- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: [being asked by a reporter about the economic situations] I'm glad you asked that. It's pitching, it's pinching me under the shoulder.
- Eve Floogle: My mother always told me I should never marry a flea trainer.
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: And that's the matter with flea trainers?
- Eve Floogle: You tell him, Homer.
- Homer Floogle: I just read an article about that.
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: And?
- Homer Floogle: It came to the following interesting conclusion.
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: Yeah?
- Homer Floogle: A: Eighty-three percent of flea trainers are of definitely low mentality. B: Sixteen percent were classified as morons...
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: [interrupts, about to hit Homer with his cane] Why, for two pennies, I'd...
- Homer Floogle: Uh uh! Dad! How many times have I told you? Striking your own child denotes a fundamental weaknes in character.
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: Sometimes I wonder if you are my own child.
- Homer Floogle: [takes off his glasses, reveals the same bags under his eyes as Fred] Can you still doubt?
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: [directly to the camera] What do you think?
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: If Jack Benny ever finds out there's three hundred thousand dollars in that chair, he'll divorce Mary Livingstone and marry the chair.
- Homer Floogle: Dad, you wanna buy a Delicatessen in the Bronx?
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: No, we are not making any foreign investments.
- Eve Floogle: Just out of idle curiosity, how do you get rid of twelve million dollars?
- Mr. Arnold: Mr. Trumble piddled his money away. A few million here, a few million there.
- Eve Floogle: That's nice piddling.
- Mr. Gardiner: In one stock market deal alone he lost three million.
- Mr. Arnold: Yes. And there was that motion picture company.
- Jefferson T. Pike: And, of course, there was a woman or two.
- Fred F. Trumble Floogle: A woman or two? My uncle was in his 70s.
- Jefferson T. Pike: [with some indignation, being of that age himself] So what?
- William Bendix: [after questioning Pike and Arnold] I rest my case.
- William Bendix: [to Floogle, gesturing to the chair next to him] Rest yours!
- Eve Floogle: You mean last year's diamonds? Oh no, we don't bother with them. You see, we just throw them out. They get so shabby, you know.
- William Bendix: SPOILER:
- [to Pike and Arnold, trapped in pillories with lit candles rigged to give them hotfoots]
- William Bendix: When you gentlemen are ready to confess, please signify by saying "ouch".