- [Opening lines]
- Dog: Egad, what a book. It intrigues me. Poochie biscuit. Bah! I crave the tangy zest of wild game, for within me beats the heart of a big game hunter. I hear the call of the wild. With this book to guide me, I shall roam the woodland in search of me own sustenance; food in the raw.
- Dog: [reading] "Number four: If all else fails," - and it has - "you must utilize the gopher's love of music." Music! Egad, what a book.
- Dog: Odds bodikins! Two ferocious gophers. Me first conquest!
- [rushes over to Mac and Tosh, who run to their hole]
- Tosh: After you.
- Mac: No, please. After you.
- Tosh: No, no, no, no, no. I insist. Age before beauty, you know.
- Mac: Now, don't be a sil. Go ahead.
- Tosh: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Let's be sensible. You first, please.
- Mac: I have it! Let's go together.
- Tosh: Shall we?
- Mac: Surely.
- [They both dive into the hole, as the dog passes by and crashes into the trees and down a cliff]
- [the dog is pretending to be a crying baby in a basket]
- Tosh: Oh, dear, dear, dear! Tsk tsk tsk. A homeless waif. How sad. Oh, we should do something for him.
- Mac: Yes, yes, you're right.
- Tosh: He cries a great deal, doesn't he?
- Mac: Well, there are two things that make a baby cry. One is when he's hungry.
- Tosh: Well, this one doesn't look hungry.
- Mac: Do you suppose...?
- Tosh: It might be, it might be.
- [They look under his blanket, exposing a hidden arsesnal]
- Dog: [Covering up] Goo!
- Mac: Oh, we must take care of little Snookie.
- Tosh: Le'ts do something nice for him.
- [they push the basket up the hill]
- Mac: Does little baby want nice gophers to take him for a wong, wong wide, hmm?
- [They reach a cliff]
- Mac: Do you think we should?
- Tosh: Lets.
- [They push the dog down the cliff, where he crashes at the bottom; he gets up and dusts himself off]
- Dog: Obviously, they did not reckon on me great inner strength.
- [Suddenly freezes up with a goofy look on his face and falls down, stiff as a board]