The Reformer and the Redhead (1950)
David Wayne: Arthur Colner Maxwell
Photos
Quotes
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : [Seeing lion] Let's get outta here.
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : [Referring to lion] Aw, scared of his own shadow.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : I'm scared of it too.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Just don't say too much. Be simple and clean cut. Remember you're all things to all men. A sort of cross between Eisenhower and Little Abner.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : For what possible reason could a sensible man get mixed up with a girl like that?
Leon : I can think of a couple.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Outside of that.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Boy, what a night. Been doing a little campaigning for you. You know the, uh, chili joint over on 4th Street?
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : Uh-huh.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : You know the place. The small blonde with the big hamburgers.
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Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : What's the matter, you yellow or something?
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Yellow? If I had wheels I'd be a taxi cab.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : A fine way to be running a campaign. I don't mind your kissing babies, but they're supposed to be little ones in their mother's arms.
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Leon : Mr. Maxwell, I, I should like to discuss a matter of economics.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Discuss.
Leon : For the past year, I've been operating on the basis of deficit financing. Which, while it may be a necessity to the federal government, still, to an individual like myself, it wreaks havoc in terms of the basic necessities of existence.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Meaning?
Leon : I want a raise.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : [to Andy] You can wake up now. You're home, dear.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Now, remember, when you get in there, watch your step. You're not talking to the Temperance League or the $50 Every Friday lunch.
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : Look, Arty, I wrote the act. I think I can speak the lines.
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Kathleen 'Kathy' Maguire : If I ran him over with an automobile, would I stuff him and put him on the wall?
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Well, just the head and shoulders.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Now, if it's not too much trouble, what'd you find out?
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : A baby mountain goat takes four ounces of male every three hours.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Oh, a baby mountain goat, not a full grown one.
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : Cutest thing you ever saw.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : How would you know?
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : I gave birth to one this afternoon.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Oh, really? I didn't know you were married"
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Now, don't forget! You're strictly the Boy Scout. You don't know from nothing.
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : Relax, will you? We wouldn't even be here if they weren't stuck for a candidate.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Remember - you're all things to all men - a sort of cross between Eisenhower and Little Abner.
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : Oh, please, I didn't come this far to blow it now.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Well, you'll be all right. Just be the sort of fellow my mother would like my sister to marry.
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : That's any fellow.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : If she likes monkeys, she ought a love diamonds.
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Kathleen 'Kathy' Maguire : The broom! The broom!
Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : What does she want me to do with it?
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Wave it!
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : I promise you - this is one Fourth of July Orphan Andy will never forget.
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Kathleen 'Kathy' Maguire : This is a fine and courageous thing he's done.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Greatness doesn't care who wears its mantle.
Kathleen 'Kathy' Maguire : It's true. There is a kind of simple nobility about him.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : There's a bit of Abe Lincoln in that boy. He places honor and duty above dollars and cents.
Leon : That I can vouch for.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Leon, the vicissitudes of our competitive economy based on an equilibrium of supply and demand make any realignment of fiduciary relationships highly untenable, if not reductio ad absurdum.
Leon : Meaning?
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : No.
[to Leon's request for a raise]
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Andrew 'Andy' Rockton Hale : Arty, suppose she says no?
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : You don't have that kinda luck.
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Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Do you realize how mulch it's worth for a young man to associate with a firm like Maxwell and Hale?
Leon : $35 a week.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : Now, Leon, when are you going to realize that money isn't everything?
Leon : With me, it isn't anything.
Arthur 'Artie' Colner Maxwell : We'll discuss this after lunch.
Leon : Who can afford to eat?