The Nostalgia Critic Should Review These Stinkers
Here's a list of films I think the Nostalgia Critic should review, in no particular order.
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- DirectorWill FinnJohn SanfordStarsJudi DenchCuba Gooding Jr.Jennifer TillyTo save their farm, the resident animals go bounty hunting for a notorious outlaw.The Critic should've done a full review of this dreadful piece of Disney crap!
- DirectorBarry LevinsonStarsDustin HoffmanTom CruiseValeria GolinoAfter a selfish L.A. yuppie learns his estranged father left a fortune to an autistic-savant brother in Ohio that he didn't know existed, he absconds with his brother and sets out across the country, hoping to gain a larger inheritance.
- DirectorChris WedgeCarlos SaldanhaStarsDenis LearyJohn LeguizamoRay RomanoThe story revolves around sub-zero heroes: a woolly mammoth, a saber-toothed tiger, a sloth and a prehistoric combination of a squirrel and rat, known as Scrat.
- DirectorOliver StoneStarsWoody HarrelsonJuliette LewisTom SizemoreTwo victims of traumatized childhoods become lovers and psychopathic serial murderers irresponsibly glorified by the mass media.
- DirectorMel GibsonStarsJim CaviezelMonica BellucciMaia MorgensternDepicts the final twelve hours in the life of Jesus of Nazareth, on the day of his crucifixion in Jerusalem.
- DirectorLes MayfieldStarsSean AstinBrendan FraserPauly ShoreWhen they find a frozen caveman in their back yard, two high school outcasts thaw him and introduce him to modern life while he in turn gets them to actually enjoy life.
- DirectorDaniel Petrie Jr.StarsPauly ShoreLori PettyAndy DickTwo misguided youths join the reserves to make some money for their entrepreneurial dreams. No sooner than they finish basic training are they called up to do their part to save the free world.
- DirectorSteve RashStarsPauly ShoreCarla GuginoLane SmithHaving gotten a taste of college life, a drastically changed farm girl returns home for Thanksgiving break with her best friend, a flamboyant party animal who is clearly a fish out of water in a small farm town.
- DirectorJohn FortenberryStarsPauly ShoreTia CarrereStanley TucciJobless loser Tommy Collins is sequestered to be a juror in a serial killer trial. He does everything he can to prolong the trial and deliberations to take full advantage of the free lodging and food.
- DirectorSteve GomerStarsGeorge HearnShirley DouglasTrevor MorganA talking purple dinosaur leads a group of children on a hunt for a large missing egg.
- DirectorCatherine HardwickeStarsKristen StewartRobert PattinsonBilly BurkeWhen Bella Swan moves to a small town in the Pacific Northwest, she falls in love with Edward Cullen, a mysterious classmate who reveals himself to be a 108-year-old vampire.
- DirectorChris WeitzStarsKristen StewartRobert PattinsonTaylor LautnerAfter Edward leaves because of an incident involving Bella, Jacob Black becomes her best friend. But what Bella doesn't realize is that Jacob also has a secret that will change their lives suddenly.
- DirectorDavid SladeStarsKristen StewartRobert PattinsonTaylor LautnerAs a string of mysterious killings grips Seattle, Bella, whose high school graduation is fast approaching, is forced to choose between her love for vampire Edward and her friendship with werewolf Jacob.
- DirectorBill CondonStarsKristen StewartRobert PattinsonTaylor LautnerThe Quileutes close in on expecting parents Edward and Bella, whose unborn child poses a threat to the Wolf Pack and the towns people of Forks.
- DirectorBill CondonStarsKristen StewartRobert PattinsonTaylor LautnerAfter the birth of Renesmee/Nessie, the Cullens gather other vampire clans in order to protect the child from a false allegation that puts the family in front of the Volturi.
- DirectorKeenen Ivory WayansStarsAnna FarisJon AbrahamsMarlon WayansA year after disposing of the body of a man they accidentally killed, a group of dumb teenagers are stalked by a bumbling serial killer.
- DirectorKeenen Ivory WayansStarsAnna FarisMarlon WayansAntony AckerFour teens are tricked by a professor into visiting a haunted house for a school project.
- DirectorDavid ZuckerStarsAnna FarisCharlie SheenRegina HallCindy must investigate mysterious crop circles and video tapes, and help the President in preventing an alien invasion.
- DirectorDavid ZuckerStarsAnna FarisRegina HallCraig BierkoCindy finds out the house she lives in is haunted by a little boy and goes on a quest to find out who killed him and why. Also, Alien "Tr-iPods" are invading the world and she has to uncover the secret in order to stop them.
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsKal PennJennifer CoolidgeFred WillardA spoof on previous years' epic movies (The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005) + 20 more), TV series, music videos and celebs. 4 orphans are on an epic adventure.
- DirectorElaine MayStarsWarren BeattyDustin HoffmanIsabelle AdjaniTwo terrible lounge singers get booked to play a gig in a Moroccan hotel but somehow become pawns in an international power play between the C.I.A., the Emir of Ishtar, and the rebels trying to overthrow his regime.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsDennis QuaidJake GyllenhaalEmmy RossumJack Hall, paleoclimatologist, must make a daring trek from Washington, D.C. to New York City to reach his son, trapped in the cross-hairs of a sudden international storm which plunges the planet into a new Ice Age.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsJohn CusackThandiwe NewtonChiwetel EjioforA frustrated writer struggles to keep his family alive when a series of global catastrophes threatens to annihilate mankind.
- DirectorMichael BayStarsBruce WillisBilly Bob ThorntonBen AffleckAfter discovering that an asteroid the size of Texas will impact Earth in less than a month, NASA recruits a misfit team of deep-core drillers to save the planet.
- DirectorMartin BrestStarsBen AffleckJennifer LopezJustin BarthaLarry Gigli is assigned by a crime boss to kidnap the brother of a prominent district attorney. A beautiful woman known only as Ricki is sent to stay with him to make sure he doesn't mess up the job.
- DirectorWes AndersonStarsGene HackmanGwyneth PaltrowAnjelica HustonThe eccentric members of a dysfunctional family reluctantly gather under the same roof for various reasons.
- DirectorDave BorthwickJean DuvalFrank PassinghamStarsJon StewartJudi DenchDaniel TayThe clumsy dog Doogal frees a cruel wizard, who seeks to find three magical diamonds capable of, together, freezing the sun. Now, a slug, a cow, a rabbit, and a train, led by Doogal, will have to save the world.
- DirectorSteve 'Spaz' WilliamsStarsKiefer SutherlandJim BelushiEddie IzzardAn adolescent lion is accidentally shipped from the New York Zoo to Africa. Now running free, his zoo pals must put aside their differences to help bring him back.This movie plagirized the hit DreamWorks film, "Madagascar!"
- DirectorChristophe GansStarsRadha MitchellLaurie HoldenSean BeanA woman, Rose, goes in search for her adopted daughter within the confines of a strange, desolate town called Silent Hill.
- DirectorStephen SommersStarsHugh JackmanKate BeckinsaleRichard RoxburghThe famed monster hunter is sent to Transylvania to stop Count Dracula, who is using Dr. Frankenstein's research and a werewolf for nefarious purposes.
- DirectorFrank OzStarsRick MoranisEllen GreeneVincent GardeniaA nerdy florist finds his chance for success and romance with the help of a giant man-eating plant who demands to be fed.
- DirectorPete TravisStarsDennis QuaidForest WhitakerMatthew FoxThe attempted assassination of the American President is told and re-told from several different perspectives.
- DirectorDavid ZuckerStarsKevin P. FarleyKelsey GrammerLeslie NielsenAn anti-American filmmaker who's out to abolish the July Fourth holiday is visited by three ghosts who try to change his perception of the country.
- DirectorLawrence GutermanStarsAlec BaldwinTobey MaguireJeff GoldblumA look at the top-secret, high-tech espionage war going on between cats and dogs, of which their human owners are blissfully unaware.
- DirectorBrian GibsonStarsJoBeth WilliamsCraig T. NelsonHeather O'RourkeThe Freeling family have a new house, but their troubles with supernatural forces don't seem to be over.
- DirectorGary ShermanStarsHeather O'RourkeTom SkerrittNancy AllenCarol Anne is staying with her aunt in a high-rise building, where the supernatural forces haunting her make their return.
- DirectorBrian RobbinsStarsTim AllenKristin DavisCraig KilbornA man tries to live a normal life despite the fact that he sometimes turns into a sheepdog.
- DirectorRoland JofféStarsDemi MooreGary OldmanRobert DuvallAn affair between a young woman and a pastor has disastrous consequences.
- DirectorSteve OedekerkStarsKevin JamesCourteney CoxDanny GloverWhen the farmer's away, all the animals play, and sing, and dance. Eventually, though, someone has to step in and run things, a responsibility that ends up going to Otis, a carefree cow.
- DirectorPaul BolgerYvette KaplanGreg TiernanStarsSigourney WeaverSarah Michelle GellarPatrick WarburtonAn alliance of evil-doers, led by Frieda, looks to take over Fairy Tale Land. But when Ella realizes her stepmother is out to ruin her storybook existence, she takes a dramatic turn and blossoms into the leader of the resistance effort.
- DirectorMick JacksonStarsTommy Lee JonesAnne HecheGaby HoffmannA volcano erupts in downtown Los Angeles and a city official and a seismologist try to stop its inevitable flow through the city.
- DirectorKevin CostnerStarsKevin CostnerWill PattonLarenz TateA nameless drifter dons a postman's uniform and bag of mail as he begins a quest to inspire hope to the survivors living in post-apocalyptic America.
- DirectorMichael CiminoStarsKris KristoffersonChristopher WalkenJohn HurtDuring the Johnson County War in 1890 Wyoming, a sheriff born into wealth does his best to protect immigrant farmers from rich cattle interests.
- DirectorElizabeth BanksSteven BrillSteve CarrStarsEmma StoneStephen MerchantRichard GereA series of interconnected short films follows a washed-up producer as he pitches insane story lines featuring some of the biggest stars in Hollywood.
- DirectorMike JudgeMike de SeveBrian MulroneyStarsMike JudgeBruce WillisDemi MooreOur intrepid adolescent heroes wake up to find their beloved television stolen, and embark on an epic journey across America to recover it, and, who knows, maybe even score.
- DirectorRoman PolanskiStarsMia FarrowJohn CassavetesRuth GordonA young couple trying for a baby moves into an aging, ornate apartment building on Central Park West, where they find themselves surrounded by peculiar neighbors.
- DirectorMichael Caton-JonesStarsSharon StoneDavid MorrisseyDavid ThewlisNovelist Catherine Tramell is once again in trouble with the law, and Scotland Yard appoints psychiatrist Dr. Michael Glass to evaluate her. Though, like Detective Nick Curran before him, Glass is entranced by Tramell and lured into a seductive game.
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsCarmen ElectraVanessa LacheyNicole ParkerOver the course of one evening, an unsuspecting group of twenty-somethings find themselves bombarded by a series of natural disasters and catastrophic events.
- DirectorCraig MazinStarsDrake BellLeslie NielsenSara PaxtonOrphaned high school student Rick Riker is bitten by a radioactive dragonfly, develops super powers (except for the ability to fly), and becomes a hero.
- DirectorWych KaosayanandaStarsAntonio BanderasLucy LiuTalisa SotoTasked with destroying each other, an FBI agent and a rogue DIA agent soon discover that a much bigger enemy is at work.
- DirectorRupert SandersStarsKristen StewartChris HemsworthCharlize TheronIn a twist to the fairy tale, the Huntsman ordered to take Snow White into the woods to be killed winds up becoming her protector and mentor in a quest to vanquish the Evil Queen.
- DirectorMalcolm D. LeeDavid ZuckerStarsSimon RexAshley TisdaleCharlie SheenA couple begin to experience some unusual activity after bringing their lost nieces and nephew home. With the help of home-surveillance cameras, they learn they're being stalked by a nefarious demon.
- DirectorAndy FickmanStarsBilly CrystalBette MidlerMarisa TomeiArtie and Diane Decker agree to look after their three grandchildren when their type-A helicopter parents need to go out of town for work. Problems arise when their 21st-century behavior collides with Artie and Diane's old-school methods.
- DirectorJohn McTiernanMichael CrichtonStarsAntonio BanderasDiane VenoraDennis StorhøiA man, having fallen in love with the wrong woman, is sent by the sultan himself on a diplomatic mission to a distant land as an ambassador. Stopping at a Viking village port to restock on supplies, he finds himself unwittingly embroiled in a quest to banish a mysterious threat in a distant Viking land.
- DirectorBarry LevinsonStarsBen StillerJack BlackRachel WeiszA man becomes increasingly jealous of his friend's newfound success.
- DirectorM. Night ShyamalanStarsSigourney WeaverWilliam HurtJoaquin PhoenixA series of events tests the beliefs of a small isolated countryside village.
- DirectorVince OfferStarsAdrien BrodyLindsay LohanMichelle RodriguezIn this comedy film, a computer tablet full of the world's most hilariously offensive apps breaks through the borders of political correctness, stirring up cultural anarchy.
- DirectorMatthew DiamondStarsJaime PresslyCloris LeachmanChristopher LloydThe Oogieloves, Goobie, Zoozie, and Toofie, set out to find five magical balloons that will make their good friend Schluufy's surprise birthday party extra special.
- DirectorZack SnyderStarsGerard ButlerLena HeadeyDavid WenhamIn the ancient battle of Thermopylae, King Leonidas and 300 Spartans fight against Xerxes and his massive Persian army. They face insurmountable odds when they are betrayed by a Spartan reject.
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsSean MaguireKevin SorboCarmen ElectraA spoof of 300 (2006) and many other movies, TV series/shows/commercials, video games and celebrities. King Leonidas of Sparta and his army of 12 go to war against Xerxes of Persia to fight to the death for Sparta's freedom.
- DirectorBrian RobbinsStarsEddie MurphyThandiwe NewtonTerry CrewsA mild-mannered guy, who is married to a monstrous woman, meets the woman of his dreams, and schemes to find a way to be with her.
- DirectorTamra DavisStarsAdam SandlerDarren McGavinBridgette Wilson-SamprasIn order to inherit his fed up father's hotel empire, an immature and lazy man must repeat grades 1-12 all over again.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerSalma HayekKevin JamesAfter their high school basketball coach passes away, five good friends and former teammates reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerKevin JamesChris RockAfter moving his family back to his hometown to be with his friends and their kids, Lenny finds out that between old bullies, new bullies, schizo bus drivers, drunk cops on skis, and four hundred costumed party crashers sometimes crazy follows you.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerKatie HolmesAl PacinoFamily guy, Jack Sadelstein, prepares for the annual event he always dreads--the Thanksgiving visit of his fraternal twin sister, the needy, and passive-aggressive Jill, who then refuses to leave.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerJennifer AnistonBrooklyn DeckerOn a weekend trip to Hawaii, a plastic surgeon convinces his loyal assistant to pose as his soon-to-be-divorced wife in order to cover up a careless lie he told to his much-younger girlfriend.
- DirectorTom BradyStarsNick SwardsonDon JohnsonChristina RicciA kid from the Midwest moves out to Hollywood in order to follow in his parents footsteps, and become a porn star.
- DirectorChris ColumbusStarsMacaulay CulkinJoe PesciDaniel SternOne year after Kevin McCallister was left home alone and had to defeat a pair of bumbling burglars, he accidentally finds himself stranded in New York City - and the same criminals are not far behind.
- DirectorDon BluthGary GoldmanStarsJodi BensonGary ImhoffGino ConfortiThis retelling of the Hans Christian Andersen classic fairy tale has the digit-sized heroine evading the clutches of various toads, moles, and beetles before she can proceed with her courtship with her dream lover, Prince Cornelius.
- DirectorOliver StoneStarsVal KilmerMeg RyanKyle MacLachlanThe story of the famous and influential 1960s rock band The Doors and its lead singer and composer, Jim Morrison, from his days as a UCLA film student in Los Angeles, to his untimely death in Paris, France at age 27 in 1971.
- DirectorMark DindalStarsZach BraffJoan CusackGarry MarshallAfter ruining his reputation with the town, a courageous chicken must come to the rescue of his fellow citizens when aliens start an invasion.I did see his Disneycember episode of this film, but should do a full review, anyhow.
- DirectorBrian RobbinsStarsEddie MurphyElizabeth BanksGabrielle UnionA crew of miniature aliens operate a spaceship that has a human form. While trying to save their planet, the aliens encounter a new problem, as their ship becomes smitten with an Earth woman.
- DirectorTom DeyStarsOwen WilsonJudy GreerLee PaceA suburban family moves to a new neighborhood with their large, yet lovable Great Dane, who has a tendency to wreak havoc in his own oblivious way.
- DirectorSteven BrillStarsAdam SandlerWinona RyderJohn TurturroA sweet-natured, small-town guy inherits a controlling stake in a media conglomerate and begins to do business his way.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerJoey Lauren AdamsJon StewartA lazy law school graduate adopts a kid to impress his girlfriend, but everything doesn't go as planned.
- DirectorFrank CoraciStarsAdam SandlerKate BeckinsaleChristopher WalkenA workaholic architect finds a universal remote that allows him to fast-forward and rewind to different parts of his life. Complications arise when the remote starts to overrule his choices.
- DirectorMark DindalStarsDavid SpadeJohn GoodmanEartha KittEmperor Kuzco is turned into a llama by his ex-administrator Yzma, and must now regain his throne with the help of Pacha, the gentle llama herder.Again, I did see his Disneycember review of the film, but he should do a full review.
- DirectorZach CreggerTrevor MooreStarsZach CreggerTrevor MooreRaquel AlessiEugene believes in no sex before marriage. So DID his girlfriend, Cindi. His BFF loves sex. At Senior Prom, just before sex with Cindi, he falls into a coma. Waking up 4 years later, his Cindi is Miss March in Playboy. Can he get her back?
- DirectorTom VaughanStarsCameron DiazAshton KutcherRob CorddryA man and a woman are compelled, for legal reasons, to live life as a couple for a limited period of time. At stake is a large amount of money.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsDavid SpadeJon HederRob SchneiderA trio of guys try and make up for missed opportunities in childhood by forming a three-player baseball team to compete against standard children's Little League squads.
- DirectorDennie GordonStarsDavid SpadeBrittany DanielDennis MillerAfter being abandoned by his parents at the Grand Canyon, Joe Dirt tells the story of his journey to find his parents.
- DirectorKaryn KusamaStarsMegan FoxAmanda SeyfriedAdam BrodyA newly-possessed high-school cheerleader turns into a succubus who specializes in killing her male classmates. Can her best friend put an end to the horror?
- DirectorGenndy TartakovskyStarsAdam SandlerKevin JamesAndy SambergDracula, who operates a high-end resort away from the human world, goes into overprotective mode when a boy discovers the resort and falls for the count's teenaged daughter.
- DirectorRoger AllersJill CultonAnthony StacchiStarsAshton KutcherMartin LawrenceDebra MessingBoog, a domesticated 900lb. Grizzly bear, finds himself stranded in the woods 3 days before Open Season. Forced to rely on Elliot, a fast-talking mule deer, the two form an unlikely friendship and must quickly rally other forest animals if they are to form a rag-tag army against the hunters.
- DirectorPhil LordChristopher MillerStarsAnna FarisBill HaderBruce CampbellA local scientist is often regarded as a failure until he invents a machine that can make food fall from the sky. But little does he know that things are about to take a turn for the worst.
- DirectorCody CameronKris PearnStarsBill HaderAnna FarisWill ForteFlint Lockwood now works at The Live Corp Company for his idol Chester V. But he's forced to leave his post when he learns that his most infamous machine is still operational, and is churning out menacing food-animal hybrids.
- DirectorCal BrunkerStarsBrendan FraserSarah Jessica ParkerJessica AlbaAstronaut Scorch Supernova finds himself caught in a trap when he responds to an SOS from a notoriously dangerous alien planet, Earth.
- DirectorPeter LepeniotisStarsWill ArnettBrendan FraserLiam NeesonAn incorrigibly self-serving exiled squirrel finds himself helping his former park brethren survive by raiding a nut store, a location that also happens to be a front for a human gang's bank robbery.
- DirectorMark WatersStarsZoey DeutchLucy FryDanila KozlovskiyRose Hathaway is a Dhampir, half human-half vampire, a guardian of the Moroi, peaceful, mortal vampires living discreetly within our world. Her calling is to protect the Moroi from bloodthirsty, immortal Vampires, the Strigoi.
- DirectorSean AndersStarsAdam SandlerAndy SambergLeighton MeesterWhile in his teens, Donny fathered a son, Todd, and raised him as a single parent until Todd's 18th birthday. Now Donny resurfaces just before Todd's wedding after years apart, sending the groom-to-be's world crashing down.
- DirectorBarry CookNeil NightingaleStarsCharlie RoweKarl UrbanAngourie RiceSee and feel what it was like when dinosaurs ruled the Earth, in a story where an underdog dino triumphs to become a hero for the ages.
- DirectorDon ScardinoStarsSteve CarellLuke VanekSteve BuscemiA veteran Vegas magician tries to revive his career after his longtime partner quits, he gets fired from his casino act, and an edgy new "street magician" steals his thunder.
- DirectorStewart RaffillStarsChristine EbersoleJonathan WardTina CasparyAn alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy.
- DirectorClaudio FragassoStarsMichael Paul StephensonGeorge HardyMargo PreyA vacationing family discovers that the entire town they're visiting is inhabited by goblins, disguised as humans, who plan to eat them.
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsMaiara WalshBrant DaughertyCody ChristianIn this "Hunger Games" spoof, Kantmiss Evershot must fight for her life in the 75th annual Starving Games, in which she could also win an old ham, a coupon for a foot-long sub, and a partially-eaten pickle.
- DirectorPhil VischerMike NawrockiStarsPhil VischerMike NawrockiTim HodgeWhen the singing Veggies encounter some car trouble, they are stranded at an old rundown seafood joint, where nothing is quite as it seems.
- DirectorMike NawrockiStarsTim HodgeMike NawrockiPhil VischerThree vegetable friends seek the roots of true heroism during a 17th-century adventure.
- DirectorMike DisaStarsHayden PanettiereGlenn ClosePatrick WarburtonRed Riding Hood is training in the group of Sister Hoods, when she and the Wolf are called to examine the sudden mysterious disappearance of Hansel and Gretel.
- DirectorPeter HewittStarsTim AllenCourteney CoxChevy ChaseFormer superhero Jack is called back to work to transform an unlikely group of ragtag kids into superheroes at a private academy.
- DirectorMichael LembeckStarsTim AllenMartin ShortElizabeth MitchellSanta, a.k.a. Scott Calvin, is faced with double-duty: how to keep his new family happy and how to stop Jack Frost from taking over Christmas.