Divorce American Style (1967)

Dick Van Dyke: Richard Harmon

Photos 

Quotes 

• David Grieff : Well now, to the property settlement. I've prepared a list here of major items of community property with some suggestions as to how they may be distributed amongst the parties.

  Richard Harmon : [looking at the list]  Seems to be fair. Split right down the middle. The house to Barbara; the mortgage payments to me. The furnishings, colour TV and piano to Barbara; the monthly payments to me. The insurance benefits to Barbara; the premiums to me. The uranium in our uranium mine to Barbara...

  David Grieff : Uranium mine?

  Richard Harmon : And the shaft to me!

• Nelson Downes : I can imagine how anxious you must be to find the right woman. Your present wife a blonde maybe?

  Richard Harmon : Ya, ya.

  Nelson Downes : Well sir, a nice cool brunette would be just what the doctor ordered.

• Richard Harmon : [speaking to Nelson and Nancy Downes, a divorced couple]  Do you mean to tell me that the courts of this nation will see a man reduced to abject poverty, practically, while his wife goes right along living high on the hog? Huh?

  [Nelson and Nancy shrug] 

  Richard Harmon : No, I don't believe that. Why the devil didn't you ever re-marry?

  Nancy Downes : Economics. I haven't found a man who could afford to care for us as well as Nelson. I said us, Mr. Harmon. I have two daughters. One starts college next year, and the other will begin before the first one finishes. Now, what would you have me tell them? Forget college? Or, would you rather we gave up this house? They grew up in this house, their friends are in this neighborhood, their life, their security is here. Now, do we turn them upside down because their parents couldn't make a go of their marriage? Do we? Look, I know we're spoiled, but it's Nelson's fault. He was too good a provider. I'd love to get him off the hook. I'd like to get off the hook myself. That's why I'm willing to meet the men that he brings over. I'm lonely, Mr. Harmon.