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- The Beach Boys are in town and D.J. wins a radio contest where she and a guest can see the Beach Boys in concert. Problem is, Danny, Jesse and Joey want to go and D.J. has to decide who will go with her. When she makes her decision, Danny has hurt feelings because he isn't chosen. Now D.J. is upset because of that and she doesn't know what to do.
- It's Paul's birthday once again and he lives in fear when this day comes every year; Not because he's a year older. but as he says, something bad always happens to him. Over the last four years, from 1991-94, we receive a "sample" of Paul's past birthday misfortunes and see why this "haunts" him every year since he was a kid; From Jamie almost leaving him, to having a catered party being given to him and only two people being there due to a freak spring snowstorm to having a surprise party thrown for him and is on the brink of crashing, due to a combination of exhaustion and being given a sleeping pill accidentally by his sister-in-law Lisa. Now we are back to the present time (1995) and we find out that this year is no exception!!!
- It's the first day of school and Jamie is reluctant about going, being the "new kid on the block", she's afraid that when she goes to the cafeteria, she will have her fish sticks and since she doesn't know anybody, she will eat alone and is using the excuse that Paul doesn't want her to go. Paul, along with Lisa Ira and Fran, throw a small surprise party that morning for Jamie's first day of school. Jamie is ready to go, and Paul finds an envelope containing her prepayment for tuition and registration that he forgot to mail. Paul finds out from the college, that he can pay the tuition today, so he decides to rush to the college with Ira and has Fran and Lisa stall Jamie. When Paul and Ira arrive at the college, they pay the tuition, but they find out that each course card must be signed by the department head. Paul enlists Ira, Fran and Lisa to go to the department heads; Paul for intermediate French, Lisa to logic, Fran for Psychology, Ira to Ethics as they all have to pose as Jamie and beg, bribe and outwit each department head for their signature and get Jamie registered, before she arrives.
- It's a very hot day in New York City and with their air conditioner on the fritz, Paul and Jamie go out to eat in an effort to beat the heat. They go to their usual restaurant, Riff's, then they start talking about the time when they went to to the Jersey shore, had a great time and the clams were the best, only they can't remember the name of the place. Jamie suggests that they should go back to the Jersey shore and find the clam place because this could be their last chance for fun, since this is the last week of summer; She will be going back to school, Paul should have new film projects, so they should do this now, while they have the time, instead of waiting for next summer like Paul says. Paul agrees and they borrow Fran's car. Jamie tries to get Fran to join them, but she declines and is acting strangely. Jamie finds out Fran has taken her old job and had it for awhile. Jamie is upset over this and feels like she stabbed her in the back. Soon Paul and Jamie find heading on out on their road trip is easier said than done. Paul's Mom calls them and she wants Paul to help move a couch and take it to Lisa's apartment. Paul finds out that Ricky Gold, Paul's old assistant, directed a big movie, that everyone says they love it. Paul is upset, since his old gofer is doing a big thing and he isn't. More problems arise. when Fran's car is being towed away, with Murray in the back seat, since it's double parked. Now Murrary is mad at Paul, when he and Jamie get the car out of impound. While getting a burger for Murrary at Riff's, to make it up for him, Paul gets locked into the car and when they finally get to the Jersey Shore, they can't find the place and they are very hungry. When they finally remember the name of the place and they get there, it's closed. Sadly, they return home, but in the end, all is not lost.
- Chris accompanies Drew as they skip school to get Wayne Gretzky's autograph for Drew.
- It's Thanksgiving; Paul and Jamie are cooking the big Thanksgiving dinner. feast. Paul's, as well as Jamie's parents, Lisa, Ira Fran and Jamie's Aunt Lolly will be there. While cooking, Paul and Jamie keep making frequent stops to the grocery store/deli near their apartment to buy marshmallows,etc to appease everyone, since that's what they want. After their third trip to the store to get salad to make Jamie's mother happy and canned cranberry jelly to make Paul's father happy and while they were gone, the table which was set buffet style (Paul and Jamie's decision) to serve the food, the table, is reset in a traditional way. Both put their foot down and said that the dinner will be done their way. Problems arise, when Murray jumps on the table and feasts on the turkey. In order to save dinner (and face), Paul and Jamie secretly run back to the store separately to buy a turkey, but more problems happen, from a stolen turkey, Paul left outside their door and Jamie throwing the turkey out the window when she panicked. Word eventually gets out what happened, but they too are talking about it secretly.
- It's spring cleaning time, otherwise known as "Christmas" for Danny. As the kids are gathering up toys they don't play with anymore to give to charity, Joey thinks he accidentally placed Stephanie's Mr. Bear in the bag, along with the other toys being given to charity and as he tried to retrieve it, all the toys they donated were given away. Stephanie is very heartbroken over the loss and everyone is wondering why she's so attached to Mr. Bear, but eventually, everyone learns why.
- Ted does not want to move in with Stella because he hates New Jersey. Robin prematurely quits her TV job because she incorrectly thinks that she already has a new job.
- Audrey is throwing out a collection of Jeff's t-shirts from his hight school and college days. Jeff objects since they represent memories of important events in his life. Audrey gathers up all of Jeff's t-shirts and has a quilt made out of them. Jeff initially objects to it, but then discovers he likes it, but now all he does is reminisce about the good times he had. Jennifer convinces Adam to get his things out of storage and after looking through his things, she thinks that he has a thing for Polynesian girls. Audrey tells her not to worry about it because he's with her, but it still bothers her. Russell's perception of his new girlfriend Jesse, is obsessed with sex because everything she says sounds like it to him, but he soon enough,is starting to dislike it because as she says it, the sex isn't happening.
- Jill and her sisters get together to plan on their parents' 50th wedding anniversary, but there's one problem; they can't stop bickering. After an unproductive first day, Jill talks to Tim and is telling him that her sisters' bickering is driving her nuts and she's tired of always having to be the sensible one. Tim tells her that she needs to lay down the law to put a stop to it. The next morning, Jill tries to have a truce declared between her and her sisters, but when they try to work on the party, they cannot agree on anything and the bickering continues. Jill says she had enough of this and storms out of the house. Her sisters shocked that she is acting this way, then Tim says the same thing to them but in a more abrasive way. After being away from the house Jill learns that she needs to say how she feels and in the end, her parents' anniversary party plans fall into place.
- Paul will be making a short film on airline safety when a passenger boards a plane and Burt is having his annual midnight madness sale at his sporting goods store. Jamie helps Burt on promoting the sale and she finds herself enjoying doing it, since, she's making all the decisions and doesn't have to get approval from her superiors. Jamie also decided to start her own public relations firm. Paul starts to wonder if Jamie can do this and go to school at the same time and she assures him she can. In addition, Paul starts to wonder if she's doing this for herself and not because Paul is having difficulty finding work. Burt is happy with the sales and says he's planning on retiring. Paul tells Jamie about it and he says he'll want to give him the store and he doesn't want it. Jamie tells Paul that he should tell Bert. Jamie gets "Sloopy" Dunbar to appear at the sale and when Burt introduces Ira, as the heir apparent to the store and now Paul is angry because Burt didn't give him the store and he feels that he doesn't believe in him running it. When Paul finally talks to his father, he finds out why he didn't give him the store and it was a good thing.
- Paul is shooting a new movie about Pete, the last milkman in New York and neither he or Jamie can't seem to find time in their busy schedules, but they manage to plan on being together for pizza on Tuesday night. Meanwhile, Jamie and Fran have a new account, Ralphy's Diner and they're working on his new ad campaign. Ralphy tells Jamie and Fran that he's brought in a graphic artist as well, which turns out to be Jamie's ex-boyfriend Alan Tofsky. Both have different ideas for the as ad campaign and Lisa can see that this is not going to work out. When Jamie mentions that Alan has a new comic book, Ira says that Mega Void is going to be huge. When Jamie, Lisa and Ira go to Ira's friend's comic book store, Ira introduces Jamie to Mikey (the owner). Mikey recognizes Jamie, but he can't figure out how and he mentions that Alan will have an autograph appearance at his store. Soon we discover that Alan has drawn the evil villain in the Mega Void comic, Queen Talon, after Jamie and some of the plot is based on incidents from their relationship. Jamie claims that the comic book depiction does not bother her and she says that Alan always has to have the last word, so she's taking the high road on this, but in reality this bothers her. On pizza night and after confronting Alan at the signing session, Jamie starts to wonder if she's evil as Alan Depicts her. She asks Paul after taking a walk and he tells her what he thinks.
- Robin, Ted, and Barney go to a hot new club, leaving the engaged Marshall and Lily to a more adult, albeit boring, evening of wine tasting.
- Jamie is operating her public relations firm in the apartment and Paul announces that he's the finalist for a grant for his documentary on the History of Television. Problems arise when Paul is watching TV in the living room, doing research and Jamie's trying to her work there as well. Jamie suggests she get an office, but Paul reminds her that they agreed that they can't afford it, then Jamie suggests that Paul move to the bedroom and watch it there, but they don't have cable there and Paul is opposed to get an additional hookup. Fran suggests to Jamie that they could steal cable and she helps her do it and now they have a hookup in the bedroom, behind Paul's back. Paul eventually finds out that the cable in the bedroom is stolen and while dealing with the cable guy on the roof, they come clean with him and they are responsible for getting their entire apartment's cable disconnected. Now everyone is outraged, since they lost their cable and are voicing their displeasure at them. Paul and Jamie go to Riff's, since she has a business meeting with her client, Ira and Paul needs to get away. The restaurant is unusually busy, with their fellow apartment tenants, trying to watch TV and now are starting to take their frustrations out on Paul. Ira says he can help reconnect their apartment and that's when things really go from bad to worse.
- Adam has moved in with Jennifer and on top of that, they're engaged. No wedding date has been planned, and no ring has been given yet. Married couple Audrey and Jeff are invited to an art opening and she wants to invite Adam and Jennifer. Audrey says that they don't have any couple friends and Jennifer is like a little sister to her. In addition she wants Jeff to set a good example to them. When they meet, Adam says they compromise, but Jeff says that when they "compromise" Audrey gets her way and this is how things will be with them. Jeff decides to sell Audrey's bike to her dismay and he wants to know why she's upset with him, but she tells him to figure it out. Adam and Jennifer get into a fight, because he feels that he will not have a say in things and Jennifer questions if he wants to marry her and when he hesitates, she's mad and slams the door on him. In the end Adam with help from Jeff, knows how he feels about marrying Jennifer and Jeff, with Jennifer's help, knows why Audrey was mad when he wanted to sell her bike.
- Ted throws a party in hopes of seeing Robin again, but when she doesn't show up, he throws another... and another.
- Danny receives a letter from the Draft Board that he's been drafted into the United States Army. Shirley contacts he Draft Board and tries to convince them that Danny is 10, but they won't listen to her; on top of that, they say the Draft Board doesn't make mistakes, and he is to report. Now the family has to try once again to convince the Army that Danny is too young to serve - and so he reports as ordered.
- Judy is turning forty and says she has absolutely no problem with it. Her mother, Helen, is in town to celebrate it and Judy is very insistent that her mom should have her eyes checked, going so far as not letting her drive until she does. Everyone is starting to wonder if Judy really has a problem with turning forty. Helen is doing what she can to avoid the optometrist. She convinces Bill, who is driving her, to go to the casino so she can shoot craps instead of going to her appointment. Judy is more than annoyed with Bill when she finds out Helen was a no show to her appointment. The next day, Bill is once again driving Helen to her appointment, but this time Judy has Linda accompany them to make sure Helen makes it, but Helen manages to manipulate Linda into avoiding the optometrist and goes back to the casino. In the end, we find out who really has a problem with Judy turning forty. Meanwhile, Brian, Lauren and Tina are in a bind. They have to figure out what to give Judy for her birthday when she says she doesn't want them to spend any money and that the gift must "come from the heart".
- Lauren has taken up the clarinet and she has a recital coming up; Problem is she isn't very good at it and Carl tells Bill that his old buddy Wheezer's in town. Bill's excited, because he hasn't seen Wheezer in a long time and when they meet, they find that he's married to a psychologist, Dr. Sarah Cunningham and this isn't the same crazy Wheezer he knew. Bill says that Sarah changed him and Carl says that Judy changed Bill as well. Bill upset about that, talks to Judy, but she denies that she has. Bill says she did, because he shaved his mustache for her and got rid of the "man fort". Bill has decided to bring back "Killer Miller", by smoking cigars, grow a mustache wearing tiger jams once again and has converted the basement into his own "man fort". Bill, is trying to readjust to the mustache and cigars, only to find himself coughing heavily and the mustache itches. Judy while talking to Linda, has admitted to her that she has changed Bill, but Linda points out to Judy that he's changed her, so Judy decides to go out with one of her old friend Sandy on a girls night out. Sandy gets Judy drunk the night before Lauren's recital and the next day she has a horrible hangover. In the end, Bill and Judy find out it's best to leave some of the things they did in their younger days, in the past.
- The high-school football coach approaches Bill and Judy because he'd like Brian to join the football team. He would be a place-kicker and third-string, but Bill is delighted, as his son will be on the football team like he was. Judy's afraid that Brian will get hurt and she doesn't want Bill to pressure him into it. Brian isn't even sure about it, so Bill convinces him to play and says he'll always support whatever he does. At the football game, Bill discovers the perks of being a football parent, as does Judy. Then Bill finds out that what Brian really wants to do is join the cheer squad. Bill is crushed and embarrassed until he finds out that Brian joined the football team because it made his dad happy and they could have something in common but he would rather be on the cheer squad and there are good things about being part of it. But he isn't even sure he's good enough to make it, so Bill shows him some moves that might help.
- After Judy screams at the entire family because of a dirty roasting pan she intentionally left on the kitchen table (it's become a a week). She wanted to see if it would be cleaned by someone other than her. She says she does all of the grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning. Bill starts cooking secretly after he's been watching a late night cable cooking show, "Debbie Does Dinner"; Thing is, he's good at it but he doesn't want the entire family to know, since he would have to do all the cooking duties. Eventually, when he's found out, he takes over all the cooking to Judy's delight, since she doesn't have to do it and the family has been eating well. With Bill's cooking, there's a problem; When Bill starts putting on an apron, Judy is turned off, because when she sees Bill, she sees Mrs Doubtfire and she feels, that he's becoming less of a man. Now Judy is torn between his great cooking and her perception of his less manliness.
- Brian has the chance to go to Italy for three months as an exchange student and he couldn't be more excited, until Linda tells him about her misadventures in France. Reluctant to go, he tries to sabotage the trip by breaking the rules at home. Bill and Judy are wondering why he's acting this way and they figure that he may be afraid of going and doesn't want to admit it. Brian, now more enthusiastic about going, looks foward to camping, hiking and fishing in the country. This bothers Bill, because he always promised Brian they would go camping and he has yet to do it. They eventually argue and the camping trip is off. Judy wonders why...
- Linda and Perry are finally getting married. The main reason being, Perry's Foghat Cover band, that was supposed to go on tour, got canceled. The wedding will be at the local VFW Hall and will have a rock n roll theme. Although Judy is happy for Linda, she's skeptical about the whole thing. She wonders if this wedding is what Linda wants and if Perry is the right man for her. To Linda, all that matters is that she's marrying Perry. In addition, Judy wonders how Perry will support Linda and a family since he's unemployed. Bill says that he and his band will have steady work performing in a casino/lounge in Reno, as they signed a contract for 2 years, and that Linda will accompany him. Judy is upset because Linda never mentioned this to her and feels that Linda should be with someone more stable, like Glen, the stockbroker she used to date. Judy and Linda go out to dinner to plan for Linda's bachelorette party, but in actuality, Judy's arranged to have Glen come, to show Linda that, with someone like him, she could do a whole lot better than Perry. Linda is tired of Judy putting Perry down and says Judy shouldn't come to the wedding if this is how she feels about him. Now Judy is upset because she won't be going to the wedding. She says she can't change the way she feels about Perry and that Linda is throwing her life away by having Perry force her into quitting her job and following him to Reno. Perry pays a visit to the house to drop off marital gifts and has a talk with Judy. He convinces her that he loves Linda, that she decided to go to Reno with him, and that she (Judy) needs to be at the wedding. He asks her to come. With Judy and Linda making up, Linda has her bachelorette party, with Bill getting designated driving duty for the highly drunk women. When it's down to just Bill, Judy and Linda, and Judy passes out, Linda talks to Bill. She tells him she's happy marrying Perry but that she would've settled for almost anybody, just as long as she got married before she turned 40. When Bill asks her if she's serious about that, she passes out. By wedding day, Bill is still bothered about what Linda said in the mini-van. He thinks about saying nothing, but then confronts Linda and asks her if she's marrying Perry for the right reasons. Bill says she shouldn't marry Perry just to meet a certain deadline and that she deserves to be happy. She convinces Bill that she's marrying Perry because she loves him. She and Perry get married. After they return from their honeymoon, Linda and Perry announce their future plans.
- Judy is upset at Bill because she must always take the "bad-cop" role with the kids while Bill always gets to be "good cop." Bill feels Judy should lighten up. The roles end up switched and Judy loves it while Bill hates having to clean up the kids' messes while Judy relaxes in the bathtub and gets plenty of sleep for a change. Bill concedes to Judy's point but she refuses to change back, so he drops the bad-cop role so both of them are the good cop. While the kids run amok, Bill predicts that Judy will "blink first." A couple of incidents with Lauren and Brian finally make Bill and Judy realize that "bad cop" is a good thing.
- Much to Bill's delight, his mother Louise has a new man in her life - Johnny. Bill's happy since he doesn't have to drive Louise on errands or take her shopping anymore and can be at home relaxing on "Couchy" (the family's couch: his words). After Bill and Judy meet him at a Chinese restaurant and later for dessert at their place, Judy isn't sure about him, thinking Johnny may have grabbed her butt. Unsure if she should tell Bill and Louise, she confides in Linda. Bill eventually finds about this. Judy decides that, since everyone will be at her and Bill's house for Louise's birthday, she will make herself very tempting for Johnny to want to do it again by wearing her best pants that will show her butt off, with Linda ready to witness it. Meanwhile, Brian and Tina are wrapping their grandmother's gift, leaving Lauren in a bind. She didn't get her "Nanna" a gift, so she declares she'll come up with a poem "from her heart" (she says) by that evening.
- Ted and Kathy Halverson have turned their basement into what he refers to as "Teen Scene," where the kids can hang out and play games. To respect the kids' privacy, they have installed what they call a Parent Bell, where they ring it and shout "parent on deck" whenever they enter. Lauren likes it because Kathy makes great snacks, listens and offers great advice. Judy says she wants to do this as well, because she wants Lauren to come to her for advice. She and Bill set up the garage as a hangout house. Once the kids are hanging out at the Millers, Ted is jealous that they're not at his place, so he installs a foosball table, a bumper pool table, a cotton candy machine and a sundae bar. In no time the kids are back. This now becomes a case of one-upmanship, as Judy decides to get a trampoline, which turns out to be a mistake. The Millers to put an end to the hangout house and let Ted have his "Teen Scene" back.
- Brian is back from Italy from the summer abroad program and while there, he has met a girl named Monica. He says that he's fallen in love with her. Bill and Judy are trying to tell Brian that long distance relationships don't work and that he should meet a girl here. Brian finds out that Monica can come to Chicago and asks his parents for the money to fly her here. They tell them they can't afford to, so Brian says he'll use the money he would've used for homecoming. Bill once again tries to tell Brian that he should meet a girl here in Chicago. Brian says that he lost his virginity to her and that it was something special. She also says he was her first time as well. Bill is pleased that this happened and he agrees that they should spend the money to get her here. Judy, still opposed to this ends up agreeing to this as well, when Bill tells her what happened and they both agree that they should wire her the money.While Bill and Brian hang out at a cigar bar, Bill finds out from Noom that Monica is a scam artist. His son Jeremy lost his virginity to her and Bill starts hearing the same exact story Brian told him. Noom said Jeremy wired the money to her, so she can see him, in the end, he was out $600 and she broke his son's heart. When Judy looked into it, through the program's coordinator, she found out that in Italy, Monica is a local girl, who likes to prey on who she thinks are rich Americans. Bill thinks they should tell Brian the truth, but Judy is opposed to it , because it will ruin his memories of his first time and this could screw up his outlook on women. In the end, Bill decides how to handle the situation. Perry is back in town and while he and Linda were making love, Perry suffers a concussion when he hits his head on the headboard, many times and is unable to travel back to Reno until the concussion clears up. When Perry is doing better, Linda keeps giving him more concussions, so he cannot go.
- Something Bill dreads the most is about to happen. His mother, Louise, is coming for a visit. Bill's problem with his mother is that she "guilts" him into getting whatever she wants, to which Bill always complies. Judy suggests that the next time Louise makes him feel miserable, Bill should not take the bait and ignore her. Bill, instead, thinks he and Louise should try to have an adult conversation, because in her eyes, he's Billy. When Bill finds out it doesn't work, he goes to Judy and tries it her way. He puts Judy's method to use when he takes Louise to the bank and she starts to complain about the family's mini-van. When Bill says nothing, it aggravates her and she gets out of the van. When Bill threatens to leave her, she refuses to budge and Bill drives away. When Bill realizes what he's done, he tries to look for her but can't find her. He returns home without Louise, but she comes back on her own and says that she's gotten a job at Playpen Video, an adult video store. Bill feels that she's only working there to get attention. When they get into a fight, Louise leaves the house, saying she will stay with her sister Doris and will continue to work at Playpen VIdeo. When Bill tries to patch things up, Louise admits she got the job to "guilt" him, but she has her reasons for keeping the job.
- Brian is the high-school basketball team's statistician and looks like he's friends with them. While picking up the team who are quite drunk, Bill finds out that they call Brian "Jeeves", short for "Jeeves Our Helper Monkey" and made him their errand boy and chauffeur. Bill angrily lets all the players' parents know that they're drunk. While talking to Brian, Bill and Judy learn that being named "Jeeves" is no big deal and that being an errand boy has its perks. But now they've changed the nickname to "Narc" and he's no longer the statistician but demoted to the team mascot, "Coogie." Bill talks to the team and takes responsibility for getting them into trouble with their parents and says that Brian wants to be statistician again. He also suggests that Brian and the family van can help the team prank their rival, Hancock Magnet School. Then Bill tells the coach about the prank and gets the team into more trouble and they nickname Bill "Suck" and keep calling Brian "Narc." The next day, Bill and Judy get a call from the coach, accusing Brian of pulling the prank against Hancock. Meanwhile, Linda dumps "needy" boyfriend Pete and pawns him off on one of her co-workers, then gets jealous when things go well between the new couple.
- Judy is upset because Lauren is taking all easy classes like basic math instead of algebra in high school and she's afraid she will not get into college. When Linda is joining the family for dinner, Judy is venting her frustrations regarding Lauren to her. Linda says that in her psychology class she's learned the best way to deal with a teen is to negotiate with her. Judy scoffs at Linda's suggestion, and she made Lauren take algebra, but the problem is, Lauren is not even trying and Judy is tired of fighting with her. Bill decides to go to her room and be "Big Angry Guy" to scare her into straightening up, but Lauren ends up laughing at him. Judy thinks she should try and negotiate with Lauren and Bill suggests that they should trick Lauren, where they say if she sticks with algebra, in return, they will give her something vague where they don't have to keep it it like respecting her privacy. Judy is all for it, so they negotiate with Lauren, using that. Lauren agrees to the verbal agreement. Linda asks if the agreement is in writing and when the answer is no, she tries to get a contract written. Brian finds out about it and says the agreement is too vague, so a real negotiation is established. Some of the terms includes, besides sticking with algebra and the privacy issue as originally agreed upon, if Lauren washes the dishes, she gets phone privileges sand she can study in her room with her friends and the door can be closed. Judy is happy because the Lauren does the dishes and doesn't have to be asked to do it and they're not fighting. Problems arise when Lauren brings Jason home to help her with algebra and they will be in her room. Judy is okay with it but Bill is totally against it. Lauren and Bill get into a fight, resulting in Bill removing Laren's door from it's hinges. They talk about terminating the contract, until Judy puts a stop to it. Lauren's door is put back into place and Judy finds out that Lauren has Jason doing her homework for her and in the end, Bill finds a way to get Lauren to continue taking algebra and putting effort into it.
- Louise and Johnny are getting married. They set the date in two weeks on Valentine's Day and she wants the family to take part. Lauren and Tina will be the bridesmaids, Brian will play the guitar, Bill will give her away and Judy will be her matron of honor. However, Judy is less than thrilled but if she doesn't accept, Louise said the wedding will be postponed indefinitely. Louise has Judy running ragged and she is wants to quit, but Bill tells her she only has 3 days left and things will be great after that. Al, meanwhile, has flown in from Florida and he says he going to stop the wedding. Would Judy still go ahead with the wedding?
- It's St Patrick's Day and the Miller family will be participating in the parade. Brian,along with Donald and Hakim, are designing and building a float. While working on the float to Bill's dismay, since Bill wishes Brian was more like Fitz's son Scotty, who's the captain of the high school baseball team. When Hakim has to go home and Donald has to take him, Judy suggests to Bill that he should help Brian out and be more involved in his life and interests. Bill decides to get out of it by having Scotty help instead. While helping out, Brian discovers that Scotty is gay, after he asked him out on a boy on boy date. He tells it to Bill and Judy: Bill is trying to figure out how to tell Fitz and Judy objects, since she feels that Scotty needs to tell his Father. Judy, thinking Bill told Fitz about Scotty when he paid an impromptu visit, actually blurts it out instead. It turns out Fitz already knew and he's accepted the fact his son is gay. Bill sees this a "wake up call" to be part of Brian's life, decides to help him out, but he ends up making matters worse when he makes some changes to the float and it's damaged. In the end, Bill and Brian together find a way to fix the problem, doing it Brian's way. Meanwhile Lauren and Judy are participating in the parade doing Irish step dancing. Judy is dancing horribly and Lauren has to break the bad news to her Mom. Lauren tries to have someone else tell her, but they refuse. Lauren finally blurts it out to Judy that she's a horrible dancer and Judy is puzzled, when in the past she's been one of the best out on the dance floor. Eventually, Linda and Judy find out why. In addition, Tina has a cold and she loves the cold medicine she's given.
- Bill and Judy have tickets to the AC/DC concert, while Lauren is invited to a cheerleader party, where boys and beer will be there. Bill and Judy say no to her going and Brian has a problem. He wasn't invited. Bill tells Brian, when he was his age he wasn't invited to parties, but one party, he went with the football team, laid low in the kitchen so he wouldn't get booted out and made a pyramid out of empty beer cans. He became a legend because everyone thought he drank all those beers and from then on, he was invited to parties. Linda is at the house to make sure Lauren doesn't sneak out. While waiting in line, Judy has Linda check on Lauren and finds out that she has sneaked out. They give up the tickets and go to the party. While looking for Lauren, they can't find her, but Bill finds Brian in the kitchen making a beer can pyramid. They send Brian home and when they're home, Brian says that Bill taught him the pyramid. Later Bill tells Brian that he should never let anyone make him feel like he doesn't belong. Still looking for Lauren, she's home and says that she was in the basement all along listening to records. She says she's going back to the basement and seems to have convinced them, but she's caught outside trying to sneak out some of the party goers out of the basement. Bill and Judy are telling Brian and Lauren, that they know all the tricks to sneaking out because they did it and manage to salvage what's left of the night.
- Brian is selected to participate in the accelerated math program at Norhwestern University. In addition, he starts playing drums in a band at the student union with some others in his college class. Judy gets upset and worried when Brian starts coming home each night past his curfew and scolds him, using many of the parental clichés everyone has heard. When Judy grounds Brian, he becomes very defiant. Bill talks to Brian while Brian is in the garage unpacking his drums, telling Brian another parental cliché - "my house my rules." Consequently, Brian moves into the garage so he can live by his own rules. He proves himself very capable at independent living, but later, when fired by his fellow band members, he asks Bill if he can move back into the house. Elsewhere in the family, Tina is a Bluebell Girl but not much interested in it. Linda, however, wants to live the Bluebell experience through her because, when she was a girl, Judy got to be a Bluebell Girl but quit and their mom, thereafter, wouldn't allow Linda to join. Also, we hear Lauren singing. She sings well but no one in the family hears her talent - just her snoring when she's asleep.
- Lauren is starting to hang around some new friends; Caitlin, Amber and Jenna. In addition, she's quit choir and Becca is no longer her best friend. While at the mall with her new friends, Lauren is accused of shoplifting a bracelet. Lauren denies it and she says she was trying it on and forgot about it. Bill is willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but Judy is convinced she did it, because she did the same thing when she was Lauren's age. When Bill and Judy are going out, Judy goes to Lauren's room to borrow some lipstick; She finds an MP3 player under her bed; The one Lauren asked her parents if she could get some money for and they couldn't do it. When they confront Lauren about it, she says she has no idea how it got there and Bill is now convinced that she lied about the bracelet and she stole the MP3 player. For punishment, Lauren is grounded for one month; She has to return and apologize for stealing the MP3 player. In the end we find out that Lauren did not steal the MP3 player. Meanwhile, Linda wants to use Tina in an experiment for her psychology class.
- Brian is in a panic because the PSATs are coming soon and when he did a practice test, Hakim did better. He wants to get a tutor, but his parents can't afford one. Judy suggests that he should get a job to pay for it and work at Bill's job at Berensen's. While working there, Brian is assigned to clean the stockroom and he gets that done quickly and with efficiency. This upsets "Mack" and "Fitz", because what he did, might make them work harder. Brian is constantly worrying about doing a good job and about the PSATs, so Bill convinces and teaches Brian to relax and stop worrying about things. Brian starts to relax, but he problem is he's too relaxed now and is considering skipping the PSATs. Judy is upset with Bill because he has Brian becoming lazy and if he skips the PSATs, he will regret it. Bill tells Brian that if he has an opportunity to better himself, he should take it. Brian points out that there is an announcement on the bulletin board in the stockroom for a management test they used as a hockey puck and why isn't he trying out for it. We find out that Bill has no desire to take the test, because the promotion means more stress, work for just a little more money and the test will be next week. Judy says she will help Bill study for the test, plus he needs to take it to set a good example to Brian and of all the kids, he will be the successful one, which Lauren and Tina hear it and Lauren, more than Tina is insulted. When Bill and Judy are going through Bill's employee handbook to study, they find it boring and are easily distracted. Bill starts to study on his own and Brian decides what to do with the PSAT test. Meanwhile, Linda has a new boyfriend, Kevin, but he has his son Jordan with him, so she recruits Lauren to accompany them, so they can double date.
- After completing a hectic quarter in college and is on break, Jill gets a call from her Father, The Colonel that he will be paying a visit. Jill, feeling tired, tells a lie to him saying that it wouldn't be a good time to visit because she's feeling sick, but a few days later, he dies. Grief stricken and feeling very guilty for lying, she flies to Texas to help in the funeral arrangements and Tim and the boys will join her in a couple of days. While there, Jill tries to tell her Mom and her sisters that she's okay, but they think she's sick and is putting a brave front. During the funeral, the Minister presiding talks about how her Father valued honesty, which makes her feel worse. Jill decides to tell her Mom the truth about when he wanted to visit.
- As the search for Mrs. Right continues, Ted woos his dermatologist Stella -- but her receptionist, Abby, seems more interested in him.
- Jeff's birthday is coming up and he's less than thrilled that he will have a party. Even though is doesn't want it he'll have one because Audrey wants to do it. In addition it will make her happy, he'll get his birthday deal. Adam wants to know what it is, but Jeff refuses to tell him. Audrey decides to throw a party that she wants, since Jeff doesn't really care what kind of party it is, so she decides to throw one with a Cuban theme. Adam decides that he wants a birthday deal; Jennifer agrees and she would like to have one as well and that nothing will be off limits. Adam feels that the "off limits" part may be something he'll regret. Jeff is gets upset when he discovers that Audrey bought expensive and quality things like champagne and glasses for the party. She tells Jeff that the champagne was for a toast telling everyone that he is a sweet, special generous man he is and she leaves the kitchen upset. Jeff makes amends when he toasts Audrey for the hard work and effort she's done for his party. Jennifer reveals what her birthday deal will be and it isn't as bad as Adam thought it would be and we find out what Jeff's birthday deal is.
- Bobby Taylor, a "Cub" reporter comes to Tommy for help on an expose story he's written on corruption in the construction industry. Tommy feels that what he has is a good start, but Bobby needs to come up with more evidence than just one source and he needs to identify that person. Bobby upset with Tommy's constructive criticism, storms out of The Eagle and while crossing the street, he's killed when a car hits him. While visiting Bobby's widow to break the bad news, Kevin is going through the stolen vehicle reports to see if the car that hit Bobby will turn up. Tommy and Susan go to the funeral and when they return to her apartment, the place is ransacked. Tommy feels that the break in is not random, since Bobby's files on the story is missing. He lets Kevin and Frank in on Bobby's expose on Art Bruckner and his fraud and kickback schemes he's committed. When Kevin asks Tommy about the source's name, he says Bobby never gave him a name. Tommy receives a phone call from Michelle Parker, Bruckner's bookkeeper and Bobby's source. She wants to meet with Tommy at a diner. She gives him all the information she knows about Bruckner and insists that Tommy needs to keep her name out of it. Tommy goes to O'Brien and Giambone on what he's given. They meet in Elaine's office with Lieutenant Hogan. When they ask for the source's name, he refuses to give it to them citing journalist's rights. When Michelle Parker winds up dead, O'Brien takes Tommy to the crime scene and yells at him saying his journalist's rights did nothing to protect her. Tommy then storms out, so he has Colby and Stevie follow him. Tommy ends up at Nickie's. She pours him a glass of milk, but when he asks her for a Scotch on the rocks, she refuses to serve him, because of his drinking problem. Tommy goes back to the Eagle and opens the bottle of Scotch he has on his shelf to remind him not to take a drink. Later a very drunk Tommy runs into Colby and Stevie. They offer to take him home, he refuses, gets into a cab and says he's headed to Susan Taylor's apartment. When he arrives he gets into a scuffle with a police officer, who has guard duty and is arrested. Meanwhile, Frank and Kevin try to break into Bruckner's office trailer and are attacked by a couple of guard dogs. After being verbally reprimanded by Lieutenant Hogan, Tommy and Kevin go to Kevin's apartment, where Tommy will be staying there with someone until he "cleans" himself up. Nickie will be the first one there. Colby gets the next watch. When Tommy says he needs to go to the bathroom, he slips out of the apartment and decides to confront Bruckner.
- 2005–201422mTV-PG8.0 (5.2K)TV EpisodeBarney's plan to meet girls at the airport backfires as he and Ted are picked up by airport security. Meanwhile, Lily gets jealous of Robin.
- Paul and Jamie are getting ready to go to Jamie's Uncle Van's funeral. Jamie also was chosen to speak about him and she doesn't know what to say about him except how much she loved him and he loved her. When Lisa arrives, she's dressed in plaid. When asked why, she said he loved plaid and as we soon find out everyone at the funeral was dressed that way too. Jamie gets to decide where to spread his ashes, but she doesn't to know where. Paul suggests that Van's ashes be spread out at the winner's circle at the race track. Jamie agrees since she says that Uncle Van loved being there. Ira is called in to help because he goes to the track and he may know one of the owners, which an only way to get to the winner's circle; If he wins. It turns out Ira knows a horse owner, but he has a gambling problem. Paul, Jamie, Lisa and Ira are at the track and the horse they are hoping to win,is a 50-1 long shot named About to be Glue. Jamie points out that Uncle Van loved long shots. Lisa takes the urn and goes for a hot dog but she forgets it and it's missing. About to be Glue wins the race, but they are unable to spread Uncle Van's ashes in the winner's circle. In the end, the urn can be found in a very appropriate place.
- Danny is overjoyed when he meets a woman in the produce aisle at the store. Her name is Denise and she will be coming to his house for a dinner date. In addition, she will bring two of her friends; Zoey and Cheryl for Joey and Jesse, so it will be a triple date. Jesse isn't thrilled that he will be on a blind date, but he agrees to be part of it. While getting ready, DJ asks Danny if she can babysit Stephanie and Michelle during the dinner date and Danny agrees. In addition, Danny is pondering if he should take his wedding ring off. Jesse says he should, so Danny reluctantly takes it off and leaves it on his desk. When the women arrive, Joey is paired with Zoey and Jesse with Cheryl. Problems arise because Zoey is not amused with Joey's humor or voice impressions: Cheryl isn't thrilled with Jesse and Denise turns out to be Jesse's ex-girlfriend and she still has feelings for him. Meanwhille, Stephanie and Michelle, dress up like Danny wearing his clothes and jewelry. DJ stops them in the bathroom and while taking Danny's watch and wedding ring off Stepahnie, she accidentally drops Danny's wedding ring in the sink and it goes down the drain and now she has to figure out how to get her Dad's wedding ring back.
- Paul and Jamie are headed off to a tropical island resort given to them by Paul's parents, since they changed their minds about it and the trip is non-refundable, so Paul and Jamie have to pose as Burt and Sylvia Buchman. The trip has no TV or telephones and plenty of activities; Problem is the activities and the people who were matched to them are designed for Paul's parents. Jamie convinces Paul to play a game she used to do with Lisa when they were kids, where they would see how many different people they could be. Soon, they are saying that they are anything from circus performers, rodeo clowns, and a secret service agent. Everybody seems to like them, but Paul and Jamie now have to keep track of the lies and what they told those people when they meet up with them. In addition, Jamie is in trouble when she is confronted by the resort's activity coordinator from all the lies they've told. They suspect that they are not Burt and Sylvia Buchman and this will be turned over to the resort's security. Jamie then tells her that Paul is insane. Now the Activities coordinator is alerting all the guests and staff and everyone is avoiding Paul and Paul doesn't realize what's going on until Jamie tells him what's happening. Now everyone at the resort is convinced that Paul is insane.