- Dr. Dolittle: I do not understand the human race/Has so little love for creatures with a different face./Treating animals like people is no madness or disgrace./I do not understand the human race.
- Polynesia: I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo and Unicorn.
- Dr. Dolittle: Unicorn?
- Polynesia: I had a classical education.
- Dr. Dolittle: [consulting a medical book] This fellow obviously knows what he's talking about.
- Matthew: Who wrote the book, Doctor?
- Dr. Dolittle: [suddenly realizing] Er... oh, *I* did.
- Emma Fairfax: If I were his nephew instead of his niece...
- Dr. Dolittle: If you were his nephew, you'd hardly be called Emma Fairfax.
- Dr. Dolittle: [talking about learning goldfish] These fish languages, they really only work underwater. It's fascinating! The basic system is mouth movements and bubbles signals. At the moment, I can only make big bubbles and they keep on telling me I'm shouting.
- Emma Fairfax: General Bellowes...
- Dr. Dolittle: He certainly does.
- Emma Fairfax: General Bellowes is my uncle.
- Dr. Dolittle: I'm sorry.
- Emma Fairfax: Is that an apology?
- Dr. Dolittle: I'm sorry he's your uncle.
- Dr. Dolittle: Oh it's from Long Arrow.
- Matthew: Who's he when he's at home?
- Dr. Dolittle: An old friend of mine. He's a Red Indian gentleman.
- Matthew: With a name like "Long Arrow" I didn't think he'd be Irish.
- Dr. Dolittle: Well, it's true/We do not live in a zoo/But Man is an animal too./So why can't you, like me/Like animals?
- Emma Fairfax: What are you trying to say?
- Dr. Dolittle: What?
- Emma Fairfax: I mean, why don't you say what you mean?
- Dr. Dolittle: What do you mean, say what I mean?
- Emma Fairfax: [singing] For a month or more/I have listened and dreamed/While the moon has glistened and a million stars have gleamed/Waiting/
- Dr. Dolittle: Waiting?
- Emma Fairfax: Waiting/
- Dr. Dolittle: What for?
- Emma Fairfax: What for!/For a man I know who is clever and kind/But a man who never, ever seems to know his mind/Waiting/Waiting/Waiting for you to say you like me/Or hate me/Or miss me/Or kiss me/Or something/But nothing!/Nothing do you say at all!/Little wonder I feel sorely/Neglected/Unwanted/Rejected/And small/Little more than two feet tall!
- General Bellowes: [Rufus the dog has just testified to General Bellowes' having had six helping of blackberry pie at dinner] It's not true! I only had *five* helpings of blackberry pie!
- Dr. Dolittle: Did you know that an ant has more intelligence than a hippopotamus? And that a grasshopper, in relation to his size, has more power in his hind legs than a kangaroo. Absolutely, fascinating! There's no doubt about it, animals are much more interesting than people.
- Dr. Dolittle: Oh, look, it's a llama. Come on, boy, Come on, boy. I think he's nervous. Open up the other end and give him a push, Mathew.
- Matthew: [Opens the other end of the shipping crate] There's another one at this end. There's two of them!
- Dr. Dolittle: Two llamas. How thoughtful of somebody. Really, people are awfully nice.
- Tommy Stubbins: What are you going to do with them?
- Matthew: Well, we could make ourselves a couple of nice overcoats, for a start.
- Dr. Dolittle: Come on, boy. Come on, boy.
- Matthew: This way, lad. Come on. That's a good fella.
- Dr. Dolittle: I don't believe it. It can't be! It is! It is!
- Matthew: What? What? What? What? What?
- Dr. Dolittle: It's a Pushmi-pullyu. Look!
- Tommy Stubbins: What do you want us to do? Go to the North Pole?
- Dr. Dolittle: Unfortunately, there isn't time. It isn't pleasant up there.
- Tommy Stubbins: But, the North Pole hasn't been discovered yet?
- Dr. Dolittle: Not officially. And I never say anything about it; because, I promised the polar bears I wouldn't.
- Dr. Dolittle: What are we going to do with her if she stays?
- Emma Fairfax: You make me sound like a stray cat.
- Dr. Dolittle: A cat would be most welcome.
- Emma Fairfax: Well, where are we going?
- Tommy Stubbins: To hunt for the great pink sea snail.
- Emma Fairfax: And where do you expect to find it?
- Dr. Dolittle: I haven't the faintest idea. But, as one place is as good as another, it is high time we decided. Otherwise, when we get there, we won't know we've arrived.
- Matthew: Good thinking, Doctor.
- Dr. Dolittle: We'll play a little game I invented. One of us opens the atlas at random, sticks a pin in the open page, wherever it lands, that's where we go.
- Willie Shakespeare: We've had lots of shipwrecks, of course, being a floating island does tend to make us a bit of a danger to shipping. We bump into lots of things over the years. But, on the credit side, it has enabled us to build a marvelous museum and public library. Books and art treasures from all over the place. Everybody on the island speaks 9 or 10 languages. We even name our children after our favorite authors. That's why my name is William Shakespeare. Oh, due forgive this paraphernalia. We're rehearsing now "The Merchant of Venice" for our Shakespeare drama festival.
- Dr. Dolittle: It must be a near perfect civilization.
- Matthew: Oh, then, what are we doing in prison?
- Willie Shakespeare: Purely a precaution, old boy. A sort of quarantine. You see, most of the white men who have come here in the past, usually started killing people before they've been introduced. Extraordinary.
- Dr. Dolittle: I think I'll start planning my next voyage.
- Emma Fairfax: Where are you going this time? The moon?
- Dr. Dolittle: Very, probably, yes.
- Emma Fairfax: You're not serious?
- Dr. Dolittle: Oh, yes!
- Emma Fairfax: How?
- Dr. Dolittle: On the giant lunar moth! Magnificent creature. He flies backwards and forth every year to the moon. When it reaches one, it is attracted by the light of the other, and flies back again! Willie tells me there's one on the island. Now, my idea is to build some kind of saddle arrangement, very secure, so I don't fall off half way.
- Emma Fairfax: Can I come?
- Matthew: [after the shipwreck when they are locked up on the floating island] You know, bein' is prison is much the same as being on a boat. Except in prison there's less chance of drowning.
- Matthew: [after breaking the Doctor out of prison and escaping by ship] If you ask me, bein' at sea is very much the same as bein' in prison, except at sea ya stand a better chance of drownin'.
- Dr. Dolittle: Good Morning. Me Doctor Dolittle. Search for great pink sea snail. Small boy, late for school. Here, very cold. They all go home "Puddleby," yes?
- Willie Shakespeare: [in perfect English] What a funny accent.
- Dr. Dolittle: If one place is as good as any other, it's high time we decided. Otherwise when we get there, we won't know we've arrived.
- Dr. Dolittle: Tell me, Stubbins... what would you do if you had two heads?
- Tommy Stubbins: I'd join a circus, sir!
- Dr. Dolittle: Exactly.
- Dr. Dolittle: [singing about why he's a vegetarian] I stay away from deviled ham on principle/I wouldn't eat roast duckling if I could/Willpower has made me invincible!/My word, those sausages look good...
- Matthew: It's against me religion to do anything violent at the end of the day. God bless all Irishmen.
- [drinks a swig of whiskey from a flask]
- Tommy Stubbins: I was thinking, that if you sold your fish barrow and I sold my grandfather's watch, we could buy a boat and go to China!
- Matthew: Oh, you're the middle of two ends of a fine fella, Tom, and it's a beautiful proposition. But, don't you see the problem?
- Tommy Stubbins: What's that?
- Matthew: Well, do you speak Chinese?
- Tommy Stubbins: No.
- Matthew: Then if you sell your grandfather's watch and we go to China, how are you going to tell the time?
- Tommy Stubbins: I never thought of that.
- Matthew: Aw, well now, you see, you have to plan ahead! It's very important. I mean, the whole secret of my success with the fish barrow was *years* of planning ahead.
- Tommy Stubbins: Who is John Dolittle?
- Matthew: John Dolittle is the greatest animal doctor in the world today and a close personal friend of Matthew Mugg. Lives right here in Puddleby, he does, out in the Ox and Hog Road.
- Tommy Stubbins: What does he do?
- Matthew: He's a genius, that's what he does. He can talk to animals.
- Tommy Stubbins: Talk to them?
- Matthew: Speaks their language, he does. Just like you and me's chattin' now.
- Matthew: He's altogether a marvelous man. And he understands the Irish. And any man who understands the Irish, can't be reckoned altogether bad.
- [singing]
- Matthew: The same way that a lunatic whose patron saint is Patrick, can't be reckoned altogether mad, The doctor's very smart, He's an Irishman at heart, his favorite color sure it must be green...
- Dr. Dolittle: [to the pig] Gub-Gub, will you please stop making that infernal noise! A few pork sausages and a bit of bacon. The way you're carrying on here, I would think we were cooking your entire family.
- [to the chimpanzee]
- Dr. Dolittle: Chee-Chee make him behave.
- Matthew: I don't know, but, you can hardly blame him for being a bit upset, Doctor. I mean, I'd be a bit upset me-self if you started frying Irishmen.
- Tommy Stubbins: How did you become a veteran?
- Dr. Dolittle: Stubbins, the word is veterinarian. To say, animal doctor, is just pretentious.
- Sarah Dolittle: There are pigeons in the linen cupboard!
- Dr. Dolittle: Oh, yes, I thought it'd be warmer for them.
- Sarah Dolittle: You knew?
- Dr. Dolittle: Yes, I put them there. It gets so terribly chilly in the roof at night.
- Sarah Dolittle: And two tortoises in the guest room!
- Dr. Dolittle: Oh, that's where they are. I wondered where they'd gone to.
- Sarah Dolittle: And white mice in your chest-of-drawers!
- Dr. Dolittle: That's right and the grass snakes are in the roll top desk under the envelopes.
- Sarah Dolittle: Grass snakes!
- Sarah Dolittle: I just don't understand the things that go on around this house with those animals! And we'll probably never see the Vicar's wife again, after giving her that glass of milk with a frog in it.
- Sarah Dolittle: Vicar! What is the problem?
- Vicar: [sneezes] Bless me.
- Sarah Dolittle: How is your frog? I mean, your wife.
- Vicar: Oh, the less said about her, the better! I mean, that incident, most un-unfor-unfor-for-fa-fa-fortunate!
- [sneezes]
- Vicar: Bless me.
- Dr. Dolittle: I've come to the conclusion, with the possible exception of yourself, I have nothing in common with the human race.
- Matthew: You know, the trouble with you Doctor Dolittle, is you prefer animals to people.
- Dr. Dolittle: But, animals are so much more fun than people!
- General Bellowes: There he is. We've caught him red-handed. Emma, you're a witness.
- Dr. Dolittle: A witness to what?
- General Bellowes: The most flagrant display of organized animal stealing in the history of Puddleby crime.
- Dr. Dolittle: Organized? I beg your - ? I'm a doctor, sir.
- General Bellowes: You are a horse thief, sir. That is my plow horse.
- Emma Fairfax: Don't keep interrupting me!
- Dr. Dolittle: I'm sorry. What did you wish to say?
- Emma Fairfax: Oh, I've forgotten!
- Dr. Dolittle: Very well. Furthermore, I would deem it a favor if, in the future, you and your bloodthirsty relatives would avoid coming here and upsetting the animals.
- Emma Fairfax: In any case, I find it hard to believe that a grown man can waste his entire life playing with animals, in the first place.
- Dr. Dolittle: And I, madame, find it equally hard to believe that a grown woman would spend her entire life doing absolutely nothing.
- Emma Fairfax: [singing] It seems a man can be, As rude as he likes, Rude as he likes, Rude as he likes, too. But, a girl must be, Discreet as she can, Sweet as she can, Neat as she can, too. But, that's not the life, I want to lead, Normal and formal and homespun sweet, I need the freedom to go, Where I please...
- Matthew: You should never believe anybody who goes around telling the truth. They're not to be trusted.
- Matthew: [singing] I'm sure, as I told young Tom the other day, he lives in a world of fantasy, And that is a world I plan to see, Fantasy! Can't - you - see? The world is full of beautiful things...