- [first lines]
- Gidget Lawrence: Well, there it is. The United Nations. One of humanities nobelist achievements. And here am I, Gidget Lawrence. Currently one of humanities most miserable misfits.
- Gidget Lawrence: After two psyched out years as an exchange student, first in Italy and then in France, little ole prodigal me, returns to California - where I belong, to the people I belong to - like my dad, and the surfing hot shots and wahinis.
- Bibi Crosby: Now, let's start with the basics. Be punctual - or else. Somebody get that door. Uniforms are to be neat and clean and pressed. Plain shoes. No jewelry. No dark glasses. Stockings to be worn at all times. When you're in uniform, you represent the United Nations. Do it with tact, dignity and pride!
- Gidget Lawrence: [voice over] Jeff wanted us to do something different, memorable. I'd have settled for just sitting quietly, looking at him.
- Gidget Lawrence: Did you get my letters?
- Moondoggie Griffith: You bet your Crêpes Suzettes, I got 'em. They were so racy, I let my subscription to Playboy expire.
- Moondoggie Griffith: These Greenlanders are the friendliest people in the world. Why, they share everything, including wives, daughters.
- Minnie Chan: Hi, I'm Minerva Chan. Everyone calls me Minnie.
- Gidget Lawrence: I'm Francis Lawrence. Everyone calls me Gidget.
- Gidget Lawrence: You speak very good English.
- Minnie Chan: Why not? I'm from Reading, Pennsylvania.
- Gidget Lawrence: Oh? I thought you you were Chinese?
- Minnie Chan: I am Chinese - American style.
- Minnie Chan: I'm kinda scared.
- Gidget Lawrence: Me too.
- Minnie Chan: Glad to hear it. Two of the same opinion can conquer a city.
- Gidget Lawrence: Confucius.
- Minnie Chan: Fortune cookie! My dad has a factory in Reading that makes fortune cookies.
- Gidget Lawrence: Really?
- Minnie Chan: One jokes only when one is most serious.
- Louis B. Latimer: I am not interested in subscribing to an underground newspaper, donating to indigent pygmies, nor buying a plastic covered tea cosy on the installment plan.
- Gidget Lawrence: This isn't an apartment, it's a shrine.
- Louis B. Latimer: That's true. I'm not looking for a tenant, but a keeper of the flame.
- Gidget Lawrence: What a privilege! A sacred trust.
- Louis B. Latimer: The rent is 185 a month.
- Louis B. Latimer: Look at her. Was there ever anyone to match her? Even her name is pure poetry. Helen Twelvetrees.
- Gidget Lawrence: [voice over] At the United Nations, Bibi is really laying it on us. A piece of lint on your jacket and you feel like Benedict Arnold.
- [Bibi brushes lint off of Gidget's breast]
- Gidget Lawrence: A skirt, half a millimeter too short and it's an international incident.
- Katrina Lund: I'm giving a little party tonight for all you greenhorns. I think if you'd like to come, it would be nice.
- Alex MacLaughlin: Where did you two meet?
- Katrina Lund: At the Air Force Base in Greenland.
- Moondoggie Griffith: Katrina and some other girls flew up to entertain us troops.
- Katrina Lund: Those poor boys. So hungry!
- Gidget Lawrence: Hungry?
- Katrina Lund: Ya, for entertainment.
- Gidget Lawrence: While your busy rubbing noses with the Eskimos, Alex is helping people learn how to grow their own food so their children don't starve to death!
- Gidget Lawrence: I'm sorry. What a gooney bird! A knight rescues a damsel in distress and all she does is rave about the dragon.
- Alex MacLaughlin: Feelings between men and women, boys and girls, are very difficult to talk about because they're so fleeting. So fragile. Just like butterflies. You let them go free and they're beautiful. But, try to catch them, hold on to them, they die.
- Alex MacLaughlin: Certain people when they meet, sense that there is something to share and if they're wise, they'll share it and they're the richer for it. But, once the feeling begins to fade, that is the time to let go. Oh, I know that letting go can be painful. But, hanging onto emptiness can be worse. So, you let go there, you reach out here.
- Gidget Lawrence: It's hopeless. My subconscious has a trickier defense system than Fort Knox. I better go.
- Gidget Lawrence: [voice over] Abdul swept down on a cute little guide from Iraq. She had no problem at all adjusting to Abdul's oil wells or being number 12 in that happy harem.
- Louis B. Latimer: [in costume] No, this is not the Playboy Club. I'm just off to do my Easter Bunny routine at the Head Start Center.
- Russ Lawrence: English, huh?
- Gidget Lawrence: Australian. But, he studied in England and then in the United States.
- Russ Lawrence: Seems like a nice fellow.
- Gidget Lawrence: Oh, Alex is dinkum! - It's Australian for tops!
- Russ Lawrence: What do you hear from Moondoggie?
- Gidget Lawrence: Well, when last heard from, he was correlating his research on the sex habits of the Eskimos.
- Moondoggie Griffith: Maybe you haven't noticed, Professor, but it's not like it's me and Gidget on a desert island someplace. I mean, the world is full of people - and more than half of them are girls.