Favorite Cheese/trash/Genre/craptastic cinema
There's bad, there's awesomely bad and then there's these bad boys right here. Then there's the cheese, and then there's the awesome excessive genre flicks... The best beer or whatevs flicks out there...
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- DirectorEdward D. MurphyStarsCameron MitchellGeoffrey BinneyHope HolidayMartial arts students visit an island with ghosts of dishonored fighters. They encounter a Hitler lookalike running a female slavery operation, leading to encounters with cannibals, piranhas, zombies, and chaos.Kung fu! A mysterious island and Hitler lookalike villain! A crew of badasses washed ashore! Honest to god ZOMBIE KUNG FU NINJAS! What more do ya want from a crap film??
8/10 baby, You know you want to see this craptasterpiece.. - DirectorRobert ClouseStarsKurt ThomasTetchie AgbayaniRichard NortonAn American gymnast travels to a foreign country to compete in a deadly game not won by anyone other than a native in more than 900 years.What do you get when you cross the deadly art of... some martial art with an olympic gold medal winning gymnast?? Um, Gymkata apparently. Sent off to a secret mission to enter a deadly (and by that I mean consists mainly of jogging) tournament that no westerner has ever won in 800 years!
Why is he sent to the fictitious country of Parmestan and why does everyone wear Fez hats there despite looking REALLY white and western?
Who knows, this is one of the most ludicrously random flicks out there, and proof positive that shouting "Hey, I directed Enter The Dragon man!" will get your project greenlit, no matter how jaw droppingly ludicrous said project is.
8/10, Thank god for the excessive '80s! - DirectorPaul GrauStarsJosé GrasLaura PremicaAndrea AlbaniA man seeks revenge after a biker gang murders his family.Spanish garishly attired lothario goes up against bikers from the village people fan club in revenge for them defiling his squeeze. Mucho shoddilly choreographed fight scenes and terrible dubbing ensues in this masterpiece of Eurocraptastic sleaze. 8/10, Viva Espana!
- DirectorBob KelljanStarsJo Ann HarrisPeter BrownJennifer Lee PryorA group of women take a martial arts class to punish a sadistic serial rapist who wears a hockey mask.Feminist exploitation cheese fest, in which a group of intrepid raped chicks come together to form a vigilante gang and the scourge of pervs everywhere. They go on like the gang from Scooby Doo, and hunt their rapist down, who fancies himself a mastermind while parading around in broad daylight, in a bright orange jumpsuit and a hockey mask.
He's also totally evil and not only makes his victims say "thank you for choosing me, Mr rapist", he also makes them sing "Jingle Bells". During the rape. What a scumbag!
7/10 awesome sleaze - DirectorDavid A. PriorStarsCameron MitchellTroy DonahueTed PriorA group of sadistic mercenaries kidnap people off the streets and set them loose on the grounds of their secret camp, so the "students" at the camp can learn how to track down and kill their prey.Mulleted super heroic badass Mike Danton is kidnapped, dumped on an island and hunted like an animal by evil military mulleted types.
However, Mike Danton is badass and offs everyone in elaborate ways.
7/10 Crap with style. Mullet style. - DirectorRoberta FindlayStarsJoe LynnMina BernWalter BryantA drug selling and violent street-gang terrorize the renters of a big trashy apartment-house.Evil Gangbangers besiege honest residents of a horrible tenement block and lots of cut rate gore, rape and drug overdoses take place.
7/10, welcome to da jungle baby. - DirectorRiccardo FredaStarsLuigi PistilliDagmar LassanderAnton DiffringA corpse is found in the trunk of a car that belongs to the Swiss ambassador to the UK. Speculations run wild, as more people around the ambassador keep falling victim to the vicious killer. A former detective is hired to investigate.Bad dubbing, Italian actors playing Oirish characters, nekkid schoolgirls, granny bashing and zoom ups on shifty sinister eyes.
Win win win. 7/10 EVERYONE is sinister in this crapfest! - DirectorPeter ManoogianStarsAndrew PrineDenise CrosbyPatrick ReynoldsA former pilot rebels against his creator, teaming up with the scientist responsible for android technology, her pet robot Spot, a rough-and-tumble riverboat guide, and a martial arts warrior.What do you do when you have a half way decent budget and no concept of originality? Throw in every off the wall concept you can think of, while ripping off other films like The Terminator and Indiana Jones!
8/10- Ninjas, time travel, cyborgs and cavemen combined with '80s score equals YESSS...... - DirectorSteve CarverStarsGary BuseyDarlanne FluegelHenry SilvaOft-wounded L.A. cop Gary Busey invades Mexico to rescue U.S. Army types from a Soviet Agent. Henry Silva, Darlanne Fluege.AKA: McBain: The Movie.
The inherent madness that is Gary Busey is Frank Bulletproof McBain, called so because he's been shot 37 times and is still saving the world from evil Russians. Now he has to get back a captured top secret tank from "Libyans, Niceraguans, Cubans and Ay-rabs".
This film is hilarious. It has Busey going around calling everyone "Butthorn" and HENRY FRICKIN SILVA as an evil Libyan commander who sneers things like "In MY country, women speak with RESPECT!"
That's the only reason you need to see it.
8/10. Films like this make me sad that the Cold War is over. - DirectorMichael WinnerStarsCharles BronsonDeborah RaffinEd LauterArchitect/vigilante Paul Kersey arrives back in New York City and is forcibly recruited by a crooked police chief to fight street crime caused by a large gang terrorizing the neighborhoods.Bronson goes buff in a leather jacket and kills around 2.5 million people, all of them filth.
7.5/10 do NOT annoy Charles Bronson... - DirectorIvan HallStarsJames RyanCharlotte MichelleNorman CoombesTwo former ranking figures of the Axis powers schedule a deadly martial arts tournament in an isolated locale. The two rivals then race to assemble the top competitors from around the world, with Steve Hunt being the most sought after fighter.Nazi super baddie! Who parades around on his Nazi island in which tournament is held due to bet made in war with Japanese superbaddie counterpart.
Parades around in full nazi regalia, with a limo adorned with a Swastika on the hood AND.... a homicidal evil dwarf sidekick, who has an imaginary hand puppet friend he talks to whenever he feels down.
Who can save us from this madness?
James Ryan.
Who's James Ryan?
He's a Sith Ifrikan kung fu flared jeans wearing badass, that's who.
7.5/10, completely bizarre craptastic entertainment. - DirectorIvan HallStarsJames RyanAnneline KrielMichael MayerWhen Dr. Horatio Kane is kidnapped and is forced to create an army of martial artists his daughter Kandy Kane is the only one who can help. She enlists the help of Steve Chase to save her father and the day.James Ryan is beck and this time he wears a tuxedo! And kicks more ass! 7/10
- DirectorBruno MatteiClaudio FragassoStarsOttaviano Dell'AcquaGeretta GerettaMassimo VanniIn a post-apocalyptic earth, where most of humanity lives underground, a group of surface people stumble upon an abandoned lab that was trying to bring life back to the earth's surface, but the place is run over by vicious rats.The Godfather Of Crap, Bruno Mattei's awesome stab at the post apocalyptic genre, with coiffed bikers coming across a deserted town, only to be attacked by killer flesh eating rats, whose attacks appear to consist of some dude throwing them over the actors from offscreen.
Best line: "If you're gonna fornicate like animals, do it outside!"
7.5/10, this is what crap cinema should be all about, people. - DirectorFrank HenenlotterStarsCharlee DanielsonAnthony SneedMark WilsonDriven by biological excess, a man and a woman search for sexual fulfillment, unaware of each other's existence. Unfortunately, they eventually meet, and the bonding of these two very unusual human beings ends in a god awful love story.I'm not even gonna attempt to describe this utterly insane Hennenlotter flick except to say... 8/10... Welcome back Frank, you've been away far too long.
- DirectorFrank HenenlotterStarsRick HearstGordon MacDonaldJennifer LowryOne morning, a young man wakes to find that a small, disgusting creature has attached itself to the base of his brain stem. The creature gives him a euphoric state of happiness but demands human victims in return.Hennenlotter again, this time focusing on a luckless dude who quite literally hooks up with a suave, brain eating parasite called Aylmore. Has a detox scene which manages to be equally hilarious and horrifying.
8/10, vintage Hennenlotter- ropey FX, wild overacting and often brilliant. - DirectorSteve CarverStarsChuck NorrisChristopher LeeRichard RoundtreeA SFPD undercover narcotics cop aims to avenge his partner's death and destroy a drug-smuggling ring operated by the Chinese Triads.Chuck Norris. Christopher Lee. Richard Roundtree (You're daaaamn right) and professor Tanaka.
Enough said. 7.5/10 - DirectorSteve CarverStarsChuck NorrisDavid CarradineBarbara CarreraAfter helping the local police with some horse thieves, a Texas Ranger aims at a drug lord with arms trade as well. They're interested in the same woman and they're both into martial arts.If you like Chuck Norris, evil dwarfs who spin their walls into secret rooms to escape Chuck's wrath and David Carradine in a red kara-tay suit, then Lone Wolf McQuaid is for you. 7/10
- DirectorLamberto BavaStarsUrbano BarberiniNatasha HoveyKarl ZinnyA group of random people are invited to a screening of a mysterious movie, only to find themselves trapped in the theater with ravenous demons.Cheesefest that it is, it's still the one great film of Lamberto Bava I've seen. 8/10
- DirectorUmberto LenziStarsHugo StiglitzLaura TrotterMaria Rosaria OmaggioAn airplane exposed to radiation lands, and blood drinking zombies emerge armed with knives, guns and teeth! They go on a rampage slicing, dicing, and biting their way across the Italian countryside.Fast zombies who use weapons and attack chicks doing yoga! Beardy hero must save the day! Sweet. 7/10
- DirectorMario LandiStarsSacha PitoëffGianni DeiMariangela GiordanoFive people receive an anonymous letter revealing a secret of theirs and inviting them to come stay at a mansion that houses a clinic run by a corrupt doctor who experiments on the brain of his comatose son.Titular only sequel from those crazy Italians in which every chick gets butt nekkid and people die in icky grisly set piece ways.
7/10, trashtastic - DirectorBruno MatteiClaudio FragassoStarsMargie NewtonFranco GarofaloSelan KarayAfter an experiment gone wrong, a virus that turns people into zombies spreads throughout New Guinea. A female reporter and her cameraman, and a team of four commandos sent to investigate try to survive the onslaught.How to make a zombie film by Bruno Mattei:
Step #1 Have atrocious dubbing
Step 2# Blatantly, shamelessly, and possibly sue-inducingly steal the score from Dawn Of The Dead
Step #3 Have a ham fisted message to go with your rip off, thereby making at least SOME claim at originality
Step #4 Throw in a bunch of cannibals in the finale, in case your audience gets bored with the zombies.
The result: 7/10.Bruno may make crap but it's darned entertaining crap nonetheless. - DirectorAmir ShervanStarsRobert Z'DarMathew KaredasJanis FarleyJoe Marshall and Frank Washington are two tenacious police detectives who seek at all costs to stop the Katana, a renegade Yakuza gang composed of violent and sadistic killers who want to lead the drug trade in Los Angeles.Mulleted hero cop kicks ass, chops off arms in a cheapo looking, bargain basement-style FX manner and goes up against Japanese villain, the not remotely Japanese in the slightest Robert Z'Dar.
6.5/10, passes the crap test - DirectorEddie NicartStarsWeng WengYehlen CatralCarmi MartinThe diminutive Agent 00 must rescue a kidnapped scientist and stop a mysterious warlord from taking over the world.Weng-Weng is secret agent 00, a badass dwarf who kicks... um, shins.
Has awesome dialogue such as "The forces of good are our sworn enemy" and "He must be exterminated and I mean lethally!"
6.5/10. Filipino secret agent dwarfs are dangerous. - DirectorMichele Massimo TarantiniStarsMichael SopkiwSuzane CarvalhoMilton RodríguezA small plane carrying fossil hunters crashes in the Amazon jungle, and the survivors must battle their way through cannibals, wild animals, and slave traders.Within the first 15 minutes of this film, we're treated to a bar fight, Michael Sopkiw as a cool clean hero, full frontal nudity and a plane crash. It also has cannibals, quicksand and awesome Italian-style sound FX to go with each fight, and yes, the dubbing is crap too.
These are reasons enough to see this film. 7/10. - DirectorPeter ManoogianStarsGary FrankRay Parker Jr.Jan-Michael VincentAn insurance salesman inadvertently gets trapped after dark in an apartment building that is terrorized by a street gang called "The Vampires."An insurance salesman making a sale at a tenement block runs afoul of vicious street gang The Vampires, led with relish by Tony Todd. Helped by Ray Parker Jnr and addled 'Nam vet jean Michael Vincent, it's a solid little genre flick in its own right.7/10