- [first lines]
- [reading the plaque on a statue]
- Older Boy: "Timothy Owens, Founder of Owensville"
- Younger Boy: What does it mean "founded it"? Was it losted?
- Pop Owens: When we rode you out of town, Skelly, it was on a one-way ticket and that still holds.
- Sam Skelly: Mr. Owens, it just happened that I have business to attend to here.
- Pop Owens: I doubt that. We don't do business with gamblers and gunmen. We leave that to Canyon City.
- Sam Skelly: Well, at least Canyon City has life it in. They bury their dead instead of letting them roam the streets.
- [the Three Mesquiteers enter a rough-looking saloon]
- Stony Brooke: Three sarsaparillas.
- [One of the Cherokee Boys breaks the Mesquiteers' three bottles of pop]
- Sarsaparilla, 1st 'Cherokee Boy': Had enough Sarsaparilla?
- Stony Brooke: Just enough!
- [a barroom brawl ensues and the Three Mesquiteers knock out the bad guys]
- Barfly: That Sarsaparilla is powerful stuff!
- [Owens mistakes the Three Mesquiteers for the villainous Cherokee Boys]
- Stony Brooke: Let's get this straight. You want somebody killed and you're willing to pay a $1000 for the job?
- Pop Owens: That's it, and I hired you killers to ensure against any bungling. The man must be killed expertly and painlessly and not later than tomorrow.
- Tucson Smith: Who's the man?
- Lullaby Joslin: Yeah, we gotta warn him.
- Pop Owens: Warn him?
- Tucson Smith: Uh, sure! We always give 'em a sportin' chance. We like to do things the hard way.
- Pop Owens: This time I don't want the man warned.
- Stony Brooke: Who is he?
- Pop Owens: The man I want killed is... me.
- [the Cherokee Boys try to ambush the Three Mesquiteers]
- Tucson Smith: It's those guys hauntin' us again!
- Lullaby Joslin: We'll show 'em what happens when the Cherokees meet their ghosts!
- [when Tom Owens mistakes the Mesquiteers for the Cherokee Gang, the Sheriff arrests them]
- Stony Brooke: Why he's crazy. The guys we plugged back on the road are the real Cherokees!
- The Sheriff: I'll settle for the Cherokees we got. Head 'em for jail!
- Lullaby Joslin: Your tombstones are gonna read, "Here lie the Cherokee Boys" and mine will read, "I Told You So!"
- Sarsaparilla, 1st 'Cherokee Boy': Me and Thumber and Butch are the original and only Cherokees. These hombres are impersonatin' us and you know, Sheriff, that ain't legal!
- Janet Owens: You're right, it ain't!
- [Janet slaps Skelly]
- Janet Owens: And that's for impersonating a gentleman.
- [last lines]
- Pop Owens: Thank you, boys, for this Owens family reunion. You know, I don't think I made such a bad mistake in hiring you after all!