The Ruling Class (1972)

Peter O'Toole: Jack 14th Earl of Gurney

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Quotes 

• Lady Claire Gurney : How do you know you're God?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Simple. When I pray to Him, I find I am talking to myself.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : [Awakening in the morning on the giant cross where he sleeps at night]  My heart rises with the sun. I'm purged of doubts and negative innuendos. Today I want to bless everything. Bless the crawfish with it's scuttling walk. Bless the trout, pilchard and periwinkle. Bless Ted Smoothey of 22 East Hackney Road. Bless the mealy redpole, the black-gloved wallaby and W.C. Fields, who is dead but lives on. Bless the snotty-nosed giraffe. Bless the buffalo. Bless the Society of Women Engineers. Bless the pygmy hippy. Bless the mighty cockroach.

  [shouts] 

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Bless me. Today is my wedding day!

  [He leaps off the cross] 

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : For what I am about to receive, may I make myself truly thankful.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Behaviour which would be considered insanity in a tradesman is looked upon as mild eccentricity in a lord.

• Sir Charles : We're just talking about you and the subject of marriage. We think you should take a wife.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Who from?

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : If I had only known then who I was now.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Join me for a constitutional before lunch, Mr. Tucker.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : [to others] 

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Enjoy yourselves while I'm gone. Relax. Have sex.

  Lady Claire Gurney : [shocked]  My... GOD!

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : [peeping in as if he had been called back]  Yes?

• Mrs. Piggot-Jones : [screams as she sees Jack's giant cross]  Oh! What is it?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : A watusi walking stick! Big people, the watusi!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Surely you pray for love and understanding?

  Lady Claire Gurney : Every night...

  Lady Claire Gurney : [glancing pointedly at her husband]  ... without success.

• Sir Charles : [exasperated, after meeting Jack]  Oh, my God!

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : [ducking back into the room after hearing Charles]  Yes?

• Lady Claire Gurney : How did it happen? How did you come to be in this state?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Like every prophet I saw visions, I heard voices, I ran. The voices of Saint Frances, Socrates, General Gordon, and Timothy Leary, they all told me I was God. It was Sunday, August the 5th, at 3:32.

• Sir Charles : There are certain matters to do with the estate that need clearing up. Nothing important. Just need your signature. Gives me power to handle odd things.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Of course, Uncle.

  Sir Charles : There's no need to read it. Just take my word.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I take your word. I put on my glasses because I feel cold. Where do I sign?

  Sir Charles : Just there. Excellent, excellent. Easily done, eh?

  [reading the signature] 

  Sir Charles : "I, the undersigned, Mycroft Holmes?" Who's Mycroft Holmes?

  Tucker : Brother of Sherlock Holmes, you illiterate oaf.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I stand outside myself, watching myself watching myself. I smile, I smile, I smile.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Anything you care for? The Grand Canyon? A disused banana factory? Absolution?

  Grace : A white wedding.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Will Tuesday suit you?

  Grace : You deserve a big kiss.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Not here in the garden. Last time I was kissed in a garden, it turned out rather awkward.

  Grace : Oh, but Judas was a man.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Yes. Strange business.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Anything you care for? The Grand Canyon? A disused banana factory? Absolution?

  Grace : A white wedding.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Would next Tuesday suit you?

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Britain - a fly-blown speck in the North Sea. You can't kick the natives in the back streets of Calcutta anymore.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Don't forget. Apart from being God, Christ and the Holy Ghost, I'm also an L.O.B., D.F.C. And A.D.C. You're dealing with the big one!

• Grace : Are you ready for them?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Are they ready for me, Madam?

• Grace : You're more than just cured, Jack. You've got that something extra - what we call star quality.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : It will be a triumphant climax.

  Grace : Talking of climaxes, you were a lot more loving when you were potty.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : My noble lords, the strong must manipulate the weak! That's the first law of the universe. The hard survive, the soft quickly turn to corruption. This is a call to greatness! Approach this day out to battle against your enemies. Let not your hearts faint, fear not and do not tremble, neither be ye terrified because of them. For the Lord your God is He that goeth with you - to fight for you against your enemies to save you. And mine eyes shall not spare, neither will I have pity. I will recompense them according to their ways and their abominations that are in the midst of them. And they shall know that I am the lord that smiteth!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I take your word for it; I put on my glasses because I feel cold.

• Sir Charles : It's out of the question!

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Who asked you a question? Did you ask him a question? Nobody asked a question, so I'll ask a question: Who's the head of the Gurney household?

  Sir Charles : You are, Jack.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Then don't let me hear you answering unasked questions again!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I was only trying to do what's expected me. I recall as a sign of normalcy in our circle to slaughter anything that moves.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I can't marry a second time.

  Lady Claire Gurney : You're already married?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : August 28, in the year of me, 1964.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Your job's done, Herr Doctor. I'm adjusted. I brush my teeth twice daily and smile.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : [to Grace]  I take thee, Marguerite, called Grace Shelley because she doesn't speak French, to be my wedded wife.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : [about competing lunatic]  You're trying to split my mind with his tongue.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Sometimes God turns His back on His people and breaks wind. And the stench clouds the globe!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Plotting is a word I put into my galvanized pressure cooker.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : A prayer should rise up like incense. A prayer is an act of faith and union. To pray means to ask, to beg, to plead. A prayer is a message to heaven. You are talking directly to God. Express your desires freely. Don't be afraid. I know them already. For I am the creator and ruler of the universe. Khoda, the one supreme being and infinite personal being. Yahweh, Shangri-Ti and EI, the First Immoveable Mover, yea, I am the Absolute, Unknowable, Righteous, Eternal, the Lord of Hosts, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, the Father, Son and Holy Ghost, the One True God, the God of love, the Christ!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : If I saw a man eating grass, I'd say he was hungry.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Whroom! I'm always thinking so fast. Whroom! Space and time exist only within the walls of my brain. Whroom! What I'm trying to say - is if the words sound queer or funny to your ear, a little bit jumbled up and jivey, sing mares eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy. Ivy, ivy? Who's Ivy? I've - I, I - For I'm the Lord Jesus come again in my own body - to heal the sick, the troubled and the ignorant. I am he that liveth, and behold, I am alive for everyone.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Is everybody happy? Now hear this. I come to proclaim the new dispensation. The gospel dispensation promised only salvation to the soul. The new dispensation gives it to the body as well. Jesus Christ - Mark 1 - suffered to redeem the spirit to let the body separate it from God. So Satan found the place in man and formed in him a false love, a love of self. Explode! Only feel. Love can sin no more. Most anything you touch, see and feel glorifies my love. Top hat is my miter, and the walking stick my rod.

• Lady Claire Gurney : How did you come to be in this state of grace?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Like every prophet, I saw visions, heard voices, I ran. The voices of St. Francis, Socrates, General Gordon and Timothy O'Leary - all told me I was God.

• Lady Claire Gurney : What does it feel like to be God?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Like a river flowing everywhere. I pick up a newspaper, and I'm everywhere - conducting a summit conference, dying of hunger in a Peruvian gutter, accepting the Nobel Prize for literature, raping a nun in Sumatra. Under this protective outer shell - I'm God-filled.

• Lady Claire Gurney : What should we call you then?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Any of the nine billion names of God. Your Lordship will do, or J.C., Eric, Bert, Barney Entwistle. I know exactly who I am.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : His body sleeps, but his divinity is always watching.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Tell me, ladies, what do I do at this gala opening of yours? Do I charm bracelets, swing lead, break wind, pass water?

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Ladies, I've decided to begin my second ministry at your gathering. Last time I preached the Word in holy Galilee, I spoke in parables. Mistake! Now I must speak plain. God is love.

  Mrs. Pamela Treadwell : Love?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Love. As water is wet, as jade is hard, as bread is life! So God is love. Mrs. Pamela Treadwell, can you love? Can your blood bubble, flesh melt, thighs twitch, heart burst for love?

  Mrs. Pamela Treadwell : Your Lordship, I'm a married woman.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Remember the commandment I gave you: "Love one another as I love you!"

  Mrs. Piggot-Jones : Stay back! My husband is a master of hounds!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Ladies, come back. I'll fill your bodies!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Oh, I'm happy. I'm the sunshine man! A driver of A gravy train. Choo, choo, choo. It's so simple for me. Paradise is just a smiling face.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Stop! You're making me a stunted dwarf, a deformed midget, a crippled newt!

  Dinsdale Gurney : What are you doing down there?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : It's your negative "insinuendos."

  Dinsdale Gurney : Insinuendo?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Insinuendo is insinuation towards innuendo, brought on by increased negativism out of a negative reaction to your father's positivism.

  Dinsdale Gurney : I don't know what the devil you're going on about, but I resent your attitude.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : One minute silence, please.

  Sir Charles : What for?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : For all the dead books of World War I. For Mr. Moto, Cisco Kid and me. Muffle the drums, silence. Shh!

• Bishop Bertie Lampton : Wilt thou, wilt thou take this woman to thy wedded wife, to live together i-i-in holy wedlock under God's ordinance? W- W-Wilt thou love her?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : From the bottom of my soul to the tip of my penis. Like the sun in its brightness, the moon in its glory, no breeze stirs that doesn't bear my love.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Dignity has nothing to do with divinity.

• Grace : I just didn't expect to see my husband riding a three-wheeled bike on his wedding night.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : It's the only way to travel. Remember, God loves you. God wants you. God needs you. Come to me.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I have shaken the silver gong of the universe. Bong! Oh, Grace, it's hard. Love is my theme, and it frightens them, happiness my gift, and they run. I try to tie the air in knots and make mountains out of water.

  Grace : It's hopeless, darling.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : That's not a word in love's lexicon. We'll hear the voice of the turtle throughout the land. Yes. Clop, clop, clop.

• Dr. Herder : What does that look like? Is it a dragon? A spider? What does it remind you of?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : God.

  Dr. Herder : And this?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : God. Everything that is or ever shall be reminds me of me.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : The red peacock is a moth which only lives two days. With no mouth to eat or drink, it flies miles to love, breed and die. Consider a life of love without one selfish act!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : When I r-r-r-r-relax. Overall impression of superiority and volatile - Farts! Whoredoms! Bloody network! Hold, sir. Hold, hold, hold.

  Lady Claire Gurney : How do you feel, Jack?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Lazarus felt like I feel. Odor of dung. Liquid, straight, unstable. Back, sir. Back, back, back. Be patient. I'll learn the rules of the game.

• Grace : Don't stay out too long, Jack.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Just want to get the feel of terra firma. I must learn to keep my mouth shut, bowels open and never volunteer.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I went round saying, "God loves you. Loves you." I'm sorry there, Truscott. Embarrassing for a chap to remember what a spectacle he's made of himself, you know.

• Kelso Truscott : Is there anything you feel strongly about, my lord?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : My w-w-w-wasted years. I woke up the other morning with grey hairs. Grey hairs and duty neglected. Our country is being destroyed. You're mocked in the Strand if you talk of patriotism and the old queen. Discipline's gone. They're sapping the foundations of our society with their adultery and fornication! The barbarians are waiting outside with chaos, anarchy, homosexuality and worse!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Deformed, unfinished, sent before my time... into this breeding world. I'm cured of fantasy obsessions, paranoid delusions, I master words. L... Straighten up there. Am... Close up with "I," you horrible, little word. God. I am God. Not the god of love, but God Almighty. I massacred the Amalekites and the Seven Nations of Canaan. I hacked Agag to pieces and blasted the barren fig tree, for the day of vengeance is in my heart. You lunar jackass, she betrayed you... guilty, guilty, guilty. The punishment is death. I've finally been processed. They made me adjust... to modern times.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I'm Jack. Cunning Jack. Quiet Jack. Jack whose sword never sleeps. Hats off, I'm Jack. Not the good shepherd. Not the prince of peace. I'm red Jack, spring-heeled Jack. Jack from hell. Trade name: Jack the Ripper. Mary, Annie, Elizabeth, Catherine, Alice, Marie Kelly.

  [sings] 

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Six little whores, glad to be alive. One sidles up to Jack and then there are five.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Let's have no talk of bestial orgasms, erotic tonguings. It burns high-voltage holes in the brain. It's been proved in oscillographs.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : The hangman holds our society together. He is the symbol of the great chastiser. He built this world on punishment and fear. Snuff out fear and see what follows. Sons strike their doddering dads. Young girls show their ankles and bosoms and say rude things about the Queen. Anything goes, and they do it openly in the street and frighten the horses!

  Mrs. Piggot-Jones : It's the times. What can we do about it?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Bring back fear!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Ladies and gentlemen, we understand each other perfectly. Breeding speaks to breeding.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I stand outside myself, watching myself watching myself. I smile, I smile, I smile.

• Lady Claire Gurney : Before, I was only sorry for you.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Oh, before, madam. Before, I was a mass of light. Mad, you see. Now I am sane. The world sweats into my brain, madam.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : It's hard to look at people from downwind. They stink. It's terrible, but it's the real thing.

  Lady Claire Gurney : I've always wanted to find the real thing.

• Lady Claire Gurney : I'm trembling - like I used to tremble at shadows when I was a child.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : I am no shadow. I'm flesh and blood. Touch.

  Lady Claire Gurney : Perhaps I'm not really dead, only sleeping. Wake me - with a kiss.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Are you accosting me?

  Lady Claire Gurney : That's right, ducks. 'Ow's about it?

• Lady Claire Gurney : Are you pleased this has happened?

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : We were destined to meet.

  Lady Claire Gurney : That sounds romantic. More. Please.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Orgasm, copulation. fornication, gangrened shoulder of sex. Tear, spill the seed, gut-slime.

• Lady Claire Gurney : Say something soft and tender.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Calves, tender tongues, earlobes, hearts, tits, nipples. Lover. The sword of the lord is filled with blood.

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : You were fornicating lovers! Sperm dancers!

  Dr. Herder : It's a lie! Lady Claire meant nothing to me.

  Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Cock-a-doodle-doo!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : Physician, heal thyself!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : That way... madness lies!

• Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney : If only I knew then who I am now.