- Mr. Barrett: All right! All right! Will you as a personal favour take that plane up?
- Tony McVane: Well of course I will, you parboiled, pudding-minded, myopic deadhead!
- Major Charles Hammond: Mr Barrett, you're wasted here. With your genius for sitting on either side of the fence you ought to be in the government, were it not for your resilience, which denotes a remarkable career as a tennis ball.
- Kay: [Kay slams her article down on editor's desk]
- Newspaper Editor: Less enthusiasm, please. This is Britain.
- Kay: Well, a story's a story, even in Britain. And this is a story.
- Newspaper Editor: If it's yours, it's a pack of lies.
- Kay: Isn't that what you want?
- Newspaper Editor: [Reading the copy] Blenkinsop killed in Barrington Ward!
- Kay: Yes, I worked in the canteen. He sacked me.
- Newspaper Editor: And you murdered him.
- Kay: Yes.
- Newspaper Editor: That wouldn't surprise me.
- Kay: If you don't want it, I can take it across the street.
- Newspaper Editor: [Reading copy] Plane disappears!. Secret service man on the premises! Confidential clerk murdered! Maj Hammond baffled! SCOOP! That's a Times double!
- [to clerk]
- Newspaper Editor: Hey! Hold that front page!
- [to Kay]
- Newspaper Editor: Follow it up! Get down to the works. Find out all you can about Jenkins. You're on to the biggest thing since that film star was bitten by an Icelander. I love you!
- [Jumps up and hugs Kay]
- Kay: Less enthusiasm, please. This is Britain.
- Major Charles Hammond: [having just arrived home] Good evening, Blenkinsop.
- Blenkinsop: Good evening, sir. Rather late--we have your white tie laid out, sir.
- Major Charles Hammond: We can lay it away again.
- Blenkinsop: Have we forgotten we have an engagement?
- Major Charles Hammond: No, we have not forgotten, but we've canceled it.
- Blenkinsop: We'll lose our young lady if we're not careful.
- Major Charles Hammond: We shall also lose our gentleman's gentleman if we don't mind our own business.
- Blenkinsop: [Blenkinsop opens door for Major Hammond, who has just arrived home] Here we are, sir.
- Major Charles Hammond: I'm *right*, Blenkinsop.
- Blenkinsop: Who said you were wrong, sir?
- Major Charles Hammond: Everybody.
- Blenkinsop: They're wrong.
- Major Charles Hammond: You're right. We've any carrots?
- Blenkinsop: Yes, sir.
- Major Charles Hammond: Parsnips?
- Blenkinsop: Yes...
- Major Charles Hammond: Cabbages?
- Blenkinsop: Yes.
- Major Charles Hammond: Sausages?
- Blenkinsop: Yes.
- Major Charles Hammond: Onions?
- Blenkinsop: *Yes*.
- Major Charles Hammond: Garlic?
- Blenkinsop: *NO*!
- Major Charles Hammond: Good.
- Tony McVane: [at Major Hammond's home, making stew] Seriously, why don't you get yourself a husband?
- Kay: Where from?
- Tony McVane: Oh, anywhere. You'd have no difficulty.
- Kay: No?
- Tony McVane: No, not if you put your mind to it.
- Kay: Oh. My mind.
- Tony McVane: Yes, good women are scarce. You'd make a grand wife -- honestly.
- Kay: Because I can cook?
- Tony McVane: Well, that is a selling point.
- Kay: I suppose you don't want a nice, plain cook?
- Tony McVane: Me? No. Whatever made you think that?
- Kay: Pass me the pepper, please.
- Tony McVane: Mmm.
- [hands her the pepper]
- Tony McVane: Think of the advantages of marriage... well, Al least you wouldn't have to go tramping around making an ass of yourself just to earn money.
- Kay: I take that to be a description of newspaper reporting?
- Tony McVane: Ohh, all that sort of thing. I mean, a married woman doesn't have to descend to vulgarities just to keep herself going.
- Kay: Of all the pompous, conceited snobs I have ever met, you are the most insufferable. Do you know that for one appalling moment I thought you were going to propose to me? And luckily, I was wrong- otherwise I would have had the *great* pleasure of telling you that life with you would be just exactly my idea of purgatory. I hope I never set eyes on you again. Goodbye!
- [she stalks out of the kitchen, but then returns]
- Kay: Oh, I, uh... forgot, I'm living here. As I can't bounce out of the house, would you mind removing yourself?
- Tony McVane: [on his way out Tony gives her a kitchen towel, apron, and a wooden spoon] Goodbye, darling.