- Husband on Airplane: [Complaining about fellow passenger Bing Crosby's singing on plane] Oh... There they go again ! Don't these actors ever stop making noises?
- Wife on Airplane: They're USO people. They sing for soldiers.
- Husband on Airplane: Soldiers can shoot back. They've got guns.
- Emmadel Jones: No, I'm not going to live Ma's life all over again, waiting on shore for a sailor who comes to land every three years. It's like being married to a salmon!
- Winifred Stanley: You'll still be here too, won't you?
- George Degnan: Sure, sure. Running a newspaper's just a hobby with me.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: I'll chance it. You may slip on a banana peel, who knows.
- Wilbur Stanley: Oh, no, won't allow a banana around the place.
- George Degnan: You know, Miss Stanley, men seldom make passes at flat-heeled lasses.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: George, that's beautiful
- [sic]
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: put, beautifully put.
- George Degnan: Yes, I thought so.
- Wilbur Stanley: [to the minister] I beg your pardon. Would you mind waiting a moment? I'll be right back.
- Ma Jones: Throw 'em out!
- Emmadel Jones: Wilbur, do me a favor. Ask him to sing at our wedding. He thinks he can sing, you know. And nothing would give me greater pleasure than to marry you if he has to sing to us.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: Yeah, and she told you all about me, huh?
- Wilbur Stanley: [Chuckling and shaking his head] You have no idea what she told me about you.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: [Chuckling] I can imagine.
- George Degnan: If this works, I'm a duck-billed platypus.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: Meet me down at the zoo in the morning.
- George Degnan: He's younger than you thought he was, isn't he, Pete?
- [Pete nods his head, and George continues]
- George Degnan: And, he, he's better looking than you thought he was, isn't he, Pete?
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: [Looks at George] All that, and $40 million besides.
- Emmadel Jones: Wilbur, I, I mustn't let the children see me marrying another man.
- Wilbur Stanley: Another man? Me? Another man? Me?
- Emmadel Jones: Well, Pete's their father, and not you, and they think I'm their mother, and, well, couldn't you just send them away or something?
- Pa Jones: [Getting breakfast served in bed in the Stanley mansion] Only birds eat in the same nest they sleep in.
- Emmadel Jones: Liddy, I want you to stop every darn clock in the house. Well, when the clock struck twelve, Cinderella turned back into a pumpkin, didn't she?
- Wilbur Stanley: Well, I would at least like to know what sort of ammunition you have. I might want to shoot back.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: Well, Emmy likes sailing. I'm a good sailor. We'll get her on a sail boat and you know... .
- Wilbur Stanley: Well, I won the Bar Harbor Regatta two years in a row.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: Ohhh. Well, I can handle myself around professional wrestling. Now there's something you..
- Wilbur Stanley: I taught judo during the war.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: Ohhh... I'm a low handicap golfer.
- Wilbur Stanley: I hold the amateur state championship. Cigarette?
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: Thanks... How's your canasta?
- Uncle Prentiss: What's happened to Winnifred? She's completely lost her dignity.
- Aunt Amy: She's completely lost her girdle.
- Emmadel Jones: Marry Pete Garvey - are you crazy?
- Wilbur Stanley: Yes, darling, I am.
- Emmadel Jones: Oh, Wilbur.
- Ma Jones: Watch yourself, Emmy.
- Peter 'Pete' Garvey: I'd rather go to prison for the rest of my life.
- Emmadel Jones: Oh, you're always thinking about yourself all the time. What about Bobby and Suzi?