John G. Avildsen, best known for directing "Joe," "Save the Tiger," and "Rocky," pokes fun at the formulaic private eye genre with his tawdry little comedy "Cry, Uncle," that skewers the shenanigans of the sleaziest private eye in cinematic history. Avildsen's protagonist Jake Masters qualifies as the most libidinous and pusillanimous character to come along in ages. Mind you, "Cry, Uncle" doesn't make allowances for all tastes. If full frontal female nudity as well as fellatio and necrophilia offend you, you should refrain from ogling this epic. The dialogue ripples with sexually risqué material, but Avildsen always keeps things amusing and lightweight. Compared with Robert Altman's better known spoof of private eye conventions in the 1973 Elliot Gould movie "The Long Goodbye," "Cry, Uncle" emerges as the more trenchant with its conspicuous but casual depiction of sex and its relentless ridiculing of its hero.
"Cry Uncle" opens with a narrator summarizing the story: "Somewhere on New York City's waterfront, private investigator Jacob Masters is about to take on the most bizarre murder case of his career, a case that will test the limits of his stamina, resourcefulness, and endurance." The compelling voice belongs to Jackson Beck. He voiced Bluto in dozens of "Popeye" cartoons as well as Lex Luthor in the Saturday morning TV series "The Batman and Superman Hour." The camera pans the cabin of a cruise ship where we first encounter Jake Masters. We see a beautiful woman's breasts bouncing as she experiences incredible sex with an individual framed off camera. The woman croons in ecstasy at the hero's lovemaking exertions until the telephone interrupts them. Jake lives up to the usual description of private eyes. He is an obese, obnoxious, sexist, low-life that wears his hat and T-shirt to bed when he mounts a dame. Jake pauses long enough from humping to hear his young nephew inform him that wealthy Jason Dominic (David Kirk of "Putney Swope") is going to pay him $5-thousand dollars to handle an important case.
It seems that the N.Y.P.D. believes that millionaire Dominic iced a cocktail waitress. Jake goes out to La Guardia Airport to pick up a dame in a black outfit with a green scarf and red hair. Scrambling to dress as he backs out of his girlfriend's cruise cabin, Jake bids her a fond farewell. After Jake's departure, she reaches over the side of the bed and retrieves a patriotic red, white, and blue Uncle Sam vibrator and resumes having sex. Avildsen cuts from the girl and her vibrator to a long shot of several water fountains spewing geysers. Hah! Although it doesn't foreshadow everything that it occurs in "Cry, Uncle," this scene provides the sweetly salacious tone for what remains.
At the airport, Jake runs into a lunatic that answers the description of the dame that his nephew gave him. The N.Y.P.D. brings in Jake for questioning about molesting this woman. Actually, Jake startled her, and she spilled coffee on her blouse. Frantically, Jake tried to blot out the coffee. and the dame started screaming. Later, we learn that this girl is crazy and there after in the police station, Jake's nephew Keith (Devin Goldenberg of "Savage Weekend") shows up with the real woman, Cora Merrill (Madeleine Le Roux of "Behind Locked Doors"), with a red wig in her hand. The investigating uniform cop (Paul Sorvino of "Nixon" in a cameo) spends most of his time ensconced behind a desk coughing up his lungs from what he suspects is the wrong brand of cigarette. He releases Jake and Keith, Cora, and our hero ride out to Dominic's yacht.
Bathrobe-clad Dominic hires Jake to discover who killed Lucille Reynolds. The police suspect that Dominic killed her because she lensed a porno movie of his orgy with three cockamamie whores. Dominic shouts into Jake's ears: "She was blackmailing me; she had me by the balls!" He seizes Jake by the genitals and our surprised hero's eyes bulge. Dominic shelled out $50-thousand dollars in blackmail money, but he describes it merely as 'cigarette money.' Jake assures the horny nabob that the porno movie is so tame that it could be exhibited in a neighborhood theatre. The actual porno film itself is nothing more than the negative version of the sex act and it mercilessly ridicules Dominic's stuck-up character. Earlier, Dominic categorized humanity into two groups: those who f*#&k and those who get f*#&ked. Jake's finest moment has him asking Dominic to which category does he belong as the millionaire wallows in the arms and lips of the $500 dollar prostitutes.
When Jake tries to get the film developed so that he can track down the whores, Dominic refuses because he fears that Jake may blackmail him, too. Jake's nephew convinces Dominic that one frame of the celluloid with his face scratched out will suffice to identification purposes. Dominic demands that Keith scratch out his genitals for fear that somebody might recognize his schlong.
Jake tracks down a suspect, Connie, to a fleabag hotel where he finds her sprawled on the bed in the buff. Initially, he thinks that she has passed out, so he takes advantage of her, little realizing that she has been shot in the head and is dead. This audacious scene predates a similar scene in Larry Clark's "Kids" when a teen makes out with an unconscious girl.
Allen Garfield is great as the grimy, overweight gumshoe. Black character actor Mel Stuart utters the best line of dialogue in the movie when his police character, Lieutenant Fowler, tells Jake: "The first rule you learn in the police academy is don't f*&%k them if they stop breathing." Director John G. Avildsen emphasizes realism with his on-location lensing in New York City's grimy environs. Not only did Avildsen serve as the cinematographer, but he also edited this movie. "Cry, Uncle" is a gritty gem of a classic with Lloyd Kaufman of TROMA fame listed in the opening credits as the production manager.
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