Love on a Bet (1936)
Gene Raymond: Michael MacCreigh
Photos
Quotes
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Michael MacCreigh : Ah, Miss Mannerly, you're looking like a goddess.
Miss Mannerly, Hutchinson's Secretary : You told me that yesterday.
Michael MacCreigh : Oh, that was an ordinary goddess. This time it's a Greek goddess.
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Michael MacCreigh : I've seen some of the plays he's backed. They don't hold a candle to this one.
Miss Mannerly, Hutchinson's Secretary : Maybe you'd better hold a candle to it.
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Michael MacCreigh : [as he leaves, takes his hat off and bows to Miss Mannerlay] May all your children be office boys.
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Michael MacCreigh : Miss Jones, you're looking like a goddess today.
Miss Jones, MacCreigh's Secretary : You'd better take another look. You're uncle's in the refrigerator. You want to wait in his office for him?
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Michael MacCreigh : [Poking his head through some hanging beef in the cooler] A hundred and seventy-five in my stocking feet.
Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Yes, and we don't deal in inferior beefs. Throw this carcass out.
Michael MacCreigh : Day by day, I rise in your estimation.
Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Yes. Any time now I'm liable to think enough of you to offer you a job again.
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Michael MacCreigh : You're getting to think too much of me, Uncle Carlton. Really, I'm not worth it.
Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Certainly you're worth it. A man of your accomplishments is not to be taken lightly.
Michael MacCreigh : Say, I'm never taken lightly. When they take me, they take me for everything I've got.
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Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Well the whole idea of the play is ridiculous. You expect anybody to believe that a man can leave New York in his underwear and get to Los Angeles in 10 days?
Michael MacCreigh : Well, at least he's got his BVDs. That's more than any of us start life with.
Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : And the way Stephen piles it on. This boy wonder arrives in Los Angeles in a new suit of clothes, a hundred dollars in his pocket, and engaged to a beautiful girl. Ridiculous! Who's gonna believe that?
Michael MacCreigh : Remember, this happens in a play, not in a slaughter house. It's not beef ham and prize-cuts. It's romance! Adventure! Just was people want to see in a play.
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Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Are you cold?
Michael MacCreigh : [Shivering in the cold walk-in cooler] No. I'm practicing for the DTs.
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Jackson Wallace : [Michael in his BVDs pops into a gazebo where Wallace and Paula are sitting] Whh... what do you mean by... by strutting in here with no clothes on?
Michael MacCreigh : Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know the affair was formal. I distinctly remember the invitation saying "Don't dress."
Jackson Wallace : [Paula tries to confront Michael] No, Paula.
Paula Gilbert : Oh, that's alright. I've seen the subway ads.
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Michael MacCreigh : I wonder if I could persuade you gentlemen to let me have some of that delicious smelling Mulligan Stew?
Hobo (uncredited) : Sorry, your honor. We don't believe in handouts
[spits on the ground]
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Paula Gilbert : Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Michael MacCreigh : Well, that depends on the places you've been before. I'm always hanging out in Sloppy Mike's on 37th Street in New York. Ever been there?
Aunt Charlotte : According to the last milepost, you're just 324 miles from Filthy Mike's.
Michael MacCreigh : Sloppy, ma'am. Sloppy.
Aunt Charlotte : Don't tell me. I've been there and it's filthy.
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Aunt Charlotte : That's a pretty long hike for a wounded veteran.
Michael MacCreigh : Oh, yes ma'am. I'm not the man I used to be.
Paula Gilbert : Where were you wounded?
Michael MacCreigh : I'm told it was at Château-Thierry, though it's all very hazy to me. But you can understand why.
Aunt Charlotte : Yes, of course.
Paula Gilbert : Why?
Michael MacCreigh : Well, you see. There was a low fog and we couldn't see a thing.
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Paula Gilbert : What branch of the service were you in?
Michael MacCreigh : Secret Service.
Paula Gilbert : Weren't you rather young to be in the war?
Michael MacCreigh : Eight years old. But that's what made me so valuable. Now, who would think that an eight-year-old kid was a spy?
Paula Gilbert : For one, I wouldn't.
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Aunt Charlotte : You're pulling our leg, young man. But you're doing it rather well.
Michael MacCreigh : I'll return the favor some day and let you pull mine.
Aunt Charlotte : [Exchanges glances with Paula] He wants to play games.
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Miss Mannerly, Hutchinson's Secretary : Get out of the office.
Michael MacCreigh : Michael MacCreigh never runs away.
Miss Mannerly, Hutchinson's Secretary : [Picks up the telephone] Get me the special policeman.
Michael MacCreigh : Now, uh... an honorable retreat, I'd consider.
Stephen Dody : [Pulls Michael toward the door] Well, stop considering and let's retreat.
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Paula Gilbert : You're the Central Park lunatic.
Michael MacCreigh : Oh, what do you mean?
Paula Gilbert : You are the lunatic.
Michael MacCreigh : [Waving his hand] That wasn't me. I don't like parks.
Paula Gilbert : But I know you are.
Michael MacCreigh : Who, me?
Paula Gilbert : Yes, you. And if you want to get to Los Angeles, why don't you try that Columbus Avenue trolley that you were waiting for?
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Michael MacCreigh : Well, all my life I've been known as the lesser of two evils.
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Michael MacCreigh : If you'd let me, I'd try to give you a rough idea of what I'm like.
Paula Gilbert : That's what I'm afraid of.
Michael MacCreigh : All right. I don't have to throw myself away on you. I have a sixth sense that always tells me when I'm not wanted.
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Paula Gilbert : [Michael starts roasting a marshmallow in the fireplace] Must you do that? I despise the odor of toasted marshmallow.
Michael MacCreigh : Ah, that's probably because in your youth you were exposed to improperly toasted marshmallows. There's quite a group of you. The psychological term is... heh, if you'll excuse me, "marshmallum dislikum."
Paula Gilbert : [Finally smiles and begins to warm to Michael] Isn't there any hope for us?
Michael MacCreigh : [Eating his first toasted marshmallow] Fortunately, yes. The cure isn't far off. It involves a gradual breaking down of the marshmallow resistance. But it must be done carefully, scientifically, by trained expert toasters. You see, there are varying degrees of marshmallow toasters. I myself am a 32nd degree toaster.
Paula Gilbert : I congratulate you.
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Michael MacCreigh : [Holding a jar of jam marked 25 cents] If you don't mind, I'll take my $2 pay in these preserves.
Plaza Ritz Hotel Owner : Okay. You're getting a good bargain, son. They cost 50 cents each to make.
Michael MacCreigh : Well, how can you do it?
Plaza Ritz Hotel Owner : Well, we hardly sell any at all. So we don't lose much.
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Michael MacCreigh : Come, come ladies, decide. I'm practically giving myself away. But there's a clearance sale at MacCreigh's and I'm half off today.
Aunt Charlotte : That's putting it mildly.
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Aunt Charlotte : This is against my better part of judgment.
Michael MacCreigh : The best part of life is against your better part of judgment.
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Michael MacCreigh : There's an old saying in my family. It's not the sentiment it's the gift.
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Michael MacCreigh : It may be a crime to say this in Southern California, but I'm still in a fog.
Aunt Charlotte : [She has just bailed Michael out of jail] I did it because I have a feeling that way down deep you really love my niece, you idiot.
Michael MacCreigh : Go to the head of the class.
Aunt Charlotte : And I know Paula really loves you but she's too infernally proud to admit it, the idiot.
Michael MacCreigh : What do you suggest we idiots do about it?
Aunt Charlotte : Michael, it's completely up to you now. You know that little fool's going through with it.
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Aunt Charlotte : She's so angry only because she loves you so much. And she's marrying him only because she's so angry with you.
Michael MacCreigh : So, I'm to conclude that she's marrying someone else because she loves me so much?
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Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Well, here's your check.
Michael MacCreigh : It's a pleasure.
Uncle Carlton MacCreigh : Now I'm in show business, whether I like it or not. Can you imagine what will happen if I talk leg of lamb to the leading lady?
Aunt Charlotte : You talk cold turkey to her and you'd be surprised what will happen.
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Michael MacCreigh : Now, will you marry me?
Paula Gilbert : No!
Michael MacCreigh : I'm a pauper and I haven't got a cent.
Paula Gilbert : No.
[Less firmly]
Michael MacCreigh : I'll probably never amount to anything.
Paula Gilbert : Nnn... no.
[Not convincingly]
Michael MacCreigh : Well, you'll probably have to take in washing.
Paula Gilbert : Why didn't you say so in the first place?
[She smiles and they embrace]
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Stephen Dody : You better take that job your uncle's offering you.
Michael MacCreigh : He asked me to see him this afternoon. He's in for a big disappointment. Imagine *me* - a meatpacker?
Stephen Dody : That would be just ducky! Valet to a flock of sirloin steaks.
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Jackson Wallace : But, you can't stay here with no clothes on! It's - it's against the law!
Michael MacCreigh : Ah, I see with whom I have to deal: a conservative!
Jackson Wallace : Get out!
Michael MacCreigh : A narrow-minded, bigoted, reactionary.
Paula Gilbert : Get out!
Michael MacCreigh : Now, lets not get into a rut. He said that.
Paula Gilbert : Get out this minute!
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Michael MacCreigh : Well, I guess its the climate out here. Yeah, that's what it is, its the climate. Get a whiff of that air!
Paula Gilbert : When you've stopped breathing, get on your way.
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Paula Gilbert : There must be some kind of law that could be passed against you.
Michael MacCreigh : Oh, I suggest writing to your Congressman.
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Michael MacCreigh : Here, you try.
Paula Gilbert : Oh, I've never really done this before. A hot dog or two, but, never a marshmallow.
Michael MacCreigh : Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. Just keep your head down, your eye on the marshmallow and follow through. There. Now, taste it.
Paula Gilbert : Mmmm. It's good!
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Aunt Charlotte : I'm glad if I'm intruding.
Paula Gilbert : Oh, I came down for an extra blanket. I was cold.
Aunt Charlotte : I noticed you managed to warm up.
Michael MacCreigh : Well, won't you come down to the fire.
Aunt Charlotte : No, thank you. I've played with fire once. Come along, Paula. It will make a dandy bedtime story.
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Aunt Charlotte : You may not say a word, young man; but, it won't be in the front of our car.
Michael MacCreigh : Well, if you should have motor trouble or a flat tire, crossing the Arizona desert, well, there's nothing like having a man around to fix - thingamajigs.
Aunt Charlotte : Are you by any chance inviting yourself to drive clear across to California with us? If you are, forget it. We can fix our own - thingamajigs.
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Michael MacCreigh : Remember me?
Paula Gilbert : Oh, it's not really you!
Michael MacCreigh : No. I exchanged places with the tailor's dummy. You'll find me back there in the window.
Paula Gilbert : I'm afraid I haven't got time to go back. I'll have to be satisfied with the dummy. How on earth did you get those clothes?
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Paula Gilbert : It's our last dance together.
Michael MacCreigh : What do you mean?
Paula Gilbert : I think I'm sailing to China.
Michael MacCreigh : China? Missionary work?
Paula Gilbert : In a way, yes.
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Michael MacCreigh : I love everything about you. I love the way you smile. The way you frown. I love the way you talk and the way you won't talk - like that morning in the Plaza Ritz. Would you mind very much - if I kissed you?
Paula Gilbert : I'd mind very much if you didn't.
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Aunt Charlotte : Paula! Oh, fancy leaving me here alone. I wake up and I find myself in the middle of a jungle. Oh, now, don't look at me way, darling. It is a jungle. Look! There's a buffalo.
Paula Gilbert : Darling, that's a cow.
Aunt Charlotte : It's a buffalo!
Michael MacCreigh : If its a buffalo, it got up on the wrong side of the nickel.
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Aunt Charlotte : I couldn't possibly feel any worse. Young man, give me that ice pack.
Michael MacCreigh : Madame, your headache is my headache.
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Paula Gilbert : Michael, you're behaving like a perfect fool.
Michael MacCreigh : I have up until now. But, I'm learning things. Too bad I have to leave you in the morning. Another few days with you and I'd of had a liberal education.
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Paula Gilbert : I am getting married. Purely for money! For lots of money! What do you think of that?
Michael MacCreigh : I think you're a smart girl.
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Paula Gilbert : If I were a man, I'd do something!
Michael MacCreigh : If you were a man, you'd marry a rich girl for her money.
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Michael MacCreigh : I'm not quite sure what I want in any girl.
Paula Gilbert : I've made up my mind the type of man I want.
Michael MacCreigh : Yes, I know. You told me once. Filthy rich. Commutes to China.
Paula Gilbert : Oh, that, that was last year's model. I've decided on a new one: the nitwit, outdoor type, the kind that wanders around Central Park in his BVDs and isn't above hitchhiking his way across the country.
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Michael MacCreigh : I'll get cleaned up and meet you in the lobby of the Regent in a half an hour.
Paula Gilbert : Bye.
Michael MacCreigh : Oh! You forgot something.
[kisses Paula on the cheek]
Michael MacCreigh : Don't speak to any strange Indians.
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Aunt Charlotte : I've got a few things to buy for the wedding. You know, the least thanks you could give me is to help me finish my shopping.
Michael MacCreigh : All right. I'll pick up something myself. Yes, I owe the bride a gift. What would you recommend?
Aunt Charlotte : A new groom.
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Michael MacCreigh : China's a great place for honeymoons.
Aunt Charlotte : Highly overrated.
Michael MacCreigh : China?
Aunt Charlotte : No, honeymoons.
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Michael MacCreigh : I can always earn enough to keep my self respect.
Paula Gilbert : Self respect! Well, that's funny, you talk about self respect. Where was your precious self respect when you made love to me to win a miserable wager?
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Sales Clerk : Hey, Mister, you haven't paid for the merchandise!
Michael MacCreigh : Keep that lady here as a deposit until we get back.
Aunt Charlotte : Deposit on a floor mop. Well, my life hasn't been in vain.
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Elevator Operator : Hey, wait a minute.
[Paula's dressed like a cleaning woman]
Elevator Operator : Employees use the freight elevator.
Michael MacCreigh : She's not an employee!
Elevator Operator : All right, then, she's Mata Hari in disguise. But, she's still gotta use the freight elevator!
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[last lines]
Michael MacCreigh : Do you know what Butch MacCreigh does to double-crossers?
Paula Gilbert : I imagine he kisses them. Aren't you gonna kiss me?
Michael MacCreigh : Say please.
Paula Gilbert : Please. - Please, please, please.
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Michael MacCreigh : If you'd let me, I'd try to give you a rough idea of what I'm like.
Paula Gilbert : That's what I'm afraid of.
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Michael MacCreigh : Come on over and warm yourself. You said you were freezing to death.
Paula Gilbert : I wonder if that wouldn't be more pleasant than being with you.