bite, but Billy ignores him and does so anyway. Dolly returns to the factory to form a union. While her mother Harriet gives an inspiring talk, an explosion rocks the factory, killing Adamitus. The workers unanimously elect Dolly to replace him.
- Segment 1: Crazy Crafts: Bingo Drop Cans; Molly welcomes May Sparks, bingo player extraordinaire, who demonstrates the Bingo Drop Can. Segment 2: Teaser: SCTV News Segment 3: Kanadian Korner 13: Name That Smoke; Doug's invented a new game. Segment 4: Promo: Tom Snyder, MD; Tom talks his way through crises. Segment 5: SCTV News: Earl on roller skates; Earl tries to make the newscast more hip. Lead item: Togo taunts the Soviet Union. Earl accuses Floyd of not being young and hip. Segment 6: Grizzly Abrams; Grizzly gets into trouble and his turtle goes for help. Segment 7: Hugh Betcha's Night Gallery; Bob buys a record that takes him into the nightmare world of Night Gallery. Segment 8: Signoff: The National Anthem; Mel Torme sings the American national anthem, soft of: "Oh say can you seebadeebadeebadeebadee, By the dawn's early, Pardon me boys is that the Chattanooga choo choo, I've got my share and the travel to spare, Oh once I built a railroad, made it run, Kept it running on time, running on time, Once I built a railroad, now it's done, Brother can you spare a, brother can you spare a, Rockets red glare, The bombs bursting in air, Gave proof through the night that our flag was still, Tall and tan and young and lovely, The girl from Ipanema goes walking, and when she passes our flag was still there, Oh say does that star spangled babadabadanner ye-et wa-a-a-ve, For the land of the freepers creepers, where'd you get those peepers, Jeepers creepers, where'd you get that, Home of the most beautiful girl in the world, picks my tie up, she eats my candy, she drinks my brandy, In the home of the BRAVE!" This is followed by the Canadian national anthem, as selected by Bob and Doug, a medley including Oh Canada, the GWN theme, Anne Murray, Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, Lorne Greene, Stompin' Tom and Maple Leaf Forever
- Segment 1: Sunrise Semester: Do It Yourself Advertising with Phil; Phil the Garment King (also of Phil's Nails) offers tips on doing your own commercials: just be yourself, prices that are easy to say, get a gimmick and keep your hands in your pockets. Segment 2: Promo: Chick Monk, Roadie for the Defense; Chick checks levels, tapes down some cables and averts disaster in the form of a falling speaker stack. Segment 3: Teaser: SCTV News Segment 4: Kanadian Korner 24: Star Wars; Doug does his phaser and Darth Vader. Segment 5: SCTV News: 4th Anniversary; Togo enters the Guinness Book of Records for the most earthquakes in a year. Earl is going to give an editorial on friendship, but first a message from their new sponsor. Segment 6: Commercial: Mr. Earl Doll; Floyd shows just how much fun you can have with a Mr. Earl Doll, from Robertson toys. Segment 7: SCTV News: 4th Anniversary, Part 2; Earl decides not to give his editorial. Segment 8: Commercial: Joni Mitchell's For Dogs Only; With vocal tricks only a dog can appreciate, including "A Poodle In Paradise" and "The Last Time I Saw Rover." The two record set only $47.50, tape $88.95. Segment 9: Bill Needle's Mailbag 3; Bill doesn't have any good mail. He editorializes about celebrities, but can't use any names for legal reasons, so he refers to them using the names of fruit. Singers thinking they are actors ('Coconut') particularly bug him. Segment 10: Message from Guy: SCTV Premiere of Star Wars; Guy is pleased to introduce the latest Star Wars film, an SCTV exclusive. But first a message from their new sponsor. Segment 11: Commercial: Videotech Complete Home Entertainment System; Videotech provides everything you need to enjoy and copy movies at home. They even deliver. "You'll never have to leave home again." Segment 12: Message from Guy: SCTV Premiere of Star Wars, Part 2; Star Wars XXXIV, Return to Planet of Empires, is interrupted as it becomes obvious it is an illegal copy. Guy runs for it. Segment 13: Dialing for Dollars: The Fly Returns to Beneath the Planet of the Apes; There is $1,050 in the jackpot and Walter makes some calls. He phones a guy who looks it up in the TV Guide. Walter hangs up on him. The guy phones back.
- Monster Chiller Horror Theatre presents Dick Cavett where Dick (Rick Moranis) interviews Bobby Bitman (Eugene Levy); Bob and Doug are on the lam and talk about cops in Alberta.