Mr. Washington Goes to Town (1941)

F.E. Miller: Wallingford

Quotes 

• Wallingford : Mahatma Gandhi, you know, he went over a hundred days without eatin' once.

  Schenectady Jones : How come?

  Wallingford : He was fastin'.

  Schenectady Jones : Fastin'?

  Wallingford : Yeah.

  Schenectady Jones : Oh, man, that would slow me up.

• Schenectady Jones : Boy, am I hongry.

  Wallingford : Hungry? Boy, you done eat two hours ago.

  Schenectady Jones : My stomach ain't got no memory.

• Wallingford : Did you ever hear of Mahatma Gandhi?

  Schenectady Jones : Mahatma Who-de?

• Wallingford : Eatin'. Eatin'. Don't you never think of nuthin' but eatin'?

  Schenectady Jones : Almost never. You know that eatin' is the fondest thing that I is of.

• Wallingford : A mortgage is like this: you own the house or a hotel. Then there's a man who has a piece of paper that says you don't own it, can you buys the paper off of him.

  Schenectady Jones : Oh, I own it and I don't own it.

  Wallingford : That's right, till you buy the paper.

  Schenectady Jones : Well, supposin' I don't buy the paper?

  Wallingford : Then he owns the hotel.

  Schenectady Jones : And I own the paper?

  Wallingford : No, no. He owns 'em both.

  Schenectady Jones : And I own nuthin'?

  Wallingford : That's right.

• Schenectady Jones : What Mahatma proved was that the cravin' for food is in the head.

  Wallingford : Well, for him it might be in the head; but, for me, it's in the stomach.

• Schenectady Jones : Just imagine owin' your own hotel. Wouldn't that be somethin'. 52 Rooms.

  Wallingford : 52 chambermaids.

  Schenectady Jones : A dinin' room a whole block square.

  Wallingford : 52 waitresses.

  Schenectady Jones : A big barber shop with 42 chairs.

  Wallingford : 52 manicurists.

  Schenectady Jones : Jest imagine, wouldn't that be somethin'.

  Wallingford : 52 - somethin's.

• Magician : How do you do and I do mean you.

  Wallingford : Howdy do.

  [puzzled, looking at an egg he is given in a handshake, Magician laughs] 

  Magician : That's one that Jack Benny laid. You know, the fellow on Rochester's program.

• Wallingford : How do you do, sir?

  Brutus Blake : How do I do what?

• Wallingford : Boy, what a face! Well, that would scare a laughin' hyena into cryin'!

• Wallingford : Is you got the money?

  Schenectady Jones : If hotels was sellin' for a dime a dozen, I couldn't buy birdseeds for a cuckoo clock.