- Nancy: Your attitude is very unhip.
- Harold: My attitude is unhip? Don't give me that. Don't - listen, I'm probably the hippest guy around here. I got a house full of strangers. I got cats, I got dogs, I got pot, I got acid, I got LSD cubes. I've got this thing here. Don't tell me about hip. I am so hip it hurts. That's how hip I am.
- Nancy: It's very unhip to say you're hip, Harold.
- Harold: And it's very unhip of you to tell me that I am unhip.
- Guru: Who are you? Do you know who you are?
- Harold Fine: I'm trying. Guru, I'm really trying.
- Guru: When you stop trying, then you'll know who you are.
- Harold Fine: Well, I - I'm trying to stop trying.
- Harold Fine: There's nothing about Warhol in here.
- Nancy: You know, Herbie said it's the best picture he's ever made.
- Harold Fine: Who's in it?
- Nancy: Nobody. Just teeth.
- Harold Fine: Just teeth? Whose teeth?
- Nancy: You know, teeth. Animal teeth, insect teeth, false teeth. Just shots of teeth.
- Harold Fine: Oh, what a fantastic idea. What an incredible conception. Teeth, teeth and yet more teeth. Wow! - - Teeth!
- Mrs. Fine: What is this? Who is this? What is this? Is this one of your new friends? Shame on you. Go on a diet!
- Crying hippie: All I eat is grass and acid.
- Harold Fine: Well, take the fakakta feather out of your hair and wash the stupid paint off your face!
- [first lines]
- Guru: "Flower in the crannied wall, I pluck you out of the crannies, I hold you here, root and all, in my hand, Little flower, But if I could understand, What you are, root and all, and all in all, I should know what God and man is."
- Hippie Girl: Beautiful. Is that Ginsberg?
- Guru: No, Tennyson. "But if I could understand, What you are, root and all, and all in all, I should know what God and man is." So, to know God, to know man, you first have to know what a flower is. A flower. But how can you know what a flower is, unless you know who you are? Who are you? Do you know who you are?
- Guru: We must find a way to send our love messages to them before it's too late. We must turn them on to love. Send them love flowers. Turn them into love junkies. We must hug and kiss them in the streets, in their houses, in their offices, in their minds.
- Joyce: Do you know what happened this time?
- Harold Fine: What?
- Joyce: The earth moved for me. Like in Hemingway. Did the earth move for you?
- Harold Fine: No, I don't think so.
- Joyce: I didn't satisfy you?
- Harold Fine: Of course you satisfied me. It was just that the earth didn't move this time, that's all.
- Joyce: But it has moved in the past?
- Harold Fine: Oh, Joyce, you know, many times, many times.
- Guru: We must psychedelicize their impoverished dreams. Teach them how to live again. Make them stop playing the ego game. Teach them how to die so that they can be born again. So that they can become a flower again.
- Joyce: Harold, you could move if you wanted to move because man is the master of his own existence. You're afraid. You are afraid to move, Harold. Now, look, Harold. Harold, I have made my commitment to you. I have given you my mind - and my body.
- Joyce: One thing, is all I wanna know.
- Harold Fine: What?
- Joyce: What? Am I going to be your wife, or am I going to continue to be your concubine?
- Mechanic: I can let you use this until we fix you up.
- Harold Fine: You sure this is all you have?
- Mechanic: Yep. Belongs to my kid. He was supposed to take the night shift. Big shot ran off to San Francisco with a colored girl. My wife's going crazy.
- Herbie: You okay, kid?
- Harold Fine: I'm fine.
- Herbie: You've got that look.
- Harold Fine: What look?
- Herbie: You know, when you get fakakta.
- Harold Fine: Joyce and I are getting married Labor Day.
- Harold Fine: I'm glad you're coming to the funeral. It's gonna make Mama very happy.
- Herbie: Hey, I'm going to the funeral because it's making me happy. A funeral is a happy thing, Harold. In death, there is always rebirth.
- Murray: He's just a kid. It's a stage. When I was at NYU Law, I lived in Greenwich Village. Hippies. Used to be beatniks. I saw those kids. It's an act of rebellion.
- Harold Fine: I hope that's all it is.
- Murray: He's probably got a different girl every night. I should have it so bad.
- Murray: [watching a girl in white boots and a purple mini-skirt get out of a car] Look at that. Look at that one. Unbelievable! Oh, my darling, a year's salary for 10 minutes.
- Murray: [watching two girls in short white tennis outfits] Oh, my God. Oh, I'd like to lily your lollies. Oh, where do they come from? What do they want from me?
- Harold Fine: Can't you stop for a second, Murray?
- Murray: When they stop, I'll stop. They know you're looking at them, driving you crazy, and they love it.
- Harold Fine: How can you tell me how beautiful marriage is when you mentally rape every woman who passes by?
- Murray: What has my looking have to do with my marriage?
- Nancy: What a beautiful day for a funeral. Mars and Neptune are at the 10th angle. You're lucky. And Mr. Foley's lucky because by tomorrow Saturn starts ingressing into Aries.
- Harold Fine: What? What? What are you trying to do to me, kill your mother?
- Herbie: I'm wearing the traditional burial outfit of the Hopi Indians. It's beautiful.
- Harold Fine: Foley was a Catholic, not an Indian.
- Nancy: Is this interesting?
- Harold Fine: What's that?
- Nancy: "Sexual Aberrations in the Human Male."
- Harold Fine: Well, Interesting? My first year out of law school, I did research for a firm that was defending a homosexual. A very prominent man.
- Nancy: Did he get off?
- Harold Fine: Fortunately, yes.
- Nancy: What's a shoe fetishist?
- Harold Fine: A shoe fetishist? Well, generally speaking, a shoe fetishist is a person who has a sexual problem in relation to shoes. Boots and shoes, you know.
- Nancy: That's illegal?
- Harold Fine: In public it is, yes. It's a perversion.
- Nancy: Next step, they'll be taking teddy bears away from babies.
- Harold Fine: [stopping in his car] Where's Herbie?
- Nancy: Herbie met Love Lady.
- Harold Fine: What, and he just left you alone like that? Don't you know it's dangerous to hitch by yourself out here at night? There are sex maniacs driving in cars. Perverts. I see them in court every day, believe me.
- Joyce: Harold? I didn't see you all day.
- Harold Fine: Well, I was very tired after the funeral, you know.
- [Joyce kisses Harold]
- Harold Fine: My mother's in there.
- Joyce: Oh, let's live dangerously, huh?
- Mrs. Fine: [from the other room] Plenty of time for that after the wedding.
- Harold Fine: I told you so.
- Joyce: Look, I found some brownies.
- Father: They look fresh baked.
- Mrs. Fine: Do you have saccharine, Harold?
- Joyce: Oh, I have some in my purse.
- Joyce: Oh, you're a darling. Thank you. Well, looks like a nice brownie, Harold. From Rubins?
- Harold Fine: I don't remember. A small bakery on Fairfax.
- Mrs. Fine: Mmm. Mmm. Better than Rubins.
- Father: Better than Rubins? That's a brownie!
- Joyce: This is delicious.
- Harold Fine: Mmm. They're very good. They're - they're groovy.
- Harold Fine: I came to thank you for the brownies.
- Nancy: You're welcome.
- Harold Fine: I came to see you.
- Nancy: Groovy.
- Harold Fine: Yeah. Groovy.
- Harold Fine: You should've told me what was in those brownies.
- Nancy: Thank Alice B. Toklas. It's her recipe.
- Harold Fine: Yeah?
- Nancy: She wrote a freaky cookbook.
- Harold Fine: And she turned my parents into junkies.
- Nancy: She did?
- Harold Fine: Oh, yeah.
- Nancy: Can I help you, sir?
- Man in Dress Shop: Yes. I'd like to see something in a minidress. Something lightweight.
- Nancy: These just came in. What size does she wear?
- Man in Dress Shop: It's for me.
- Guru: It's not in there. There's nothing to find in there. There are no people there, only machines. Garbage-disposing machines, dishwashing machines, television machines being watched by people machines. We have left the machine. And by so doing, we are opting for survival.
- Guru: I'm reminded of the story of a holy man in India. One afternoon, Siddhartha returned from a nearby village, and he had gained an insight how the excretory force had to be reversed, actually, so that the relationship of the apana, the excretory energy to this basic contraction of the hatha yoga. One must never overlook the importance of the control of the excretory energy. The Mula Bandha, which had puzzled him for years the root contraction, famous heart of the hatha yoga had opened as a new wave.
- Harold Fine: Oh, my God, I gotta be real. Kiss me. Kiss my eyes. Kiss my neck. Kiss my ankh.
- Nancy: You sure?
- Harold Fine: Yes. Kiss it. Kiss my ankh. Kiss it now.
- Harold Fine: Do you know where you're going? Do you know who you are, where you are? Flower in the crannied walls, I pluck you out of the crannies...
- 1st Patrolman: Oh, pluck yourself, Jack. Why don't you get a haircut?
- Joyce: You know, Murray, I've been thinking. This may sound silly to you, but maybe what I should do is go to one of those computer mating places. Where you just fill out a form, then they handle the whole thing impersonally. Now, what do you think?
- Murray: Totally wrong.
- Joyce: Totally wrong?
- Murray: In my opinion, you have just gotten over a long-term engagement. What you need now is a nice, hot affair. Forget the intellect. Enjoy yourself. Have some sex.
- Joyce: I'm gonna keep my eyes open.
- Harold Fine: Nancy, you know I don't like you to hitch.
- Nancy: Don't get uptight, Harold.
- Harold Fine: I'm not getting uptight. I just don't like you to hitch, that's all. Anyway, if you get a hitch, get a hitch from a lady. Make sure she's not a dyke!
- Mrs. Fine: So how's the family?
- Gas Station Attendant: Well, to tell you the truth, Mrs. Fine, l've been having a little trouble with my daughter.
- Mrs. Fine: Why? What's the matter?
- Gas Station Attendant: Well, about a month ago she ran off to San Francisco with a white boy. My wife's going crazy.
- Crying Hippie's Wife: [reading from Timothy Leary's "The Psychedelic Experience"] "That which is called ego-death is coming to you. Remember, this is now the hour of death and rebirth. Take advantage of this temporary opportunity to obtain the perfect state, enlightenment. Concentrate on the unity of all living beings. Hold onto the clear light. Use it to attain understanding and love. If you cannot maintain the bliss of illumination and if you are slipping back into contact with the external world"
- Herbie: Very, very, very groovy scene.
- Harold Fine: Yeah, groovy. Yeah. Yeah, very groovy, yeah. Yeah, this is really groovy. Groovy. This is groovy.
- Mrs. Fine: Oh, brownies!
- Harold Fine: Hey, don't eat those, Ma. They're Alice B. Toklas brownies.
- Mrs. Fine: I love you, Alice B. Toklas! Who is Alice B. Toklas?
- Harold Fine: Gertrude Stein's friend.
- Mrs. Fine: Oh, yeah, Gertrude Stein. She used to live on Oakwood.
- [last lines]
- Hippie on Sidewalk: Hey, where are you going, man?
- Harold Fine: I don't know. I don't know! I don't know and I don't care! I don't care! But there's gotta be something beautiful out there! There's got to be. I know it! Hey! Hey, I know it!
- Harold: Where are you going?
- Nancy: The funeral.
- Harold: But you've never met Mr. Foley.
- Nancy: But I've never been to a funeral.
- Harold: We are not going to the Ice Capades! A man! A man, a human being, is being buried under the ground.
- Nancy: But that can be a beautiful experience, and I want to experience everything that's beautiful.
- Harold: I'm going crazy.
- Mrs. Fine: [weeping] 61 years old and they took him!
- Harold Fine: [breaking down] My father! My poor sweet father!
- Mrs. Fine: [bewildered] What father? No, Mr. Foley. Ed Foley the butcher. He had a coronary.
- Harold Fine: [enraged] What are you're trying to do to me? You tell me a 61 year old man has just died! I thought it was Papa!
- Mrs. Fine: Harold, you'll come to the funeral? And bring your brother. Bring Herbie.
- Harold Fine: I don't know where Herbie is. I haven't seen him in 3 months.
- Mrs. Fine: Herbie! He's with the bums in Venice.
- Harold Fine: Pardon me, but did you just say you knew Mr. Foley?
- Nancy: No, Herbie told me and he sounds like a beautiful man. He picked Herbie up in his arms and he breathed life into him. It's a beautiful thing to do.
- Harold Fine: Wait a minute. What are you talking about?
- Nancy: When Herbie fell off the stool, when your folks had the candy store in Boyle Heights. He saved Herbie's life.
- Harold Fine: He saved my life!
- Nancy: You too?