Must Avoid Horror Movies
So Bad --- they're bad!!!
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- DirectorM. Night ShyamalanStarsMark WahlbergZooey DeschanelJohn LeguizamoA science teacher, his wife, and a young girl struggle to survive a plague that causes those infected to commit suicide.M. Knight Shyamalan - the Ed Wood of his generation. And this ladies and gentlemen is our Plan 9 From Outer Space. Mark Wahlberg's acting in this would make Keanu Reeves grimace.
I just - can't even describe how awful this is. - DirectorJohn ShibanStarsJaimie AlexanderMichael ChildersJennifer CormackThe film follows Nicole Carrow, a young woman who is threatened by a maniac serial killer, after her boyfriend Jess, is abducted in a rest stop.The dumbest final girl - only girl EVER.
And Joey Lawrence - DirectorRobert HallStarsBobbi Sue LutherKevin GageLena HeadeyA young girl wakes up in a casket with a head injury and no memory of her identity. She quickly realizes she was abducted by a serial killer and she must fight to survive.The second dumbest final girl EVER --
- DirectorNacho CerdáStarsAnastasia HilleKarel RodenValentin GoshevAn adopted woman returns to her home country and the family home that she never knew and must face the mystery that lies there.good premise, atmospheric, yet ultimately pointless
- DirectorWalter SallesStarsJennifer ConnellyAriel GadeJohn C. ReillyA mother and daughter, still wounded from a bitter custody dispute, hole up in a run-down apartment building, where they are targeted by the ghost of a former resident.oh Jennifer Connelly, you're better than this. Riding the JHorror wave of The Ring and The Grudge, Hollywood assumed at this point evil little girls equal bank at the box office. Not this time, silly pointless film.
- DirectorJeremy KastenStarsMarisa RamirezTravis WesterNichole HiltzDuring a Day of the Dead celebration, the dead come to life to prey upon the living.They had a SciFi channel budget for this horrible crappy film.
MJ's 'Thriller' has better scares. - DirectorJames IsaacStarsJason BehrElias KoteasRhona MitraA 12-year-old boy and his mother become the targets of two warring werewolf packs, each with different intentions and motives.How hard is it to find a good werewolf movie? Extremely. This one should have been a Sci Fi Original: no budget, no talent, no script.
- DirectorKaryn KusamaStarsMegan FoxAmanda SeyfriedAdam BrodyA newly-possessed high-school cheerleader turns into a succubus who specializes in killing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?I get dark humor in horror films. When done well it can be great. I don't know what this was. A rare horror film starring, written and directed by women it's just a sin and a shame that it was so bad.
There is actually a seen in this where Fox's character gets stabbed, and says to her attacker, while impaled: "Do you have a tampon?" - DirectorStephen KayStarsBarry WatsonEmily DeschanelLucy LawlessA young man tries to deal with the childhood terror that has never stopped haunting him.When he's finally revealed-- I thought it was a joke. I was like 'what's that supposed to be?"
- DirectorBrian Avenet-BradleyStarsMichelle KegleyAustin Brett FednanderRachael RollingsWhen the daughter Emma of the technical writer Allen Pyke and the photographer Julie is found slashed in the throat and wrists in their locked apartment, the couple decides to move to an isolated cabin in the mountains in Kingspike. Julie is very depressed and blames Allen for the death of Emma. Once in the new home, Julie sees the spirit of Emma in a photo she took in a nearby abandoned prison and she becomes obsessed shooting pictures of poltergeists. Allen is advised to move from the place by the local Jim Payne, and on May 21st, Allen finds that the former dwellers of the cabin have committed suicide, and he investigates the death in the spot and finds that many people died around May 22nd. He decides to move with Julie to a hotel, but she does not want to give up on Emma.Don't judge a dvd by it's cover. This movie sucked. And also features the third dumbest final girl ever!
- DirectorDavid BrucknerDan BushJacob GentryStarsAnessa RamseyJustin WelbornScott PoythressA horror film told in three parts, from three perspectives, in which a mysterious transmission that turns people into killers invades every cell phone, radio, and television.I hate putting this on here, considering the first story is so good. But for some reason I will never fathom, the directer switches over from serious well acted survival tone of the first story to bad poorly acted dark humor in the second story. It really threw me off. What a waste.
- StarsPatricia WettigDean StockwellTom HollandMost of the passengers on an airplane disappear, and the remainder land the plane in a mysteriously barren airport.Oh.God. This has got to be one of the worst things I have ever seen. Graphics for 1995 couldn't possibly be that bad right? Was there a script? How did I sit through this? So many questions ...
- DirectorWilliam MaloneStarsStephen DorffNatascha McElhoneStephen ReaA New York City detective investigates mysterious deaths occurring 48 hours after users log onto a site named feardotcom.Another movie riding the JHorror wave. This time with the hopes that evil girl plus electronics equal bank. Stephen Dorff you are better than this, I hope. And Stephen Rea ...
- DirectorD.J. CarusoStarsAngelina JolieEthan HawkeKiefer SutherlandAn FBI profiler is called in by French Canadian police to catch a serial killer who takes on the identity of each new victim.This is the worst film I've ever seen Angelina Jolie in, and yes I've seen both Tomb Raiders.
- DirectorGregory HoblitStarsDiane LaneColin HanksJoseph CrossFBI agent Jennifer Marsh is tasked with hunting down a seemingly untraceable serial killer who posts live videos of his victims on the Internet. As time runs out, the cat and mouse chase becomes more personal.Calling it Unwatchable would have saved me a lot of time. The killers motive in this movie has got to be the dumbest I've ever heard.
I must also add the waste of the great Diane Lane. - DirectorMike FiggisStarsDennis QuaidSharon StoneStephen DorffA family relocates from the city to a dilapidated house in the country that was once a grand estate. As they begin renovations, they discover their new home harbors a secret and may not be completely free of its former inhabitant.What is this? It's not a thriller, but I remember it being marketed as scary - it's not. And here we are with Stephen Dorff again! I guess he wasn't better than this. Sharon Stone and Dennis Quaid couldn't help
and then there's Kristen Stewart ... just watch Cape Fear instead. - DirectorRenny HarlinStarsSteven StraitSebastian StanToby HemingwayFour young men who belong to a New England supernatural legacy are forced to battle an elusive fifth power.Yes it is The Lost Boys meets The Craft without the fun, originality and competent script. It really just should have been released on the CW.
I barely got through opening sequence of multiple shoving and characters angrily calling each other 'dude' and 'man'. - DirectorWes CravenStarsChristina RicciJesse EisenbergPortia de RossiA werewolf loose in Los Angeles changes the lives of three young adults who, after being mauled by the beast, learn they must kill it in order to avoid becoming werewolves themselves.I ask again, is it hard to find a good werewolf movie? This film makes American Werewolf in Paris look like -- it's not quite as bad. Although I credit this movie with helping me to realize Joshua Jackson is hot, it is simply awful.
- DirectorAnthony IndelicatoStarsFrank AdonisJoseph AnthonyRon ArabiaBased on a true story. Summer as usual until a group of young children go missing in the forest. Tracked by a hunter and his crazy sons, to survive the children must take revenge into their own hands.Again, don't judge a dvd by it's cover. This is a douchebag vanity project with an ending so cliched you'll wish you could chuck a machete through the tv and get the job done.
- DirectorAdam GreenStarsDanielle HarrisKane HodderTony ToddMarybeth escapes the clutches of the bayou-butcher Victor Crowley and returns to the swamp with an army of hunters and gunmen, determined to end Crowley's reign of horror once and for all.Oh how the mighty have fallen. The first film for me, was fun, and a real throwback to great 80's slasher that never took itself too seriously. This movie however veered from all that with a silly script, only about two cool kill sequences and this weird thing with Danielle Harris' eyebrows.
- DirectorRupert WainwrightStarsTom WellingMaggie GraceSelma BlairA thick mist full of vengeful spirits haunts a prosperous island town off the coast of Oregon, as its inhabitants try to learn their town's dark secret in order to stop it.Boy.
I really don't know what to say.
Unnecessary remake would be obvious, but I also have to add that I hate when Hollywood thinks piling on CGI over genuine atmosphere equals good film. Watch the original Fog or The Mist instead, this one's all smoke and mirrors. Speaking of smoke though, Tom Welling could set something on fire in this. - DirectorJohn CarpenterStarsNatasha HenstridgeIce CubePam GrierIn 2176, a Martian police unit is sent to pick up a highly dangerous criminal at a remote mining post. Upon arrival, the cops find that the post has become a charnel house.yeah... I had forgotten about this movie. John Carpenter we need an intervention. You can't go from Halloween and the Thing to Ice Cube on Mars.
- DirectorMathieu KassovitzStarsHalle BerryPenélope CruzRobert Downey Jr.A psychiatrist awakens as a patient in a mental institution, with no memory of the murder she's accused of committing. As she tries to regain her memory, a vengeful spirit manipulates her.Riding her Oscar wave, Hally Berry next two films were this, and Catwoman. Catwoman is worse - but just barely
- DirectorRick RosenthalStarsJamie Lee CurtisBusta RhymesBrad LoreeThree years after he last terrorized his sister, Michael Myers confronts her again, before traveling to Haddonfield to deal with the cast and crew of a reality show which is being broadcast from his old home.Jason has some pretty crappy sequels under his belt. But I always hold special offense to bad Michael Myers sequels since he's supposed to play it straight. This film, from it's crappy premise and boring fake Laurie Strode to the pointless stunt casting of Tyra Banks and Busta Rhymes(and his martial arts skills), I literally never saw how it ended. About ten minutes before the end I just did not care.
Jaimie Lee Curtis - YOU are the only one better than this. - DirectorPeter WebberStarsGaspard UllielRhys IfansGong LiAfter the death of his parents during World War II, young Hannibal Lecter moves in with his beautiful aunt and begins plotting revenge on the barbarians responsible for his sister's death.Sigh. Poor Gong Li.
This movie is so void of any type of feeling, and considering the subject matter that says a lot.
I don't even think that this story needed to be told onscreen.
There's only one Hannibal Lector - and we don't need an origin story.
Especially a bland one.