- Sam Holt aka Keyhole Charlie: Thick or thin, there's nothing I don't know about textiles. I can clothe you from the cradle to the grave, sir.
- Sergeant Bingham: Oh, could you? Well you're a bit late for the first and a bit premature for the second.
- Inspector Hornleigh: Where is Mr Gordon?
- Sam Holt aka Keyhole Charlie: In the bar, Inspector. I'll take you along
- Inspector Hornleigh: Thank you - it isn't necessary. I never had any difficulty finding my way to a bar yet.
- Chancellor: But it seems incredible to me that anybody should be allowed to rob the Chancellor of the Exchequer with impunity.
- Inspector Hornleigh: Quite so, sir. Generally the other way around.
- Sergeant Bingham: Well, he says he's a traveling representative of the textile industry; and in my opinion, he's pretty strong in fabrications.
- Inspector Hornleigh: You pestiferous elongated flat-footed bald-headed bunch of haggis. Why didn't you stay on your own native heath tossing yer sporran... instead of unloading yourself on the long-suffering English?
- Sergeant Bingham: I wonder what he was?
- Inspector Hornleigh: Hotel porter
- Sergeant Bingham: Ah, hotel porter? I thought that
- [pause]
- Sergeant Bingham: How do you know?
- Inspector Hornleigh: This piece of chalk. It's got blacking on it. He used it to chalk the room numbers on the boots he cleaned. See?
- Sergeant Bingham: Oh, marvelous! All life's problems solved.
- Inspector Hornleigh: Well, I have been wrong...
- Sergeant Bingham: Last week's football pools for instance?
- Inspector Hornleigh: That! Why the whole of Scotland Yard couldn't deduce what Chelsea will do next!
- Inspector Hornleigh: Ever hear of telepathy, sergeant?
- Sergeant Bingham: Telepathy? It's-a-it's what we in Scotland call the 'second sight.' Ah-ha-lots of us possess the gift.
- Inspector Hornleigh: Nearly all savage races have it.