- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Well, Steve Hunt, my life-long pal. You haven't changed a bit.
- Steve Hunt: Do I know you?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Do you know me? Lionel Q. Devereaux, your old roommate at Yale?
- Steve Hunt: I never went to Yale.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Remember those good old days at Erasmus High?
- Steve Hunt: I never went to Erasmus High.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: At least you do remember when we graduated from Public School 27?
- Steve Hunt: No.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Say, for a man with no education, you've done alright.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: [handing Carmen's mink stole to a hat-check girl] Take good care of this, and at ten o'clock give it a saucer of milk.
- Carmen Navarro: Why you always chasing women?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: I'll tell you as soon as I catch one.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: This is an outrage! You'll hear from my lawyer! As soon as he gets a telephone!
- Carmen Navarro: [trying to sneak into their hotel] Oh Lionel, I can not stand this kind of a life anymore. Why don't we get married?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Let's not rush into marriage; we can't even get into the hotel.
- Carmen Navarro: I don't think you want to marry me.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: How can you say that? We've been engaged for almost ten years!
- Mr. Green: Now listen, Devereaux, you and I both know that that check is no good.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Oh? I thought only I knew it.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Listen, babe.
- Copa Girl: Yes?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: How'd you like to see your name in lights?
- Copa Girl: Why, are you an electrician?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: No, but I've got some good connections.
- Liggett: I've got so many clients, they get in my hair!
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: This guy must handle a flea circus.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: You had to go and get cured by penicillin.
- Andy Russell: Well, it is good for my throat.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: So's a razor!
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: How much are your cigars?
- Cigarette Girl: They're a dollar a piece.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: I was just browsing... don't you have any nickel cigars?
- Cigarette Girl: Yes, but they're forty cents.
- Anne Stuart: Will you ask me again next week?
- Andy Russell: Well, next week I have to see my dentist, but maybe the week after.
- Andy Russell: [while watching Carmen Navarro dance and sing "Tico Tico No Fubá."] Plenty of pepper, huh?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: And a nice shaker, too.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Say, dream girl, how'd you like to get in the movies?
- Copa Girl: Why, have you got any passes?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: No, but I could make a few.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: I just had a heart-to-heart talk with the manager.
- Carmen Navarro: Are they going to throw us out?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Don't be silly. They wouldn't throw the best act in show business out of the hotel.
- Carmen Navarro: I know, but what about us?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: I'm sick and tired of being applauded; making people laugh.
- Carmen Navarro: What people?
- Hotel Night Clerk: Mr. Devereaux, I'm sorry to tell you this, but Mr. Green the manager said if your bills aren't paid by tonight, we'll be forced to lock you out. Here you are, here's a bill for Miss Navarro's room and a bill for your room.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: That's a fine way to treat permanent guests. You realize I've run up a bigger bill than anyone else in this hotel? Oh well, why quibble? Let me have a check, a blank one, like that expression on your face.
- [begins to fill out check]
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: What bank do you do business with?
- Hotel Night Clerk: Second National Trust.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Are you sure they're good for that much money?
- Hotel Night Clerk: Oh, that's a big bank.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: You have to be careful with banks these days; a lot of my checks have been coming back recently.
- [hands him the check]
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: There you are.
- Hotel Night Clerk: Mmm, just one little detail, Mr. Devereaux, you didn't sign it.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Naturally.
- Hotel Night Clerk: Well, without your signature, it's worthless.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: That's what you think. It's perfectly good now, but if I sign it, it really would be worthless.
- Hotel Night Clerk: But I can't hand Mr. Green an unsigned check.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Oh, trying to influence me to pass bad checks, eh? You know that's a penitentiary offense?
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: Girls, I've thought it over, you don't want a career. What you ought to do is settle down, get yourself a husband... anybody's husband.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: [under police interrogation] Listen fellas, I'm as innocent as a babe. Even more innocent. I know some babes who aren't so innocent.
- Lionel Q. Devereaux: [on his knees, dramatically pleading his innocence when Fifi/Carmen enters] You had to walk in. Just when I was going good. In a minute I might have been another Peter Lorre.