- Peter Pepper: [Announcing live on the air] Sorry to interrupt that pretty thing, folks, but, uh, here's your second treat tonight -- a brand new recording right off the grizzle. I've just received it from the Fight Company. But first, a word from our sponsor. Friends, when you cross the street against the red light, do you get that run down feeling? When you lose your grocery list, do your laundry list, do you feel listless? And do you wake up with that morning-after-the- night-before feeling wishing you were dead and hoping for a nice, quiet breakfast? Then eat Shoggies. They don't crackle, they don't crunch, they just sit in the bottom of the bowl and sop up the milk. And now a brand new song that's red hot. This is the year when novelty numbers have been all the rage and my spies tell me this pre-release will top their long list of successes which have gone out to you from the platter parade. It's all about a choo choo train from Chattanooga. But why spoil it for you? Here it is. Listen.
- Freddy Lee: How much will you charge me for publishing my song?
- Miss Murphy: [Stunned] Who let you off the farm?
- Freddy Lee: My Uncle Leland.
- William Spencer: I think it's great, really great.
- Chester Dooley: You'll publish it then?
- William Spencer: Sure. I'll have the contracts drawn, same deal as before.
- Chester Dooley: [Shakes his head] Uh-uh.
- Freddy Lee: Oh, oh.
- William Spencer: What do you mean, Chester?
- Chester Dooley: Well, no offense, Mr. Spencer, but I want a $100 advance, two cents a copy from the first, and my picture on the sheet music.
- William Spencer: Why, that's a holdup. You gotta lot of nerve.
- Chester Dooley: I had two martinis for lunch.
- William Spencer: How can you come in here and pull a trick like this? You owe everything to me. I picked you out of the gutter and made your name a byword. I plucked you out of obscurity and placed your music in every home in our nation. And this is the thanks I get. Aren't you ashamed?
- Chester Dooley: Yes, sir. I'm ashamed.
- William Spencer: Well, that's better...
- Chester Dooley: And I want a $100 advance, two cents a copy from the first, and my picture on the sheet music.
- [Looks at himself in the mirror]
- Chester Dooley: On second thought, you can leave my picture off.
- Miss Murphy: You gotta give it a fighting chance.
- Tony: Miss Martin. Two gentlemen at table number 4 asked you to join them.
- Liza Martin: Give them our regrets, Tony,
- Terry Martin: Now, never say "no" without a look. You might be hittin' the jackpot right in the kisser. Where are they?
- Liza Martin: Number 4.
- Terry Martin: [Looks out at table #4] Oh, no. Not him.
- Liza Martin: Who?
- Terry Martin: The one with two heads. The creep I use to know before I knew better. Freddy Lee.
- Liza Martin: But Terry. The other one.
- Terry Martin: Who?
- Liza Martin: The one who bumped into us at the Peter Pepper's.
- Terry Martin: The guy with the five alarm fire in his eyes?
- Liza Martin: Always get the name of the guy who sends orchids.
- Terry Martin: I have to. That character will blackmail me. He knows my real name!
- Liza Martin: Is that a gleam in your eye?
- William Spencer: [Smiles] I wouldn't know. I'm looking in yours.
- Miss Murphy: We are behind in our rent. Listen, what are we going to do, Mr. Spencer?
- William Spencer: I'll tell you what we're gonna do. We're gonna get out and sell. You can't just publish a tune, sit back and hope it hits. You gotta song plug the way they did in the old Tin Pan Alley days. Clear every town, every disc jockey so it gets bands to play it. Personalities to sing it on the air.
- Miss Murphy: The boat has sailed.
- William Spencer: Oh, no, it hasn't. If we could only get the Andrews Sisters.
- Liza Martin: [after Bill slams into a studio door being opened by Liza and Terry and falls to the floor] Oh, for heaven's sake. Are you alright?
- William Spencer: [a bit stunned] I'm terribly sorry. It's all my fault.
- [Looking around]
- William Spencer: My briefcase.
- Liza Martin: [Picks up his briefcase] Here it is. Are you sure you're ok?
- Terry Martin: You gotta slow down on the curves in this country.
- Liza Martin: Oh, let's help you.
- William Spencer: I'm alright, thanks.
- [Notices Liza for the first time and smiles]
- William Spencer: And I do mean, thank you.
- Liza Martin: Oh, that's alright.
- Terry Martin: Pardon me for pointing, buster, but your fangs are showing.
- Liza Martin: Oh, Terry.
- Terry Martin: C'mon before he drools all over your coat. You just got it back from the cleaners..
- Freddy Lee: Gosh, you mean you're not going to see me again?
- Terry Martin: You're a sweet boy and I like you very much. But there are two things wrong with you. Number one is you're not rich. Number two is I'm not rich.
- Miss Murphy: Hi, Mr. Spencer.
- William Spencer: [Feeling down] Hiya, Murph.
- Miss Murphy: Look, I don't wanna frighten ya, but I once knew a character that got splinters in his stubble from draggin' his chin that low.
- Freddy Lee: Gosh, I sure am glad you found me again, Hortense. Whoops, sorry.
- Terry Martin: I'm going to make you remember Terry Martin if I have to engrave it on every bone in your head.
- Freddy Lee: Yeah. It sure is swell seeing you again. Remember the happy times we had back in Texas? Remember the time you proposed to me and I accepted?
- Terry Martin: I was only 12 at the time and I had two Cokes.
- Terry Martin: [Angrily] The fact remains when they passed out the nerve, you sure got more than your share.
- William Spencer: Terry, I said I was sorry.
- Terry Martin: Oh, fine. Great. That fixes everything. Listen, Svengali, you can spread your old black magic over Liza but it's tattletale gray on me.
- William Spencer: Relax, will you? Take it easy.
- Terry Martin: All you think of is yourself. It just so happens that Rodgers and Hammerstein were out front tonight and because you had to threesh, Liza and I may have missed our big chance with their new show.
- William Spencer: Well, why didn't you tell me?
- Terry Martin: Well, I'm telling you now. Quit mixing business with pleasure or you are going to lose my temper.
- Liza Martin: Murph! You look wonderful, Murph! What are you doing here?
- Miss Murphy: Stickin' my beak into your business.
- Terry Martin: Why don't you try tacking a "Standing Room Only" sign on him? Little Boy Blue isn't going to get you anything but trouble.
- Liza Martin: Oh, give him time.
- Terry Martin: Give him nothing. Liza. You're not going on with that guy, are ya?
- Liza Martin: Yes, I am.
- Terry Martin: Got it bad, huh? How does a big... how does Bill feel about this cottage small by a waterfall?
- Liza Martin: Oh, we haven't gotten around to particulars yet.
- Terry Martin: When are you going to?
- Liza Martin: Oh, I don't know. I'm seeing him tomorrow. Maybe...
- Terry Martin: No maybe about it. He'll pop the question, you'll melt into his arms and say, "yes."
- Liza Martin: Do you think so?
- Terry Martin: Sure. It's the same old question he pops every day. "Will you plug my new song, dear?"
- Liza Martin: Oh, Terry.
- Terry Martin: Wanna make book? I'll give you odds.
- Liza Martin: Oh, honey. You just don't understand. And besides, when we teamed up as a sister act, we agreed not to pry into each other's affairs.
- Terry Martin: Right. But this time I've got to. I love you, Liza, and I just don't want to see you get the short end. You've fallen for a guy whose middle name is "Ambition." He's going to climb over everything and everybody to get ahead. And that includes you. Well, I've said my little piece. Now I'll shut up.
- William Spencer: [On the phone] Hello. Yeah, speaking. Who? Crane who?
- Jeanne Crain: No, Bill.. Not Crane who. It's Jeanne Crain.
- William Spencer: Why it's wonderful to hear from you. What can I do for you and how are you?
- Jeanne Crain: Fine, thanks. Say, Bill, I've been talking to Vic Mature about the Free French Benefit and he tells me you've got a wonderful song for me.
- William Spencer: Well, sure, Jeanne. You can have any song we've got. How about one of our novelty numbers? "Deep in the Heart of Texas."
- Jeanne Crain: I don't think it's exactly my type. No, I mean a special song by Gershwin. It's called "Yankee Doodle Blues."
- William Spencer: Well, no. Not that one. Ah, you wouldn't want to do that number, Jeanne.
- Jeanne Crain: You're not stalling me, are you, Bill?
- William Spencer: No, so help me. It's just not your type. It's a George M. Cohan type of thing. You know, straw hat and cane.
- Reginald Gardiner: Really, Liza. It's vulgar to be up so early in the morning. The first time for me since mother discontinued my 2:00 bottle.
- Liza Martin: You know who's going to sing it? You are!
- William Spencer: Me? Oh, Bill you could get any big star to sing a Gershwin song.
- Liza Martin: Uh-uh. You found it, you tipped me off and you're gonna sing it.
- William Spencer: You know, if you play your cards right, I'm gonna fall for you.