- Opening Title Card: Every small town has its small town band with big town ideas.
- Connecticut Yankee Drummer: Say, that guy makes Sitting Bull look like a man of action.
- Rudy Bronson: Look, its a brand new, gold plated, super toned, deluxe, Ted Grant saxophone. Listen to these low notes.
- Connecticut Yankee Saxophonist: Sounds like he's givin' himself the bird.
- Connecticut Yankee Drummer: That bird reminds me of Fritz Chrysler.
- Connecticut Yankee Banjo Player: Chrysler's not a saxophone player.
- Connecticut Yankee Drummer: Neither is he.
- Ethel Bertha Whitehall: Oh, and Jean and I want you to know that we hope to see a great deal of *all* of you boys while you stay here.
- Ethel Bertha Whitehall: And I wish to tell you, I-I-I don't care for Grand Opera. No. No. No. I'm too American. Too American. Jazz! Oh, I just adore jazz. I don't know. It does, inside, it kinda does something to me. Just an Indian. Just an Indian.
- Chief of Police George C. Tuttle: Hey, buddy, don't forget I got my eye on you. You and your band, to boot!
- Mrs. Whittington Todhunter: Well, I'm afraid a plain jazz band wouldn't be quite suitable on a program with real concert and operatic artists.
- Ethel Bertha Whitehall: Oh, Mr. Grant, what a relief to find you here.
- Rudy Bronson: [Posing as Ted Grant] Yes, I was - I was just going.
- Stevens - Reporter: Now, in the interests of The Police Gazette, might I ask you, if your niece has ever been photographed in a bathing suit?
- Rudy Bronson: [singing] I'm just a Vagabond Lover, In search of a sweetheart it seems, And I know that some day I'll discover, The girl of my Vagabond dreams...