- Opening Title Card: Once upon a time, a horse was a horse... and was loved as such. This was even before Dan Patch started breaking records, or the Vanderbilt cup races had come to displace the county fair. The latest thing then was a bicycle built for two... Bryan hadn't been heard of... and a nickel was still respected -...
- Rose Robbins: What is it?
- Bob Armstrong: A new invention called the 'horseless carriage' - I saw a picture of one in a magazine - It has an engine inside - runs with kerosene oil.
- Rose Robbins: If it hasn't a horse in front - how does it go?
- Black Stable Boy: Sloe Eyes' done had a stroke, huh.
- Hank Armstrong: Where's my son?
- Black Stable Boy: I don't know, suh - but Ah've done sent for th' hoss doctah!
- Elmer Hays: The Horseless Carriage is not a dream - it has come to stay, or rather, it has come to - - go!
- Elmer Hays: The modern 'Horseless Carriage'... It will out-run and out-live its four-footed rival - Also, I might add, it eliminates the horsefly.
- Elmer Hays: This is our factory, employing twenty men, and turning out three cars per month - - which will soon be increased to five!
- Elmer Hays: With the bold prophecy that "Horseless Carriages' will someday attain a speed of thirty miles an hour, I will conclude my few remarks.
- Barber: There's Stebbins' new-fangled buggy, what he sold his horses to buy! It's a great contraption - nothin' to pull it an' nothin' to push it!
- Hank Armstrong: Talk sense - every horse on the road'll laugh itself to death!
- Barber: They'll laugh, all right - 'cause they won't have nothin' else to do - - pretty soon the only horses you'll see will be stuffed ones!
- Hank Armstrong: A horse is practical - a horse has got sense - a horse is an animal - you fool! You ain't safe to shave a man! You're crazy! I'll never come in here again!
- Hank Armstrong: So you've quit th' honest work of horse-shoeing to make a fool of yourself over these loud smellin' machines!
- Jor Saunders: This auto's got more power than all your dray horses put together - and it can go faster than 'Sloe Eyes' ever went!
- Hank Armstrong: 'Sloe Eye's' little colt can leave your kerosene can so far behind you'll forget you're in a race - - for money, chalk or marbles!
- Jor Saunders: I'll take that bet fer a hundred dollars, Jockey!
- Hank Armstrong: Listen, folks - if you want to see a little colt beat one of these explosion buggies, be at the Fair Grounds in ten minutes!
- Mayor Jim Robbins: I hate to tell you, Hank - but - I don't think I'll buy the mare.
- Hank Armstrong: Sam - don't tell me you are gettin' interested in them autos.
- Mayor Jim Robbins: You see, Hank - the family is urging me to put the money in - something modern. Hank - we can still be good old friends, can't we?
- Hank Armstrong: I can't be friends with any man who'd rather feed kerosene to a buggy than look into the eyes of a faithful horse!
- The Auctioneer: Third and last call - sold to Ned Jarvish for six hundred and fifty dollars!
- Hank Armstrong: I know your reputation Ned - don't let me ever hear of your beatin' this little mare.
- Ned Jarvish: I bought her an' I'll do what I please with her!
- Bob's Rival: Forget Bob - he ain't comin' back, and I ain't goin' away.
- Rose Robbins: He is coming back - - and we're going to be married.
- [Bob's Rival leans over and kisses Rose. She slaps him and gets out of the car]
- Rose Robbins: I'll never ride in your old buggy again!