The Delicious Dish on NPR, where Pete Schweddy stops by and brings out his balls - "Do whatever you want to, ladies. My Balls are here for your pleasure."
Christmas Eve at the White House - "Fred, you've been with me a long time now. I don't think that on Christmas Eve you have to call me 'Mr. President'."
Mister Robinson's Christmas - "I have so much in common with Santa Claus. We both like to sneak into your house late at night. Only Mr. Santa Claus likes to leave things. Mr. Robinson prefers to …
The Christmas Kangaroo - "Now, on Christmas morning all the Australian boys and girls might not get toys, but it spared the horror of watching a giant marsupial taking their old man to browntown.…
Steve Martin's Holiday Wish - "And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season...the fourth would be to set aside one month each year for an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought a…
The Global Warming Christmas Special with Carl Sagan and Dean Martin - "Dean, the mean temperature in Las Vegas will one day rise to 156 degrees, making it uninhabitable and rendering such landma…
Santa Baby - "I cannot, in good conscience, pass up the opportunity to thank that beautiful man for bringing me presents every Christmas until my parents left at a very young age."
Christmastime for the Jews - "Now it’s nearly 10:30. Yes, it’s time for bed, Daily Show reruns dancing in their heads. Maybe next year they’ll learn how to hold their booze. Christmastime for the…
Stefon's Christmas Guide - "New York's hottest holiday club is Blitzen! And, right now, they're having a '12 Days of Christmas' dance party! And it has EVERYTHING! 12 jacked albinos... 11 Little …
Glengarry Glen Christmas - "Put that cocoa down! Cocoa's for cobblers only. Do you think I'm screwing around? I am NOT screwing around. I am here from Kris Kringle. I'm here from the North Pole. …
John Malkovich Reads "Twas the Night Before Christmas" - "When I was a child, we used to suck on pennies. You know what I'm saying? And it was a delight."
Santa's My Boyfriend - "Santa's my boyfriend, and we'll have a wonderful life. I can't wait for the time, when he'll truly be mine and he'll leave his bitch of a wife!"
Mark Wahlberg Talks to Christmas Animals - "I like your stick hands. I have real hands. But we can hang out! Just let me know. Say hi to your mother from me."
Mrs. Claus on Getting Santa to Skip Christmas - "I'm horny as a bat from Hell. I need your love - can't you tell? Santa, please skip Christmas this year!"
Dysfunctional Family Christmas - "Daddy's nose is red and runny. Daddy's voice is rough and funny. And the only words I can understand are 'God' and 'Damn' and 'Christmas'."
The Culps' Christmas - "You know, I would like to ask all the employees at the Relax the Back store across the way there to relax the middle fingers you're holding up right now. That's just unbel…
Mary Gross' Joy of Christmas (including a 7-year-old Seth Green) About Christmas - "It just isn't what it used to be. I remember in, uh... '77, '78... THAT was Christmas!"
This You Call a Wonderful Life? (the Hanukkah version of It's a Wonderful Life) - "Dr. Bernstein says that, 'every time a bell rings, you should get your prostate checked'."
July 1 is Creative Ice Cream Flavors Day. Which of these ice cream flavors created for a celebrity or a character they played is your favorite? Or, if you haven't tried m/any, which would you most lik…