The Most Asinine Thriller, Horror & Sci-Fi Films
You've all seen them. They often have decent or big budgets, but also pedestrian scripts that seem to have been written within 30 minutes by blind-folded chimps.
The defining traits of these turkeys are that they are illogical, absurd, and far-fetched hence insult your intelligence, bombarding you with nonsense from the word go with laughable plot-twists and silly plot-devices (or with a cretinous conclusion).
NOTE: This is not a list of the WORST films of all time, it's a list of the DUMBEST films. There's a difference, although a number of films here would easily qualify for the WORST list as well.
Keep in mind the following points so there are fewer misunderstandings:
1) I've decided not to include infamous B-movies from the 50s and 60s.
2) If your "favourites" aren't here it's simply because I've had the sense or luck not to see them (yet).
3) The fact that these movies are inane does not always reflect on their entertainment value. Several of the flicks listed here are fun to watch in spite of (or because of) their ineptness.
I have posted comments on most of these films on this site.
SPOILER alert.
http://imdb.com/user/ur7059410/comments
Note: I understand that some of you might be upset I didn't include "Breaking The Waves", but that is unfortunately a drama. If it were on this list, I'd have placed it in the top 10 for sure, if that's any comfort to you.
COMMENTS: The comments section changes introduced several years ago have basically ruined what used to be a fun interaction between list-maker and reader, hence I will be disabling comments on nearly all of my lists. (I said nearly: you're free to spend an hour perusing my other lists to find one that does allow comments.) So if you want to let me know what you think, PM me.
Oh no, wait. They've disabled PMs. So I guess there is no way you can share your views of my lists and reviews with me. That's called "progress".
The defining traits of these turkeys are that they are illogical, absurd, and far-fetched hence insult your intelligence, bombarding you with nonsense from the word go with laughable plot-twists and silly plot-devices (or with a cretinous conclusion).
NOTE: This is not a list of the WORST films of all time, it's a list of the DUMBEST films. There's a difference, although a number of films here would easily qualify for the WORST list as well.
Keep in mind the following points so there are fewer misunderstandings:
1) I've decided not to include infamous B-movies from the 50s and 60s.
2) If your "favourites" aren't here it's simply because I've had the sense or luck not to see them (yet).
3) The fact that these movies are inane does not always reflect on their entertainment value. Several of the flicks listed here are fun to watch in spite of (or because of) their ineptness.
I have posted comments on most of these films on this site.
SPOILER alert.
http://imdb.com/user/ur7059410/comments
Note: I understand that some of you might be upset I didn't include "Breaking The Waves", but that is unfortunately a drama. If it were on this list, I'd have placed it in the top 10 for sure, if that's any comfort to you.
COMMENTS: The comments section changes introduced several years ago have basically ruined what used to be a fun interaction between list-maker and reader, hence I will be disabling comments on nearly all of my lists. (I said nearly: you're free to spend an hour perusing my other lists to find one that does allow comments.) So if you want to let me know what you think, PM me.
Oh no, wait. They've disabled PMs. So I guess there is no way you can share your views of my lists and reviews with me. That's called "progress".
List activity
14K views
• 0 this weekCreate a new list
List your movie, TV & celebrity picks.
204 titles
- DirectorEric BressJ. Mackye GruberStarsAshton KutcherAmy SmartMelora WaltersEvan Treborn suffers blackouts during significant events of his life. As he grows up, he finds a way to remember these lost memories and a supernatural way to alter his life by reading his journal.My comment:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0289879/usercomments-969 - DirectorWes CravenStarsSandra PeabodyLucy GranthamDavid HessTwo teenage girls heading to a rock concert for one's birthday try to score marijuana in the city, where they are kidnapped and brutalized by a gang of psychopathic convicts.My review of this film can be found on IMDb.
- DirectorRoger ChristianStarsJohn TravoltaForest WhitakerBarry PepperIt's the year 3000 A.D., and the Earth is lost to the alien race of Psychlos. Humanity is enslaved by these gold-thirsty tyrants, who are unaware that their 'man-animals' are about to ignite the rebellion of a lifetime.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0185183/usercomments-1230
- DirectorRob ZombieStarsSid HaigSheri Moon ZombieBill MoseleyThe murderous, backwoods Firefly family take to the road to escape the vengeful Sheriff Wydell, who is not afraid of being as ruthless as his target.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0395584/usercomments-587
- DirectorFraser C. HestonStarsMax von SydowEd HarrisBonnie BedeliaA mysterious new shop opens in a small town which always seems to stock the deepest desires of each shopper, with a price far heavier than expected.
- DirectorJohn WooStarsJohn TravoltaNicolas CageJoan AllenTo foil a terrorist plot, FBI agent Sean Archer assumes the identity of the criminal Castor Troy who murdered his son through facial transplant surgery, but the crook wakes up prematurely and vows revenge.
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsChristopher RydellAsia ArgentoPiper LaurieA young man tries to help a teenage girl find the serial killer who murdered her parents before the killer comes after them.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104053/usercomments-50
- DirectorJohn WooStarsJohn TravoltaChristian SlaterSamantha MathisTerrorists steal nuclear warheads from the U.S. military but don't count on a pilot and park ranger spoiling their plans.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115759/usercomments-159
- DirectorMichael BayStarsBruce WillisBilly Bob ThorntonBen AffleckAfter discovering that an asteroid the size of Texas will impact Earth in less than a month, NASA recruits a misfit team of deep-core drillers to save the planet.
- DirectorJon AmielStarsSigourney WeaverHolly HunterDermot MulroneyAn agoraphobic psychologist and a female detective must work together to take down a serial killer who copies serial killers from the past.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorDavid SladeStarsPatrick WilsonElliot PageSandra OhHayley's a smart, charming teenage girl. Jeff's a handsome, smooth fashion photographer. An Internet chat, a coffee shop meet-up, an impromptu fashion shoot back at Jeff's place. Jeff thinks it's his lucky night. He's in for a surprise.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0424136/usercomments-355
- DirectorJames WanStarsCary ElwesLeigh WhannellDanny GloverTwo strangers awaken in a room with no recollection of how they got there, and soon discover they're pawns in a deadly game perpetrated by a notorious serial killer.Just when I thought "Copycat" and "Nightwatch" couldn't be "topped" in the serial-killer genre, comes this piece of garbage straight out of the pen of a cretin. Either that or he considers every potential viewer to be a cretin. This nonsense has so many gaping holes in logic that it looks like a filmic version of Swiss cheese, and has more far-fetchedness than I've seen in years. Stylish? Yes, but does that even begin to make up for a plot so ridiculous it could have been written by Ed Wood's nostril in a nano-second? It is rare that I so give up on a movie that I have to fast-forward certain scenes to get it over with. Check out the mind-bogglingly dumb ending: one of the dumbest in the history of ALL cinema. What's next? A serial-killer who kills million people a day, looks like a giraffe, jumps like a kangaroo, and lives on Mars?
- DirectorDouglas SchulzeStarsJon BennettChristina SheldonJeff BoergerOfficer Gabe Goodman may be the last man on earth and must confront deadly dark angels.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0391044/usercomments-35
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsCraig WassonMelanie GriffithGregg HenryA young actor's obsession with spying on a beautiful woman who lives nearby leads to a baffling series of events with drastic consequences.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086984/usercomments-109
- DirectorRob ZombieStarsSid HaigKaren BlackBill MoseleyTwo young couples traveling across the backwoods of Texas searching for urban legends of murder end up as prisoners of a bizarre and sadistic backwater family of serial killers.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0251736/usercomments-891
- DirectorRobert ZemeckisStarsJodie FosterMatthew McConaugheyTom SkerrittDr. Ellie Arroway, after years of searching, finds conclusive radio proof of extraterrestrial intelligence, sending plans for a mysterious machine.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118884/usercomments-480
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsMargot KidderJennifer SaltCharles DurningA small-time reporter tries to convince the police she saw a murder in the apartment across from hers.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070698/usercomments-69
- DirectorJon AmielStarsAaron EckhartHilary SwankDelroy LindoThe only way to save Earth from catastrophe is to drill down to the core and set it spinning again.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298814/usercomments-405
- DirectorLouis LeterrierStarsJason StathamAmber VallettaKate NautaTransporter Frank Martin, surfaces in Miami, Florida and is implicated in the kidnapping of the young son of a powerful USA official.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0388482/usercomments-311
- DirectorAlfonso CuarónStarsJulianne MooreClive OwenChiwetel EjioforIn 2027, in a chaotic world in which women have somehow become infertile, a former activist agrees to help transport a miraculously pregnant woman to a sanctuary at sea.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206634/usercomments-1019
- DirectorJohn CarpenterStarsNatasha HenstridgeIce CubePam GrierIn 2176, a Martian police unit is sent to pick up a highly dangerous criminal at a remote mining post. Upon arrival, the cops find that the post has become a charnel house.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0228333/usercomments-415
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsJennifer ConnellyDonald PleasenceDaria NicolodiA young girl who has an amazing ability to communicate with insects is transferred to an exclusive Swiss boarding school, where her unusual capability might help solve a string of murders.
- DirectorGeorge A. RomeroStarsAlan Van SprangKenneth WelshKathleen MunroeOn an island off the coast of North America, local residents simultaneously fight a zombie epidemic while hoping for a cure to return their un-dead relatives back to their human state.
- DirectorFrank DarabontStarsThomas JaneMarcia Gay HardenLaurie HoldenA freak storm unleashes a species of bloodthirsty creatures on a small town, where a small band of citizens hole up in a supermarket and fight for their lives.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0884328/usercomments-820
- DirectorRobert HarmonStarsRutger HauerC. Thomas HowellJennifer Jason LeighA young man who escapes the clutches of a murderous hitchhiker is subsequently stalked by the hitcher and framed for his crimes.
- DirectorMary LambertStarsDale MidkiffDenise CrosbyFred GwynneAfter tragedy strikes, a grieving father discovers an ancient burial ground behind his home with the power to raise the dead.
- DirectorVic SarinStarsMaury ChaykinMargaret LangrickPaul GrossThree lonely people depend on each other when they get stranded at a deserted gas station in a blizzard. Floyd is a truck driver balancing on the edge of lunacy. He is the caring father of 16-year old Dolores, but is also torn up by sexual feelings for his daughter. Sales rep. Steven also ends up in the blizzard with his car in a ditch. Floyd rescued Steven and brings him along as a birthday present for Dolores. In all the confusion Steven doesn't realize at first how he has become a prisoner. He is the pawn in a chess game between father and daughter which evolves in a matter of life and death.You can find the review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorMaurice DevereauxStarsIlona ElkinNicolas WrightNeil NapierKaren boards a late-night train and fights with several other passengers to survive a murderous night after becoming trapped in a tunnel.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0494224/usercomments-34
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsTony MusanteSuzy KendallEnrico Maria SalernoAn American expatriate in Rome attempts to unmask a serial killer he witnessed in the act of an attempted murder - and is now hunting him and his girlfriend.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065143/usercomments-55
- DirectorJorge GrauStarsCristina GalbóRay LovelockArthur KennedyA cop chases two hippies suspected of a series of Manson family-like murders; unbeknownst to him, the real culprits are the living dead, brought to life with a hunger for human flesh by ultrasonic radiation being used for pest control.
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsCliff RobertsonGeneviève BujoldJohn LithgowA wealthy New Orleans businessman becomes obsessed with a young woman who resembles his wife.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074991/usercomments-32
- DirectorWes CravenStarsNeve CampbellCourteney CoxDavid ArquetteTwo years after the first series of murders, as Sidney acclimates to college life, someone donning the Ghostface costume begins a new string of killings.
- DirectorDanny BoyleStarsCillian MurphyRose ByrneChris EvansA team of international astronauts is sent on a dangerous mission to reignite the dying Sun with a nuclear fission bomb in 2057.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448134/usercomments-393
- DirectorAlex ProyasStarsNicolas CageChandler CanterburyRose ByrneM.I.T. professor John Koestler links a mysterious list of numbers from a time capsule to past and future disasters and sets out to prevent the ultimate catastrophe.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0448011/usercomments-609
- DirectorAbel FerraraStarsAbel FerraraCarolyn MarzBaybi DayAn artist slowly goes insane while struggling to pay his bills, work on his paintings, and care for his two female roommates, which leads him taking to the streets of New York after dark and randomly killing derelicts with a power drill.Horrible piece of trash from Abel Ferrara. Sub-amateurish acting, pitiful dialog, muddled motives, and the most awful "punk" music ever heard in a film - and heard it is over and over and over: the remote-control, please...
An utterly mindless script makes no sense at all. Plenty of long, dull moments to boot. How about the main character killing nearly a dozen people in the NY streets with a drill (of course) in one single evening and yet the next day the newspaper reports only one homicide with a drill?! By the way, that main character is none other than the movie's creator, Abel Ferrara. This is Ferrara's first film, and he had certainly gone on to make far better films later. So for Ferrara fans: avoid! Don't think this is worth your time, unless you are a seeker and encoder of worthless garbage. - DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsDennis QuaidJake GyllenhaalEmmy RossumJack Hall, paleoclimatologist, must make a daring trek from Washington, D.C. to New York City to reach his son, trapped in the cross-hairs of a sudden international storm which plunges the planet into a new Ice Age.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0319262/usercomments-1090
- DirectorColin StrauseGreg StrauseStarsReiko AylesworthSteven PasqualeShareeka EppsWarring Alien and Predator races descend on a rural Colorado town, where unsuspecting residents must band together for any chance of survival.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0758730/usercomments-657
- DirectorJohn WooStarsTom CruiseDougray ScottThandiwe NewtonIMF agent Ethan Hunt is sent to Sydney to find and destroy a genetically modified disease called "Chimera".
- DirectorEdward AndersonStarsTony CurranPeyton ListCameron GoodmanA late night airport shuttle ride home descends into darkness.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0880648/usercomments-21
- DirectorPeter MedakStarsNatasha HenstridgeMichael MadsenMarg HelgenbergerAn astronaut gets infected with alien DNA during the first mission on Mars and runs amok on earth. Preston and Laura team up with a peaceful, genetically re-engineered Sil to track the monster down.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsWill SmithBill PullmanJeff GoldblumThe aliens are coming and their goal is to invade and destroy Earth. Fighting superior technology, mankind's best weapon is the will to survive.
- DirectorLawrence KasdanStarsMorgan FreemanThomas JaneJason LeeFriends on a camping trip discover that the town they're vacationing in is being plagued in an unusual fashion by parasitic aliens from outer space.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0285531/usercomments-613
- DirectorRenny HarlinStarsGeena DavisSamuel L. JacksonYvonne ZimaSamantha Caine lives in a small town with her daughter. Eight years ago she emerged, two months pregnant, from a nearby river with no memory of her past or who she is. However, she's getting closer to finding out about her past.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorChuck VincentStarsGeorgina SpelvinRandy SpearsLinda BlairArtist who lives in an old mansion imagines that her dead husband has been reincarnated as her son.
- DirectorUmberto LenziStarsHugo StiglitzLaura TrotterMaria Rosaria OmaggioAn airplane exposed to radiation lands, and blood drinking zombies emerge armed with knives, guns and teeth! They go on a rampage slicing, dicing, and biting their way across the Italian countryside.
- DirectorDavid S. GoyerStarsJustin ChatwinMargarita LevievaMarcia Gay HardenA teenager is left invisible to the living after an attack.Almost as dumb as "The Butterfly Effect".
Yet another cretinous "Sixth Sense" rip-off.
It takes an entire half hour before the central plot of this overlong and dumb movie finally gets going. These first 30 minutes were deemed necessary to be wasted on "establishing the characters" - as if these high school stereotypes needed so much time in the introduction. Anyone never seen the brilliant young poet who loves Lit class? Anyone not seen the geek that gets picked on? Anyone never seen a 45-kilo 18 year-old girl with a baby face who kills, threatens, blackmails and tortures other guys, while fulfilling the role of the leader of a tough criminal gang? Wait... Hang on.... That IS a new one! The moment this ludicrous Annie character showed up in the movie, I lost nearly all interest. A 35-kilo female teen who is frustrated, misunderstood, violent, yet quite obviously good-looking and intelligent (at least she's supposed to be bright, though I might beg to differ) - and yet behaves like De Niro in a psycho thriller?? Movies are just getting dumber and dumber, and this is one of the reasons why. Absurd characters. Does anyone actually know anyone like this girl? She is merely a figment in the imagination of some dumb movie writers; in reality, such a person does not exist anywhere, any more than a Lara Croft exists - but at least that's a silly little movie based on a computer game, without any pretensions (or so I think, at least; I haven't seen that crap)...
For more:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0435670/usercomments-145 - DirectorMarcel SarmientoGadi HarelStarsShiloh FernandezNoah SeganCandice KingTwo high school boys discover an imprisoned woman in an abandoned mental asylum who cannot die.Take an interesting premise, but then give it the US-teens treatment, make sure it's written by a mongoloid, and you've got "Deadgirl".
Moronic on all levels, the idiotic twists keep piling up, as do the corpses, while the local police don't notice a thing. - DirectorNeil MarshallStarsRhona MitraBob HoskinsAlexander SiddigA futuristic action thriller where a team of people work to prevent a disaster threatening the future of the human race.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0483607/usercomments-274
- DirectorJon HarrisStarsMichael J. ReynoldsShauna MacdonaldJessika WilliamsRefusing to believe her story about cave-dwelling monsters, the sole survivor of a spelunking exploration gone horribly wrong is forced to follow the authorities back into the caves where something awaits.
- DirectorJohn FrankenheimerStarsBen AffleckGary SiniseCharlize TheronAfter assuming his dead cell-mate's identity to get with the other man's girlfriend, an ex-convict finds himself a reluctant participant in a casino heist.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorJeffrey BloomStarsLouise FletcherVictoria TennantKristy SwansonChildren are hidden away under an attic by their conspiring mother and grandmother.
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsMichael CaineAngie DickinsonNancy AllenA mysterious blonde woman kills one of a psychiatrist's patients, and then goes after the high-class call girl who witnessed the murder.
- DirectorRob ReinerStarsJames CaanKathy BatesRichard FarnsworthAfter a famous author is rescued from a car crash by a fan of his novels, he comes to realize that the care he is receiving is only the beginning of a nightmare of captivity and abuse.
- DirectorDarren Lynn BousmanStarsDonnie WahlbergBeverley MitchellFranky GA detective and his team must rescue 8 people trapped in a factory by the twisted serial killer known as Jigsaw.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0432348/usercomments-825
- DirectorKathryn BigelowStarsJamie Lee CurtisRon SilverClancy BrownA rookie in the police force must engage in a cat-and-mouse game with a pistol-wielding psychopath who becomes obsessed with her.
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsKirk DouglasJohn CassavetesCarrie SnodgressA former CIA agent uses the talents of a young psychic to help retrieve his telekinetic son from a shadowy secret government agency.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsJeff GoldblumJulianne MoorePete PostlethwaiteA research team is sent to the Jurassic Park Site B island to study the dinosaurs there, while an InGen team approaches with another agenda.
- DirectorPaul VerhoevenStarsMichael DouglasSharon StoneGeorge DzundzaA violent police detective investigates a brutal murder that might involve a manipulative and seductive novelist.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0103772/usercomments-221
- DirectorRuggero DeodatoStarsRobert KermanFrancesca CiardiPerry PirkanenDuring a rescue mission into the Amazon rainforest, a professor stumbles across lost film shot by a missing documentary crew.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078935/usercomments-416
- DirectorAlfred HitchcockStarsMargaret LockwoodMichael RedgravePaul LukasWhile travelling in continental Europe, a rich young playgirl realizes that an elderly lady seems to have disappeared from the train.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsTom CruiseDakota FanningTim RobbinsAn alien invasion threatens the future of humanity. The catastrophic nightmare is depicted through the eyes of one American family fighting for survival.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0407304/usercomments-2889
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsJohn TravoltaNancy AllenJohn LithgowA movie sound recordist accidentally records the evidence that proves that a car accident was actually murder and consequently finds himself in danger.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorNicholas MeyerStarsWilliam ShatnerLeonard NimoyDeForest KelleyOn the eve of retirement, Kirk and McCoy are charged with assassinating the Klingon High Chancellor and imprisoned. The Enterprise crew must help them escape to thwart a conspiracy aimed at sabotaging the last best hope for peace.
- DirectorAlfred HitchcockStarsRod TaylorTippi HedrenJessica TandyA wealthy San Francisco socialite pursues a potential boyfriend to a small Northern California town that slowly takes a turn for the bizarre when birds of all kinds suddenly begin to attack people.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorBrian De PalmaStarsNicolas CageGary SiniseJohn HeardA corrupt detective and a Navy Commander investigate an assassination and the disappearance of a beautiful stranger.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120832/usercomments-207
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsLeigh McCloskeyIrene MiracleEleonora GiorgiAn American student investigates the disappearance of his sister and the death of a friend, both connected from New York to Rome by an old alchemy book.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080923/usercomments-108
- DirectorJamie BlanksStarsJared LetoAlicia WittRebecca GayheartA college student suspects a series of bizarre deaths are connected to certain urban legends.
- DirectorRene DaalderStarsBalthazar GettyTchéky KaryoAlice KrigeIn a future world where Earth's ozone layer has been completely destroyed, a brilliant but obsessed scientist, Hank Symes uses illegally obtained biological materials for an experiment that he hopes will save the world. In the course of his work, a terrible accident occurs, transforming him into a fantastic otherworldly lifeform and changing his house into a huge living entity which threatens all who enter.
- DirectorOle BornedalStarsEwan McGregorNick NolteAnais EvansA law student, who takes a job as a night watchman at a morgue, begins to discover clues that implicate him as the suspect of a series of murders.
- DirectorDario ArgentoStarsAnthony FranciosaGiuliano GemmaJohn SaxonAn American novelist visiting Rome to promote his latest book is stalked and harassed by an obsessed fan who is committing a string of murders that appear to be tributes to his work.Considering it's Argento, it's not that bad.
Interesting enough horror/thriller, with Argento's usual disregard for logic. Not as mind-numbingly dumb as his "Trauma" or "Bird With Absurd Illogic" (sorry, I meant "Bird With Crystal Plumage"), but the film has its share of absurdity.
First of all, the film's 4th corpse is totally ACCIDENTALLY lead into the (first) murderer's house by a dog who just happened to have attacked her - of all people, and chased her to the said house. It's already silly enough that a woman would just happen to be chased by a dog into a serial killer's home, but to have that woman know the writer whom the killer is imitating - that is just too ridiculous. Towards the end, I was starting to suspect that the writer is the (second) murderer, and I must say, while that is a (more-or-less) unique twist, it doesn't do the movie's logic any justice; to have an initial murderer and then have another person use the situation and murder as well - well, that's just too stupid. It's also far too coincidental that the writer had killed in his youth, and that he would come into a connection with a serial killer later in his life. What are the odds of that? But I wouldn't ask Argento that question. His appreciation of statistics and odds is probably just as low as his appreciation of logic. A thing I noticed in Argento's movies: the soundtrack, though original and interesting, in many scenes doesn't fit the action and sometimes doesn't even fit the genre. - DirectorJorge MontesiDominique Othenin-GirardStarsFaye GrantMichael WoodsMichael LernerTwo attorneys adopt a mysterious orphan girl as their daughter, unaware she is the new Antichrist, next in line to Damien Thorn.
- DirectorMichael DavisStarsClive OwenMonica BellucciPaul GiamattiA man named Mr. Smith delivers a woman's baby during a shootout, and is then called upon to protect the newborn from the army of gunmen.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0465602/usercomments-403
- DirectorAlfred HitchcockStarsCary GrantIngrid BergmanClaude RainsThe daughter of a convicted German spy is asked by American agents to gather information on a ring of German scientists in South America. How far will she have to go to ingratiate herself with them?You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorFritz KierschStarsPeter HortonLinda HamiltonR.G. ArmstrongA young couple is trapped in a remote town where a dangerous religious cult of children believes that everyone over age 18 must be killed.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorMick GarrisStarsJonathan JacksonDavid ArquetteBarbara HersheyWhen a man finds out his mother is dying and tries to hitchhike his way to the hospital, he is picked up by a stranger with a deadly secret.
- DirectorJohn CarpenterStarsAustin StokerDarwin JostonLaurie ZimmerA Highway Patrol Officer, two criminals and a station secretary defend a defunct Los Angeles precinct office against a siege by a bloodthirsty street gang.
- DirectorClive BarkerStarsCraig ShefferDavid CronenbergAnne BobbyA troubled young man is drawn to a mythical place called Midian where a variety of friendly monsters are hiding from humanity. Meanwhile, a sadistic serial killer is looking for a patsy.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100260/usercomments-92
- DirectorPat O'ConnorStarsKevin KlineMary Elizabeth MastrantonioSusan SarandonTwo years after being forced out of NYPD, quirky Nick is rehired by the mayor to catch a serial killer after the 11th murder of a woman.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorLouis LeterrierCorey YuenStarsJason StathamShu QiMatt SchulzeFrank Martin, who "transports" packages for unknown clients, is asked to move a package that soon begins moving, and complications arise.Luc Besson wrote this, so don't expect too much...
Jason Statham elevates a movie that is basically your standard high-budget action crap. The first third is quite good, but the movie slows down too much in the middle, and then later the main plot becomes far too dull.
I don't mind the absurd action scenes; in fact there wasn't enough action - especially when one compares this to a much better Statham action vehicle such as "Crank", which offered non-stop excitement (and a far more original premise).
The guy who played the French detective should go to a language course first, before making any more English-speaking movies. His mumbling sounds as if a drunken walrus was given ten liters of vodka and then juggled 100 marbles in his mouth - while trying to utter his first-ever words. "Ggrunkf frowpdthr goondrpfth."
As flawed as TT is, it makes the sequel look like fine old wine by comparison... - DirectorGlen MorganStarsMichelle TrachtenbergMary Elizabeth WinsteadLacey ChabertOn Christmas Eve, an escaped maniac returns to his childhood home, which is now a sorority house, and begins to murder the sorority sisters one by one.
- DirectorSteve MinerStarsJamie Lee CurtisJosh HartnettAdam ArkinLaurie Strode, now the dean of a Northern California private school with an assumed name, must battle the Shape one last time, as the life of her own son hangs in the balance.
- DirectorJ.R. BookwalterStarsPete FerryBogdan PecicMichael GrossiAn elite anti-Zombie team is assembled by the Government to cope with an ever-growing undead infection and the religious cult zealots who fanatically protect the festering foes.There are no words to describe just how low-budget this boring piece of garbage really is. In fact, just by renting this tape I have probably spent more money than the film's producers on the film itself. (I, and the other ten people who saw this film made quite a good profit for the producer, who happens to be Raimi, allegedly; if that is true, why the hell is he wasting time with this kind of crap? A favour for a (talentless) friend?) This lower-than-low-budget snooze-fest was financed by somebody's failed garage sale. Or was a cast member's kid-brother's piggy-bank raided in the middle of the night? Who knows...
For the rest:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094962/usercomments-42 - DirectorAlan J. PakulaStarsWarren BeattyPaula PrentissWilliam DanielsAn ambitious reporter gets in way-over-his-head trouble while investigating a senator's assassination which leads to a vast conspiracy involving a multinational corporation behind every event in the world's headlines.A rising-star Democrat politician gets assassinated, and in the course of the next years all journalists who were present when this happened start getting knocked off one by one, by an evil, mysterious, all-powerful, sinister, TNT-happy (and doubtlessly Republican-controlled) organization with a rather bombastic name, "The Parallax Corporation" (sounds almost sci-fi-ish; anything with the letter "x" denotes "threat" and "ominous bad guys doing evil deeds").
Soon Beatty, the next reporter waiting in line to be spectacularly executed, nearly gets killed in a dam(!) accident. No, not a "damn accident", a DAM accident! Talk about pythonesque levels of comical overkill - sort of like Terry Jones (a Marxist, btw) trying to split a running train with his nose.
One would think that those SECRET, MYSTERIOUS, evil corporations/organizations would do things like this quietly, effectively, intelligently. Alas, Pakula wants to have his cake and eat it too: have the villains be all-powerful and yet as stupid and reckless as a drugged-up, drunk strip-bar bimbo doing a head-stand...
For the rest:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071970/usercomments-106 - DirectorMarcus DunstanStarsJosh StewartAndrea RothJuan FernándezDesperate to repay his debt to his ex-wife, an ex-con plots a heist at his new employer's country home, unaware that a second criminal has also targeted the property, and rigged it with a series of deadly traps.
- DirectorLars von TrierStarsWillem DafoeCharlotte GainsbourgStorm Acheche SahlstrømA grieving couple retreat to their cabin in the woods, hoping to repair their broken hearts and troubled marriage, but nature takes its course and things go from bad to worse.
- DirectorScott WiperStarsSteve AustinVinnie JonesNathan JonesJack Conrad is awaiting the death penalty in a corrupt Central American prison. He is "purchased" by a wealthy television producer and taken to a desolate island where he must fight to the death against nine other condemned killers from all corners of the world, with freedom going to the sole survivor.http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443473/usercomments-69
- DirectorRobert HiltzikStarsFelissa RoseJonathan TierstenKaren FieldsBunks and showers are a mad stabber's beat at a summer camp strictly for teens.Campy Sleepaway.
The title delivers not on one, but two promises: the movie truly is campy, in the goofiest possible 80s way. And it does induce sleepiness, or at least mild drowsiness.
Did I say this was a campy 80s film? An understatement. You can spot those idiotic tight shorts and cheesy haircuts from outer space. The cast look like rejects straight out of a failed, low-budget TV pilot about skinny rebellious-without-a-cause teens. The poor bastards couldn't have had much fun running around in clothes tight enough to strangle a bull. The dialogue seems to be a collage of discarded comic-book balloons.
But none of these stand a chance against the idiotic end-twist. Forget the ugly T-shirts, the bleak/unappealing cast, the cretinous dialogue, the asinine characters, and the corny haircuts. Who is the killer? It is the shy girl, Angela. She's Angelo, get it? Raised as a girl, (s)he somehow gradually started looking like a girl - a morphing process which was very convenient for the movie's brainless director. No idea how Angelo's voice became girlish too... That isn't explained, either. But expecting explanations or an ounce of intelligence regarding anything in a slasher film is certainly stretching one's optimism a bit.
The last scene has Angela/Angelo screaming like a blood-sucking vampire who'd just been awoken from its B-movie grave, as her/his dong breathes some fresh air. ("Hint, hint, viewers: ding-dong.") But it served its purpose: it woke me up. It was too stupid not to laugh at. Hence, ironically, the ending is good in a two-fold manner: it signifies the much-anticipated end of a truly bad movie, and it made me laugh. All bad things can end well, you just never know...
How must Felissa Rose feel, having been thought of as a perfect choice to play an androgynous, sexless creature? "You look so much like a boy!"... "Gee, thanks... I'll take that as a compliment." - DirectorMichael MannStarsScott GlennIan McKellenAlberta WatsonNazis are forced to turn to a Jewish historian for help in battling the ancient demon they have inadvertently freed from its prison.An ancient keep filled with 80s cheese. McKellan on speed.
Leonard Maltin refers to TK as "strange cinema". But poor little clueless Leonard never quite recognized/understood the not-so-fine line between strange and outright silly.
A 1941 Jewish girl is about to be sent to a concentration camp, but she looks like she'd escaped straight out of an 80s Foreigner video. Her father is played by a hopelessly animated McKellan. This was way before he was told that movie acting and theater acting weren't the same. He hams it up with the pomp of a heroin addict locked up in a rehab room. Or perhaps he just misunderstood the script and thought it was a comedy. To think he'd one day play Gandalf so well...
If McKellan did not understand the essence of this movie, perhaps he couldn't be blamed. On the screen it looks like a mess, so I can imagine what it must have been like going through this script. "Suddenly a red-eyed mutant-Satan/WWF-wrestler being appears, talking in a deep voice and asking the chair-bound Jewish scholar to join him in his quest to get rid of the Nazis... Meanwhile in Greece, a blue-eyed muscular sex-starved quasi-angel/alien prepares for his motorbike journey to Romania..."
For the rest:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085780/usercomments-146 - DirectorSteven R. MonroeStarsKelly BrookDennis HopperHippolyte GirardotNine strangers, with no apparent connection between them are abducted: drugged, kidnapped and sealed in a house together.
- DirectorDavid R. EllisStarsSarah RoemerJake MuxworthyMark RolstonSix college students discover their dorm was once an insane asylum that conducted gruesome lobotomies on its teenage inmates during the 1930's.
- DirectorMark A. LewisStarsVal KilmerMartha MacIsaacAaron AshmoreA research expedition to the Arctic discovers that a melting polar ice cap has released a deadly prehistoric parasite.The Thaw... ing of viewer's brains.
I was rooting for the bugs. And they didn't disappoint.
It might seem a little harsh, but after all the characters had been established - as smug, clueless tree-hugging idiots - I felt an anticipation bordering on manic impatience for all of them to be put out, as soon as possible and with as much hoopla as possible. The bugs are my heroes.
The movie starts off with Val sleepily talking into his camera (he never tries very hard in any of his movies, does he? he is the anti-Travolta, i.e. he's the King of all Underactors). Then there's a brief - slightly comical - scene in which a tiny, elongated insect comes out of a woman's forehead then scurries back inside once the evil environmentalists try to catch it. (Poor thing... it's been dormant inside the mammoth's carcass for thousands of years, bored to tears I imagine with nothing to do than speculate on how much the taste of human blood had altered in the meantime, only to have woken to face inferior humans such as liberal save-the-planet knuckleheads. Is that fair? Life's not fair: not even for bugs. No wonder they immediately opted for attack; who can blame them?)...
For the rest:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1235448/usercomments-28 - DirectorEduardo SánchezStarsGretchen LodgeJohnny LewisAlexandra HoldenNewlywed Molly moves into her deceased father's house in the countryside, where painful memories soon begin to haunt her.
- DirectorJ. Lee ThompsonStarsCharles BronsonLisa EilbacherAndrew StevensAn LAPD detective and his rookie partner are on the trail of a psychopathic young man who is murdering young women.You can find my review of this film on IMDb.
- DirectorDaniel StammStarsMark WebberDevon GrayeTom BowerA cryptic phone call sets off a dangerous game of risks for Elliot, a down-on-his-luck salesman. The game promises increasing rewards for completing 13 tasks, each more sinister than the last.
- DirectorHyung-rae ShimStarsJason BehrAmanda BrooksRobert ForsterOnce in 500 years, ancient mythical creatures come to Earth, wreaking havoc and destruction. This time they must be stopped.A Pierce Brosnan look-alike with an extra shot of estrogen.
This little movie gets unjustly trashed - considering that almost any vacuous left-wing garbage with Sean Penn or Michael Moore gets an average rating above 7, no matter how inept, nonsensical, or unintentionally funny it is, i.e. no matter how dragon-like it is. If half of the world can worship low-IQ, sexually frustrated film-making bipeds, then certainly we should be able to give a few confused Korean lizards a fighting chance.
In all honesty, what exactly is the difference between Liberal propaganda thrillers such as "Syriana" and idiotic lizard flicks such as "Eragon" and "D-Wars"? Both sub-genres lie to us about the world; the former claims that man is inherently good hence deserves a merciless tyranny to help him pave the Golden Path to perfection i.e. Utopia (I know, the logic here escapes me, too), while the latter claims that mighty dragons exist but that they rarely catch their designated human prey in spite of their size and agility. So both sub-genres pray to the same god, don't they? The God of filmic BS...
For the rest:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0372873/usercomments-357 - DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsMatthew BroderickJean RenoMaria PitilloFrench nuclear tests irradiate an iguana into a giant monster that heads off to New York City. The American military must chase the monster across the city to stop it before it reproduces.
- DirectorJen SoskaSylvia SoskaStarsKatharine IsabelleAntonio CupoTristan RiskThe allure of easy money sends Mary Mason, a medical student, into the world of underground surgeries which ends up leaving more marks on her than her so-called "freakish" clients.
- DirectorMartin ScorseseStarsLeonardo DiCaprioMatt DamonJack NicholsonAn undercover cop and a mole in the police attempt to identify each other while infiltrating an Irish gang in South Boston.
- DirectorJoe JohnstonStarsSam NeillWilliam H. MacyTéa LeoniA decidedly odd couple with ulterior motives convince Dr. Grant to go to Isla Sorna for a holiday, but their unexpected landing startles the island's new inhabitants.
- DirectorKen RussellStarsMichael CaineKarl MaldenEd BegleyBritish spy-turned-detective Harry Palmer stumbles upon an oil tycoon's plot to overthrow Communism using a supercomputer.