- J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs: I wouldn't ride on that stage again if it means staying in this town for the rest of my life - heaven forbid.
- [Boggsie recognizes Dan as an undercover postal inspector]
- J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs: I never forget a face.
- Dan Clark: In this case forget mine.
- Dan Clark: Where is this Elliott I hear so much about?
- Singer, Pals of the Golden West: His office is over there... with the "Mister" on it.
- Dude Elliott: That mail contract is worth $15,000. I can afford to be generous.
- Charlie Lait: I haven't noticed it.
- Caroline McKay: Maybe our luck will change.
- Charlie Lait: Not as long as Elliott is after the mail contract.
- Caroline McKay: You mean Elliott is our bad luck?
- Caroline McKay: If he's crazy enough to drive, I'm crazy enough to hire him.
- Charlie Lait: But I don't understand...
- Dan Clark: You wouldn't. You're not crazy.
- [Dolan is unhitching Dan's stagecoach horses]
- Stagecoach passenger: Having trouble?
- Henchman Dolan: Not me. I'm having fun!
- [Using reverse psychology, Dude convinces Slim to fight Dan]
- Dude Elliott: He's just waitin' for you to start something!
- Slim: Well, I'm an accommodating guy. I'll wait for him in the bar.
- [Dan leads a henchman away to be questioned]
- Dude Elliott: What do you expect to find out from him?
- Dan Clark: Oh, to see if two and two make four or twelve and eight make twenty.
- [fearing that Dan has stolen their gold, the miners stop his stagecoach]
- J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs: I'll vouch for him!
- Miner: Who'll vouch for you?
- Charlie Lait: What'll I tell them?
- Dan Clark: Tell 'em you're Santy Claus and you've come to take back your presents.
- [commenting on Caroline's half-burned stagecoach, which has been "repaired" with oilskin and wallpaper]
- Dude Elliott: If you see that patchwork on the road, don't let it pass you - it might scare the horses.
- [last lines]
- J. Horatio 'Boggsie' Boggs: With my compliments - the finest baby rattle west of the Mississippi!