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- Follows the lives of the Porters; a seemingly average family whose world is frequently turned upside-down, due to bad luck and bizarre occurrence.
- When they learn that they are being under-cut by a rival firm Bill and Rona decide to go over to France and buy cheap wine and provisions for their business. However whilst still on the continent they discover that a fox has crept into the back of their van. After several attempts to get rid of the fox they finally succeed and make their way to customs - where the customs officers find sheep in the back of the van.
- With custom falling Ben has become addicted to the Ninja Badgers video game and Bill makes him go cold turkey to break the addiction. Fortunately watching a goldfish David brings home does the trick. Rona attends her old Catholic school to drum up trade for the catering business,lying to an old school-mate about being a respectable charity worker. When the formidable Sister Virtue tells her that liars will burn in Hell she fears she may have unleashed a curse. And she is right. A man dressed as a giant badger to advertise a pet shop has his car stolen from outside the Porters' house and when he arrives at the door it so flusters Ben he accidentally kills the goldfish.
- Ben's hears that his biggest rival in the plumbing trade,Jake the Klingon,has died and with no family has charged Ben with being the executor of his will and planning a lavish funeral with a Star Trek theme. At the same time Bill gets a visit from a health inspector who tells her that her kitchen is not up to standard so she and Rona go to see personal banker Dawn,who - in her irritating sing-song voice - once more tells Bill that no loan will be forthcoming. After a disastrous funeral Ben learns that Jake is actually alive and had made the demands to humiliate him. He decides that the family needs a holiday and,putting the Chevy up as collateral,books a flight to Miami.
- Already bored with her new job Bill also has to look after Ben,down with flu,and has taken in next door's dog,the elderly and flatulent Bonzo. When Bonzo falls ill rather than let him suffer Bill puts him out of his misery with Ben's tablets. Ben is shocked that his wife went behind his back to put Bonzo down and,given that he is also ill,asks whether she would do the same for him. The whole episode brings out a morbid curiosity with death in David,who gives his teddy bear a ritual burial in the back garden.
- Rona is preparing for her wedding to Gordon and the Porters' house is in chaos as Auntie Pearl takes charge. David complains of feeling ill and he and Ben escape to sit in the car whilst Bill goes to see Rona. Through the kitchen window she sees her friend,in her bridal dress,dangling from the ceiling - Rona was changing a light bulb when the ladder fell away. Bill tries to help her by crawling in through a cat flap but gets stuck and eventually both women are rescued by a door-to-door salesman. On returning home Bill finds David has collapsed and Rona lets the Porters take him in her wedding car to the hospital where Dr Brook tells them that the boy has tetanus.
- On Hallowe'en a social worker approves the Porters fostering Declan but tells Bill he has an uncle,Lon,whom he has never heard of. Bill and Ben visit him at the cemetery lodge where he lives and note he has a lot of facial whiskers. When Lon tells Ben that there is a 'curse of the Porters' Ben fears the worst and assumes that the male members of the family are all likely to become werewolves. However,on opening the box of family photos given him by Lon he discovers that in fact he is Jewish.
- Bill is laid up with flu,aware that the household cannot function without her and biding her time by listening in on Jenny's phone calls and spying on Rona in her renewed attempt to get pregnant by Tony - which results in a paranoid Rona believing Tony's ex-wife is stalking him. Ben is looking after Snowball, the Grimes' cat, whilst they are on holiday and ends up crossing town and getting very dirty and dishevelled in pursuit of the wandering feline. He gets it back to the house - but is it Snowball? And if not why is a muffled mewing coming from somewhere in the newly decorated kitchen?
- Bill is feeling harassed again and Ben is no help with his frequent visits to his work-shop. Stressed out by work at the bakery and her efforts to pass her driving test she misses the signs when an unhappy Jenny splits with her boyfriend. Fortunately Rona is on hand to cheer Jenny up with her considerable experiences with men whilst Ben takes Bill bowling. However Bill is shocked to find that Ben has blown his rebate on a 1960 Chevrolet,not the best vehicle in which to take her test after being used to an Austin.
- On a Saturday afternoon Jenny comes into the house evidently upset and it becomes apparent that something has happened between herself and Clive. Bill and Rona compete with Ben and David to find out what has happened,Bill ringing Laura to discover that Clive is going to buy a ring. Bill assumes that he is buying Jenny an engagement ring against her wishes but when the family arrives at the shop they find that the ring is for Clive's recent piercing.
- Bill is upset when she learns that the other family members have put the porters forward as subjects for a fly-on-the-wall television documentary as she fears it could harm their application to foster Declan. She thus goes out of the way when the crew arrives to put them off the idea of using the Porters,sending Ben on a silly wild goose chase 'emergency ' call and serving unpalatable food. Eventually she gets her way though the Porters are shocked to find that the family chosen to replace them,the Bakers, are just like them with similar names and a neighbour called Rhoda. Bill believes her brush with fame is over but had reckoned without Ben putting the house forward for 'Changing Rooms'.
- Bill receives a chain letter threatening bad luck if not sent on to others. Against Ben's advice she rips it up but then bad things happen. The builders are involved in a road accident,a client dies,David loses his trunks at the swimming pool and Bill falls out with Rona after accusing her of sending the letter. Eventually the newly-divorced Tina arrives and confesses to sending the letter as she was feeling down and knew that sensible Bill would tear it up as she did not believe in superstition. However Ben is about to make a parachute jump and the woman race to the air base to ensure his safety - only for a different sort of calamity to happen.
- The new kitchen is now complete but Bill is too busy working to listen to Jenny,worried that her performance at the school concert will be overshadowed by the buxom Charlene and her Madonna impression. Fortunately Ben and David come to her rescue as the trio wow the audience with their Blues Brothers number. Bill meanwhile goes to visit Rona and finds two escaped snakes in the living-room. With Tony worn out by Rona and asleep upstairs the two women are trapped against the wall until Bill looks out of the window and sees that her house is on fire. She takes drastic action to escape into the street.
- Unlike the rest of the family Bill is opposed to the National Lottery and only wants to do her paperwork whilst the rest of the Porters watch the live draw and speculate on what they would do with their winnings. She suddenly realizes that she must have washed Ben's jeans without taking the ticket out of the pocket and rushes off with Rona to buy a replacement - which inadvertently causes Clive's parents to get arrested. It seems that Christine actually had Ben's ticket all along but Bill gets a shock when she hears the numbers called.
- Bill is concerned that David's interest in death is not helped by Ben,who,on his way to the school parents' evening,imagines himself to be the Terminator and cuts up a Ford Escort. Discovering that the driver is disabled he feels ashamed but later accepts a challenge to race him - and loses. Bill fears that she may be pregnant again and buys a home testing kit but when one of the testers goes missing and Jenny acts oddly it looks as if Jenny is the one who is expecting. Rona has a talk with her and discovers she is bulimic whilst Ben,who actually took the test for a laugh,finds that he tested as being pregnant.
- Now unemployed, Bill is late for her signing-on appointment thanks to a phone call from Bette, and the car breaks down on the way to the DHSS office. She gets a mechanic to fix it, but he is whisked away by Anneka Rice for her 'Challenge Anneka' television show and Bill gets pulled over by the police pushing the car through a red light. Finally she makes her appointment to be interviewed by the infantile Janice, but eventually agrees to take a job with Rona at a factory supplying catering packs. Meanwhile, Ben takes on an assistant, abrasive Christine, who soon falls out with an arrogant female customer. Back home after her trying day, Bill falls asleep on the settee--missing the local TV news bulletin which reports Angelo's death in a road accident.
- Harassed Bill Porter juggles working in a bakery with her sex-mad friend Rona with looking after lazy husband Ben, a plumber and their children Jenny and David. Bill is called to Jenny's school where the headmaster - in costume for a Gilbert and Sullivan show - tells her that Jenny has been truanting. It turns out that Jenny has been seeing a biker called Spin. However Bill herself keeps running into - literally - an attractive biker,Angelo,who suggests they go away together. She declines as her family comes first and feels it would be hypocritical to chastise Jenny in the circumstances.
- Bill's mother Bette comes on one of her dreaded visits,bringing Jenny a taffeta dress and a video nasty for David. To their annoyance Bill and Ben are ordered out of their bedroom and when Bill comes home from work early she discovers why. Bette is in bed with an old flame. After the initial row the two women have a heart-to-heart with Bill wondering if she is turning into her mother. Whilst the prospect of eloping with Angelo again comes up Ben finds his latest customer is a former girlfriend.
- Tired of being taken for granted by the family Bill agrees to spend a weekend in Scotland with old flame Malcolm,now a big name in Hollywood. Rona covers for her,saying that she is staying with a former school-friend but Ben,watching a golf tournament in Scotland on television,sees Bill and Malcolm in the crowd. He tracks them down and travels to their hotel in Scotland,head-butting Malcolm. Then Malcolm's wife turns up and Bill,unaware that he was married,pushes Malcolm into a fountain.
- On Bank Holiday Monday Bill is looking forward to hosting Clive,Laura and Laura's German mother Sophie. Unfortunately Bette pays a surprise visit with her talk of VE Day street parties and The Sound of Music video and when Rona brings Pearl in to divert her the pair do nothing but talk about the Blitz. Fortunately both are shuffled off to Rona's before Sophie arrives and,apart from Christine dressing as Hitler for the street party, the whole day goes swimmingly. Of course the women had reckoned without Ben's clumsy attempts to mend the bedroom wall...
- Tina tells Ben that their estranged father Frank is coming home from Thailand but when Bill and Ben go to meet him are amazed to find that he has a much younger Thai bride Darrani. Ben argues with Frank over his constant absenteeism and the Porters leave but Rona persuades Bill,Darrani and Tina to go with her to see a male stripper. Even though he is masked Rona recognizes him when he is fully frontally nude as Gordon,an ex-boyfriend,who invites the women backstage,Tina's prim persona taking a knock. In the meantime Frank comes to see Ben and apologizes leading to a reconciliation, and bringing a magic set which wins the children over. Bill arrives home very late to find the others waiting up for her.
- On Christmas Eve - having ended up with four trees - Bill is amazed when the message 'Is That You,Bill?' appears on David's computer and cannot be switched off. In reply to cryptic messages Bill cripples the country's television transmission and causes bad weather,discovering to her horror that she has the power to make anything she wants happen. After Rona has got in on the act by summoning three scantily-clad and extremely puzzled young marines it suddenly dawns on the family who the 'Bill' is whose wires have inadvertently crossed with David's computer. Before anything else can happen the family flees to a French chateau for a rendition of the song Relaxez-Vous.
- Bill is fed up as Ben is too tired for sex and keeps nodding off whilst watching television, noone helps with the housework and she confides in Rona her feelings for Angelo the biker. Ben decides that as a break for Bill they have Sunday dinner at his sister Tina's house but Tina's husband drags Ben off to the pub leaving the women to do the cooking and Bill has a row with Tina, who accuses her of being a bad parent by going out to work and hitting David for bringing his pet rat into the house. Bill drives off in anger, only to realize she cannot technically drive. Fortunately Angelo appears and guides her home.
- David is hoping his parents will come and see him in his school drama performance and they promise to be there but.... Ben,as retaliation for sending Jake the Klingon on a wild goose chase,is knocked unconscious and wakes up in Port Meirion,the village used as the location for TV show 'The Prisoner' and has to escape a giant white ball. Bill and Rona break into potential premises and find it is where singer Shirley Bassey stores her stage gowns. They dress up and Camcorder each other. Needless to say they miss David's performance though he does win and Shirley Bassey also rings to ask Bill if she wants the Camcorder back.
- Jenny comes home for the week-end with new boyfriend Keith. Bill is quite happy that they sleep together but Ben is disapproving and plans to wear Keith out before he can do anything. This takes the form of getting him to help Ben lay the floor tiles at Bill and Rona's new catering centre and also by getting him to push home a piano Ben has recently bought with Ben,feigning a twisted ankle,sitting on top of it. However the piano rolls down a hill and Ben genuinely ends up in casualty. Declan is mistakenly accused of shop-lifting and the police escort him to Bill and Rona's catering centre,only to find the two women have been accidentally inhaling the tiling adhesive and are high on solvents.
- Rona takes the bus to her wedding and gets into conversation with a garrulous old lady,Peggy. The more Peggy talks to her the more Rona feels she should not be getting married and,on arrival at the church,finds so many of her ex-boyfriends in the congregation that she cannot go through with it and runs out on Gordon. David meanwhile lies unconscious,Bill blaming herself for not listening when he said he was ill and Ben feeling guilty for not taking him for his tetanus shot. David imagines that Angelo appears to him telling him it is his decision whether to live or die but after Ben has told his comatose son how loved he is David regains consciousness and throws up on his father.
- Ben and Bill drop Jenny off at university,Ben being shocked to find his daughter has a connecting room to Keith,a boy who seems not to wear clothes. On the way home a gang of children rob Ben's van and he catches one of them,ten-year old Declan,who escapes but later tracks the family down and returns some of the stolen items. Declan tells them that he is homeless and his mother abandoned him so soft-hearted Bill lets him stay over,with a view to giving him a permanent home. Next day the Porters find they have been burgled and Declan has disappeared though he soon turns up again . He had only gone to get his belongings and tells Ben the burglars located him through his business card. Declan manages to get all the items back,though Jenny is surprised to find they have been dumped in her room.
- The Porters welcome David's Italian pen-friend Fabrizio,a handsome ladies' man who charms Rona but annoys Ben by hogging the settee and borrowing his car without asking. Soon Bill is also angry when Fabrizio - who has a string of credit cards - encourages David to spend his savings and she gives him a piece of her mind. However Ben has discovered that Fabrizio's father is a feared Mafia don and,when dark-suited men bearing violin cases,knock on the door he and Bill and David decide to hide from them. Too bad they failed to stay around to find out that are merely waiters and musicians engaged by Fabrizio to say Thank You for the hospitality shown him.
- Bill is left a heavy antique wardrobe and its content, a mink coat,by a deceased aunt. Though opposed in principle to fur coats she cannot resist trying it on but when Jenny comes in she hides in the wardrobe - which is promptly taken to an auction. Bill manages to escape but walks straight into an anti-fur demonstration headed by Jenny. Ben,suffering from menopausal depression,goes missing whilst Rona,disappointed to learn that her pregnancy symptoms are actually diabetes,finds an abandoned baby in the hospital grounds.
- To the annoyance of Jake the Klingon - now a member of the Thunderbirds Society - Ben receives the Purple Plug on his windscreen,inviting him to become a member of the Brotherhood of the Plunger,the masonic society for plumbers though he has to perform some bizarre public rituals to show that he is worthy. The rest of the family believe the whole thing is a wind-up engineered by Jake so that when Ben goes for his initiation ceremony he dowses the Grand Master in fire-fighting foam and shows his contempt for the supposed prank. Unfortunately the Brotherhood is all too real and are not happy with Ben.
- Declan is now officially part of the family but with the Millennium approaching Ben annoys Bill by panic buying as he believes that a computer failure will cause a shortage of power. On New Year's Eve Tina arrives for the family gathering and reports a gas leak but the workmen mending it cut through an electric cable,causing a power cut . Switching on the radio whilst huddled in the dark the family hears that an unexploded bomb has been unearthed in the street. With Rona announcing that she is pregnant this is a New Year's Eve to remember,especially when the source of the supposed gas leak is discovered.
- The house is in chaos - builders are still modifying the kitchen to the health inspector's standard and David is running a sideline in providing cockroaches to school-friends. At least Jenny is happy with new boyfriend Clive,whose parents,Laura and Harry,invite Bill and Ben for dinner. The evening goes well - until the Porters find that they have accidentally brought some of David's cockroaches with them. Next day Harry and Laura pay a surprise visit - and discover Bill and Ben trying to stab a massive inflatable pope which Ben picked up at a boot sale and will not deflate itself.
- Cleaning David's cluttered room Bill discovers his secret diary which recounts past events in the Porters' lives - how Bill,setting up her own catering business with Rona,almost came to blows with a prostitute after putting a card in a newsagent's window,how Bette's sister Belle locked herself in her flat refusing to come out for Bill or soppy social worker Mo until Bette came round to patch up a long-running family feud and how Rona's gay brother visited,taking a shine to Ben as he liked fat men,Rona eventually forgiving Adam for stealing one of her boy-friends. Ultimately Bill discovers the real secret hidden in the cupboard with her son's diary - and it is scary.
- Ben gets a camcorder to film the family with a view to sending a video to 'You've Been Framed' but Bill,sick of her job and having learnt about Angelo,is not in the mood. The kids' attitude does not help so Bill reverses the roles by putting them in charge and then disobeying them. She goes for a job interview with another bakery,loses her shoe on the bus and gets caught in the rain. However on arriving at the interview she is confronted by a nude man who thinks he is a dog after having a breakdown on being told he is being made redundant. A nurse leads him away and Bill is told there is no job. Back home she and Rona learn that they too have been made redundant as the factory goes into liquidation. Despite his discovery that Rona is well-known to all the men in the bar they go to Gordon asks her to marry him and she asks Bill to cater for the wedding.
- Bill is considered mean when she refuses to allow the family to have a dog so,to get her used to the idea,they pretend to have an invisible dog,whom they call Harry. Bill is roped into walking him which gets her some funny looks,but on returning home finds an actual dog in the lounge. He turns out to be a guide dog called Barry,or so it was thought but after he has guided his owner into the path of Ben's van,the real Barry is discovered and the Porters have their own dog at last.
- Since Rona has omitted to tell the council,who own her house,that her mother,the named tenant,has been dead for eleven years,Rona is informed that the council are planning to sell the house. However,if she can supply a birth certificate proving she is her mother's daughter she can stay in the property. As Rona cannot find the document Ben suggests holding a séance to get in touch with her mother who can tell them where it is. The séance is not a success but Rona does get to know who her mother is - Auntie Pearl.
- 1991–19998.0 (24)TV EpisodeAfter their lottery win Bill and Rona are keen to find new premises but Bill is worried when Jenny tells her that David stayed out all night and they find a piece of paper with the name Bunty Manson on it. When Bill and Rona phone Bunty's number an older woman answers and David is plainly in the background. Bill and Ben follow him,only to find that the older woman is coaching him for an acting part in the school play. Their minds are now at rest but due to a faulty lift Bill and Ben accidentally find themselves in a wardrobe in a removals van.
- Ben's team Spurs are on a losing streak and must win their last three games to avoid relegation. Despite Bill having given Ben's 'lucky' underpants to the charity shop the team wins so Ben insists that on the next match day everybody behaves exactly the same as they did on the previous Saturday - including Jenny and Clive splitting up as she is going to university. He is so confident he places a bet to say that if Spurs lose the family will dress as the Spice Girls and sing in public. Come the final Saturday Jenny and Clive decide not to split after all,the team loses and the forfeit has to be paid.
- 1991–19997.4 (34)TV EpisodeBen is concerned when he has to visit the tax inspector but is delighted to find he has been granted a rebate. Bill goes to the supermarket to shop for Ben's barbecue but,after giving chase to a thief,is mistakenly arrested herself. However seeing Angelo on the CCTV system she is given the strength to stand up to the rude store detective and is allowed to go. The barbecue is nonetheless a disaster,leading Jenny to declare that she is going to be a vegetarian whilst Bill and Rona phone a number left on Ben's van,which they hope will be Angelo but it is only one of Ben's clients.
- The Porters are enjoying their holiday at Key West when they see on the Weather Channel that Hurricane Bill is approaching so they flee to Miami,staying in a cramped motel full of other hurricane refugees. When the power goes down they expect the worst and spend the night huddled in a cupboard,where Jenny announces that she and Jason are engaged. Next morning the family emerges to discover that the hurricane changed course and missed Miami completely. Back home Rona's attempts to seduce Tony lead to his telling her that he does not want to father a child but is happy to be her boyfriend.
- 1991–19998.2 (27)TV EpisodeBill and Rona are catering for a wedding reception and Jenny agrees to help but,having just split with Jason,she is depressed and careless and drops things. Christine also assists but is short-tempered and abrasive as ever. Rona has good luck though when she spots the handsome DJ Tony and decides he is going to be the father of her child. Tina crashes in,upset as she suspects Brian of having an affair. Bill rings the mysterious number on his mobile phone and speaks to the other woman but lies to Tina to spare her feelings. However Tina soon learns the truth. Jenny gets back with Jason but Bill's trying day does not end when she gets home and finds Ben,locked out of the house after forgetting his key,has taken out the bedroom window.
- Bill despairs as she learns from the fireman that the blaze was caused by faulty wiring and surveys her gutted house. Rona lets the Porters stay with her and also persuades Tony not to move out - by imprisoning him in the fold-up bed. Bette turns up with a skip,personifying the spirit of the Blitz as she oversees the house's refurbishment,leading to the Porters admiring their newly decorated home.
- After Ben's spending the rebate on the car money is tight. Bill's seedy boss Rory Castell will not give her an advance and her grinning personal banker Dawn refuses a loan. Whilst parked at the bank she gets boxed in and again Angelo comes to rescue her. She goes to visit the family of a boy who has befriended David and seeing that they live on a poor housing estate comes to count her blessings whilst Ben's efforts to teach David the facts of life with a girlie magazine fail as David knows them already. After Castell makes slimy advances to Bill and Rona they persuade him to strip and leave him tied up in the bakery,giving their notice. When Bill tells Ben she is jobless he offers to sell the car but she sees how much it means to him and dissuades him.
- On Christmas Eve the Porters and Rona set out to meet Bette and Pearl at a hotel but get lost in the fog and are nervous when they hear on the radio about an escaped criminal. They make their way to a deserted old house and one by one the three adults set off to get help but never return. Next morning the children find them,stuck in the middle of a minefield,requiring David to guide them to safety. The two old ladies meanwhile have got stoned on some strange tobacco they have found. On Christmas morning everybody returns to the Porters' house,transformed into a 1950s Hollywood film set for a group rendition of 'Home For the Holidays'.
- Whilst Rona spends Christmas alone,all her ex-boyfriends being otherwise engaged, the Porters spend the season with Bette and they hate it, Bill recalls painful childhood Christmas times whilst Ben imagines himself in a scene from 'Misery' with Bette breaking his legs and tying him to a bed to make him stay at her house. They have to watch TV shows they hate,play Consequences - which only David finds funny - and suffer the heating on full blast. Bill tries to explain to her mother her feelings but things start to look up when Bette,hypnotized by the tree lights,falls into a trance. As the titles roll the cast perform Christmas songs.
- Late at night Bill and Ben see a car speeding away from the house next door. Believing that Leonard and Dora Grimes are away on holiday Bill assumes that burglars have been at work and phones the police with the car's registration number. No police turn up though the Porters sit up all night,Bill reporting the car's number to a local radio phone-in.Next day the radio broadcasts the news that a car with that number plate,belonging to television repair men has been besieged and attacked. They go back to bed unaware that the grimes have been robbed and tied up all night.
- In an attempt to make the family enjoy quality time together Bill takes out the fuse wire and puts in in a self-addressed envelope in a pillar box. With no television,radio or computer the family is really bored and a game of Charades only ends up with them talking about television shows. Bill's efforts to get Rona to help her retrieve the envelope causes a misunderstanding with Mr and Mrs Grimes - who get an even bigger shock when Ben,after groping for a light in his darkened attic,ends up in their bedroom.
- On Christmas Eve Ben surprises the others by explaining that he has not bought a turkey as he has won a pig in a raffle. Unfortunately it is very much alive and extremely aggressive,soon eating the family out of house and home. They take it to a farm in the country to join other pigs but it refuses to get out of the van and in desperation Bill phones Battersea Dog's Home. Christine appears and agrees to take the pig but by this time it has given birth to a litter. The cast celebrates with a rendition of 'Rootin' Tootin' Santa Claus'.
- On Hallowe'en Bill dismisses the supernatural as ignorant suspicion. However,when a foreign-accented gentleman delivers what appears to be a coffin to Mrs Curdaal from next door,she has second thoughts,particularly when a bat flies into the bathroom and,after seeing a sinister figure at Mrs Curdaal's house she realizes the name is an anagram of Dracula. Furthermore the lady is not answering her phone. The Porters and Rona take appropriate action using garlic and a huge crucifix,only to find there is a rational explanation for their fears - or is there?
- Whilst out shopping Ben meets a female market researcher,who,deciding that the Porters are a typical family,gives him a box of foodstuffs to sample. Most of them are unpopular but,to Bill's annoyance,Ben,Jenny and David cannot stop stuffing themselves with 'Drool' chocolate bars to the extent that next morning they are too full for breakfast but are still anxious for more Drool bars so Ben returns to the precinct to ask for some. However the market researcher tells him that they have been withdrawn from circulation for being psychologically addictive and potentially harmful. Back at the house the Porters find Rona busily searching for the bars.