Leave It to Beaver (1957–1963)
Jerry Mathers: The Beaver, Theodore 'Beaver' Cleaver, Theodore Cleaver
Photos
Quotes
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : You know something, Wally? I'd rather do nothin' with you than somethin' with anybody else.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : How come Eddie's such a creepy guy?
Wally Cleaver : He works at it.
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Ward Cleaver : How'd the fishing go Beav?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Great Dad. We didn't catch any fish, but Larry and I saw a man slip on a wet rock and heard everything he said.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Do you really like me, Wally?
Wally Cleaver : I guess so.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Do you like me a whole lot?
Wally Cleaver : Look, don't get sloppy on me. I might just slug you one.
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Ward Cleaver : Beaver, you know what Larry was doing was wrong. You could have stopped him.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Gee, Dad, I have enough trouble keeping myself good without keeping all the other kids good.
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Wally Cleaver : Did Dad hit ya?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : No.
Wally Cleaver : Did he yell at ya?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : No.
Wally Cleaver : Then why ya cryin'?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Sometimes things get so messed up, crying is the only thing you can do.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : You wanna' mess around later?
Larry Mondello : I can't, I'm grounded.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : How come?
Larry Mondello : My father caught me eating pie in bed.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : We can't just say we're going to be friends. We gotta have an agreement or something.
Larry Mondello : Okay.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : I, Beaver Cleaver, swear to die for Larry Mondello and always stick up for him and never snitch on him and be his friend forever.
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[June has prepared a lovely dinner of barbecued pork ribs]
Ward Cleaver : Well, you boys are very quiet tonight. What are you thinking about?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : I was just thinkin' what I'd do if I was a pig eatin' peoples ribs.
June Cleaver : Beaver, please.
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Wally Cleaver : Beaver... you got crumbs in the butter again. Boy, if there's one thing I can't stand, it's crumbs in the butter.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Sorry Wally. That must have happened when it fell on the floor.
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[Entry in Beaver's diary]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Went to school. Ate lunch. Saw dead cat. Came home.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : I wouldn't wanna do anything to hurt God. He's got enough trouble with the Russians and all.
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[Wally is cutting the Beaver's hair after he "losted" his haircut money]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Are ya' finished yet, Wally?
Wally Cleaver : Well, I don't know if I'm finished, but I think I better stop.
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Wally Cleaver : Boy, Beaver, wait'll the guys find out you were hanging around with a girl. They'll really give you the business.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : But gee, Wally, you hang around with girls and the guys don't give you the business.
Wally Cleaver : Well, that's because I'm in high school. You can do a lot of stuff in high school without getting the business.
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[repeated line]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Gee Wally, that's swell.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : I could use my own money, the twenty-five dollars I got in the bank.
Wally Cleaver : I thought you were saving that to go to college.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Larry says he never heard of a college you could go to for twenty-five dollars.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Hey Wally, how come Dad's taking us out to dinner and a show?
Wally Cleaver : I don't know; I think it's on account of togetherness; like you read about in the magazines. You know, it's supposed to make us a happy family and all that kind of junk.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Couldn't we be a happy family just eatin' in the kitchen?
Wally Cleaver : Na, that's no good. Ya' gotta' go out and show people you're a happy family.
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[Ward is sharing the story of Pandora's Box with the boys]
Ward Cleaver : According to Greek Mythology, she's responsible for all of Man's troubles.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : She must be like Judy Hensler.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : If I had my choice between a three pound bass and a girl, I'd take the three pound bass.
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[Beaver and Larry are having a picnic at Friends Lake]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Hey Larry, how come food tastes better when your eatin' it outside?
Larry Mondello : I don't know. Maybe 'cause if you drop something, nobody's gonna' holler at ya' for gettin' dirt dirty.
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Larry Mondello : That was a great jungle movie, huh Beav?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Yeah, but there was too much kissin' and not enough apes.
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[Wally's in love]
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : What's the matter with you, Wally?
Wally Cleaver : Whatta' you mean what's the matter with me?
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : You look like that time you ate all those rotten eclairs you found in the trash behind the supermarket.
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[Wally and the Beaver are having a talk about girls]
Wally Cleaver : I guess girls stop makin' ya' sick just about the same time baths stop makin' ya' sick.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : How will I know when it happens to me?
Wally Cleaver : Well, one of these days when you're checkin' your own ears for dirt, girls will start lookin' good to ya'.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Boy, I sure wish there was somebody in the family for me to yell at.
Wally Cleaver : That's your tough luck.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : [to Lumpy] Lumpy Dumpy Rat Rat.
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[Richard has lost the three dollars his mother gave him to have the families laundry washed]
Richard Rickover : I wish I was young enough to cry.
Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Yeah, now the only place you can cry is in the movies where it's dark.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Violet Rutherford drinks gutter water.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : [Ward wants to see Beaver in the den] Is Dad mad?
Wally Cleaver : Yeah, but Mom's in there.
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Theodore "Beaver" Cleaver : Cross my heart and hope to spit.
