Movies I have masturbated to
This stuff gets the engine all rumblin'. Best believe these movies have led to many a ruined couch and/or kitchenette (guys out there, you know what I mean).
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- DirectorTim HillStarsBreckin MeyerJennifer Love HewittBilly ConnollyJon and Garfield visit the United Kingdom, where a case of mistaken cat identity finds Garfield ruling over a castle. His reign is soon jeopardized by the nefarious Lord Dargis, who has designs on the estate.Now there's some pussy! You know what I'm sayin? I'm always purring for Bill Murray!
- The sequel to Galaxian (1979), the player controls a spaceship and faces waves of enemy aliens that try to destroy, capture, or collide with the spaceship.I'd be a very rich man if I hadn't doused my original cabinet with my plentiful manchowder.
- DirectorJohn MurlowskiStarsHulk HoganDon StarkRobin CurtisA heartless millionaire believes he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac.You all know what's up ;)
- DirectorIngmar BergmanStarsMax von SydowGunnar BjörnstrandBengt EkerotA knight returning to Sweden after the Crusades seeks answers about life, death, and the existence of God as he plays chess against the Grim Reaper during the Black Plague.Playin chess wit my own self. AAAAWWW YEEEEAH
- DirectorWolfgang ReithermanStarsPhil HarrisEva GaborSterling HollowayWith the help of a smooth talking tomcat, a family of Parisian felines set to inherit a fortune from their owner try to make it back home after a jealous butler kidnaps them and leaves them in the country.See first entry. This one is self explanatory.
- DirectorMorgan SpurlockStarsMorgan SpurlockDaryl IsaacsChemeeka WalkerWhile examining the influence of the fast food industry, Morgan Spurlock personally explores the consequences on his health of a diet of solely McDonald's food for one month.Chubby action
- DirectorHal NeedhamStarsBurt ReynoldsSally FieldJerry ReedThe Bandit is hired on to run a tractor-trailer full of beer over state lines, in hot pursuit by a pesky sheriff.Smokin!
- DirectorBennett WhiteStarsBennett WhiteSage is my #1. I love you man. I'd dump my load all over your neckbeard.
- DirectorRobert C. RamirezPatrick A. VenturaStarsThurl RavenscroftDeanna OliverEric LloydThomas M. Disch's sequel, based on the book sequel, has our heroes zooming off to, of all places, Mars.This takes me to mars. Ya git it?
- DirectorJeff CrookJosh CrookStarsDaniel OutlawParis CampbellJanisha FaithAfter the brutal murder of his brother, Donte decides to seek revenge against the perpetrators; a vicious Dominican gang of dog-fighters led by a psychotic ex-con named Angel.WOOF WOOF
- DirectorChris RobertsStarsMark HamillMalcolm McDowellJohn Rhys-DaviesIt is several years after mankind's war against the Kilrathi. Col. Christopher Blair is called back into duty by the Terran Confederation to help stop acts of terrorism that appear to be taking place against Confed by Border Worlds forces.Joystick required
- DirectorTony KayeStarsEdward NortonEdward FurlongBeverly D'AngeloLiving a life marked by violence, neo-Nazi Derek finally goes to prison after killing two black youths. Upon his release, Derek vows to change; he hopes to prevent his brother, Danny, who idolizes Derek, from following in his footsteps.Love it when they show some skin
- DirectorSeth GordonStarsSteve WiebeBilly MitchellMark AlpigerDie-hard gamers compete to break world records on classic arcade games.Grabbin my fistful and gittin it on like DIDDY KAWWWNG
- DirectorRobert StevensonWard KimballStarsAngela LansburyDavid TomlinsonRoddy McDowallAn apprentice witch, three kids and a cynical magician conman search for the missing component to a magic spell to be used in the defense of Britain in World War II.Gittin my knob on. Angela Lansbury gets me all hot underneath SEVERAL collars
- DirectorRuggero DeodatoStarsDavid HessAnnie BelleChristian BorromeoTwo low-life punks invite themselves to a party at a posh villa and after being taunted by their snobbish hosts, hold everyone hostage and subject them to various forms of torture and mayhem.I like the trees
- DirectorAdam ShankmanStarsSteve MartinBonnie HuntHilary DuffThe Bakers find themselves competing with a rival family of eight children while on vacation.Baker's dozen all the muzzen. OOOOOHHHHHH
- DirectorSteven SoderberghStarsMatt DamonKate WinsletJude LawHealthcare professionals, government officials and everyday people find themselves in the midst of a pandemic as the CDC works to find a cure.I think there was some sideboob. Matt Damon is one hot slice a pound cake.
- DirectorRobert StevensonStarsAlbert SharpeJanet MunroSean ConneryA wily old codger matches wits with the King of the Leprechauns and helps play matchmaker for his daughter and the strapping lad who has replaced him as caretaker.I love the welsh. And midgets.
- DirectorSteve SessionsStarsLucien EisenachJeff SamfordEric SpudicDead Clowns revolves around ordinary people in a small town in Florida. A hurricane has just slammed into the area, causing torrential downpours, whilst also awakening the clowns that died in the bay of the town. These clowns have only revenge on their mind since everyone had tried to erase their memories of the horrific accident. The clowns not only kill, but resort to cannibalism and slaughter the people one by one. Can there be an end to this mayhem or will the town be doomed?Nuff said
- DirectorAlfred HitchcockStarsJames StewartJohn DallFarley GrangerTwo men try to convince themselves they've committed the perfect murder by hosting a dinner party after strangling a former classmate to death.Auto erotic.
- DirectorClint EastwoodStarsHilary SwankClint EastwoodMorgan FreemanFrankie, an ill-tempered old coach, reluctantly agrees to train aspiring boxer Maggie. Impressed with her determination and talent, he helps her become the best and the two soon form a close bond.Dem muscles
- DirectorJohn Erick DowdleStarsChris MessinaCaroline DhavernasBokeem WoodbineA group of people are trapped in an elevator and the Devil is mysteriously amongst them.BUTTAH
- DirectorPeter BaldwinStarsBenny BakerVivian BonnellHamilton CampArthur is asked to pick up a bird for Thanksgiving dinner, so he brings home a 266-pound chicken named Henrietta. The family welcome her with open arms, but the neighbors are not so sure and then Henrietta escapes...Nothing like a woman in costume
- DirectorSteven BrillStarsOwen WilsonJosh PeckAlex FrostThree kids hire a low-budget bodyguard to protect them from the playground bully.I'd like to OWEN That WILSON
- DirectorDennis HopperStarsPeter FondaDennis HopperJack NicholsonTwo bikers head from L.A. to New Orleans through the open country and desert lands, and along the way they meet a man who bridges a counter-culture gap of which they had been unaware.I only ride when it's easy