[To lady cellist playing badly at rehearsal] "Madam, you have between
your legs an instrument capable of giving pleasure to thousands - and
all you can do is scratch it."
[Describing the harpsichord] "Like two skeletons copulating on a
corrugated tin roof."
All the arts in America are a gigantic racket run by unscrupulous men for unhealthy women.
There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between.
When a horse defecated on stage during a Covent Garden performance of
Verdi's "Aida": "A distressing spectacle, to be sure, but, Gad, what a
critic!"
The English may not like music, but they absolutely love the noise it makes.