Children Shouldn't Play with Dead Things (1972)

Alan Ormsby: Alan

Photos 

Quotes 

• Terry : Gee, Mr. Wizard, how do you get the litmus paper to turn blue?

  Alan : The same way I get the egg into the Coke bottle, bitch.

• Alan : Say, um, Paul, I was thinking - since, um, Terry is a new member of the company, sort of coming into her theatrical puberty, so to speak, I just might have to invoke the rule of primal juncture.

  Paul : Primal juncture, what's that?

  Terry : It means he gets to make it with me first. Sort of like the slave master breaking in all the new virgins, right?

  Alan : Crudely put, but basically accurate. Well, Paul?

  Paul : Well, you'll have to ask the virgin.

  Terry : You're about 10 years too late. I lost it when I was a Brownie, to an Eagle Scout.

  Alan : Oh, really?

  Terry : Scout's honor!

  Alan : Uh, how many merits does an Eagle Scout get for seducing a Brownie?

  Terry : I don't know, you'll have to check that in your Boy Scout Manual, under "Things to Do in the Woods".

  Alan : Clever girl.

• Alan : Man is a machine that manufactures manure.

• Paul : You mean this whole thing was a gag?

  Alan : No, these are a couple of real ghouls! They've just had a change of heart!

  Emerson : Yeah, we're trying to go straight!

• Alan : [to Orville's corpse]  I'm gonna take your scraps and feed them to my dog.

• Alan : Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

• Alan : Silence! The magnitude of your simplitude overwhelms me!