Kiss Me, Stupid (1964)

Felicia Farr: Zelda

Photos 

Quotes 

• Zelda Spooner : ...Bobby Darin or Elvis.

  Dino : Elvis who?

  Zelda Spooner : I suppose you have never heard of the Beatles either.

  Dino : Oh sure. And I can sing better than all three of them.

  Zelda Spooner : There are four of them!

  Dino : Oh, haven't you heard? One of them got his hair caught in his guitar and was electrocuted.

  Zelda Spooner : You can make jokes about them but they're young and they're popular, while you...

  Dino : What about me?

  Zelda Spooner : Let's face it, you are over the hill.

  Dino : You sure do know how to hurt a fellow.

• Orville J. Spooner : You mean, you were discussing my sex life with another woman and laughing about it?

  Zelda Spooner : What sex life? So you chased her up the bell tower.

  Orville J. Spooner : It just so happens that she chased me.

  Zelda Spooner : What difference does it make? Nobody caught anybody. And anyway, I trust you.

  Orville J. Spooner : You trust me? That's a lousy thing to say about your husband. Don't you think I'm attractive to other women?

  Zelda Spooner : You're attractive to me. So come to bed.

• Barney : Look, Zelda, there are certain things a man cannot ask his wife to do.

  Zelda Spooner : Like what? You mean, now she's gonna drink out of his shoe?

  Barney : Oh, she'll do anything. You see, she's getting twenty-five bucks.

  Zelda Spooner : Twenty-five bucks?

  Barney : It's an all-night job!

  Zelda Spooner : Well, if that doesn't kill him, I will!

• [last lines] 

  Orville J. Spooner : The ring and the song and the car and Dino. How would you? When did she? Why would he?

  Zelda Spooner : Kiss me, stupid.

• Zelda Spooner : You can always get someone to take my place. Who'll know the difference?

• Dino : Look. You don't understand. This is my night off.

  Zelda Spooner : Well, it's my night on.

• Zelda Spooner : I have to go in every three months. Dr. Sheldrake says I have very tender gums.

• Zelda Spooner : Imagine, Dino in person driving down Citrus Avenue!

  Orville J. Spooner : You must be imagining it. It's ridiculous! What would a guy like that be doing in Climax?

• Zelda Spooner : I'm making myself a black chiffon negligee. I just have to put the lace on the collar. I want it to be ready for tonight.

  Orville J. Spooner : You don't need lace on the collar. You don't even need a negligee. And we don't have to wait for tonight. I have no more lessons today and we're all alone in the house. So why don't we...

  Zelda Spooner : In the middle of the afternoon?

  Orville J. Spooner : That's what makes it. The irregularity. That unexpected little twist.

  Zelda Spooner : Orville, have you been reading "Playboy" again?

  Orville J. Spooner : You just relax. I'll be with you in a minute, Lamb Chop.

• Orville J. Spooner : It's today?

  Zelda Spooner : September 30th.

  Orville J. Spooner : I thought it was the 31st.

• Zelda Spooner : [walks into the bathroom in her bra and slip, thinks her husband is in the shower behind the shower curtain, pats his behind]  Hurry up, Playboy.

  [Zelda exits, Dino sticks his head out from behind the shower curtain with a puzzled look on his face] 

• Orville J. Spooner : I got dressed again because I was feeling - chilly.

  Zelda Spooner : You certainly didn't act - chilly.

  Orville J. Spooner : When?

  Zelda Spooner : When I was in the shower. I thought you were going to climb right in with me.

  Orville J. Spooner : You did? I mean, did I?

  Zelda Spooner : We could save a lot of money on our water bill. Hmm?

• Orville J. Spooner : I happen to be their biggest customer.

  Zelda Spooner : You?

  Orville J. Spooner : All those nights when you thought I was at choir practice or bowling or watching color television outside Pringle's, I was *really* at the Belly Button.

  Zelda Spooner : Doing what?

  Orville J. Spooner : Using that cigarette machine, drinking Mary Bloodies, and a lot of other things; but, I'd rather not talk about it, because you'll just get sore and walk out on me.

  Zelda Spooner : What other things?

  Orville J. Spooner : You may think I'm sort of a square, but ask any of those cocktail waitresses there: I - am a swinger.

  Zelda Spooner : Sure you are! I wouldn't have it any other way.