- Peter Weston: This chap you're engaged to, does he live in London?
- Moira O'Shannon: No, he's in South America with the headhunters. But, he's coming back to take me out there with him.
- Peter Weston: You mean you're going to live with the headhunters?
- Moira O'Shannon: Well, what's wrong with that?
- Peter Weston: Oh, just about everything. You might lose your head - and it's a very pretty head. And I'm beginning to wonder if there's anything in it.
- Moira O'Shannon: Well, thank you.
- Peter Weston: I like to observe certain normal conventions and taking alligators for walks doesn't happen to be one.
- Peter Weston: I can give Daisy to you!
- Moira O'Shannon: No thank you. I have plenty of pets. I've got four guinea pigs, two toucans and a dog. Daisy would eat the lot.
- Mrs. Weston: Help! Geoffrey!
- Colonel Geoffrey Weston: Steady, ol' gal.
- Mrs. Weston: Help!
- General Weston: Don't panic. Remember, you're British.
- Vanessa Colebrook: I just saw a giraffe playing a guitar, but I didn't let it interrupt my conversation.
- Moira O'Shannon: [after their first kiss] Oh, you shouldn't have done that.
- Peter Weston: Why not?
- Moira O'Shannon: Well, because I've just had a letter from Albert. And whenever I get a letter from Albert I always feel nun-like for at least three days.
- Peter Weston: Hey, what's up?
- Moira O'Shannon: Daisy needs a swim.
- Peter Weston: I dare say she does. I want a large whiskey and soda, but, I'm not going to get one.
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: Quiet everybody, please. Nobody speak! How's this?
- [singing]
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: And I looked in your eyes, I saw with surprise, You were crying with crocodile tears...
- Notcher: While you're sales methods appear successful, Weston, I do not consider them suitable for hawkers. Kindly serve that lady without making amorous advances.
- Prudence Croquet: [to Peter, after communicating with Daisy] She's devoted to you. She thinks you're very attractive to the female sex.
- Moira O'Shannon: So, you've done it. You've really done it.
- Peter Weston: Yes, I've given Daisy her freedom.
- Moira O'Shannon: You mean you've left her to starve or to be run over or to be carved up into hand bags!
- Peter Weston: Steady on.
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: I got it. I got it! This is a song about a guy who's in love with a dame.
- Ed: That's great, Mr. Rosenbloom!
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: Great? You ain't heard nothin' yet! And this guy thinks that the dame is in love with him too. See?
- Ed: But, she ain't!
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: Ah, great twist! Now, he's got to march off to the war. Can't you hear the drums with the marching feet? He comes to say goodbye to his no-good dame. She cries. He cries! And then he realizes, that she doesn't love him! That she is...
- Irving J. Rosenbloom, Ed: [singing] Crying with crocodile tears.
- Ed: Oh, stop it, Mr. Rosenbloom. You're breakin' my heart!
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: I got it. I got it!
- [singing]
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: You fall right down, And you crawl like a crocodile, That's the crocodile crawl, All around the hall, Like a crocodile, That's the crocodile crawl, It's done by, Plumbers and Electricians, And fascinating physicians, And politicians, And even people in high positions, It's all a fad, To crawl like a crocodile, That's your favorite ballet, They look sad, They crawl like a crocodile, Even in the ballet, And even if you don't know your left foot from your right foot, Never mind, You don't use your feet at all, That's the crocodile crawl...
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: Crocodile Tears! That's a smash. I can hear all the big boys singing it now. Sinatra. Damone. Nat King Cole. Crosby. Hope!
- Ed: Oh, not Hope.
- Irving J. Rosenbloom: No Hope.
- Vanessa Colebrook: Who is that girl?
- Peter Weston: Well, she's a friend of a friend of mine. I've only met her a couple of times. Mad about jazz and all that.
- Mrs. Weston: How much money have we got in the bank?
- Colonel Geoffrey Weston: Oh, about 15 pounds before the end of the month. Why?
- Mrs. Weston: It's all these servants. We shall have to tip them.
- Colonel Geoffrey Weston: I'd rather tip the bottle.
- Peter Weston: What are you thinking about?
- Vanessa Colebrook: The one thing a woman hates to think about: another woman.
- Sir James Colebrook: Yes, Hoskins?
- Hoskins: Newfoundland, sir. On the telephone. In your study.
- Sir James Colebrook: I thought I told you I was not at home for Newfoundland!
- Albert O'Shannon: Tricky thing with alligators. You've got to - more or less - charm them.
- Peter Weston: Don't do anything out of character on my account.
- Albert O'Shannon: Well, I tried awfully hard, but, I just couldn't stop them breeding.
- Vanessa Colebrook: You expected them to?
- Albert O'Shannon: Oh, yes. Yes. That was the whole point of my going there.
- Sir James Colebrook: [reading an information article] "Seventy-six eggs can be laid in one year by a single alligator."
- General Weston: [laughing heartily to himself] Imagine what a married one could do.