Menu
All
All
Titles
TV Episodes
Celebs
Companies
Keywords
Advanced Search
Watchlist
Sign In
Sign In
New Customer?
Create account
EN
Fully supported
English (United States)
Partially supported
Français (Canada)
Français (France)
Deutsch (Deutschland)
हिंदी (भारत)
Italiano (Italia)
Português (Brasil)
Español (España)
Español (México)
Use app
Back
Biography
Trivia
FAQ
IMDbPro
All topics
Quotes
Henny Youngman
Edit
Take my wife ... please!
I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.
I've been married for 34 years, and I'm still in love with the same woman. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me.
My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.
I miss my wife's cooking - as often as I can.
I was so ugly when I was born that the doctor slapped my mother.
I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put 'page 2.'
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.
My dad was the town drunk. Usually that's not so bad, but New York City?
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.
[on seafood restaurants] The catch of the day was hepatitis.
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content
Learn more about contributing
Edit page
More from this person
More to explore
List
IMDb's 2024 Summer Watch Guide
See our picks
Photos
The Greatest Character Actors of All Time
See the gallery
List
Top 100 Most Viewed Indian Stars of the Last Decade
See the list
Recently viewed
Please enable browser cookies to use this feature.
Learn more.
Back to top