Worst things I've ever seen in my entire life!
The list of the most unpleasant screenings I’ve ever had to endure in my life.
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- DirectorClay WeinerStarsLucas CruikshankPixie LottJake WearyLovestruck, awkward teen Fred Figglehorn makes desperate attempts to make Judy fall in love with him - while also dodging the mischievous Kevin.There’s movies that have bad animation. Then there're dramas that try too hard to be dramatic. Then there’s superheroes that do absolutely nothing. And then, at the very bottommost of the barrel is a movie starring an obnoxious brat who screams in a high pitched voice that would even irritate Alvin, a story featuring that brat stalking a girl, an adventure that does nothing except waste an hour and 20 minutes of your life with tiresome filler, humour that would make a toddler’s knock knock jokes sound like comedy gold, wasted cameos from celebrities that were clearly desperate for a paycheque, and all mixed in with a lousy adaptation of an internet celebrity made for no apparent reason other than the fact that if it’s something stupid, internet users will tune in and love it. And that’s what makes a good movie, right? Of course not! How can it even be a good movie when the mere idea sounds like the worst movie ever made? After all, it’s just a teenager running around screaming bad jokes in a high pitched voice. Just tell me you’d have faith in a movie that starts off with the title character screaming horrible puns right at your face. I know I partially spoiled the movie, but do you really think I care at this point? In the name of writing, acting, cinema, television, Hollywood, Nickelodeon, YouTube, and general entertainment, this is the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life! Case closed!
- DirectorLawrence KasanoffStarsHilary DuffHaylie DuffCharlie SheenThe evil Brand X joins a supermarket that becomes a city after closing time.Charlie Sheen and Wayne Brady find themselves casted in an hour and a half’s worth of nightmarish animation, dirty humour, disgusting characters, and a story that in no ways even tries to make any sense in any way. Even sitting through this stain on the face of animation for 5 minutes will send the kids screaming under their seats while the parents question what in the name of Earth, Heaven, Hell and in between they were thinking when they made the mistake of renting it.
- DirectorJim LionStarsGail ArcherChaim DauermannJonathan DauermannA riveting tale filled with many moments of happiness and pain, Joshua and the Promised Land is an amazing story retelling the events of the Old Testament. Joshua Carter is introduced to his guardian angel, Christopher Andrew Eugene Bozioni, and soon is thrown (literally) into the real Joshua's life. The journey goes from traveling the parted Red Sea to trusting God to help them destroy the sinners in the path. Joshua and Chris become friends and as they travel alongside Moses to find their promised land, they leave behind many memories and moments of triumph. This is a beautiful movie filled with much diversity that you will not regret watching.You take one look at the cover of this disgrace to the Bible and the good name of animation in general. Do you still want to rent this one?
- DirectorRoswitha HaasStarsArmin DrogatGeorg FeilsSimone GreissA small dinosaur loses his parents after a volcanic eruption destroys his home when he was born.Yee!
- DirectorSteve BinderDavid AcombaStarsMickey MortonPatty MaloneyPaul GaleChewbacca and Han Solo try to get to the Wookiee homeworld of Kashyyyk to celebrate Life Day, but are impeded by an Imperial blockade. Chewie's family passes the time with various forms of entertainment.What comes to mind when you think of Star Wars? An hour and a half of Wookiee gibberish mixed with pointless anthology segments that do nothing other than either indulge in celebrity guest appearances or show off cartoon pilots that will never see the light of day? It’s now pretty clear why George Lucas wants every copy smashed with a hammer.
- DirectorMark KirklandRob OliverStarsDan CastellanetaJulie KavnerNancy CartwrightBart becomes the most hated person in Springfield after he is the goat in a championship baseball game, and Homer's new job as a mattress salesman ruins his and Marge's sex life.Who in the right mind would want to watch 30 cruel minutes of Bart Simpson getting scorned by Springfield over missing a baseball catch? Now add the townsfolk encouraging the poor kid to jump off a water tower and you get a basic recipe for a disastrous Simpsons episode.
- 1999– 24mTV-Y73.2 (1.1K)TV EpisodeDirectorVincent WallerStarsTom KennyRodger BumpassDee Bradley BakerSquidward cleans up the city of Bikini Bottom with 'help' from SpongeBob.SpongeBob brings Gary a pet that terrorizes him.Ever wanted to watch 10 minutes of straight-up cartoon animal abuse and SpongeBob being unbelievably neglectful to such a degree that it will forever leave a visible stain on the show’s image? Then this is for you.
- StarsNicolas CantuTeresa GallagherDonielle T. Hansley Jr.Back in time to when Anais is a newborn baby and Gumball and Darwin are jealous of her sparking a baby war.This does not feel like a Gumball episode. This feels like 11 minutes of watching two toddlers getting tortured by their baby sister and their braindead parents doing nothing about it which, by the way, isn’t entertaining in the slightest. What completely destroys this episode for me is the fact that we’re meant to look Anais the same way after this unappealing experience that is bound to turn away even the most hardcore of fans.
- DirectorMic GravesStarsJacob HopkinsTerrell Ransom Jr.Hugo Harold-HarrisonDarwin has been chosen to play a solo in the marching band, but someone may be trying to sabotage him.First, we start The Triangle by setting up a plot that has nothing to do with the triangle. Then, we substitute the triangle with unfunny jokes and a cruel story filled with the meanest characters Gumball ever has to spend the day with.
- DirectorKim Jun OkStarsJane AlexanderManfredi AliquoRodolfo BianchiA group of friends find themselves inside a bathysphere and awake in Atlantis. With the help of the King of Atlantis, they do their best to recover the Titanic.Just when I thought things couldn’t sink any lower, how about we make a sequel about the Titanic that has nothing to do with the Titanic, have our heroes visit Atlantis, let a shark copy the rapping dog, and throw any logic and sense out the window. Is it just me or do I sound mad for explaining all this with a straight face?
- DirectorOrlando CorradiKim Jun OkStarsGregory SnegoffFrancis PardeilhanJane AlexanderA grandfather mouse tells his grandchildren the "real" story of the Titanic disaster, including himself, evil sharks, a giant octopus, and an evil whaling scheme.And now that we have the rapping dog out of the way, let’s force in more talking animals, incomprehensible magic, evil whalers and sharks, a giant octopus that throws the iceberg into the ship’s path, and a climax where everyone is saved by the octopus and disregards tragic history all for a forced wishy washy sickly saccharine happily ever after ending. And I thought it couldn’t sink any lower.
- DirectorCamillo TetiStarsLisa RussoMark Thompson-AshworthGisella MathewsA Cinderella meets her Prince Charming on the ill-fated Titanic. Along for the ride are a rapping dog, other talking animals, and an assortment of wacky humans.Someone thought it was a good idea to Disneyfy James Cameron’s Titanic and throw a rapping dog into the mix. Need I say more?
- 1999– 23mTV-Y73.9 (946)TV EpisodeDirectorVincent WallerStarsDee Bradley BakerClancy BrownRodger BumpassSpongeBob tries to remove a splinter before Mr. Krabs learns about it and sends him home early; SpongeBob and Patrick get new slide whistles and keep playing them, much to the annoyance of Squidward.The Splinter is a disgusting experience filled with vomit-worthy imagery and a filler-reliant story. Overall, even kids who are such crazy SpongeBob fans are bound to get traumatised by this one.
- DirectorJosh TrankStarsMiles TellerKate MaraMichael B. JordanFour young outsiders teleport to an alternate and dangerous universe which alters their physical form in shocking ways. The four must learn to harness their new abilities and work together to save Earth from a former friend turned enemy.What’s the definition of a superhero movie? Super people doing super things, or four uninteresting people sitting in a dark room talking for over an hour? The latter is what makes FANT4STIC perhaps the dullest experience Marvel has ever put on the big screen. And yes, the 2005 movie belongs in the MCU compared to this snore fest.