My Best Worst Movies of 1981... (and in list order)
The Eighties were a great time for trashy movies. And these movies really made 1981 a real turkey, but fun...
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30 titles
- DirectorJohn WatersStarsDivineTab HunterEdith MasseyA suburban housewife's world falls apart when she finds that her pornographer husband is serially unfaithful to her, her daughter is pregnant, and her son is suspected of being the foot-fetishist who's been breaking local women's feet.The master of filthy trash gives us the sense of cinema sniffing....
- DirectorAbel FerraraStarsZoë LundBogeyAlbert SinkysA timid and mute seamstress goes insane after being attacked and raped twice in one day, in which she takes to the streets of New York City after dark and randomly shoots men with a .45 caliber pistol.The early musings of Ferrara and St. John in this neat chickflick revenge film...
- DirectorLucio FulciStarsCatriona MacCollDavid WarbeckCinzia MonrealeA young woman inherits an old hotel in Louisiana where, following a series of supernatural "accidents", she learns that the building was built over one of the entrances to Hell.You can't have a trashy list without the maestro of B-grade trash, Lucio Fulci...
- DirectorJoseph ZitoStarsVicky DawsonChristopher GoutmanLawrence TierneyAn unknown killer, clad in World War II U.S. Army fatigues, stalks a small California town, bent on reliving a 35 year-old double murder by focusing on a group of college kids holding an annual graduation dance.One of the better bad slasher films...
- DirectorHal NeedhamStarsBurt ReynoldsRoger MooreFarrah FawcettA wide variety of eccentric competitors participate in a wild and illegal cross-country road race. However, the eccentric entrants will do anything to win the road race, including low-down, dirty tricks.Hal Needham makes the best worst silly films, and Burt is a bonus...
- DirectorBruce D. ClarkStarsEdward AlbertErin MoranRay WalstonA ragtag spaceship crew sent on a rescue mission encounter a formidable enemy, their worst fears projected by their own imaginations.What a ham of Sci-Fi
- DirectorBob ClarkStarsDan MonahanMark HerrierWyatt KnightIn 1954, a group of Florida high-school guys try to help their buddy lose his virginity, which leads them to seek revenge on a sleazy nightclub owner and his redneck sheriff brother for harassing them.When teenager's and their wild hormones took on the box office...
- DirectorCarl GottliebStarsRingo StarrDennis QuaidShelley LongA caveman seeks revenge on a much larger competitor for the hand of a beautiful cavewoman.Poor Ringo...
- DirectorTommy ChongStarsCheech MarinTommy ChongBenita BarrieDisguised as ice cream vendors, Cheech and Chong make--and subsequently lose--millions of dollars selling a batch of marijuana with an unusual side effect.Not their finest, but still worth a stoner's giggle...
- DirectorTom DeSimoneStarsLinda BlairVincent Van PattenPeter BartonFour college pledges are forced to spend the night in a deserted old mansion, where they are stalked by the monstrous survivor of a family massacre years earlier.Nowadays they make college porn, but back in the Eighties it was college slasher films..
- DirectorAlan MyersonJames FargoStarsSylvia KristelHoward HessemanEric BrownAn immigrant housemaid seduces a 15-year-old boy and later fakes her own death as part of his chauffeur's blackmail plot. Troubles arise when the two start to fall in love.We just wanted to perve on Kristel...
- DirectorSteve MinerStarsBetsy PalmerAmy SteelJohn FureyFive years after the events of the first film, a summer camp next to the infamous Camp Crystal Lake is preparing to open, but the legend of Jason is weighing heavy on the proceedings.Back to slashing with Jason...
- DirectorFrank PerryStarsFaye DunawayDiana ScarwidSteve ForrestThe abusive and traumatic adoptive upbringing of Christina Crawford at the hands of her mother, screen queen Joan Crawford, is depicted.Get out your coathangers...
- DirectorDesmond DavisStarsLaurence OlivierHarry HamlinClaire BloomPerseus must battle Medusa and the Kraken to save the Princess Andromeda.Cheesy as...
- DirectorJust JaeckinStarsSylvia KristelShane BriantNicholas ClayAfter a injury leaves her husband paralysed, Lady Chatterly is torn between her love for her husband and her physical desires. With her husband's consent, she seeks out other means of fulfilling her needs.We blame Kristel for making us watch it...
- DirectorFerdinando BaldiStarsTony AnthonyGene QuintanoVictoria AbrilTragedy strikes as two ruthless brothers kidnap a bride during her wedding. Hurt and angry, H.H. begins his quest to find the love he lost, and take vengeance upon the wicked. Comin' at Ya.Saw this at the cinema when 3D was attempting a comeback, and this movie sucked big time...
- DirectorCharles B. GriffithStarsJimmy McNicholJanet JulianWalter BarnesThis movie follows the rivalry between a small-town southern sheriff and a small-town teenaged thief who steals cars and destroys them with the sheriff's daughter by his side.The bottom of the barrell...
- DirectorBoaz DavidsonStarsYftach KatzurJonathan SagallZachi NoyMomo and Yudale take turns mounting Bentzi's foreign buxom cousin, but Yudale and her get stuck together. Momo raises the bar even further by proving the rumors of an accepting older buxom piano tutor, Fritzi. Bentzi looks for love.Even the Israelis were attempting to break into the trashy teenage market...
- DirectorMenahem GolanStarsFranco NeroSusan GeorgeShô KosugiAfter passing a ninja master test in Japan, Cole visits a war buddy in the Philippines. He helps him fight men, who want his buddy's plantation.Franco Nero doing Ninja moves is a hoot...
- DirectorPeter BonerzStarsGabe KaplanAlex KarrasRobert KleinThe story of a group of misfits living in Miami, and their revenge against government bureaucracy. After the city refuses to pay for the damage to their car caused by a pothole, the three friends, including one with constant short-term memory loss and another who is always jumping from personality to personality, decide to steal an army howitzer and 'persuade' the mayor to change his mind.It was not meant to be Kaplan's (Welcome Back Kotter) comeback...
- DirectorGary ShermanStarsJames FarentinoMelody AndersonJack AlbertsonSheriff Dan Gillis investigates eerie deaths in a sleepy coastal town.Dead and buried alright...
- DirectorFranco ZeffirelliStarsBrooke ShieldsMartin HewittShirley KnightParental disapproval of a passionate romance between two teenagers leads to arguments, circumstance, insanity and tragedy.Teen romance of the corniest kind...
- DirectorSergio CorbucciStarsTerence HillBud SpencerJohn FujiokaOn a small pacific island, Alan and Charlie try to find a war treasure left behind by the Japanese army in World War II.These buffoons do come up with the dregs...
- DirectorCharles JarrottStarsJohn SavageChristopher PlummerMarthe KellerA CIA operative takes justice in his own hands, as his girlfriend is brutally murdered by terrorists. He carefully designs a plan to hunt down the terrorists, after the crime, and executes them one by one.John Savage never made it beyond The Deer Hunter...
- DirectorWes CravenStarsMaren JensenSharon StoneSusan BucknerAfter her husband dies under mysterious circumstances, a widow becomes increasingly paranoid of the neighboring religious community that may have diabolical plans for her.Not Craven's finest moment, but as a teenager this movie was a bore until the final scenes...
- DirectorEd BianchiStarsLauren BacallJames GarnerMichael BiehnDouglas, a record salesman, is an obsessive fan of actress Sally Ross. When his letters are rejected, he strikes out at her and her loved ones.Managed to get a decent cast for this turkey...
- DirectorDavid SteinbergStarsBurt ReynoldsBeverly D'AngeloNorman FellA single man searches for a woman who will bear his baby with no strings attached.I wonder if Burt ever sacked his agent after making a string of really bad films in the early Eighties...
- DirectorGeorge CukorStarsJacqueline BissetCandice BergenDavid SelbyLiz and Merry become BFFs in college. A decade later, Liz is a serious writer with writer's block, and Merry is a homemaker and a mom who has written a novel. Other bestsellers, riches, and fame follow.Legendary Cukor bows out with this cold turkey...
- DirectorAndrew BergmanStarsRyan O'NealJack WardenMariangela MelatoWhile trying to get his father out of a financial jam, a man comes up with an idea that turns into an unexpected overnight financial fashion success: bottomless pants.The fall of Ryan O'Neil...
- DirectorPeter MedakStarsGeorge HamiltonLauren HuttonBrenda VaccaroZorro, the legendary swordsman, has passed on his weapon and his sense of duty to his noble son, Diego, a dashing swashbuckler like his father. But after an injury sidelines Diego, he is forced to hand the mask over to his twin, Ramon.At least it was funny enough...