The Office: All Episodes Ranked
Seasonal Ranking:
9. Season 1
8. Season 9
7. Season 8
6. Season 6
5. Season 3
4. Season 2
3. Season 5
2. Season 4
1. Season 7
9. Season 1
8. Season 9
7. Season 8
6. Season 6
5. Season 3
4. Season 2
3. Season 5
2. Season 4
1. Season 7
List activity
628 views
• 2 this weekCreate a new list
List your movie, TV & celebrity picks.
188 titles
- DirectorJeffrey BlitzStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiDwight's too-realistic fire alarm gives Stanley a heart attack. When he returns, Michael learns that he is the cause of Stanley's stress. To remedy the situation, he forces the office to throw a roast for him."When you're a kid, you assume your parents are soulmates. My kids are gonna be right about that."
- Pam Beesly
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael invites Jim and Pam and Andy and Angela to a couples-only dinner party, where they witness Michael and Jan's extremely dysfunctional home life. Dwight finds a way to invite himself, too."Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own separate game, and it's called 'Let's See How Uncomfortable We Can Make Our Guests,' and they're both winning, so I am going to make a run for it."
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiAs the office gets ready for Michael's final day at Dunder Mifflin, Michael doesn't tell anyone that he's leaving a day early. Meanwhile, Deangelo accompanies a nervous Andy on a visit to one of Michael's old clients."It's just that sometimes goodbyes are a bitch."
- Jim Halpert to Michael Scott
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerOne year later, Dunder Mifflin employees past and present reunite for a panel discussion about the documentary and to attend Dwight and Angela's wedding."I wish there a way to know you're in the 'good old days' before you've actually left them. Someone should write a song about that."
- Andy Bernard
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael throws an extravagant going-away party for Toby, and falls in love with the woman who is replacing him. Jim plans to propose to Pam at the party, but gets out-staged. Back at corporate, Ryan is arrested for fraud."Can I just say that, of all the idiots, in all the idiot villages, in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend."
- Michael Scott to Toby Flenderson
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiThe Dunder Mifflin crew holds a casino party at the warehouse and Michael has two dates."Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not that way. I hate so much about the things that you choose to be."
- Michael Scott to Toby Flenderson
- DirectorGreg DanielsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiThe entire office is preoccupied about rumors of Dunder Mifflin's bankruptcy. Michael tries to create a distraction by engaging everyone in a murder-mystery game, but Jim wonders if that is a good idea."I know she didn’t do it. It’s never the person you most suspect. It’s also never the person you least suspect, since anyone with half a brain would suspect them the most. Therefore I know the killer to be Phyllis, AKA Beatrix Bourbon, the person I most medium suspect."
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiPam is forced to deal with an embarrassing injury for Andy the night before her wedding, while Kevin deals with the loss of his dress shoes on the morning of the ceremony."I bought those tickets the day I saw that YouTube video. I knew we'd need a backup plan. The boat was actually Plan C, the church was Plan B, and Plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her."
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiThe Office travels to Niagara Falls to celebrate Jim and Pam's wedding under strict orders not to mention Pam's pregnancy. Michael, Dwight, and Andy all want to hook up with guests at the wedding."Pam can’t drink? I didn’t– I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know why I did. She can do whatever she wants, though she shouldn’t. She shouldn’t because she’s an alcoholic. Pam is an alcoholic. That’s not true. I– no. What we want– the real reason is that, that Pam’s pregnant."
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorTucker GatesStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael finally finishes his movie "Threat Level Midnight" and screens it for his employees at Dunder Mifflin, but Holly is less than enthusiastic for his finished product."If doing The Scarn is gay, then I’m the biggest queer on Earth!"
- Todd Packer
- DirectorSteve CarellStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael plans to propose to Holly the day of the Dunder Mifflin garage sale, but Holly may have to take an extended leave of absence to Colorado because her father is sick."No. I am not going to be proposed to in the break room. That is not going to be our story. Mhm hm. Should have burned this place down when I had the chance."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael apologizes to Oscar, after he finds out he's gay, for calling him a homosexual slur--but his apology outs Oscar to the entire office. And Jim decides to take a promotion at the Stamford office."I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties I made love to many many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it was possible a man slipped in, and there would be no way of knowing."
- Creed Bratton
- DirectorRainn WilsonStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael throws an elaborate Christmas party to celebrate Holly's temporary return to the Scranton branch, but is disappointed when he learns that she still has a boyfriend."In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all. It's fear. Merry Christmas."
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorBryan GordonStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael's "injury" from a George Foreman Grill distracts the staff from Dwight, the one with the real injury."I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill, I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me. It's the perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot... that's it. I don't see what's so hard to believe about that."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorPaul LiebersteinStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiAs Jan renovates the condo, Michael confronts his growing debt every way he can, which includes getting a second job. Pam and Jim spend a night out on Dwight's family beet farm, now a bed and breakfast."I...DECLARE...BANKRUPTCY!!!"
- Michael Scott
- DirectorHarold RamisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiTrouble among the members of the party planning committee results with Pam and Karen hosting a rival Christmas party, but Michael isn't interested in celebrating after being dumped by Carol."Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then … and then suddenly she’s not yo’ ho no mo’."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael appoints Dwight as regional manager, anticipating that he will receive the job at corporate. Jim and Karen also interview for the same position. And Michael gets back together with Jan after she gets a boob job."Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now, check out time is never."
- Dwight K. Schrute to Jim Halpert
- DirectorHarold RamisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiAndy returns to the office after weeks of anger management training, determined to make a fresh start with all the Dunder-Mifflin employees. Meanwhile, it's safety training day in the office, and Michael and Dwight are on a mission to illuminate the dangers of the workplace."I bet you'd like to swim with this sea monster."
- Lonny Collins to Kelly Kapoor
- DirectorDavid RogersStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerDwight prepares for a marriage proposal and hires an assistant for his assistant, Andy auditions for a singing program, Darryl tries to leave his job without a fuss, and Pam has second thoughts about Jim staying in Scranton."This airs tonight? Oh my god. If my parents see this, I am toast."
- Creed Bratton
- DirectorSteve CarellStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiThe Michael Scott Paper Company is gaining clients by offering lower prices than Dunder Mifflin, but is going broke in the process. However, Dunder Mifflin is losing clients to Michael, and is desperate to buy him out."Our company is worth nothing. That’s the difference between you and I. Business isn’t about money to me, David. If tomorrow my company goes under, I will just start another paper company. And then another and another and another. I have no shortage of company names."
- Michael Scott to David Wallace
- 2005–201322mTV-148.5 (5.2K)TV EpisodeDirectorTroy MillerStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerWhen Jim rejects Jo's offer, Dwight becomes acting manager at the Scranton branch, but an accident could cause his tenure to be short-lived."Dwight has been acting manager for three months now. No. A week. Just feels like three months. Let’s see, we all have to punch into a time clock, which is very old, very strong, and has a slot about the size of a finger. We were all given new business cards big enough to set us apart from the competition, which is how I learned that our titles are all now Junior Employee. Our lunch breaks are staggered to prevent wasting time. Mine’s at 10:30, and I find that the first hour of the day goes by a lot quicker than the second seven hours."
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael tries to motivate the Scranton branch to lose weight as part of an interoffice competition. Jim is lost after Pam leaves for art school in New York, and Angela continues to see Dwight even though she is now engaged to Andy."I don’t know about anyone else. But it was a good summer for me. I lost seven pounds. And you know what? I’m just gonna take five days off anyway."
- Stanley Hudson
- DirectorJeffrey BlitzStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerDwight becomes regional manager after Andy quits his job, Jim dedicates more time to his Dunder Mifflin job to save his marriage, and Angela has problems with her new living arrangements after her breakup with The Senator."DWIGHT SCHRUTE is MANAGER!!!"
- Dwight Schrute to the entire office
- DirectorGreg DanielsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael accidentally runs over Meredith in the parking lot, and his guilt causes him to organize a 5-K run for her. Dwight and Angela have a falling-out after he kills her cat, and Jim and Pam's relationship is discovered."Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorGreg DanielsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael is in trouble once again as Jan busts him for declaring it's "Movie Monday" where everyone watches a movie and neglects work. Angela pushes Dwight to make a move on Michael's job while Pam and Jim find creative ways to waste time."'Hug it out, bitch.' That is what men say to each other, after a fight. They hug it out, and doing so, the just… let it go. And walk away. And they’re done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman, however. I have found. It doesn’t translate."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorJulian FarinoStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael is put in an awkward position when Jan sues Dunder Mifflin for wrongful termination and he is deposed as a witness. Kelly begins smack-talking Pam after Darryl beats Jim at ping-pong."I don't talk trash, I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, "Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet." But smack talk is happening, like, right now. Like: 'You're ugly and I know it for a fact so I got the evidence right there.'"
- Kelly Kapoor
- DirectorKen WhittinghamStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiDwight chooses loyalty to Dunder Mifflin over loyalty to Michael, which leads to a bitter battle between Michael and Dwight over Dwight's accounts. Back at Dunder Mifflin, Jim pretends to confide in Andy."I. Understand. Nothing."
- Michael Scott to Charles Miner
- DirectorGene StupnitskyLee EisenbergStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiTension and disillusionment begin to emerge as Michael, Pam, and Ryan move the Michael Scott Paper Company into a cramped "workspace" at the business park."They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get?"
- Michael Scott
- DirectorDean HollandStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJust before leaving for New York for a meeting with David Wallace, Michael tells Andy that Angela is having an affair with Dwight. Andy and Dwight then decide to have it out in the parking lot."Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorJeffrey BlitzStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiDwight saves Jim from an attack by Roy, but Dwight won't allow Jim to thank him for it. Meanwhile, Darryl asks Michael for a pay raise, and Michael discovers that he is woefully underpaid--so Michael goes to headquarters to ask for one himself."Negotiations are all about controlling things. About being in the driver’s seat. And make one tiny mistake, you’re dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore women’s clothes."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorTucker GatesStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiPhyllis gets flashed in the parking lot, and Dwight goes all out to secure the premises. Michael ostensibly takes the women in the office to the mall to comfort them, but he's really doing it to get advice about breaking up with Jan."I’m a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go women’s room for number two. I have caught several times and I have paid dearly."
- Creed Bratton
- DirectorCharles McDougallStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiSeeing the party is headed for disastrous boredom, Michael breaks corporate policy to buy alcohol for the staff."Unbelievable. I do the nicest thing that anyone has ever done for these people and they freak out. Well, happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorJoss WhedonStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael is a guest speaker for Ryan's business class, but they have a falling out after Michael finds out that Ryan spoke negatively about Dunder Mifflin. Back at the office, Dwight tries to kill a bat that he found in the ceiling."Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorGreg DanielsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiAndy does the impossible--he makes everyone in the office miss Dwight, who is forced to take a job at Staples. Meanwhile, Oscar comes back to the office and Michael predictably throws a stereotypical Mexican party to celebrate."Fine. I’ll just sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship."
- Andy Bernard to Michael Scott
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael has to spend the office surplus by they end of the day, but he can't decide between a copier or new chairs. Dwight plays a dirty trick on Angela and Andy as they prepare for their wedding on the beet farm."We're getting married at Schrute Farms, no matter what. I have looked at twelve venues, I have lost eight deposits, and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit."
- Andy Bernard
- DirectorHarold RamisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael uses "beach day" at Dunder-Mifflin to find out which employee would be his most capable replacement, just in case he receives the promotion to the New York office that he's applied for."I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
- Kevin Malone
- DirectorKen WhittinghamStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael exaggerates the importance of his small role in Phyllis's wedding and makes an ass out of himself, and Pam notices that Phyllis stole all of her wedding ideas from her original wedding plans."I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theatre. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theatre, but I kept waiting. That’s the thing about bear attacks, they come when you least expect it."
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorGreg DanielsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiDwight plays the role of Volunteer Sheriff after finding half a joint in the Dunder Mifflin parking lot leading to an investigation. Pam gives Jim a play challenge which he tries to complete."No! You said I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here! Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?!"
- Jim Halpert to Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorJeffrey BlitzStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerThe Scranton branch puts together a search committee to find the next boss, but the pool of interviewees proves to be less than impressive, and Dwight demands an interview in spite of his gun accident."Um, what are your weaknesses?" "I don't have any, asshole!"
- Gabe Lewis & Kelly Kapoor
- DirectorRandall EinhornStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael gets upset when Jim promises Phyllis that she can be the office Santa, but the office Christmas party may be overshadowed by some bad news from David Wallace."Earlier today this office needed a Santa. And then it needed a second Santa. And then it needed a Jesus. And now, it needs a Michael. And that’s one suit Phyllis cannot fit into."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorMindy KalingStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael hosts his final "Dundies" as the boss at the Scranton branch, but tension is in the air, and Deangelo Vickers, the new boss, is having trouble with his co-hosting duties."Yeah, okay. Well this is gonna hurt like a motherfucker."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorJeffrey BlitzStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiEverybody demands that Michael fire the new office assistant, but he won't because he's his nephew. Meanwhile, Pam tries to play a prank on Dwight, who has bought the office building, to make up for ruining Jim's prank."Am I angry that Gabe stole my girlfriend over the summer? No. I’ve been through anger-management, OK? So right now, I am sitting on a nice beach at Cape Cod, gazing out across the whitecaps. Oh, look, it’s a humpback whale. How pretty. He’s eating Gabe."
- Andy Bernard
- DirectorCraig ZiskStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael feels threatened when Ryan returns to the Scranton office to share his ideas about the future of Dunder Mifflin. Jim and Pam's relationship is shared with the entire office, while Angela and Dwight's relationship is on the rocks."WHERE ARE THE TURTLES!?! WHERE ARE THEY?!"
- Michael Scott
- DirectorJason ReitmanStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael tries to make a local Dunder Mifflin commercial that is better than the one the professional ad agency made for them. Meanwhile, Andy tries to confide in Dwight about his new relationship with Angela."I kind of know what it’s like to be in commercials. My nickname in high school used to be Kool-Aid Man."
- Kevin Malone
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael runs into Holly at the company picnic, and the two of them accidentally reveal that the Buffalo branch is closing during a comedy skit before corporate has made the announcement."I lied to Kevin. Holly and I can never be just friends. I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I’m going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. Number one: ‘Holly, you and I are soup snakes.’ The--and the reason is… because… in terms of the soup, we like to--that doesn’t make any sense. We’re soulmates. Holly and I are soulmates."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorPaul LiebersteinStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael regrets revealing that Stanley is having an affair, so he spreads a bunch of lies about everyone else to cover his tracks--except that one of the lies that he spread actually turns out to be true."If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about?? What am I working toward?"
- Creed Bratton
- DirectorKen WhittinghamStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael and Dwight go to New York to party with Ryan, who is having lots of personal and professional problems. The rest of the office employees work late, and wind up getting locked in the business park."Yeah, I have a lot of questions. Number one, how dare you?"
- Kelly Kapoor to Ryan Howard
- DirectorKen WhittinghamStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJan informs Michael that the Scanton branch of Dunder Mifflin will be merging with the Stamford Branch. Jim and Pam are reunited while the other employees of both branches must adjust to their new co-workers."Dwight may have won the battle, but I will win... the next battle."
- Andy Bernard
- DirectorRandall EinhornStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael tries to create a place to escape from work in the storage room that used to house the Michael Scott Paper Company, while Jim and Pam consider taking off and getting married that day."You all took a life here today. You did. The life of the party."
- Michael Scott to the office
- DirectorJason ReitmanStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiWhen Michael discovers that corporate has brought back Toby to replace Holly, he tries to frame him with drugs and to get him fired. Meanwhile, Pam has issues with the disgusting microwave. Finally, Jim surprises Pam by buying his parents' house.“I tried, I tried. I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend but that is like trying to be friends with an evil… snail. I feel like I’m dying inside.”
- Michael Scott
- DirectorStephen MerchantStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiDwight and Jim believe that something is suspicious about their low customer performance ratings. After consulting with Angela, Andy finds the perfect site for their wedding--Dwight's beet farm."BUTTLICKER! OUR PRICES HAVE NEVER BEEN LOWER!"
- Dwight K. Schrute to Jim Halpert/Bill Buttlicker
- DirectorCharles McDougallStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiWhen Michael takes over conflict resolution duties from HR, chaos ensues at Dunder Mifflin."I know exactly what he’s talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death."
- Creed Bratton
- DirectorCharles McDougallStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael coaches pompous Dwight on the finer art of public speaking after being named as Salesman of the Year."Blood alone moves the wheels of history! Have you ever asked yourselves in an hour of meditation, which everyone finds during the day,how long we have been striving for greatness? Not only the years we've been at war, the war of work, but from the moment as a child when we realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle. A never-ending fight. I say to you, and you will understand that it is a privilege to fight! We are warriors! Salesmen of north-eastern Pennsylvania, I ask you once more: Rise and be worthy of this historical hour! No revolution is worth anything if it cannot defend itself! Some people will tell you salesman is a bad word. They'll conjure up images of used car dealers and door to door charlatans. This is our duty: to change their perception. I say salesmen... and women of the world unite! We must never acquiesce for it is together, TOGETHER, THAT WE PREVAIL! We must never cede control of the motherland!"
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorRandall EinhornStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael tries to be proactive during a watermark crisis, but only makes the situation worse. Meanwhile, Angela has trouble being apologetic with customers, and Andy discovers a secret about his new girlfriend."Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
- Dwight K. Schrute to Jim Halpert
- DirectorMatt SohnStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiOscar gets everybody in the office to go to Happy Hour so that he can hit on a coworker in shipping. Pam tries to set up Michael with a friend at the bar, but Michael's alter ego, "Date Mike," threatens to spoil the entire evening."In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best!"
- Hidetoshi Hasagawa
- DirectorVictor Nelli Jr.StarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiA routine office day is changed when children come to Dunder Mifflin for "Take Your Daughter to Work Day." Michael is surprised when he strikes up a friendship with the five-year old daughter of his sworn enemy, Toby. Pam is desperate to befriend her colleagues' offspring and a misunderstanding puts Ryan under Stanley's thumb."Boy, have you lost your mind?! 'Cause I'll help you find it!"
- Stanley Hudson to Ryan Howard
- DirectorRandall EinhornStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael asks Dwight to be the scapegoat for one of his business ideas that backfired badly on him. But when that idea has an unexpected positive upside, Dwight still takes the credit and Michael becomes furious."I’ve got a golden ticket idea. Why don’t you skip on up to the roof and jump off?"
- Stanley Hudson to Michael Scott
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiThe Dunder Mifflin staff go on a mandatory "booze cruise" to hear Michael give a motivational talk."All right, we’ll have a motivational dance contest! Hit it! Yeah, okay, dancing! It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body and communicate! Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJim rallies the staff together to witness a showdown between Michael and Dwight at Dwight's martial arts school."Would I rather be feared or loved? Um, easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorKen WhittinghamStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiThe Dunder Mifflin Infinity website is launching and Michael is excited about going to the big launch party in New York while Angela plans a satellite party for the Scranton branch. Meanwhile, Dwight competes against the website to see who can sell the most paper in one day."Plan a party, Angela. Oh! And the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65.00 for your budget. Oh and here are four idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh. And your cat's still dead."
- Angela Martin
- DirectorGreg DanielsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiWith Michael and Jan Levinson-Gould away from the office to land a new client, the staff discovers an unproduced screenplay in Michael's office."Jan Levinson-Gould. Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorGreg DanielsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiVery much unlike his staff, an overeager Michael can't wait for this year's annual Dundies awards."You know what they say about a car wreck, where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you."
- Pam Beesly
- DirectorLee EisenbergGene StupnitskyStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJim and Pam return from their honeymoon and learn, to their horror, that Michael is dating Pam's mom. Meanwhile, Dwight gives Jim a "gift"--which actually has a listening device attached to it."You know what? I'm gonna start dating her even harder."
- Michael Scott to Pam Beesly
- DirectorCharles McDougallStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerDwight puts together a Pennsylvania Dutch-themed office Christmas party, but he ends it abruptly because Jim has to leave for his other job. Meanwhile, Erin seeks comfort from a co-worker after a disappointing text from Andy."Mini-Cupcakes? As in the mini version of regular cupcakes, which is already a mini version of cake? Honestly, where does it end with you people?!"
- Kevin Malone to Nellie Bertram
- DirectorTucker GatesStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiWhen Jan tells Michael that the Scranton Branch will be shutting down, Michael strives to keep his staff's spirits up. Meanwhile, everyone privately begins to envision how their lives will change in the aftermath."Say what you will about Michael Scott, but he would never do that."
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiAfter Michael isn't invited to a camping trip with Ryan, he sets out to prove that he can brave it out in the wilderness by himself. Jim, who is in charge of the office while Michael is gone, tries to change the birthday party policy.“I keep various weaponry strategically placed around the office. I saved Jim’s life with a can of pepper spray I had velcroed under my desk. People say, 'Oh, it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home or the workplace.' Well, I say, 'It’s better to be hurt by someone you know accidentally than by a stranger on purpose.'"
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorGreg DanielsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiDwight does a favor for Angela to keep her from getting in trouble. Andy finds out and uses it against him to get in tighter with Michael. Now Dwight must fess up, which will reveal his relationship with Angela, or risk getting fired."May I have your attention, please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So…"
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael is pressured by corporate to fire someone, which puts a damper on the office Halloween party."AAAAAH! I'm gonna kill myself! I'm going to kill myself, and it's your fault!"
- Michael Scott to Jim Halpert
- DirectorKen WhittinghamStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiIn celebration of his birthday, Michael makes a mandatory invite of the staff during the workday to go ice skating."Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did, however, tip my urologist, because… I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorJoss WhedonStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael and Dwight try to play a prank on Karen, who is now manager of the Utica branch, after she tries to steal Stanley from the Scranton office. Meanwhile, Pam, Toby, and Oscar start their own exclusive office book club."Besides having sex with men, I would say that the Finer Things Club is the gayest thing about me."
- Oscar Martinez
- DirectorBrent ForresterStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael returns to Dunder Mifflin and brings Ryan and Pam in as salespeople, but the existing salespeople demand that Michael return the clients they stole back to them. Meanwhile, some employees take the idea of Casual Friday too far."Well, I was in the Seminary for a year and dropped out ’cause I wanted to have sex with this girl, Cathy. Followed her to Scranton. Took the first job I could find in H.R. Later she divorced me. So no, I wouldn’t say I have a passion for H.R."
- Toby Flenderson
- DirectorB.J. NovakStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiTen years ago, Michael promised a group of third graders he would pay for their college tuition if they graduated. Now comes time to pay, and he can't do it. At the office, Dwight's employee of the month idea gets Jim in big trouble."I lied to myself too. I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, but by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don’t know. I wanted to pay for your education. I really did. It was my dream. Some people have evil drems, some people have selfish dreams or wet dreams. My dream was in the right place."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorJeffrey BlitzStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael is forced to go through counseling with Toby, Dwight seeks revenge on a local mall that refused his business, and Pam tries to fake her way to a promotion."I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out."
- Kelly Kapoor
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiPhyllis blackmails Angela into doing the work for the Christmas party, which Michael turns into an intervention after Meredith gets drunk and sets her hair on fire. Meanwhile, Dwight corners the market on a popular Christmas gift."An intervention. It’s sort of hard to describe, but really its–it’s a coming together… it’s a surprise party for people who are–who have addictions. And you get in their face and you scream at them and you make them feel really badly about themselves. And then they stop."
-Michael Scott - DirectorKen KwapisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiA fire in the kitchen relegates the staff to the parking lot as help is on its way."When I was Ryan's age, I worked in a fast food restaurant, to save up money for school. And then I spe... lost it in a pyramid scheme. But I learned more about business, right then and there, than business school would ever teach me, or Ryan would ever teach me."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorKen KwapisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiThe office reviews its sexual harassment policy in light of explicit e-mails."Usually the day we talk about sexual harassment is the day that everyone harasses me as a joke."
- Pam Beesly
- DirectorDean HollandStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiIt's Halloween at Dunder Mifflin, and Michael is upset that Darryl went over his head with an idea, and Jim and Pam are obsessed with finding out why Danny didn't call Pam back when they were dating four years ago."Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won’t notice?"
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorRoger NygardStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael takes on the role of office grief counselor when he learns that his old boss has died."I got it. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby."
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorReginald HudlinStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael is upset when he becomes the butt of all the office jokes after he falls in a koi pond. Andy and Pam go out together on some cold calls, and everybody mistakes them as a married couple."Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So, Jim is actually my friend. But… because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy. So, actually Jim is my enemy. But--"
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiReady to finalize his deal for a new condo, Michael is away with Dwight while Jim rallies the staff together for office games."A thirty year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people."
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorJeffrey BlitzStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiKevin and Andy team up to reclaim the stolen Dunder Mifflin parking spaces, which forces them into a showdown with the other four bosses of the office park. Meanwhile, Michael becomes fascinated by a woman modeling chairs in a catalog."No question about it, I am ready to get hurt again."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorRandall EinhornStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael tries to figure out how to respond to Stanley's insubordination during a meeting, and Dwight buys Andy's vehicle and immediately flips it for more money."It’s like I used to tell my wife, I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one too."
- Stanley Hudson
- DirectorJulian FarinoStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael isn't supposed to let anyone know that he and Jan went on vacation together in Jamaica, but he accidentally circulates a compromising photo of them to the office via e-mail."I still haven't found an apartment yet. I’m living in a hotel. Yesterday, I saw a 'for rent' sign down the street from Jim and he said he didn’t think it’d be such a good idea. He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away."
- Karen Filippelli
- DirectorRandall EinhornStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiDwight takes former temp Ryan to his beet farm to initiate Ryan to his new job at Dunder Mifflin."I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little, but on Pretzel Day? Well, I like Pretzel Day."
- Stanley Hudson
- DirectorJohn ScottStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiAndy invites the entire office to watch him in the community theater production of "Sweeney Todd," but Erin decides to babysit for Jim and Pam instead, and Michael is upset because he auditioned for the lead and didn't get it."Women cannot resist a man singing show tunes. It's so powerful, even a lot of men can't resist a man singing show tunes."
- Andy Bernard
- DirectorJ.J. AbramsStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiWhile Michael and Jan go to their first Dunder Mifflin outing as an official couple, the office workers left behind go out for happy hour. During happy hour, Roy finds out that Jim and Pam kissed on Casino Night."I am taking a calculated risk. What’s the upside? I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love, babies, normalcy, no more self loathing. Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star. Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my god. What am I saying?"
- Jan Levinson
- DirectorJeffrey BlitzStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJenna FischerMichael learns that one of the new employees at Dunder Mifflin Scranton has a criminal record. Meanwhile, Jim helps Andy make a move on Pam."The worst thing about prison was the Dementors!"
- Michael Scott/Prison Mike
- DirectorDavid RogersStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerAndy claims to be throwing a garden party at Dwight's farm to impress Robert California, but he's really doing it to win the approval of his parents, who appear to favor his younger brother."There’s this thing that people tend to do with billboards. How do I put this? If there’s an opportunity for a graffiti artist to work in a… phallic shape, interacting with the artwork, it’ll happen, and Andy gave them that opportunity."
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael decides to set up e-mail surveillance for all company e-mail, and discovers that Jim has invited everyone over for a barbeque except him."Think about this; what is the most exciting thing that can happen, on TV, or in movies, or in real life? Somebody has a gun. [gasps] That’s why I always start with a gun, because you can’t top it, you just can’t."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorPaul FeigStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael and Pam begin their first day at the Michael Scott Paper Company putting together the rest of the staff and trying to raise money."I've never been a kiss up. I – it’s just not how I operate. I mean, I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work. Half-heartedly."
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorPaul LiebersteinStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiAs Michael prepares to leave Dunder Mifflin, he announces that he will form his own paper company. Will anybody join him?"I am aware of the effect I have on women."
- Charles Miner
- DirectorB.J. NovakStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerAndy hopes to make up for a sales deficiency by entering and winning a bar trivia competition, while Dwight flies to corporate headquarters in Florida to demand a management interview with Robert."Look, I know it’s easy to say tonight was just a fluke, and maybe it was, but here’s a piece of trivia: a fluke is one of the most common fish in the sea. So if you go fishing for a fluke, chances are, you just might catch one."
- Kevin Malone
- DirectorHarold RamisStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiAfter the baby is born, Pam has trouble getting the baby to breastfeed. At the office, Michael takes credit for hooking Jim and Pam up, and tries to do the same thing for Kevin and Erin, making Andy jealous."Well, when you least expect it, expect it. I am going to fill the empty voids in your life with love. I am going to fill that empty hole in your body with another person. And, like Cupid, I am going to shoot you with love."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorSeth GordonStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiPam goes into labor and Jim is ready to take her to the hospital, but she refuses to go. Meanwhile, inspired by Pam and Jim's baby, Dwight and Angela try to reach a "business agreement" to have a baby of their own."I know Pam better than anyone in this office, and obviously she’s gone crazy, but everybody wants to say that I’m crazy. But I’m not crazy, she’s crazy. I’m not crazy, she’s crazy. Five to seven minutes. Five to seven minutes. Six minutes. Different, but not really. Five to seven minutes."
- Jim Halpert
- DirectorJon FavreauStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerAndy finds out that Erin dumped him for Pete, Dwight gets Angela's help taking care of his aunt, and Pam interviews with a real estate firm whose boss is a carbon-copy of Michael Scott."Gabe, can you stop talking? 'Cause every word out of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican."
- Erin Hannon to Gabe Lewis
- DirectorKen WhittinghamStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael sabotages Erin's "Glee" viewing party because of his contempt for Gabe, Jim and Pam discover that Dwight can keep their daughter from crying, and Andy has a bad reaction to a mixture of wine and a Japanese stimulant."I don’t know if Michael likes Gabe that much, but there’s this thing on Glee called mash-up, where two things that don’t go together, make one great song. Take Gabe, take Michael, you make Gay Mike. Best friends."
- Erin Hannon
- DirectorRandall EinhornStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael continues to see Donna even after learning she's married and meeting her husband, Dwight and Angela take their baby contract to an arbitrator, and Jim and Pam struggle to stay awake at the office."If I had a gun with two bullets, and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice."
- Michael Scott
- DirectorMindy KalingStarsSteve CarellRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiMichael is hopeful that a potential client is interested in him, but everyone in the office except Pam thinks he's wasting his time. Meanwhile, Dwight recruits Kelly to apply for the Sabre minority management training program."You ever notice you can only ooze two things: sexuality and puss? Man, I tell ya."
- Creed Bratton
- DirectorMatt SohnStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerDwight refuses to let appendicitis get in the way of leading his new team in Tallahassee, while Andy decides to step in for Erin as secretary in the office."Phillip, if you’re hearing this memo, that can only mean one thing, I’m dead. You are the rightful heir to Schrute Farms. Please, you must do one thing. Kill Mose before he kills you. Mose, hey, it’s Dwight. Listen, yeah, I just want to give you a heads-up."
- Dwight K. Schrute
- DirectorBrian BaumgartnerStarsRainn WilsonJohn KrasinskiJenna FischerIn Tallahassee, Dwight and Todd Packer try to romance Nellie to get the VP position, while Jim wonders if Kathy is trying to hit on him. Back in Scranton, Val's boyfriend shows up with a message for Darryl."Unbelievable!" "Un-be-liev-a-ble!"
- Angela Martin & Pam Halpert + Oscar Martinez