Cheesefest 2016
It's that time again. Will add movies as watched.
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29 titles
- DirectorHarold P. WarrenStarsTom NeymanJohn ReynoldsDiane AdelsonA family gets lost on the road and stumbles upon a hidden, underground, devil-worshiping cult led by the fearsome Master and his servant Torgo.Incompetent acting, directing, editing, and writing combined with inappropriate lounge/jazz score and absurd dubbing. It's terrible but quite entertaining. Plays like a silent movie. Great robe. I enjoyed it quite a bit.
- DirectorArch Hall Sr.StarsArch Hall Jr.Marilyn ManningRichard KielTeenagers stumble across a prehistoric caveman, who goes on a rampage.A cast of four. Three really bad songs. Too long. One good title though.
- DirectorEmmett AlstonStarsRoz KellyKip NivenChris WallaceDuring a New Year's Eve celebration, a Los Angeles disc jockey receives a phone call saying that when New Year's strikes in each time zone, someone will be murdered - and she will be the last one.Enhhh. Tepid. I thought up four better plots for a new year's eve horror movie in the time spent watching this boring and quite predictable film.
- DirectorBruno MatteiClaudio FragassoStarsOttaviano Dell'AcquaGeretta GerettaMassimo VanniIn a post-apocalyptic earth, where most of humanity lives underground, a group of surface people stumble upon an abandoned lab that was trying to bring life back to the earth's surface, but the place is run over by vicious rats.Oh, I was so excited and it was a letdown. Many, many rats. The big plot twist happens far too late.
- DirectorNorman TaurogIshirô HondaStarsVincent PriceFrankie AvalonDwayne HickmanA skirt-chasing spy and a millionaire bachelor must foil mad scientist Dr. Goldfoot's plot to use his army of bikini-clad robots to seduce wealthy men into signing over their assets.Energetic and stupid, could have been campier. Cheesy and somewhat entertaining.
- DirectorMontgomery TullyStarsSimon OatesZena MarshallCharles HawtreyA group of scientists are kidnapped and taken into outer space aboard a saucer.Very smart and talky with unexpected plot twists. No budget, no action. Like an old Dr. Who episode.
- DirectorRobert GreenwaldStarsOlivia Newton-JohnGene KellyMichael BeckA struggling artist living in Los Angeles meets a girl who may hold the key to his happiness.I sat either bored or jaws agape at the mess onscreen. Some okay music but an ill conceived rollerskating fantasy with unlikable leads and a misplaced Gene Kelly. I'm glad I saw it but not really.
- DirectorDan HoskinsStarsJamie RoseCatherine CarlenLycia NaffA gang of tough women bikers are the only thing that stands between a crowd of zombies, which have been accidentally let out of their secure cave, and those still alive in the town.The movie equivalent of processed cheese slices. Ugh.
So much hair! - DirectorGeorge BarryStarsDemene HallWilliam RussJulie RitterA bed possessed by a demon spirit consumes its users alive.Truly unique. I liked it? Pretty weird idea kind of works because they play it straight. Great non acting.
- DirectorMassimo PupilloStarsMickey HargitayWalter BrandiLuisa BarattoA photographer and models go to an abandoned castle to shoot some sexy covers for horror novels. Unbeknownst to them, the castle is inhabited by a lunatic who believes himself to be the reincarnated spirit of a 17th century executioner.Mickey Hargitay plus a some crazy dubbing equals a pretty good time. Drags in the middle but enjoyable.
- DirectorLee FrostStarsRod PerryCharles RobinsonPhil HooverGeneral Ahmed has started an inner-city People's Army to try and relieve the misery of the citizens of Watts. When the locals are put under increasing pressure by Mafia thugs, Ahmed's second-in-command Colonel Kojah asks for permission to start a protection squad to take more direct action. Ahmed fears this protection squad will just turn into a vigilante mob, and his prediction soon proves correct. Will Ahmed be able to wrest control back from the power-mad Kojah, or will he be the mob's next victim?Serious silliness about the rapid rise and fall of a black militia leader. Neither serious enough or cheesy enough to satisfy my tastes.
- DirectorAlfonso BresciaStarsSirpa LaneVassili KarisLucio RosatoIn the future the struggle for space superiority has forced humanity to search the cosmos for a rare element called Antallum that is the key ingredient for the construction of neutron bombs. Starship captain Larry Madison and his crew are assigned to retrieve Antallum from the remote planet Lorigon. However, Madison and crew find themselves under the control of a powerful computer on Lorigon that incites everyone to have sex.Cover image is entirely misleading. Plays like a long Italian Star Trek episode with some tits thrown in for laughs. Better, but less sexy than I'd expected. The very obvious hardcore inserts of other actors having sex add little.
- DirectorMehmet AslanStarsKartal TibetEva BenderSeher SenizThe Vikings wish to kidnap a beautiful girl to sacrifice her to their demigod, but the heroic Tarkan, aided by his dog, Kurt, is there to save the day.Wow. Plays and looks like a Saturday morning cartoon but with violence and nudity. Historical lunacy with a colored fur trim. Fear the inflatable Octopus god! Wow.
- DirectorSam FirstenbergStarsMichael DudikoffSteve JamesJudie AronsonAmerican soldier, obviously very skilled in martial arts, single-handedly takes on mercenaries in the Philippines.Saw it in the theatre way back in 86. I didn't know much back then.
Like an extended "A Team" episode. Scant blood, no nudity, cliches galore. Lead actor was not a plus. Boring, dude. - DirectorSam FirstenbergStarsMichael DudikoffSteve JamesLarry PoindexterOn a remote Caribbean island, Army Ranger Joe Armstrong investigates the disappearance of several marines, which leads him to The Lion, a super-criminal who has kidnapped a local scientist and mass-produced an army of mutant Ninja warriors.A little more lively. Everyone seems more relaxed and better at their roles. Movie has a decidedly comicbook flavor, everything is played bigger. South Africa almost passes for the Carib. Better, but still not good. Can I watch 3, 4, and 5 ?
- DirectorCliff RoquemoreStarsRudy Ray MooreLady ReedJimmy LynchDolemite flees to California, where he helps Queen Bee and her Kung Fu prostitutes battle a local gangster.I going to start ending every one of my sentences with *beep* just like Dolemite. Movie has less technical flaws than first but the story is weaker and more stupid? His comedy routine was quite funny? A little too self aware maybe? Redneck Sheriff looks like a looney Kenny Rogers.
- DirectorSergio MartinoStarsBarbara BachClaudio CassinelliRichard JohnsonAquatic creatures threaten the existence of a mysterious island.I was expecting more of a "crazy Italian movie" like TENTACLES but this is a pretty straight Island of Dr. Moreau clone with fishmen instead of Manimals. Okay movie, a little stupid and a lot implausible. Atlantis Gold?
- DirectorEd ForsythStarsJoyce JillsonLouis QuinnThomas ReardonTara B. True is a flight attendant who makes a weekly swing through New York, Miami, and Los Angeles. In each city, she has a man: Edward, older and wealthy; Johnny, a beach bum with gambling debts; and, Davey, a rock musician on the cusp of success. Tara is a free spirit, faithful to each man in her own way, and so stunning that she dresses in a wig and ill-fitting uniform while she's working so men won't harass her constantly. The low-life whom Johnny is in debt to figures out a way to use Tara to help him execute a daring in-flight robbery. But will Tara stand by helplessly, or is superchick ready for action?Surprisingly tame and boring. Nothing too exciting, a bit of girl-fu, a lot of loser guys, randomly changing blonde wigs and airport driveways.
- DirectorMichael SchultzStarsPeter FramptonBarry GibbRobin GibbA small-town band hits it big, but it must battle a nefarious plot in the music industry.So bad, so really bland and boring and banal. Every song was worse than the last. Why use these songs? Why have computers sing? Why for everything. George Burns? Was this movie made for 80 year olds? There was one huge crowd of celebs in the finale choir. Way more enjoyable than Xanadu though.
- DirectorDavid A. PriorStarsCameron MitchellTroy DonahueTed PriorA group of sadistic mercenaries kidnap people off the streets and set them loose on the grounds of their secret camp, so the "students" at the camp can learn how to track down and kill their prey.Pretty entertaining and very stupid. High death toll but very little blood and no nudity. Grenades literally bounce off our hero. Not as crazily over the top as expected, pretty PG.
- DirectorDuke MitchellStarsDuke MitchellVic CaesarLorenzo DardadoThe ruthless son of a Mafia kingpin blasts his way through Hollywood on a bloody crime spree.Unique. Amateurish at times and the plot is nonsense but what an entertaining and different movie. Strange mix of violence, tough guy sensitivity, egotism, and Catholicism. i liked.
- DirectorEdward D. MurphyStarsCameron MitchellGeoffrey BinneyHope HolidayMartial arts students visit an island with ghosts of dishonored fighters. They encounter a Hitler lookalike running a female slavery operation, leading to encounters with cannibals, piranhas, zombies, and chaos.This movie is as much a vacation rom com as it is martial arts or horror movie. Film is more entertaining in first half. Not real gory, lots of naked ladies.
- DirectorKinji FukasakuStarsRobert HortonLuciana PaluzziRichard JaeckelAfter destroying a giant asteroid heading towards Earth, a group of scientists unknowingly bring back a strange green substance that soon mutates into a monster.Okay space opera with white people in an otherwise Japanese movie. Romantic subplot between three leads is kinda homoerotic. No black people in space.
- DirectorPoul BangSidney W. PinkStarsBent MejdingAsbjørn AndersenPovl WøldikeAfter copper miners discover a piece of the frozen tail of a giant prehistoric reptile in Lapland, scientists inadvertently bring it back to life.Strangely phallic monster roams the countryside spewing its green goo on unsuspecting people. Movie is really about NATO, and the US, and the monster is communism, or a penis. I`ll never think of Denmark the same way again.
- DirectorChun-Ku LuStarsDonnie YenPauline YeungBen LamProfessor Shiang's female students are chewed apart by the moon monster. At first, Shiang is a police suspect, but as the corpses mount, the cops realize that there are supernatural forces at work.Wow. Lots of nudity. Lots of crazy Asian horror weirdness Lots of fighting. Lots of guns. Lots of crazy plot. The evil god looks like a Transsexual Frank Zappa. Nobody is over 30, every single person knows Kung Fu and the heroes are indestructible. I loved this movie.
- DirectorOtto PremingerStarsJackie GleasonCarol ChanningFrankie AvalonInfamous psychedelic all-star comedy about ex-gangster Tony Banks, who's called out of retirement by mob kingpin God to carry out a hit on fellow mobster "Blue Chips" Packard. When Banks demurs, God kidnaps his daughter Darlene on his luxury yacht.This is a must see movie. A mainstream attempt to marry older comedy stars with youth culture, namely hippies and LSD, with music. Jackie Gleason on acid. The HIPPIEST hippies you ever saw. Carol Channing in a yellow see-through bodysuit.Mickey Rooney as a financial genius. Groucho Marx as God. They sing the entire credits!
- DirectorDoris WishmanStarsChesty MorganHarry ReemsRichard TowersAfter the mob hits a guy with a list, one of the hoods keeps it for himself. When the mobsters find out he's a double-crosser, they off him, which angers his busty girlfriend. She goes after them using the only two weapons she has.They sure are big, yup. And she has a really bad wig. A lot of inner monologue and voice over dialogue. Pretty dull and boring, just one big reason to be here.
- DirectorJohn QuinnStarsBetsy RussellLeif GarrettLucinda DickeyA group of cheerleaders become the targets of an unknown killer at a remote summer camp.Ech. I guessed the entire plot during the drive up to camp based on two things, where everyone was sitting in the van and how much make up they are wearing. Leif Garrett aged poorly. Dull slasher film that is oddly non sexual and non satiric.
- DirectorDean TschetterStarsJake DengelJoe SharkeySusann FletcherTwo cops and a detective's daughter go after a chainsaw killer.