- [last lines, at the end of the play's premiere]
- Luke Drake: It's a smash hit, Eddie -- it'll run five years!
- Jane Drake: Ladies and gentlemen! This will have the shortest run of any of Mr. Drake's plays...
- [gasps from audience]
- Luke Drake: No, no, no. Five years!
- Jane Drake: It will be closed in the early spring by an act of God. And I'm sure Mr. Drake hopes it will be... a boy.
- [Luke faints]
- Jane Dudley: I don't know a word of law, but I can smell something fishy about this a mile off.
- Pierce: Madam, there is no place in law for a woman's nostrils.
- Jane Drake: And you're so talented.
- Virginia Cole: Thank you. So are you. Many is the time I cried at your performance.
- Jane Drake: Ah, ha, I've laughed a lot at you, so that makes us even.
- Luke Drake: Virginia, whadda ya say?
- Virginia Cole: At least it's different - being fired before you're hired. Okay, for you I'll do it, Luke.
- Jane Drake: Sold! Sold! Sold!. Everything is sold to Dinglehoff. I wouldn't have minded so much if it hadn't been a man named Dinglehoff.
- Luke Drake: [on the phone with a reporter] Hello, Kitty... . Well I hate to talk about it. I'm pretty broken up about the whole thing.
- Jane Drake: But we're giving a farewell party at our apartment. Why don't you join us?
- William Dudley: But that's for your theater friends.
- Eddie Turner: Oh, they're broadminded. They don't mind bankers.
- William Dudley: Thanks, but I can't risk it.
- Luke Drake: She wanted a little rest and play and I offered her a few days at Atlantic City. I should have given her... at least a week. Then, during the week she'd read the play and once she read it, Eddie... ."
- Luke Drake: And I love her enough not to let her throw her genius away. That's the way I feel abot her and that's the way I expect her to feel about me.
- Eddie Turner: You won't toss your genius away, don't worry.
- Luke Drake: Isn't there anything you can suggest about my helplessness?
- Jane Drake: I'm sorry, Luke - it's too ingrown.
- Jane Dudley: [about her marrying William Dudley] Oh, Betsy, please stop sniveling. Can't you see I'm happy?
- Eddie Turner, Luke Drake: Wait a minute. I'm going crazy.
- Luke Drake: Listen, Eddie, I'm crazy. Everybody says so. I must believe it.
- Luke Drake: [on the phone with Jane] You mean about the play being off? I guess it is. But don't you worry about me, princess.
- Jane Drake: [on the other end of the phone line] Did you say "princess?"
- Luke Drake: [on the phone with the reporter] I don't Know how to put it.
- Eddie Turner: Something has gone out of you.
- Luke Drake: [holds hand over the phone and turns to Eddie] Get out of here. And don't come back until you bring me an Elsie.
- Eddie Turner: A hundred and 18 pounder?
- Luke Drake: Right. Get me a full-blown blonde.
- [resumes phone conversation]
- Luke Drake: Hello, Kitty, uh, let me put it this way - uh, something has gone out of me.
- Luke Drake: Just leave it to King Lucius the First. Lucius the Conqueror.
- Eddie Turner: We should have brought our armor, Conk.
- Emma Harper: The idea that you have to leave the theater to have children. Why, I raised four children and never missed a cue.
- Jane Drake: My dear Emma, you were not married to Luke Drake. You wouldn't have had time to raise a canary.
- Luke Drake, Virginia Cole: I want you to pretend you're gonna play it, but you don't.
- Virginia Cole: Look, Lucifer, I realize you're a genius, but I'm not, so give it to me simple.
- Luke Drake: Tonight it's sirloin steak for two.
- Jane Drake: Luke, have you been working on that play?
- Jane Dudley: William, I want you to take me to the hotel right now. You're acting like a frightened old maid.
- William Dudley: [about the legality of their marriage being questioned] I won't leave here with our status up in the air.
- Luke Drake: [after William has left the room] Bravo! Uh, uh, Jane. William knows best. He's got to sort of iron out your status.
- William Dudley: Shh! Everyone in this lobby's staring at us. Let's not create a scene.
- Luke Drake: Well, why not? I enjoy a good scene. Made my living creating them for years.
- Luke Drake: I want Jane back. I'm lonely.
- Eddie Turner: Okay, pay. Make up your mind. Exactly what is it you want back? Jane, your leading lady, or Jane, your wife, huh?
- Luke Drake: My wife, naturally. I'm lonely.
- William Dudley: Oh, wait Jane. This needs a little thought...
- Jane Dudley: Why? Aren't you sure you're my husband?
- William Dudley: Oh, yes, but where there's the risk of bigamy.
- Jane Dudley: William! You too?
- Jane Drake: He hasn't got a drop of feeling left in him. Why, for that precious play of his, he'd steal the blankets off a shivering orphan.
- Jane Drake: It's obvious Mr. Drake hasn't been living here. Everything's so neat and clean.
- Betsy: Oh, I never minded picking up after him.
- Luke Drake: I tell you, Eddie, she's gone, and something's gone out of me. I'm through. I'll never set foot in a theater again.
- Jane Drake: Oh, hello William. See me make a darn fool of myself out there?
- William Dudley: The first darn fool thing you did was to marry him instead of me.
- Luke Drake: William reminds me of the young man who wrote his sweetheart and said, "For you I would climb mountains, swim floods, and pass through fire - if it doesn't rain."
- Mac: Hey, Eddie. Keep out of Billy's place tonight. We're raiding it.
- Eddie Turner: Billy's? What's that got to do with me?
- Mac: Oh, that wouldn't be your grandfather they pour out of there every other morning, would it?
- Luke Drake: Knock on the door. My wife'll pay you. She's the first lady of the theater - temporarily in retirement.
- William Dudley: I must say, you've got a nerve to show your face around here after making me spend a night in jail.
- Luke Drake: Oh, I'm not the kind that holds a grudge, William.
- William Dudley: Oh, you're not?
- Luke Drake: Oh, no. Forgiving playwright comes to congratulate happy ex-wife.
- Jane Drake: I thought you'd like to know, I'm selling the furniture.
- Luke Drake: You mean our things?
- Jane Drake: Yes.
- Luke Drake: Oh, listen, you can't do that. Just think of all the hamburgers I ate to buy some of those things. If you lay them all end to end...
- Jane Drake: I'm not interested in laying hamburgers end to end.
- Jane Dudley: These two gentlemen like to play Halloween all year round.
- William Dudley: Now, Jane, you've got no right to criticize them even though it is just a technicality.
- Luke Drake: I'm surprised at you, William - letting a technicality stop you. I'd of thought a gay Lothario like you would pick the bride up in... in his arms and just carry her away no matter what.
- Luke Drake: C'mon, princess, think fast. One thing you never liked in the theater was a farce and you're up to your eyes in one now. You're like a child. You know you married Mr. Technicality out of pure spite. You're so busy looking back to stick you tongue out at me, you don't see the well you're about to stumble into.